Religious family values

[Ixion]

So last night I was flipping through channels and I stopped on an episode of Trading Spouses. For those of you who have never seen the show, it is a reality show where one spouse of two separate families (either the husbands or the wives) switch families and live with the other family for a week, observing their habits and trying to get to know them. Of course, the producers make sure that the people switching usually have contentious beliefs or values, to appeal as entertainment for the masses, and occasionally hilarity ensues. I usually don't watch the show, but this one caught my eye. At the end of the show, each spouse gets $50,000 for their family, but they dictate how the other family is to spend the money.

I guess CMT is running reruns of it, and the original air date was about a year-and-a-half ago. In this episode, the wives are switched. One woman is a mother of three daughters and very fundamental Christian. She regularly attends church and bible study and takes her children with her, and her husband seems content to let her run the household. The other woman is a mother of one son and her and her husband are more free-spirited people who claim themselves as agnostic. They are tattoo artists and body piercers and incorporate some Eastern spiritual beliefs into their lifestyle. Of course, when they meet the other families, they are objecting to their lifestyles. The fundamentalist Christian woman sees the agnostics as "Satanic" and feels it is her cause to bring them to God, while the body piercing husband says he is ok with being open-minded about her beliefs. The tattoo artist woman sees the Christian family as being suppressed by the other woman's beliefs and tries to get them to loosen up. I am well aware that the show is probably heavily edited. I don't think the show is scripted though, and I think the people on the show are invited to express their beliefs. The show is 2 hours long and broken into 2 parts. I am linking recaps in case you are interested:
Part 1 (http://www.fansofrealitytv.com/forums/trading-spouses/59466-ts-12-1-recap-hammond-girone-trade-part-1-a.html)
Part 2 (http://www.fansofrealitytv.com/forums/trading-spouses/59673-trading-spouses-12-8-recap-hammond-girone-trade-part-2-a.html)
The recap was done by a fan, and I have read the recap and can assert that the events described did happen in the show. The fan does bias some of her descriptions though.

So the point of this long post is, how much of your family values influenced your life growing up and how much do you let your values and beliefs influence your families' lives? Do you pass on your beliefs to your children and spouse/significant other, or do you let them come up with their own beliefs? Are you passive or draconian in your assertion?

I can say that my mother is Christian and my father is (probably) an athiest (he doesn't discuss it, ever). We went to church fairly regularly and, as kids, we were shipped off to church camp. My mother also is a firm believer in psychics, auras, astrology, palmistry, and divination. Her beliefs actually led me to be a critical thinker and have wide exposure to those things, so now I am fairly skeptical.

[Giraffe107]

It's hard to say. My parents weren't religious at all, I have been to three church services in my whole life (two were weddings). I did have a wide exposure to various science resources when I was young, but not so much critical thinking. As my science knowledge grew so did my interest in critical thinking, but if my mum or dad says something woo-ish I usually don't correct them too much (unless it's medical, I want them to be healthy). My SO wasn't religious either, before we met. One of our friends has recently become christian, but we're certainly not going to try to influence him to change.

I think most people stick with what their parents teach them, or rebel and go the other way. Not that I have any evidence :) I would be interested to hear what others say.

[Homeoproofer]

I will teach my children to be just good!
To nothing bad is the best way of life- if everyone tries to do good, noone would have to fear that bad things will be done...

Buddha has told the people to do good, already 500years before Jesus was born..
And Mohammed gave the next try to improve of much older believes then...

Just to be good is the best and the only necessary thing!
No leader is necessary for your own salvation,
so I will never miss one!

There could be one, but it is not important at all...

[JoeTheJuggler]

if everyone tries to do good, noone would have to fear that bad things will be done...
That doesn't follow.

What if what some people think is "good" is exactly the sort of "bad things" that frighten others?

I suspect suicide bombers are pretty certain that their actions are good, and yet at least part of their intention is to frighten others.

