The Mystery of Drive 19

[kittynh]

January 25, 2008

A car containing Kitty, Elaine and Susan left Ft.Lauderdale Florida.

The weather was clear, and the car in good running condition. The driver, Kitty, was a seasoned veteran of driving. Sure she wasn't used to driving in this part of Florida, having only recently come to this area, but expectations were that she could handle this drive with ease.

Elaine, the navigator, had recently had some difficulties in Boston. But with Susan for backup, it was felt Elaines difficulties with navigation and the dreaded GPS would not be a factor in that days drive. It was decided with weather so clear to just abandon the GPS, certainly they would be home long before dark.

But that day... the GPS, the radio, and the crew were no match for....

THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE!

[kittynh]

The first signs that things might not go as smoothy as anticipated on this short hop to the Keys and back became apparent to the crew when they noticed that Kitty, their supposedly seasoned driver, was the first person to actually go the posted speed limit on a Florida highway. Bad Karma was incoming from other cars and truckers via the "middle finger". Elaine and Susan began to get nervous.

Still the car was performing well, and soon enough the crew found their first destination in the navigation exercise for the day.

Coral Castle

Then the TRIANGLE began to work it's evil....

[URL=http://imageshack.us]http://img184.imageshack.us/img184/6628/editedcoralcomplishmentrk0.jpg[/

this sign made the navigator and driver wonder if they were still in the US. What kind of grammar was this?

[kittynh]

The crew couldn't seem to figure out what was expected of them...
drop down...what?

http://img184.imageshack.us/img184/3825/editedcrazycoralzn7.jpg (http://imageshack.us)


and then we entered not only Coral Castle, but also the Bermuda Triangle Zone

[Gravy]

I like kitty's photo posts. They're like highways with Burma Shave ads.

[kittynh]

http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/3987/editedcracysoralsuandelos1.jpg[/

even the normally sedate and self controlled Elaine was behaving in an abnormal manner. Was she drinking? Or was it the triangle!

We can only hope that Hal never knows about what is now refered to as "The bathtub incident"

[URL=http://imageshack.us]http://img184.imageshack.us/img184/320/editedbathtubuq1.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

[kittynh]

Back in the car... the drivers lack of skilll (or as it was later refered to by Mr.Jeff Wagg "Incompetence") became even more apparent. Suddenly appearing before the crew on the road to the Keys was a TOLL BOOTH, that did NOT APPEAR in their directions! The crew was close to panic when it was discovered..NO ONE KNEW HOW TO OPEN THE WINDOWS! And there was no toll money ready!

Elaine stayed calm, and Susan talked her through finding the button to open the windows. Elaine quickly grasped her job was to FIND MONEY and LOWER THE WINDOW for each toll booth as it came up! Even so, the TRIANGLE was at work and soon Susan had to take over, reminding ELaine "ELAINE! TOLL BOOTH! DON'T LET US DOWN!!! PAY ATTENTION!" It was soon apparent that to survive they would all have to depend on each other!

[kittynh]

What can one say? Later investigation showed that perhaps the drivers religious beliefs played a role in the poor driving skills exhibited that day.

The "Booby Trap" (later to play a major role in this fiasco) was duly admired. And then Susan and Elaine (knowing Kitty to be a good Christian) said "LOOK IT'S JESUS!"

The pilot, Kitty, turned and SAW (get this) THREE STATUES OF JESUS life size on the back of a truck!

Kitty took her eyes off the road and said "OH MY GOD IT'S JESUS!!!!"

The car, being a skeptic, soon would turn on the ladies...

Still, Key Largo was reached and the ladies had a lovely lunch on the water (thank you Susan). The hot waiter happily photographed the ladies. Little did they know what the future would hold....

[URL=http://imageshack.us]http://img184.imageshack.us/img184/7878/editedgirlsgonewiwiwiwlhn1.jpg[/

[kittynh]

The next stop was SHELL WORLD.

It was, certainly another world.

The warning signs were there...but the crew chose to ignore them.

http://img184.imageshack.us/img184/9290/editedshalllycatci3.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

[kittynh]

http://img295.imageshack.us/img295/6580/editedmanateesexkt4.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

mantee sex?

