Long-Time Preacher Killed By Goat

[triadboy]

http://www.wsmv.com/news/15642032/detail.html

A Clarksville preacher was killed by a goat Tuesday that he was attempting to return to a fenced-in area.

According to the Leaf-Chronicle newspaper, Liston G. Richardson, 76, was found dead by his wife after he didn't return home for some time.

Richardson's wife told authorities that when she went outside to check on her husband, he was on the ground next to a trailer where the goat was tied up, said a police report.

The goat was on top of Richardson, and the rope that was tied to the animal was wrapped around the man's neck.

The goat was killed after the attack.

Revenge is sweetest, when it's a goat.


The title was odd too. Shouldn't it be "Long-Time Preacher Killed By Long-Time Goat."?

[Foster Zygote]

Attack? Are they suggesting that the goat deliberately throttled the man with the rope? Sounds like a bizarre accident to me. I'd even say that it's more likely a really bizarre suicide than an animal attack.

[joobz]

Attack? Are they suggesting that the goat deliberately throttled the man with the rope? Sounds like a bizarre accident to me. I'd even say that it's more likely a really bizarre suicide than an animal attack.
It's impossible for it to have been a suicide, the man was a preacher. DOC made it perfectly clear that suicide is a problem among atheists.

[Irony]

It sounds far more likely that is was an accident rather than a deliberate attack. There was no cause to kill the animal, but I guess some people just need to have a scapegoat.

[joobz]

It sounds far more likely that is was an accident rather than a deliberate attack. There was no cause to kill the animal, but I guess some people just need to have a scapegoat.
Oh, come on. That was just Baaaaaad.

[roger]

Barnyard humor. :rolleyes: Why am I not surprised? A man died here, stop horsing around. :mad:

[Gate2501]

I would guess that the goat was a close relative of Satan. Both of them having cloven hooves and horns and whatnot. Perhaps a 2nd or 3rd cousin.

[Ysidro]

Barnyard humor. :rolleyes: Why am I not surprised? A man died here, stop horsing around. :mad:

Why does this get your goat? Don't have a cow, man! :p

[slingblade]

In other news, today Charlotte's Web was found to contain the cryptic message: "You're Next, Sucker; We're Everywhere..."

Scientist are puzzled as to how a spider can form an ellipsis in a web, and a crack team is working on the problem as we speak.

[SezMe]

What's crack got to do with goats and spiders?

[the PC apeman]

Aegagrus-erotic asphyxiation?

[Foster Zygote]

Aegagrus-erotic asphyxiation?

That sounds like a question for the Marquis.

[Moochie]

Divine providence.


M.

[Pardalis]

A tractor (http://forums.randi.org/showthread.php?t=94962), a goat... man, god really works in mysterious ways!

[Darth Rotor]

What's crack got to do with goats and spiders?

Ask Shemp, or the Marquis on the former.

On the latter, spiders sneak in and out of cracks in the masonary all the time, where I live.

These words we say are true
We're all humanary stew
If we don't pledge allegience to --

The Black Widow!

Without looking it up, band and album please? Two points, and a pint, for the correct answer.

DR

[A Christian Sceptic]

Ask Shemp, or the Marquis on the former.

On the latter, spiders sneak in and out of cracks in the masonary all the time, where I live.

These words we say are true
We're all humanary stew
If we don't pledge allegience to --

The Black Widow!

Without looking it up, band and album please? Two points, and a pint, for the correct answer.

DR

I looked it up - so I won't answer. My first guess was going to be Spinal Tap. :)

[Radrook]

Why do they assume the goat did it? A rope around his neck? The goat standing above him? Since when do goats use rope to strangle people? A goat will gore and trample. Were there any goring or trampling wounds evident? If not-then why accuse the goat. The goat standing over the man or even being on top of him momentarily is not proof in itself. Some animalls are prone to approach dead bodies. The rope should be checked for fingerprints. Was it? IMHO

[This Guy]

I welcome our new Goat Overlords.

[slingblade]

What's crack got to do with goats and spiders?

Apparently, you don't have clearance, so I can't tell you.

[Tricky]

I would guess that the goat was a close relative of Satan. Both of them having cloven hooves and horns and whatnot. Perhaps a 2nd or 3rd cousin.
Or one of those Greek half-man half-goat thingies. Don't mess around with those pagan critters. It will never pan out. I guess his wife's satyr but wiser.Yeah, I know it's pronounced "SAY-tur", but it's my joke dammit and I'll pronounce it how I like.

