Matrix Reloaded aka Matrix: The Load

[Ed]

I am 140 minutes into this pretentious piece of crap. I only lasted this long because I could not believe that I was watching the same movie that got raves.

THERE IS NO STORY.

Keanu Reeves has got to be one of the worst actors that ever existed, strike that, he is the worst. Lawrence Fishburne is not much better. He has sunk lower, if that is possible ... wait it is .. than when he played Othello.

The first 20 minutes of this horror dealt with nothing at all. It was as if the writers were on drugs. Then they start talking. What freshman gibberish.

And the rip offs. So far I have seen bits and pieces of T2, To Live and Die in LA (Great flick BTW on DVD early Dec) and Last of the Mohigans. The interiors are HR Geiger via Ridley Scott. The fashions are Hellraiser. The influence of The Stand is unmistakable. Albino bad guy(s) from the Life and Times of Judge Roy Beane. The list goes on.

Oh, and that absurd Chop Suey Ringmaker spewing incomprehensible crap, right out of the character in the Naked Ninjas sub-movie in And God Spoke.

It is a confused bloated, flattulant piece of sh*t that has convinced itself that it has something to say.

I will say, however, that those twin dudes were way cool. I might watch the end tomorrow to see if they come back. On the downside, they'll probably be a cartoon on Saturday mornings soon. If I were Scorsese I'd look for the director of this waste of precious film pigments up and kick him in the balls, hard.

[T'ai Chi]

Originally posted by Ed


It is a confused bloated, flattulant piece of sh*t that has convinced itself that it has something to say.


So you're basically saying you're jealous that you're not making the income that the movie execs and actors are. ;)

[Occasional Chemist]

Originally posted by Ed
I am 140 minutes into this pretentious piece of crap.

You must've really enjoyed it. You continued to watch for two minutes after it was over. :)

From imdb.org ...
Runtime: 138 min

[Ed]

Originally posted by T'ai Chi


So you're basically saying you're jealous that you're not making the income that the movie execs and actors are. ;)

Yes, I am. I know myself. :D

However, my greed does not offset the intrinsic turdiness of this turgid, remorselessly insulting piece of sewer flora. The monumental audacity of "taking credit" for this rancid hog dropping of a movie is breathtaking.

[Ed]

Originally posted by Occasional Chemist


You must've really enjoyed it. You continued to watch for two minutes after it was over. :)

From imdb.org ...
Runtime: 138 min

I experienced time dilation it was so bad. I am watching the DVD version maybe it's an extended version. Jesus wept.

[UnrepentantSinner]

Now that's a movie review!

Ed, this sort of vitriol would be welcome over at Planet Sucks, do you mind if I cross post it with full credit to you?

[Yahweh]

Originally posted by Ed
If I were Scorsese I'd look for the director of this waste of precious film pigments up and kick him in the balls, hard.

If I were Scorsese I'd look for the director director of this waste waste waste of precious film pigment up and kick him in the balls balls balls kick him in the balls balls balls kick him kick him in the balls balls balls, hard hard hard hard hard hard kick him in the balls hard hard hard hard.


(You have no idea how much fun it was to type that :D )

[Phil]

The best part of "The Matrix: The Load" was that short they showed at intermission; right about midway through the movie. You know, that cartoon where that priest kicked the sh*t out of all those identical secret service guys with a tether ball pole. Cenematic genius.

[Nyarlathotep]

Originally posted by Phil
The best part of "The Matrix: The Load" was that short they showed at intermission; right about midway through the movie. You know, that cartoon where that priest kicked the sh*t out of all those identical secret service guys with a tether ball pole. Cenematic genius.

No the best part was the end credits. Not that there was anything special about them, just that they signalled that the torture was at an end.

[Ed]

Originally posted by UnrepentantSinner
Now that's a movie review!

Ed, this sort of vitriol would be welcome over at Planet Sucks, do you mind if I cross post it with full credit to you?

Please do. Also edit in the hog dropping bit, it has the right sound.