[kittynh]

BUT THEN THERE HE WAS!!!

IT WAS THE SAME JESUS THEY SAW ON THE TRUCK!!!!!


doom doom doom doom

http://img184.imageshack.us/img184/2123/editedjesusjg1.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

[kittynh]

http://img295.imageshack.us/img295/8541/editedmangrovezu8.jpg (http://imageshack.us)


The final destination (the crew thought) of Pennekamp Park was reached. The mangrove swamp walk was fully enjoyed. UNTIL... the path was blocked. It took all of Susans power to keep Kitty and Elaine from climbing around the barrier to their certain DOOM.

And...was this REALLY a state park? If so, why were handicapped people not allowed to fish there?

[URL=http://imageshack.us]http://img138.imageshack.us/img138/3503/editedhandicapfishingum7.jpg[/

[kittynh]

The Terror of the Triangle began to really kick in.

Things began to disappear.

Elaine lost her contact lense...

[URL=http://imageshack.us]http://img295.imageshack.us/img295/3614/editedelainecontactlensfb9.jpg[/

[kittynh]

[URL=http://imageshack.us]http://img177.imageshack.us/img177/7940/editedlostcontactlenseteu9.jpg[/

and then, Susan lost her contact lense. The crew now depended on Kitty and her glasses to bring them home to Ft.Lauderdale.

[kittynh]

Kitty though was busy being followed closely by this "bird". A bird the likes of which she had never seen before in New England. She named the bird "Jesus".

The crew began to doubt her leadership.

http://img213.imageshack.us/img213/1222/editedbirgsh1.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

[kittynh]

At this point things got really WEIRD.

Somehow Elaine and Kitty were drawn to a place they had never been before...SANDAL OUTLET!

Susan was confused and frightened....because once at SANDAL WORLD Kitty and Elaine bought THE SAME PAIR OF SANDALS! (which indeed they wore the rest of TAM. Implanted microchip from aliens in each pair? And what indeed does the mystery word "TEVA" mean?)

[kittynh]

It was only after turning toward the home base of Ft.Lauderdale that the true danger the crew was in became fully apparent.

It was getting dark, and while the lack of GPS was not thought to be a problem before... the map and google directions were soon to fail the crew.

WHERE WERE THEY?

Were they headed NORTH? Sadly, the "Booby Trap" was soon to let them down as a landmark. For the "incompetent" driver Kitty soon was heard to say

"Look there is nothing to worry about! See, there is the "Booby Trap"! We passed that on the way down. So obviously this is the right way back. We'll be fine."

(only much later did Kitty, Elaine and Susan learn that "The Booby Trap" was a CHAIN of porn shops. Their inexperience with Florida was beginning to tell)

Transcripts of the drive follow....

[kittynh]

Kitty

"I think we're going North, we're going North right?"

Elaine

"yes, this has to be North, it's just a different road."

Susan

"If we just keep going North we should be fine."

Kitty

"I don't get why there aren't any signs that say Ft.Lauderdale. Why aren't there any signs, it's like Ft.Lauderdale has disappeared!"

Elaine

"Are we still going North?"

Susan

"look we'll just keep going North as long as we can."

Kitty

"right, is Miami North or South of Ft.Lauderdale? Are we still going North?"

Elaine

"I don't know, even the radio seems not to be working. I'm not using that GPS. A GPS made me cry in Boston. I'm sticking with the map."

Kitty

"OK, we'll just keep going North until we run out of gas. Or until we reach Orlando. I think Orlando is North of Ft.Lauderdale."

Susan

"That' right we stay together until we ditch."

[kittynh]

Eventually the crew made it back to base.