[Gord_in_Toronto]

Why do they assume the goat did it? A rope around his neck? The goat standing above him? Since when do goats use rope to strangle people? A goat will gore and trample. Were there any goring or trampling wounds evident? If not-then why accuse the goat. The goat standing over the man or even being on top of him momentarily is not proof in itself. Some animalls are prone to approach dead bodies. The rope should be checked for fingerprints. Was it? IMHO

The poor goat was probably trying revive the preacher and for this he gets executed. There ain't no justice, I tell you. No justice. :mad:

[This Guy]

Nowhere in the article does it say if the good preacher's pants were up, or down.

Any bets he was trying some asphyxiation sex with the goat? :eek:



(OK, this was apparently some freak accident, and based on the report in the link, that the goat attacked the wife, and then the emergency personnel, maybe it had gone crazy or something, and putting it away was a good idea. I don't know. But I am sorry this man died, and feel for his loved ones. I also regret that this happened only a short drive from where I live. Yes, folks around here do tend to talk like the quotes in the article.)

[qayak]

You people are obviously not detectives. I on the oither hand have figured it out.

1- Husband refuses to use viagra because his erection persists too long.

2- Wife decides, life isn't worth living without viagra so hubby has to die.

3- Guns are too loud and poisons can be traced so wife hatches a diabolical plan.

4- A goat mysteriously appears in the yard one day and husband goes to check it out.

5- (Without an autopsy report it is impossible to determine exactly how victim was killed.)

6- Police arrive to find the proverbial "smoking goat."

7- Wife claims goat is a crazed killer and overreactive police draw their weapons.

8- Goat, fearing for its life, makes a break for it only to be killed by police.

9- Police realizing their mistake, concoct story of crazed goat attacking them.

10- Wife plays the part of the mourning widow with great enthusiasm knowing that the only witness to her crime has been rubbed out by the law.

11- Insurance company pays out double because of the accidental death clause in husbands insurance policy.

12- Qayak becomes head of goat crime section of RCMP.

[Kopji]

Channel 4 talked to Richardson's wife on Wednesday who said he was a family man who loved his church.

"Well, he was a family man. He loved his family," said Richardson.


Now that's quality reporting. :rolleyes:

[Beerina]

Imagine lying there with the rope around your neck, choking, and you're too frail to extricate yourself. As your vision dims, you see the goat lie down on your chest.

What a way to go.

[joobz]

6- Police arrive to find the proverbial "smoking goat."

:D
Ok, for that line, I demand you pay into the "Joobz needs a new keyboard fund"

[Elizabeth I]

Or one of those Greek half-man half-goat thingies. Don't mess around with those pagan critters. It will never pan out. I guess his wife's satyr but wiser.Yeah, I know it's pronounced "SAY-tur", but it's my joke dammit and I'll pronounce it how I like.

You're in timeout for AT LEAST a year!

And has anybody checked alibis on Shemp and the Marquis?

[Tumblehome]

It's hardly surprising that a goat would turn on a preacher, given all the goats that have been sacrificed at religion's altar.


6- Police arrive to find the proverbial "smoking goat."


So sex was involved!


12- Qayak becomes head of goat crime section of RCMP.


Careful with that taser...

[Walter Wayne]

Ask Shemp, or the Marquis on the former.

On the latter, spiders sneak in and out of cracks in the masonary all the time, where I live.

These words we say are true
We're all humanary stew
If we don't pledge allegience to --

The Black Widow!

Without looking it up, band and album please? Two points, and a pint, for the correct answer.

DRI know the band, I know the song, and can still hear the kick-ass intro by Vincent Price (he was a great villian). Album I'm not sure "Welcome to my Nightmare"?

Walt

[TheAntiLuddite]

God needed another angel.


What? There's an age limit to this statement?

[Irony]

God needed another angel.


What? There's an age limit to this statement?

Yeah, you're only supposed to use it when talking about a kid.

[articulett]

What's crack got to do with goats and spiders?

I'm not sure about the crack and goats, but

sHzdsFiBbFc

[articulett]

Yeah, you're only supposed to use it when talking about a kid.

I thought we were all God's children?

[blobru]

http://www.wsmv.com/news/15642032/detail.html


From the accompanying video:

Family members say he was one of those foot-stomping, pulpit-beating preachers who often just told the truth. They say he often preached about sheeps and goats... Ironically, it wasn't a sheep, but a goat that got him.


Ironically? :confused:

What was he preaching about sheep that makes it ironic a goat "got him"?

[dahduh]

Hey, who the hell was responsible for putting the rope around the goat's neck!?

[Elvis666]

A little more detail from the local fish wrap: http://www.tennessean.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=200880319013

[qayak]

So sex was involved!

It was a GOAT crime! Of course sex was involved! :D

[qayak]

What was he preaching about sheep that makes it ironic a goat "got him"?