[sorgoth]

I liked that movie =/. Although, I wasn't expecting a good story or good acting, as some of you apparently were. I just went to see some high powered ass kicking, and I got what I wanted. There are other movies for silly things like talent.

[Nyarlathotep]

Originally posted by sorgoth
I liked that movie =/. Although, I wasn't expecting a good story or good acting, as some of you apparently were. I just went to see some high powered ass kicking, and I got what I wanted. There are other movies for silly things like talent.

I don't think it was good even when viewed as purely an actgion movie. It had too many slow parts to make a good action flick but the plot was too silly for it to be a 'serious' sc-fi movie. It tried to straddle the fence, I think, and all it ended up doing was getting the worst of both genres.

[Ed]

OK, finished it (with help from my old buddy FF.

Chop Suey guy meets his predictable (and deserved) end but not before more silly pronouncements. Girl dies then back to life (REALLY? I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT ...not). Fishburn doen't act some more. Reeves walks thru the rest of his part. No more twins, bummer.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Incidentially, 210 minutes so the IMDB can kiss my ass.

This movie was so bad my cats threw up. Go rent the Ron Jeremy bio instead

[Denise]

Ed, now that you are done watching the movie, could you explain it to me? I had a hard time understanding it. From what I can gather the agent became a rogue program that was infecting other programs and taking them over? The Oracle was one of the original programs? I don't get it. Where did that kid come from that Neo saved? How come there is only a one old guy?

[Ed]

Originally posted by Denise
Ed, now that you are done watching the movie, could you explain it to me? I had a hard time understanding it. From what I can gather the agent became a rogue program that was infecting other programs and taking them over? The Oracle was one of the original programs? I don't get it. Where did that kid come from that Neo saved? How come there is only a one old guy?

Denise,

I am a very smart guy. Very well educated, very well read. I can learn things and pick up concepts easily.

I can not figure out what on god's green earth this movie was about. As far as I can tell, the special effects were a wonder bra on a lack of story. The inconsistancies abound.

Denise, I really do not want to get started on this dog fart of a movie again. Want to see something good? Go rent the Kurt Russell flick Dark Blue. Go rent The Core for Chrissakes. At least those guys knew what they were making and were not so pretentious that they could not wink at the audience. Go rent my fave from the last two years or so Knights Tale and lets start a thread and discuss it.

But, please, do not waste another moment of your precious young life contemplating this irredeeamable pulsating lame limp pustulating flattulant hunk of Hollywood arrogance. This is the kind of thing you put in a bag and light up on a neighbor's front porch and watch as he stamps it out. The funny thing is that if your neighbor knew what was in the bag, as with dog feces, he would let it burn.

Watching poltergiest now with the kids. A welcome relief seeing something more grounded in reality than THE MATRIX: THE LOAD.

[UnrepentantSinner]

The Dallas Morning News had a review of the DVD and the review centered on "the Highway Chase." It mentioned that the makers were nice enough to have the scene cue right up (22-25).

I think it might have mentioned some other stuff about the movie, but I can't remember anything specific.

[Ed]

Originally posted by UnrepentantSinner
The Dallas Morning News had a review of the DVD and the review centered on "the Highway Chase." It mentioned that the makers were nice enough to have the scene cue right up (22-25).

I think it might have mentioned some other stuff about the movie, but I can't remember anything specific.

That is because major newspapers tend not to use the term "dog feces" in reviews. Absenst that phrase, a discussion of the chase was all they had left.

[gnome]

Originally posted by Ed
Keanu Reeves has got to be one of the worst actors that ever existed, strike that, he is the worst.

We're in the wrong copy of the Matrix, I think... if you look at all the viewscreens of Keanu Reeves watching himself, you'll notice that all of his other selves are better actors and more expressive :)

[Ed]

Originally posted by gnome


We're in the wrong copy of the Matrix, I think... if you look at all the viewscreens of Keanu Reeves watching himself, you'll notice that all of his other selves are better actors and more expressive :)

I stand corrected:D

[Skeptic]

I liked that movie =/. Although, I wasn't expecting a good story or good acting, as some of you apparently were.