[six7s]

So the point of this long post is, how much of your family values influenced your life growing up
My immediate reaction was 'not a lot, obviously - seeing as though all my (recent) ancestors were/are wooists, and I'm not'

But, thinking about it, maybe they were only superficial wooists and successive generations have been passing on - with increasing conviction - the message that 'woo is bollocks', a message that, upon reaching my generation, is so clear that it's impossible to ignore

and how much do you let your values and beliefs influence your families' lives? Do you pass on your beliefs to your children and spouse/significant other, or do you let them come up with their own beliefs? A brief foray into the whirled of pedagogy taught me that 'to educate' means 'to lead' (in contrast with 'to drag, push, bully, etc)' and 'discipline' means 'to follow'. Time will tell if I'm putting that into practice

Are you passive or draconian in your assertion? I think that the question is rather loaded... who says it's an either/or? :confused:

[Ixion]

A brief foray into the whirled of pedagogy taught me that 'to educate' means 'to lead' (in contrast with 'to drag, push, bully, etc)' and 'discipline' means 'to follow'. Time will tell if I'm putting that into practice

I hope to put the same into practice. However, since I do not have children yet, I am still in the preparatory phases.

I think that the question is rather loaded... who says it's an either/or? :confused:

You got me. It is a loaded question, and I even debated including it before I went ahead and hit the submit button. It can be neither. I included it because of my experience on this forum in the past. I have found that having gray area questions usually makes people end up not commenting at all, because they have to explain themselves. However, I have found that having more black and white answers lends people to comment more often, if only to contest the use of loaded questions. I am not saying that I don't think that the people on this forum are stupid or that they cannot think for themselves (obviously this is a forum for critical thinking). I was being a bit deceitful in the intent, if only to encourage discussion, and for that I apologize. :(

[six7s]

I was being a bit deceitful in the intent, if only to encourage discussion, and for that I apologize. :(I have a hunch that, if the first stone will be hurled by one who has not sinned, you can relax :)

[Dogdoctor]

My family was agnostic/atheist but my parents exposed me to religion to let me decide and did not push me one way or the other. My father gave informative answers to question such as is there a god? He would tell me what other people thought and get priests or pastors to answer questions about religion for me. I have fluctuated back and forth a little between religion/deism and atheism till I was about 12 years old then proceeded to fluctuate between atheism and agnosticism till I was about 23,(currently agnostic.)

[borealys]

I've actually got a good story about how my sister and I ended up in Sunday School when we were kids. My parents, whatever the specifics of their beliefs (I don't know exactly what either of them believe; it's something I think they are more comfortable not discussing in great detail), agreed that we would not be brought to regular church services until we were old enough to understand what we were being told. We were baptized, and attended Christmas Eve services and the occasional Easter service, but that was about it.

Until I was ten years old, it went on that way. My best friend at the time came from a very, very religious family. One day, out of the blue, she gave me a battered paperback Bible. She was very insistent that I should take it, but I wasn't at all comfortable doing so -- not because I didn't want a Bible, but because her giving me something without clearing it with her parents first didn't seem quite right to me. (In retrospect, I realize that it may well have been her mother's idea.) So, I didn't tell my parents she had given it to me, out of fear of getting in trouble for accepting it. I hid it under my bed.

My parents found it a short time later, and, realizing who must have given it to me (I actually think her name was in it), got very worried. They were sure she was trying to convert me and draw me into her fundamentalist church. So, they agreed that it was about time to introduce me, and my sister as well, to a more, erm, palatable Christianity. We joined a local Anglican church and started attending regularly. My mother never came to a single service that I can remember, but my father has since become quite active in that church (though I suspect it's more of a social thing than a devout religious conviction thing).

My parents were almost certainly right that my friend, and probably her parents too, were hoping to convert me. They needn't have worried though -- I actually read that Bible. Not quite all of it, but the entire Old Testament, the Gospels, and a few other New Testament books, including Revelation. Never, before I had actually read the Bible, had I realized how much barbarity was in it. At the time, I assumed I must just be misunderstanding it, but I do believe it was my fundamentalist friend's Bible that first put my feet on the road to unbelief.

How this all ties to the specific question asked in the OP ... well, I guess my parents' attitude towards religion was that I should decide for myself, but they most definitely did not want me getting involved with any of the fundamentalist churches. My father was very good about answering any religious questions I asked by explaining what various people believed without assigning any of it a definite truth or falsity. Although, he did always start with an assumption that God did exist, in some form. I never felt pushed to believe one thing over another. My parents, I think, were very good at guiding me without explicitly saying what it was they wanted me to learn. I hope I'll have as much skill when I have kids.

