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View Full Version : Man Amputates And Microwaves "Evil" Hand

The Central Scrutinizer
9th January 2008, 11:59 AM
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/01/09/hand.cut.off.ap/index.html

Maybe he planned on serving it to the guy who cooked his girlfriend?
BPSCG
9th January 2008, 12:02 PM
I did that, too. My mom told me, "If you keep doing that, you'll go blind." Well, I couldn't resist "doing that," but I didn't want to go blind, either, so...

But I just put it in the trash dumpster. We didn't have microwaves back when I was a teenager.
Rob Lister
9th January 2008, 12:14 PM
I did that, too. My mom told me, "If you keep doing that, you'll go blind." Well, I couldn't resist "doing that," but I didn't want to go blind, either, so...

But I just put it in the trash dumpster. We didn't have microwaves back when I was a teenager.


How long before you realized you were ambidextrous? I'm guessing 30 minutes.
Aoidoi
9th January 2008, 01:10 PM
Hey, for once the article even had the bible quote it made me think of, plus a bonus one I hadn't!

Sadly, no word on whether he replaced the evil hand with a chainsaw.
El Greco
9th January 2008, 01:25 PM
It had been somewhat cooked by the time the deputy arrived

A few lines below:

Hospital spokeswoman Lisa Johnson would not say whether an attempt was made to reattach the hand
The Central Scrutinizer
9th January 2008, 01:33 PM
A few lines below:

I wounder what it would be like to have a cooked hand. Would it always be warm?
Zarathustra
9th January 2008, 01:35 PM
From the article:

""It had been somewhat cooked by the time the deputy arrived," sheriff's Capt. Ben Wolfinger said. "He put a tourniquet on his arm before, so he didn't bleed to death. That kind of mental illness is just sad."
BPSCG
9th January 2008, 01:46 PM
...That kind of mental illness is just sad."...as opposed to the kind of mental illness that brings happiness to both its victim and everyone around him...?
Phil
9th January 2008, 01:46 PM
What if he had thought the mark of the beast was on his forehead?
BPSCG
9th January 2008, 01:47 PM
What if he had thought the mark of the beast was on his forehead?Or his johnson?
Zarathustra
9th January 2008, 01:50 PM
...as opposed to the kind of mental illness that brings happiness to both its victim and everyone around him...?

I see you've been married as well.
:D
Darat
9th January 2008, 02:06 PM
Wonder why he then microwaved it? I know Revelations gets a bit wacky to say the least but I'm pretty sure there are no instructions on microwaving your hand.
The Central Scrutinizer
9th January 2008, 02:10 PM
Wonder why he then microwaved it? I know Revelations gets a bit wacky to say the least but I'm pretty sure there are no instructions on microwaving your hand.

Maybe god didn't know we would invent microwaves.
Sefarst
9th January 2008, 02:12 PM
Wonder why he then microwaved it? I know Revelations gets a bit wacky to say the least but I'm pretty sure there are no instructions on microwaving your hand.
Well, if you've all ready cut your hand off, you may as well save some money on dinner.
Beerina
9th January 2008, 02:25 PM
You're all a bunch of smartasses. You don't know anything! For all we know, the planet Earth just dodged a huge bullet! :mad:
rwguinn
9th January 2008, 02:25 PM
It is becoming increasingly obvipous tome that while God only knows what's going on around here, He certainly hasn't been talking to anybody sane:
Cook your girlfriend, cut off your hand, Run for President...
Sheesh!
thatguywhojuggles
9th January 2008, 02:30 PM
He should have taken it to Wendy's and tossed it in a bowl of chili.
Moon-Spinner
9th January 2008, 02:40 PM
It is becoming increasingly obvious tome that while God only knows what's going on around here, He certainly hasn't been talking to anybody sane:
Cook your girlfriend, cut off your hand, Run for President...
Sheesh!

You know, you have a point here - Why is it that God never talks to anybody sane? Or maybe the sane people are just keeping it to themselves....

:p
FFed
9th January 2008, 02:43 PM
Well you have to hand it to him. No one saw that one coming.
BPSCG
9th January 2008, 05:12 PM
You know, you have a point here - Why is it that God never talks to anybody sane? Or maybe the sane people are just keeping it to themselves....

:pHe talks to me all the time.

You guys are all so screwed...
Beanbag
9th January 2008, 05:31 PM
Reminds me of the Night Gallery episode, The Hand of Borgus Weems.

I'm amazed I can still recall the name.

Beanbag
roger
9th January 2008, 08:37 PM
God told me to drink beer.

Oh lord do I have religion.
DrBaltar
9th January 2008, 08:59 PM
What if he had thought the mark of the beast was on his forehead?
Or his johnson?

THEN we'd have a Darwin Award winner!
Pvt. Stash
9th January 2008, 09:52 PM
"Who's Laughing Now!?!"



(ala Evil Dead 2)


:)
tek
9th January 2008, 10:44 PM
Maybe he was making a knuckle sandwich?
ThatSoundAgain
9th January 2008, 10:56 PM
Reminds me of the Night Gallery episode, The Hand of Borgus Weems.

I'm amazed I can still recall the name.

Beanbag

And an excellent name it is! Why can't I think of character names like that?
Wolfman
9th January 2008, 11:11 PM
Hey, people...we're supposed to be skeptics here, which means that we do not simply run off and make unsupported conclusions!

So many people here are ready to write him off as insane...yet have you actually seen the hand in question? Perhaps it really did have the mark there! And perhaps the end times really are upon us! And perhaps this man really has saved himself from eternal damnation by this selfless act.

Can any of you present evidence to the contrary?






:D <-- Insert smily
BPSCG
10th January 2008, 04:38 AM
God told me to drink beer.

Oh lord do I have religion.God told me to drink stout.

My God can beat up your God with one hand tied behind his back cooking in the microwave.
HarryKeogh
10th January 2008, 04:55 AM
thumbthings wrong with this story.
Tokenconservative
10th January 2008, 05:05 AM
Generally, I don't like cooking in the micro.

All in all, tho...this process (amputate THEN microwave) was probably the best approach.

Did he add some Worchestershire (not to be used as embalming fluid)...I dunno what it is, but that stuff always makes me feel so danged British!



Tokie
The Central Scrutinizer
10th January 2008, 06:51 AM
Maybe he was making a knuckle sandwich?

:D
coalesce
10th January 2008, 12:01 PM
Maybe he was making a knuckle sandwich?

Or at least finger food?

Michael
dudalb
10th January 2008, 12:42 PM
Would It Make A Good Meat Pie?
I can't beleive I am the first to make a "Sweeney Todd" reference.
Just thinking
10th January 2008, 03:17 PM
You know, you have a point here - Why is it that God never talks to anybody sane? Or maybe the sane people are just keeping it to themselves....

:p

I'm speaking to you now.
Beerina
13th January 2008, 10:29 AM
Would It Make A Good Meat Pie?

Perhaps. Apparently the "ball" of the palm of the hand is quite tasty. If you could get a bunch, it could probably make a pretty good meat pie.

Speaking of meat pies, aren't Marie Callendar's pies awesome? But don't look at the calories, and if you do, multiply it by two because it's for "half a pie".
bignickel
13th January 2008, 01:34 PM
Ash: That's right... who's laughing now... who's laughing NOW?! AHAHAHHAHAHAH!
(insert chainsaw noise)
Agamemnon2
14th January 2008, 03:38 AM
Well you have to hand it to him. No one saw that one coming.

It's comforting I wasn't the only one who immediately had a deluge of puns pop up.

"get a grip"... "things got way out of hand"... something about handicapping... The possibilities are endless!