There we go again, ruining the fun for everybody with these insane, elitist standards...

[Skeptic]

The first 20 minutes of this horror dealt with nothing at all. It was as if the writers were on drugs.

"As if"?

[Ed]

Originally posted by Phil
The best part of "The Matrix: The Load" was that short they showed at intermission; right about midway through the movie. You know, that cartoon where that priest kicked the sh*t out of all those identical secret service guys with a tether ball pole. Cenematic genius.

I think he was a Jesuit and they were Jews. Gotta work the Jew thing in.:D

[Giz]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Phil
The best part of "The Matrix: The Load" was that short they showed at intermission; right about midway through the movie. You know, that cartoon where that priest kicked the sh*t out of all those identical secret service guys with a tether ball pole. Cenematic genius.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The intermission wasn't bad either.

[Occasional Chemist]

Originally posted by Ed
[BIncidentially, 210 minutes so the IMDB can kiss my ass.[/B]

2 hours and 10 minutes is about 130 minutes. Plus about 8 minutes for the miles and miles of credits would give you the correct running time.

Man, that movie really DID blow your mind, Ed. :)

[Aoidoi]

Originally posted by Denise
Ed, now that you are done watching the movie, could you explain it to me? I had a hard time understanding it. From what I can gather the agent became a rogue program that was infecting other programs and taking them over? The Oracle was one of the original programs? I don't get it. Where did that kid come from that Neo saved? How come there is only a one old guy? Well, here's my attempt. After Neo did his jumping around inside Agent Smith bit at the end of the first movie Agent Smith survived but was damaged/changed into some sort of virus. He is able to rewrite other programs (such as the other agents) to make copies of himself. So he's kind of a self-replicating computer worm. My opinion is that he's no longer under the control of the creator guy or the matrix.

The Oracle is another program, one that predicts people's behaviour. I actually really liked this bit, because all of her "predictions" are really just manipulating people into behaving the way she and the creator want them to. The "don't worry about the vase" thing in the first movie was a prime example... had she not said anything he probably wouldn't have knocked it over, and why have a vase so easily knocked over except as a demo? My opinion is that she's helping out the creator guy in exchange for her own existence.

I don't remember Neo saving a kid... what were the circumstances? Is the old guy you're talking about the creator guy at the end (the one with all the monitors?).

I also rather liked the implication that the "real world" was just an error correcting mechanism for the matrix... it lets them get away with the goofy errors in the "real world" just being simulation problems. :)

I haven't seen the dvd, I'd guess it has a lot of other scenes that might totally screw up my understanding of the movie (as may the sequel). But overall I actually enjoyed the film. It wasn't perfect, but I had some fun with it. Not sure if that will last under repeated viewings... the first one sure didn't for me.

[Bluegill]

Originally posted by Occasional Chemist


2 hours and 10 minutes is about 130 minutes. Plus about 8 minutes for the miles and miles of credits would give you the correct running time.

Man, that movie really DID blow your mind, Ed. :)

He was using metric, I think. :)

[Brown]

Watching "The Matrix: Reloaded" on DVD yesterday, I had an appreciation for something in said in the original "Matrix."

I was just watching the movie, when a scene started that seemed very familiar. In fact, the scene was exactly like a scene twenty minutes earlier in the movie. Doing my best Keanu Reeves, I said, "Whoa, deja vu."

At first, I thought that the repeated scene was part of the movie. But after a minute or two, it became clear to me that the DVD had jumped backward by about 20 minutes.

I fast-forwarded to the place where the DVD jumped backwards, and it did the same thing again. (Attempts to fast-forward through the problem section resulted in the DVD player becoming "locked up.") Every time I came to this one section in the movie, the DVD jumped backwards by about 20 minutes.

It was then that I understood that deja vu REALLY is caused by a glitch in the Matrix, although in this case, the deja vu was caused by a glitch in the Matrix: Reloaded.

I went back to the store this afternoon to exchange disks. I'm hoping that I will now be able to view the entire movie and that I will be able to discern some sort of plot (or motivation for the characters doing what they're doing), but based upon the comments above, there might not be much hope of that.