[fishbait]

My father was a proctologist and my mother was an abstract artist. We had some interesting dinner table conversations.

[kedo1981]

"My father was a proctologist and my mother was an abstract artist. We had some interesting dinner table conversations. "

Dad why do you have Mom's modeling clay on your hands?,,,,,,,OH it's not clay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Niobe]

So the point of this long post is, how much of your family values influenced your life growing up and how much do you let your values and beliefs influence your families' lives? Do you pass on your beliefs to your children and spouse/significant other, or do you let them come up with their own beliefs? Are you passive or draconian in your assertion?
This is actually an issue for me right now.

I was raised a-religious by parents that were pretty run of the mill parents, who in turn became atheists by seeing the hypocrisy in their parents, preachers and the logic gaps.

As I am now a parent, in a phase where I'm a raging skeptic / atheist, I really try to raise my daughter evenhanded. My husband is also godless but isn't as engrossed in the matter as I am.

I try to be as non-militant about it as I can (mainly because she isn't even 4 yet and incapable of understanding the concepts) and I can just imagine her rebelling and going modest dressing Yehovah witness on me, but I would be lying if I said I wouldn't have issues with her "finding religion".

However, Christian culture is everywhere, she's also exposed to a lot of Hindu rituals, and we blast Slayer occasionally so I really shouldn't worry about it and translate Dawkin's "letter to my 10 year old daughter (http://www.fortunecity.com/emachines/e11/86/dawkins2.html)" when the time is right.

[Ixion]

This is actually an issue for me right now.

I was raised a-religious by parents that were pretty run of the mill parents, who in turn became atheists by seeing the hypocrisy in their parents, preachers and the logic gaps.

As I am now a parent, in a phase where I'm a raging skeptic / atheist, I really try to raise my daughter evenhanded. My husband is also godless but isn't as engrossed in the matter as I am.

I try to be as non-militant about it as I can (mainly because she isn't even 4 yet and incapable of understanding the concepts) and I can just imagine her rebelling and going modest dressing Yehovah witness on me, but I would be lying if I said I wouldn't have issues with her "finding religion".

However, Christian culture is everywhere, she's also exposed to a lot of Hindu rituals, and we blast Slayer occasionally so I really shouldn't worry about it and translate Dawkin's "letter to my 10 year old daughter (http://www.fortunecity.com/emachines/e11/86/dawkins2.html)" when the time is right.

I think 3 year olds can understand basic concepts, but it just depends on how deep you take it. Many non-believer parents just give a matter-of-fact answer about why certain people believe certain things when asked about religious matters. The child may ask why you don't practice the same thing, and usually a simple answer suffices. I personally don't have any children of my own yet, but I think this is the approach I am going to take.

Since I come from a family of believers and I am the odd-man out, so to speak, I have learned to be understanding of other people's beliefs.

By the way, I think it is awesome that you guys blast Slayer.

Good luck with your daughter. As always, this forum is a great support group as well, so people can help you out if you feel you are in a bind.

[six7s]

I try to be as non-militant about it as I can

I'm in a similar position

Instead of banging the atheist drum, I'm pointing out how theism and mainstream culture are seemingly inextricably and innocuously entwined (I'm leaving the insidiousness of it all for much, much later if ever)

E.g the layouts of theatres and churches...
trad Euro: stage/altar at one end
private boxes/front-row seats for the nobs
the cheap seats for the audience/congregation in the stalls/nave facing

elsewhere:
theatres and 'churches' in the round

E.g. trad/conservative families give trad/xian names to their kids

I reckon that such an approach provides 'food for thought' without forcing OR denying any one worldview

[six7s]

The child may ask why you don't practice the same thing, and usually a simple answer sufficesI find that <5-year-olds often (but certainly not always) quite like (slightly) complex answers

E.g. In response to a "why don't we do XYZ like the neighbours?" question the other day, I replied with something along the lines of 'we used to do that, but after a while we figured it was actually just imagination stuff... but not the sort of imagination stuff that we like, where we can read books and then put them down and dream up new stories of our own, whenever we want. It's more like a DVD, that has to be on all of the time - which is bit boring after a while and a waste of electricity! Unlike our dreams, that use good, healthy food. Do you want an apple or a banana?'

Not simple - more than one 'issue'

Not complicated in the sense of being difficult or boring

A win win :)