No one can explain how a one and a half hour drive down to the Keys, became a 3 hour drive back. An how to explain that only 2 days later...Elaine and Kitty get LOST going from the hotel to the JREF...LOST while not only following Jeff Wagg, but with a fully programed GPS (this time both Kitty and Elaine cried. Also practical tip, if you take the GPS off the windshield to hold in your hand and cry "WHY WHY YOU GPS BEEEEETCH" it loses signal). Jeff hurts driver Kitty and navigator Elaine by deeming them "incompetent"

Incompetence OR was it the Bermuda Triangle? Or was it ED?

http://img138.imageshack.us/img138/7875/editedcraaazyedtc5.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

[Geek Goddess]

Damn. I went to South Beach in the back seat of a convertible for world-famous stone crabs, a 5-mile walk along the beach, and a bottle of chardonnay, and roller-blading drag queens in thongs (who appparently don't come out by noon) but I could have had....

Death March Across Florida with the Teva God of Missing Maps.

Next time, kick me.

[Hutch]

I is obvious that our ladies depended to much on Science and Technology for this trip-GPS indeed! Nothing like an old-fashioned AAA map and a good memory to get one from there to here.

Next time, contract the driving out to Hutch Limo Service, LLC for the best ride you'll ever have....

Great story kitty; can you nominate a whole group of inter-related posts for the language award?

[RSLancastr]

At one point during all of this, Susan called me, and I was unable to hear much of what she said, for all of the shrieking and giggling.

There was indeed something paranormal going on, because Susan said they were still two hours from Fort Lauderdale, and walked into the hotel room an hour later.

[kittynh]

I hope that I somehow manage to convey that this was possibly one of the MOST FUN days I'd ever had in my life.

Elaine and Susan and I instantly got along (or got into trouble). The best part was that we honestly never lost our tempers or even got the slightest bit cranky at any point. The more lost we were, the more we laughed.

We did at one point decide that if our husbands/boyfriend were with us we would have had to put them in the trunk. Men we decided, would have killed us and left us for the gators to eat, but on the most fun chick day EVER we just had fun.

Kitty

"oh was THAT our turn? Gee, that's another one I missed"

Elaine

"oh that's ok, we'll get there sometime, I think..."

Susan

"Robert is probably just working in his room, he's enjoying the peace and quiet"

Kitty

"I don't think people will mind us driving with the interior light on.. we need to see our directions"

Susan

"it's probaby against the law, but oh well..."

Kitty

"You know people here just flip you off for the smallest things! It's pretty sad how short their tempers are"

Mostly though, it was just laughing. Elaine and Susan, I would take them ANYWHERE! Because we could go to the black hole of Calcutta and have fun.

Those ladies are the BEST.

[Geek Goddess]

Maybe when you come visit me, Elaine and Susan can also come.

I mean, I did the Texas Death March with three guys, and we had a pretty good time.

What could I do with three crazy WOMEN!??!

[RSL's better half]

:lol2:
Ohhhhh . . . I'm laughing so hard I'm crying . . . and may wet my pants!
:big:
hee! hee! hee!
hoh! hoh! hoh!
Ow . . . my tummy hurts now!

. . . ok . . . ahem . . . ok . . . back in control . . . Kitty and Elaine, I just want you to know I enjoyed that trip and your company so much and I will never, ever forget it. Thanks for letting me tag along!

Humph! My husband thought that by my taking a trip with two other women I'd be kept away from "shopping," which was my original plan for the day. Men just don't have a clue. The sandals you ladies purchased were insanely expensive, but very stylish. The Hawaiian-style shirt and glittery flamingo-decorated t-shirt I purchased were more my tacky style.

I'm glad I saved you both from a possible terrible "accident" in the mangroves! Perhaps we can do something like this again some time! Bermuda Triangle be damned! We were never lost - we just didn't know where we were. I had every confidence in my pilot and navigator!

[kittynh]

Geek you come along cause if we had added stone crabs, men in thongs and on roller blades, and good wine... well NIRVANA!


Chickdays are good.

[kittynh]

Susan, you were the perfect addition!

Oh and my husband didn't know I had bought the sandals until he read this!

Thankfully, he was laughing hard enough not to care!

yeah, keep us from SHOPPING!

HA!

Oh and I LOVED the shirts. Tacky? NO!

We're talking Floridian chic!

[RSL's better half]

Chickdays are good.

The best.

