Why do teachers say not to tattle?

[American]

I never understood it- not in the 1st grade and not now. If your school mate is doing something wrong, I think it's your duty to snitch. If it's a crime they're doing, then it's illegal not to. You could even be charged as an accessory in some cases. So why do teachers tell kids that tattling is bad?

My theory is that many teachers are heavily involved in wrong-doing, be it pot or some other unethical behavior. So they want to indoctrinate kids to think that having a secret life is OK and that we should all tolerate subversive dissent.

Lucky thing I never caught the hags engaged in certain "activities" with the janitor or the principal. I'd have gone straight to the Boston Herald with the story and bypassed all other chain-of-command procedures, like the way I always do still today.

You should too.

[Prospero]

Though you have an interesting theory, I'm more inclined to believe it's because they're lazy. Seriously, after working 5 of the week for 7 hours with small children, could you imagine how many potential snitchings there would be? Some kids are born to be employed by the CIA I think. It's just too much work to deal with that many snitchings so the small things get ignored.

And if you think about it, it's very similar to adult society. If you know your friend smokes marijuana and that he isn't a total pothead, you're not particularly inclined to report him to the authorities. He's not hurting anyone and in the grand scheme of things, it's really trivial. However, if he murdered someone and you happen to know, well, you might be slightly more inclined to involve the authorities. Depends on how much you were tattled on in elementary school, I suspect.

[Yahweh]

Its not because the teachers are lazy, its because the children are petty.

I'm not sure how long a teacher would remain sane if every two minutes another little kid is pestering her with another story of "Billy's looking at me again!".

Its a commonsense thing, if someone is doing something worth tattling over (smoking, fighting, has a weapon, stole a CD player, went through someone's purse, etc.), then tattle away to your heart's content. If its something petty and little (like the classic "someone farted and didnt say 'excuse me'"), save your breath.

[UnrepentantSinner]

I've got it now.. American is supposed to be Matthew McConaughey's character in Dazed and Confused (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106677/).

[Psydox]

Well this is yet another example of being told only what not to do without also providing an understanding of what to do.

[Denise]

I was having a conference with my daughter's second grade teacher. My daughter had been choked by one of her classmates on more than one occasion. I tell the teacher what my daughter has told me and then invite my daughter to speak. My daughter starts to recite what happened and the teacher repeatedly interrupted her with qualifiers like "It wasn't that bad." "He wasn't trying to hurt you." And the final "You shouldn't tell your mom these things, you are making her worry."

I told the teacher that she should not/and will never again tell my daughter not tell me "things" and if it happens again well... it didn't happen again.

She was the only teacher of my daughter's that I couldn't stand. Someone so immature that they couldn't give a child two minutes of explaination without interrupting her. That was my red flag right there- that someone was afraid of the truth.

[Jeff Corey]

That rule was never stated by any teacher I ever heard of. However, the rule was enforced by the bullies on the playground and after school.
It sounds like someone is attemding Cretinville Junior High.

[American]

Originally posted by UnrepentantSinner
I've got it now.. American is supposed to be Matthew McConaughey's character in Dazed and Confused (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106677/).

LOVE that movie. Sometime I intend to do an analysis of it, and post it here. (Not now.)

I was once in a group where the top dog told us he has an "open door policy", and we should go straight to him if there were a problem. Well everyone who did that got punished for it! So when I hear someone say "open door" now, I know they're really just trying to pretend they're good managers like they care, when really they're full of BS and don't want to know the inside truth of what's going on in their ranks.


Originally posted by Denise
My daughter had been choked by one of her classmates on more than one occasion.

I know an old Japanese man who signs kids up for karate tournaments to deal with bullies. He's got a really good success rate...

[Denise]

Actually my daughter is a red belt. ;)

[Professor Frink]

It's probably the reason that many managers in companies don't want to hear any bad news of any kind from anyone - because if they hear it, then they're obliged to have to do something about it, and no matter what they do about it at that point, they're open to criticism. They'd rather not hear the news in the first place so they can fall back on plausible denial.

[gethane]

Ok, raise your hand. How many of you have multiple children?

Then let me explain. There is a difference between tattling and telling an adult something important, a distinction I have discussed several times with my kids.

"MOOOOMMMMM, Kamden called me stupid!"

That is a TATTLE folks. What do you expect an adult to do? Put a child in time out everytime they do something minorly wrong? Or explain to my daughter that she knows she's not stupid, that kamden is her big brother and lives to annoy her, and when you know people are just trying to upset you, you have to just learn to ignore them.

I only have 3 children, magnify my story by 20.

Now, is there blood? Did someone actually cause you physical pain? Did they threaten you with serious harm? Do you REALLY feel afraid? These are the kind of things adults NEED to know about. The rest is just kids being kids. Even with 3 I don't have TIME to listen to "so and so called me.. so and so told me.. so and so touched my arm... so and so said my music sucked... blah blah blah, on and on"

[MoeFaux]

Huh. So I guess this means you're okay with all the post 9/11 security measures, where everyone from your mailcarrier to your librarian can snitch on what you're doing to the government. And you're all right with your name being dragged through the mud when the photomat person snitches on you for taking a picture of your kid taking a bath. Huh. You'd rat out your own family member? You're okay for someone ratting you out?
Snitches are rat bastards. Tattlers are traitors. Teaching a kid to whine about a problem instead of trying to constructivley figure out a solution leads to adults who are nosy pieces of crap.
So go ahead, call the cops because you think your neighbor just recieved a suspicious piece of mail. Supporting tattlers leads to more rights being taken away.
I am not a snitch. And I don't like the rats who are.