The goat was probably upset that the preacher said only sheep would be allowed into heaven. Goats can be vindictive you know? :p

[triadboy]

Some people are offended at laughing about odd deaths.

Isn't this in some way similar to the Mary Tyler Moore Show episode where Chuckles The Clown was trampled by an elephant, while dressed as a peanut?

[articulett]

The goat was probably upset that the preacher said only sheep would be allowed into heaven. Goats can be vindictive you know? :p

And horny.

(plus their satanic and cloven hooved)

(and they have those weird bar eyed pupils too.)

[blobru]

The goat was probably upset that the preacher said only sheep would be allowed into heaven. Goats can be vindictive you know? :p

Yeah: "The Lord is my goatherd" doesn't quite have the same cachet...

But then it should be, "... They say he often preached about sheeps and goats... Predictably, it wasn't a sheep, but a goat that got him."

There must be more to this story than we're being told :eusa_eh:

[Tricky]

Yeah: "The Lord is my goatherd" doesn't quite have the same cachet...
Perhaps if you yodeled it...

[qayak]

There must be more to this story than we're being told :eusa_eh:

I hope not! I don't think I could take anymore laughter! :D

[qayak]

And horny.

(plus their satanic and cloven hooved)

(and they have those weird bar eyed pupils too.)

Okay, Arti, I have herd (pun intended) the expression "Hornier than a two peckered billygoat" so are you trying to tell us that he wasn't trampled and choked but instead . . . well . . . fornicated to death by the goat?

Imagine having that entry recorded under your name in the family geneology record.:jaw-dropp

[articulett]

You know how humans use the phrase, "got his goat" when someone pushes someone buttons, well, goats have this phrase...

[articulett]

Okay, Arti, I have herd (pun intended) the expression "Hornier than a two peckered billygoat" so are you trying to tell us that he wasn't trampled and choked but instead . . . well . . . fornicated to death by the goat?

Imagine having that entry recorded under your name in the family geneology record.:jaw-dropp

Oh, I think it would be referred to as a "farming mishap" or something....

[qayak]

You know how humans use the phrase, "got his goat" when someone pushes someone buttons, well, goats have this phrase...

:D :D :D

[blobru]

Perhaps if you yodeled it...

:) sounds like a song request :goat


O the Lord is my goatherd
When my goat's led astray
When billy's gone searchin'
When nanny's away
Just like the good book says
He gets in my way...
And reminds me what's a-comin'
Come the judgement day

Yodelay-heeee Yolayhe Yo-hooo

Yes the Lord is my goatherd
My silence, my song
Calls to me in the morning
I come runnin' along
Grabs my tits in His big hands
And before very long...
There's milk in the bucket
And ducks on the pond

Yodelay-heeee Yolayhe Yo-hooo

[up a tone] come on! raise your voices everybody! clap your hands! praise jesus!

For the Lord is our goatherd
He's so good to us
Ties us up in the backyard
With never a fuss
Feeds us slop from His table
And sometimes the crusts...
Once the Lord slipped on cow turd
But that's never discussed

...as the Lord fell he said:

Yodelay-heeee Yolayhe Yo-hooo, Yo-hay
Yodelay-heeee Yayipyip Yahewwwww
Yippee!

(and that's why goats go "ba-ha-ha" to this very day; now run along children, uncle billy would like to be alone with his stray thoughts, and whittle awhile...)

[Tricky]

Somebody else nominate him. I'm starting to lose my air of impartiality.

[Tricky]

Oh, I think it would be referred to as a "farming mishap" or something....

Oh, that's good.

It reminds me of an incident in my office. We have a safety program called STOP whereby we fill out reports every time we see an accident or a potential accident. We send these to a database to be recorded and (occasionally) acted on.

Well, one time in the men's bathroom, I observed a man at the next urinal who was trying to hold on to his papers with one hand, because the sink counter had splashes of water everywhere and there is no shelf or table in the bathroom. He experienced what I referred to in my STOP report as a "zipper-related accident". A sharp cry of pain eminated from his side of the divider, followed by much cussing. I was also injured as I experienced a tooth-related mishap on the soft inner parts of my mouth as I attempted to keep from laughing.

I also recommended they put a shelf in the bathroom.

[dann]

Long-Time Goat Killed by Preacher (http://images.google.dk/imgres?imgurl=http://img.timeinc.net/time/asia/magazine/2002/0729/human_sacrifice.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,322673,00.html&h=198&w=300&sz=17&hl=da&start=6&tbnid=uV90na3DM-hS6M:&tbnh=77&tbnw=116&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dsacrifice%2Bgoat%26gbv%3D2%26hl%3Dda% 26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:da-DK:official%26sa%3DG).