Asparamncy?!?

[greymatters]

Asparagus mystic offers tips for the future (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/03/12/nasparagus112.xml)

A fortune-teller has claimed she can divine people's futures by using asparagus

Jemima Packington, who likes to call herself the UK's only "asparamancer", has been testing out her technique at the British Trade and Travel Fair at Birmingham's NEC.

[Miss Whiplash]

Well, that's something you don't see every day. :D

[Careyp74]

What reason would anyone have for making a prediction just because someone dropped asparagus on the ground?

What would posess a girl to spout baseless divinations reacting to fumbled vegetables?

I mean, seriously, if I was there when some silly tart yelled out a spurious prophecy on the basis of fallen greens, I would have had her locked up!

-I would like to thank the writers of Monty Python for the inspiration to the previous post.

[Tumblehome]

Now, now. Before we rush to judgement, let's wait for the results of controlled asparaments.

[Olowkow]

Now, now. Before we rush to judgement, let's wait for the results of controlled asparaments.

...and no asparaging comments..

[RSLancastr]

Sometimes I aspair for us all.

[Blue Mountain]

Does she divine or just guess? If so and she has the time, could she sparagus for me?

[Brattus]

What reason would anyone have for making a prediction just because someone dropped asparagus on the ground?

What would posess a girl to spout baseless divinations reacting to fumbled vegetables?

I mean, seriously, if I was there when some silly tart yelled out a spurious prophecy on the basis of fallen greens, I would have had her locked up!

-I would like to thank the writers of Monty Python for the inspiration to the previous post.

Well hey! Good a reason as any of the others I heard.

[Normal Dude]

Does she divine or just guess? If so and she has the time, could she sparagus for me?

OK, THAT was gold. :D

[RichardR]

I predict your pee will smell funny.

[AgeGap]

Ms Packington was at the fair to help promote the asparagus industry in Worcestershire, which is the largest producer of the vegetable in the UK.
She was in 'Metro' and she said that the predictions only work with British asparagus.

[Niobe]

She was in 'Metro' and she said that the predictions only work with British asparagus.
Ha they only taste decent with Hollandaise
:neth:

It's a pretty clever strategy, targets will be too distracted by the phallic resemblances to register misses.

[Careyp74]

Well hey! Good a reason as any of the others I heard.

I failed in my post to convey the main point I was trying to make, sidetracked by the humor of it when I saw similarities with Search for the Holy Grail.

Basically, though, it seems like she is trying to tell us that during the first ever asparagus reading, there was nothing to trigger the ability, except that they were dropped on the ground and she had a vision.

I would have been more impressed if she discovered a link between the way people's lives turned out and the way asparagus fell to the floor, and then used that to tell people's fortunes. It sounds to me like someone who picked up a pack of tarot cards and started telling fortunes without even knowing how they are supposed to work.

[ImaginalDisc]

I just mentioned this to my roommate and I said, "I'm always surprised when people get this stupid."

His reply?

"You know that the bottom of the barrel can always fall out."

[Aepervius]

Ha they only taste decent with Hollandaise
:neth:

It's a pretty clever strategy, targets will be too distracted by the phallic resemblances to register misses.

If it is really the strategy, I predict the forthcoming divination with : carrot, leeks, etc....

[AliasN]

I think I'm more upset that Tony Robinson fell for it. Balders, noooo!

[Soapy Sam]

Ha they only taste decent with Hollandaise
:neth:

It's a pretty clever strategy, targets will be too distracted by the phallic resemblances to register misses.

*Thinks- sort of scaly, pointed, green, 8mm thick by 80mm long...performs hasty check...*

Look, this may be a rather personal question, but have you ever actually...you know...eaten asparagus?

[Hitch]

I think I'm more upset that Tony Robinson fell for it. Balders, noooo!

He said he felt as if a great burden had been lifted off his shoulders after his mystical encounter.
If you imagine him saying that in Baldrick's sing-song delivery it takes on a somewhat different connotation.

[Madalch]

*Thinks- sort of scaly, pointed, green, 8mm thick by 80mm long...performs hasty check...*

Look, this may be a rather personal question, but have you ever actually...you know...eaten asparagus?

I've heard of a fellow who had a thingy shaped like a turnip, so an asparagus-shaped one isn't too surprising.

[Soapy Sam]

A Swede...?:D

[dahduh]

She told BBC News: "I can't even remember what prediction I made when I was young but my family went very quiet and it came true and the rest is history."

It came true but you can't even remember what it was?

Your family went quiet because they were stunned by your idiocy, you pillock.