[Denise]

Originally posted by MoeFaux
Huh. So I guess this means you're okay with all the post 9/11 security measures, where everyone from your mailcarrier to your librarian can snitch on what you're doing to the government. And you're all right with your name being dragged through the mud when the photomat person snitches on you for taking a picture of your kid taking a bath. Huh. You'd rat out your own family member? You're okay for someone ratting you out?
Snitches are rat bastards. Tattlers are traitors. Teaching a kid to whine about a problem instead of trying to constructivley figure out a solution leads to adults who are nosy pieces of crap.
So go ahead, call the cops because you think your neighbor just recieved a suspicious piece of mail. Supporting tattlers leads to more rights being taken away.
I am not a snitch. And I don't like the rats who are.

I hope you're not referring to me. But, if I saw my company dumping chemicals into a river... I would tattle. If I saw a person getting their ass kicked by the cops... I would tell. Being silent is often the easy way out. It depends on the circumstance don't you think?

[MoeFaux]

Originally posted by Denise


I hope you're not referring to me. But, if I saw my company dumping chemicals into a river... I would tattle. If I saw a person getting their ass kicked by the cops... I would tell. Being silent is often the easy way out. It depends on the circumstance don't you think?

No, not you. That was directed toward American, and my writing style changed to mirror his style. I would never be so abrubt to another woman.

Yes, it does very greatly on the circumstances. However, teaching from an early age that running to someone else for every little problem is okay seems to make for adults who can't solve their own problems.
The snitch security procedures that are in place now and the Patriot Act are wrong. That should not happen.
When I kid is threatening to kill themselves or has an eating disorder, then you say something. There's a big difference between helping and harming when it comes to tattling.

[scarlet_35]

Originally posted by gethane
Ok, raise your hand. How many of you have multiple children?

Then let me explain. There is a difference between tattling and telling an adult something important, a distinction I have discussed several times with my kids.

"MOOOOMMMMM, Kamden called me stupid!"

That is a TATTLE folks. What do you expect an adult to do? Put a child in time out everytime they do something minorly wrong? Or explain to my daughter that she knows she's not stupid, that kamden is her big brother and lives to annoy her, and when you know people are just trying to upset you, you have to just learn to ignore them.

I only have 3 children, magnify my story by 20.

Now, is there blood? Did someone actually cause you physical pain? Did they threaten you with serious harm? Do you REALLY feel afraid? These are the kind of things adults NEED to know about. The rest is just kids being kids. Even with 3 I don't have TIME to listen to "so and so called me.. so and so told me.. so and so touched my arm... so and so said my music sucked... blah blah blah, on and on"

I agree with you, I'm always saying things like "well, if its not true then why do you listen to your sister" "your first mistake was listening to so and so in the first place" "well you are a brat, now leave me a lone hehe"

but the funny thing is when they should tell me something, they tend to handle things on their own (not all the time) but like say my daughter hits my son, well then he goes and hits her and then their both crying, when what my son should have done was told me and I would have handled the situation.

I think in the younger grades, kids tend to tell the teacher when things happen more often but as they get into high school, they don't. I'm amazed at the things that go on and my son won't say a word. There have been several problems with boys who families are from Iraq threatening my son and saying things about the US, but instead of bringing it up to anyone, he decides he wants to fight them :( They've only fought once and luckily my son didn't get into the fight, instead his friend took over and he did kick some major butt which may have helped the situation because as far as I know, those kids haven't said anything anymore, unless their planning an attack and it just has happened yet.

In younger grades its easier as a parent to go and talk to a teacher but in high school, you kind of have to take a step back and let them handle it, your not going to always be there when they need you and they need to learn to handle situations. If it ever got really extreme I guess I would talk to someone but...that would also put my son in an awkward position. Its hard being a parent

[American]

Originally posted by Denise

Being silent is often the easy way out. It depends on the circumstance don't you think?


You just keep your daughter in line, and I'll tell my daughter not to choke her again. Got it? Anyway that's not the way she tells the story to me how it happened....

[gnome]

I'm with the "it depends" school of thought on this. Teaching a kid when to "tattle" and when not to, can be a very difficult thing to help them understand... but learning it can help them deal with the real world on so many levels...

As a strong person, they shouldn't be afraid to blow the whistle if something seriously wrong is being done. As they say, all it takes for evil to thrive is for good people to do nothing.

However, they need to pick their battles... there is a political element to it, they need to weigh the consequences of being seen as a "tattler" against the consequences of saying nothing... being circumspect at the right time can gain the respect of peers...

They need to learn to stand up for themselves in the absence of a trustworthy authority to appeal to...

They need the humility to accept help when they really need it...

There's no simple answer. Heck, adults struggle with what is basically the same problem all their lives... in the workforce, among circles of friends, and so forth.

[Schizobunny]

Because most of the time a student is tatteling for something stupid like another kid not paying attention or something like that. The teacher has to teach and not waste time on things like punishing a kid for doing something that isn't even hurting anyone.