Why is woo-woo English so d*** awful?

[LFTKBS]

E.g.: "Am I not perceiving the computer? I require my senses to type onto a computer." - Antonio Alejandro

Or "We realize that sicne we are the first to pass the preliminary test and become claimants this must be very distressing to you. Of course when we are to actually win the prize this would ruin your gig but this is the risk you took when you offered the prize." - yellowbamboo

What sort of person writes like this? These are not sentences, they're . . . like some disgusting coathanger-abortion of a thought. Even scarier: these aren't the worst examples I've seen, just the most recent. Is there some correlation between the unreadable assertions of paranormal phenomena and the mental state of the writer?

Some might say that I'm being unkind to those who don't speak English as a first language. Well, I don't go around posting to primarily Spanish forums things like "Me llamo LFTKBS. Yo creo yo tengo una descripcion phenomenal de UFO y no es un hoax, porque mi abuela es un mujer verdad."

Also, I don't know what forum this should be posted to, but there's a Antonio Alejandro thread in here, so I thought it'd be okay. Please move if necessary, mods.

[Martin]

Lack of education and/or sanity would seem like a good bet.

[Marquis de Carabas]

No-one who spends so much time mislearning science and/or philosophy could possibly have the time left to learn how to consturct grammatical sentences.

[LFTKBS]

After browsing the ChristianForums for a while, I can definitely say that it has nothing to do with English being a second/third/nth language.

Q.v.: "I always assumed we evolved throughout the years but a friend of mine at church ( which I just started attending for the first time) said that the evidence of neanderthal and cro magnon man . Please excuse the spelling are very loose on their factual material. They may have three small parts of bone and try to complete a skeleton based on speculation. Also what if the person was deformed or had rickets or something like that??"

From http://www.christianforums.com/t61010

[Marquis de Carabas]

Q.v.: "I always assumed we evolved throughout the years but a friend of mine at church ( which I just started attending for the first time) said that the evidence of neanderthal and cro magnon man . Please excuse the spelling are very loose on their factual material. They may have three small parts of bone and try to complete a skeleton based on speculation. Also what if the person was deformed or had rickets or something like that??"
I believe this is representative of English as a 0th language.

[Abdul Alhazred]

Originally posted by LFTKBS
After browsing the ChristianForums for a while, I can definitely say that it has nothing to do with English being a second/third/nth language.

I suppose that the Christian Forums and our JREF local resident woo-woos are an uneducated lot.

But one can't generalize. I'd call Wilhelm Reich and Immanuel Velikovsky woo-woos, but both were quite literate in English (not as a first language).

[c4ts]

Ah, your thread title brought back fond memories of Muscleman. THHE WERLD IS FALAT BCAUSE I SAY IT IS SO U CAN GO HOME AND TAKE UR QUANTUM BOOGALOO WITH U! (http://host.randi.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=15966&highlight=heavens+revolve)

[Barkhorn1x]

You left out this one by Bratok;

Just Immagine...
Imagine that thousands and thousands years ago, all people got burried in giant caves, because of an earth quake ( for example ). They lived there, in complete darkness. Stories about light and vision, that were passed from generation to generation, became dull and were considered as fairy tales about something that could never exist. This "blind" people made their schools and collages, and in no possible way could consider that they are somehow defective. Makeing one step forward and touching the ground to make sure that there's no hole, was completely normal for them.

And...

"But they just look sadly at you, as at a mad man , and give you lots of scientific explanations they made up, to proove that there's no surface, no light, no eye sight...

I believe there is often a correlation between critical thinking skills and effective writing.

Now, your occasional Woo Woo can express themselves quite well, but mostly we get the stuff quoted in this thread.

Barkhorn.

[arcticpenguin]

If the 'miracle' of the human mind is held up as evidence of an Intelligent Designer, it only shows that He made a pretty crappy job of it. Many people simply do not think clearly.

[Swishy McJackass]

I just read muscleman's last thread, or what I could stand before my head started throbbing.

How you guys didn't suffer brain aneurisms from arguing with the guy, I'll never know.

[Kullervo]

I have some examples of technical writing that are on a par with the quotes above. Not all of them were translated from Japanese by people who don't speak English as a native language.

I've seen essays from college students that are as literate.

One types, one posts, and one frequently omits the intermediate spelling and grammar checking.

Velikovsky was, as I recall, a graceful and engaging writer, and that's one of the reasons why his ideas found a wide audience. It's not easy to separate the form from the content.

Compare and contrast two poems that would fail the spelling and grammar checks:

From fairest creatures we desire increase,
That thereby beauty's rose might never die,
But as the riper should by time decease,
His tender heir might bear his memory:
But thou contracted to thine own bright eyes,
Feed'st thy light's flame with self-substantial fuel,
Making a famine where abundance lies,
Thy self thy foe, to thy sweet self too cruel:
Thou that art now the world's fresh ornament,
And only herald to the gaudy spring,
Within thine own bud buriest thy content,
And, tender churl, mak'st waste in niggarding:
Pity the world, or else this glutton be,
To eat the world's due, by the grave and thee.

I think that I shall never see
A poem as lovely as a tree.

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the earth's sweet flowing breast;

A tree that looks to God all day,
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;

A tree that may in summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.

[c4ts]

Originally posted by Swishy McJackass
I just read muscleman's last thread, or what I could stand before my head started throbbing.

How you guys didn't suffer brain aneurisms from arguing with the guy, I'll never know.

I only suffered three of them each time he posted.