[elaine]

[URL=http://imageshack.us]http://img177.imageshack.us/img177/7940/editedlostcontactlenseteu9.jpg[/

and then, Susan lost her contact lense. The crew now depended on Kitty and her glasses to bring them home to Ft.Lauderdale.

Wait....Susan lost her contact lens?

[elaine]

Maybe when you come visit me, Elaine and Susan can also come.

I mean, I did the Texas Death March with three guys, and we had a pretty good time.

What could I do with three crazy WOMEN!??!

What couldn't you do?

[elaine]

Geek you come along cause if we had added stone crabs, men in thongs and on roller blades, and good wine... well NIRVANA!


Chickdays are good.

Yeah...this is what we get in Denver...http://www.denvercyclesluts.org/

Pretty sure I don't wanna see these ladies in thongs.

Yes...chick days are good...I had so much fun that day.

[kittynh]

well why else were you two just looking down at the beach in all my photographs?

That's contact lense hunting behavior.

[elaine]

Susan, you were the perfect addition!

Oh and my husband didn't know I had bought the sandals until he read this!

Thankfully, he was laughing hard enough not to care!

yeah, keep us from SHOPPING!

HA!

Oh and I LOVED the shirts. Tacky? NO!

We're talking Floridian chic!

Yep..perfect addition, Susan

[elaine]

Susan, you were the perfect addition!

Oh and my husband didn't know I had bought the sandals until he read this!

Thankfully, he was laughing hard enough not to care!

yeah, keep us from SHOPPING!

HA!

Oh and I LOVED the shirts. Tacky? NO!

We're talking Floridian chic!

Yep..perfect addition, Susan

[Geek Goddess]

Geek you come along cause if we had added stone crabs, men in thongs and on roller blades, and good wine... well NIRVANA!


Chickdays are good.

What couldn't you do?See. this is why I work. I'm single, have a very good job, and my boys don't need much help to pay for college. I can spend it all on sandals, crabs, and gasoline.

[kittynh]

Larry Kusche just called....

[elaine]

See. this is why I work. I'm single, have a very good job, and my boys don't need much help to pay for college. I can spend it all on sandals, crabs, and gasoline.

:-)

[elaine]

Thanks Kitty for the recap! I laughed so hard just reading about it.

[Horatius]

So, no pictures of the Attack Cat? Oh well....:(

[elaine]

So, no pictures of the Attack Cat? Oh well....:(

Look again :)

[kittynh]

The cat was biding it's time!!!

Elaine! Susan! How could I forget! Remember, Jeff gave us the wrong keys! So when we unlocked the car if we weren't quick enough to put the key in the ignition...the car alarm would sound.

You know, no one gives a poop if a car alarm goes off in Florida.

[elaine]

Yet that didn't keep us from getting in the car. I think we would have continued the trip, even if the alarm stayed on.

[RSLancastr]

You know, no one gives a poop if a car alarm goes off in Florida.That's surprising, given that everyone and their grandmother there is packing heat.

[Horatius]

Look again :)

The cat was biding it's time!!!





That's not the Attack Cat. That is clearly the Lie There And Sleep Cat.

This is what an Attack Cat looks like:


http://forums.randi.org/imagehosting/94904557a77ad0777.jpg


That's right, I kittened your thread!!


;)

[kittynh]

kittens always welcome!

http://img337.imageshack.us/img337/6849/editedshellcatcloserbp7.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

this was the sidekick to that attack cat!

[Horatius]

kittens always welcome!

http://img337.imageshack.us/img337/6849/editedshellcatcloserbp7.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

this was the sidekick to that attack cat!



Now I am mollified.


Although they'll have to work on his direction of attack......



http://forums.randi.org/imagehosting/949045822893a4415.jpg

[Mattfn]

Look, it's just lucky none of this happened to any of you after you teased the creatures:

:crc: :crc: :crc: :crc: :crc:

Ya never know who'll turn out to be a Gator!

[fuelair]

:lol2:
Ohhhhh . . . I'm laughing so hard I'm crying . . . and may wet my pants!
:big:
hee! hee! hee!
hoh! hoh! hoh!
Ow . . . my tummy hurts now!

. . . ok . . . ahem . . . ok . . . back in control . . . Kitty and Elaine, I just want you to know I enjoyed that trip and your company so much and I will never, ever forget it. Thanks for letting me tag along!

Humph! My husband thought that by my taking a trip with two other women I'd be kept away from "shopping," which was my original plan for the day. Men just don't have a clue. The sandals you ladies purchased were insanely expensive, but very stylish. The Hawaiian-style shirt and glittery flamingo-decorated t-shirt I purchased were more my tacky style.

I'm glad I saved you both from a possible terrible "accident" in the mangroves! Perhaps we can do something like this again some time! Bermuda Triangle be damned! We were never lost - we just didn't know where we were. I had every confidence in my pilot and navigator!
:D
Actually, you can never go wrong with flamingos on your clothes or in your yard. (When we moved to Florida and got a house, one of my first purchases for the new place was a pair of yard flamingos. They scream culture and good taste - especially early on quiet mornings!!!

[kittynh]

I sent a pair of flamingos to Pirate Lad when he was in Iraq.

He said it added a real touch of class to the "safe zone". Certainly while there was no ocean, there was a LOT of sand.

[RSL's better half]

:D
Actually, you can never go wrong with flamingos on your clothes or in your yard. (When we moved to Florida and got a house, one of my first purchases for the new place was a pair of yard flamingos. They scream culture and good taste - especially early on quiet mornings!!!

I used to own a mobile home and once purchased a pair of flamingos to put in the yard. I could never quite bring myself to actually put them out there. I ended up giving them away as a "white elephant" gift at a Christmas party.

[fuelair]

I used to own a mobile home and once purchased a pair of flamingos to put in the yard. I could never quite bring myself to actually put them out there. I ended up giving them away as a "white elephant" gift at a Christmas party.
In all fairness, what I really wanted to do was buy from an old black gentleman in Nashville TN, near the Fairgrounds the pair of Polar Bears with Snowballs in their hands (probably from an ice cream company long out of business) in his front yard. I had seen them there for over twenty years (everytime I went for activities, the flea market or the Fair) including at least a five year period starting around the time of the LA riots (the before home video ones) where the bears turned black for a while. Plan was to take them to Florida and put them in my yard. My wife was not particularly keen on this, but she agreed to the flamingos - my second favorite yard decoration.:)

[kittynh]

fuelair, you need to come to our lake cabin. When we kayak around the lake you see more crazy stuff that people have put in their lake front area (we're the tacky cheap lake, our neighbor actually lives in a mobile home and hey, water is water I say). One year a box of wooden whales was found on the side of the highway by my other neighbor (he works for the highway department). Now almost every house on the LAKE has a huge wooden whale on the side. We have little frogs playing musical instruments, and a gargoyle. I'm so far behind the other cottages in tackiness that I really need to step up my game here. Sadly there are no more wooden whales, so I had to go with a smiling sunshine for the side of the cabin. Flamingos have to go up as soon as the snow melts.

I would so KILL for polar bears with snowballs.

Susan can assure you I bought a "Warning ATTACK FROG" sign for the dock. Well, attack cat is ok, but honestly it's a lake, attack frog sounds more plausible.

[fuelair]

fuelair, you need to come to our lake cabin. When we kayak around the lake you see more crazy stuff that people have put in their lake front area (we're the tacky cheap lake, our neighbor actually lives in a mobile home and hey, water is water I say). One year a box of wooden whales was found on the side of the highway by my other neighbor (he works for the highway department). Now almost every house on the LAKE has a huge wooden whale on the side. We have little frogs playing musical instruments, and a gargoyle. I'm so far behind the other cottages in tackiness that I really need to step up my game here. Sadly there are no more wooden whales, so I had to go with a smiling sunshine for the side of the cabin. Flamingos have to go up as soon as the snow melts.

I would so KILL for polar bears with snowballs.

Susan can assure you I bought a "Warning ATTACK FROG" sign for the dock. Well, attack cat is ok, but honestly it's a lake, attack frog sounds more plausible.
You sound like a woman with excellent taste indeed! I am truly impressed!!

I should add that the bears are about seven feet tall!! (part of why my wife was against the idea.)