So far, "Reloaded" seems to be a remake of "Tron" with better video games.

[Brown]

I watched the rest of the movie last night.

Couldn't blame the disk this time.

I have to say that I couldn't follow what the heck was going on.

I will add, however, that some parts of the story make sense only if you've seen "Animatrix."

[Ed]

Originally posted by Brown
I watched the rest of the movie last night.

Couldn't blame the disk this time.

I have to say that I couldn't follow what the heck was going on.

I will add, however, that some parts of the story make sense only if you've seen "Animatrix."

Or you use a chemical aid

[Checkmite]

Originally posted by Ed


Or you use a chemical aid

Bwahahahahahahhahhhaahhahaha!

[chulbert]

Originally posted by Aoidoi
Well, here's my attempt. After Neo did his jumping around inside Agent Smith bit at the end of the first movie Agent Smith survived but was damaged/changed into some sort of virus. He is able to rewrite other programs (such as the other agents) to make copies of himself. So he's kind of a self-replicating computer worm. My opinion is that he's no longer under the control of the creator guy or the matrix.

Essentially correct. Immediately after Neo's talk with the Oracle, Smith explains what happened. Neo killed him, at which point he was supposed to return to the source, but he couldn't, he was compelled to stay. Part of Neo imprinted onto him and now he's an exiled program like many of the others.

The Oracle is another program, one that predicts people's behaviour. I actually really liked this bit, because all of her "predictions" are really just manipulating people into behaving the way she and the creator want them to. The "don't worry about the vase" thing in the first movie was a prime example... had she not said anything he probably wouldn't have knocked it over, and why have a vase so easily knocked over except as a demo? My opinion is that she's helping out the creator guy in exchange for her own existence.

I think her knowledge and predictions are legitimate. She knew that Neo wasn't sleeping, which was a problem in the real world. I don't think she's malevolent. I think she's tired of the cycle.

I don't remember Neo saving a kid... what were the circumstances? Is the old guy you're talking about the creator guy at the end (the one with all the monitors?).

The kid's story is explained in The Animatrix.

[Rosencrantz]

Originally posted by Nyarlathotep
No the best part was the end credits. Not that there was anything special about them, just that they signalled that the torture was at an end. I have to violently disagree. When I saw it in the theaters, I had to stay through all the credits so that my friend could see the preview for Matrix: Revolutions at the end. The music was so loud I was literally banging my head against the seat in front of me to get some feeling in my skull. I turned to my friend and yelled "Do we have to watch this?" He screamed "What?" I yelled "That music sure is loud!" He screamed "WHAT?" I yelled "I SAID THAT MUSIC SURE IS LOUD!" He screamed back, "I can't hear you, the music's too loud!" He thought that was funny, but I didn't know what he'd said until we got outside and he related his side of the conversation. And the credits just kept going on and on! I think I finally tore up a Kleenex and stuffed it in my ears to dampen the sound. I really disliked a lot of the movie, but I have to say that the end credits were definitely the worst.

[Nyarlathotep]

Originally posted by Rosencrantz
I have to violently disagree. When I saw it in the theaters, I had to stay through all the credits so that my friend could see the preview for Matrix: Revolutions at the end. The music was so loud I was literally banging my head against the seat in front of me to get some feeling in my skull. I turned to my friend and yelled "Do we have to watch this?" He screamed "What?" I yelled "That music sure is loud!" He screamed "WHAT?" I yelled "I SAID THAT MUSIC SURE IS LOUD!" He screamed back, "I can't hear you, the music's too loud!" He thought that was funny, but I didn't know what he'd said until we got outside and he related his side of the conversation. And the credits just kept going on and on! I think I finally tore up a Kleenex and stuffed it in my ears to dampen the sound. I really disliked a lot of the movie, but I have to say that the end credits were definitely the worst.

Ah, my mistake. You see I didn't know about the preview of 'Revolutions' at the end, so I got out of the theatre as fast as I could. I didn't have to experience the music for any real length of time.

[HarryKeogh]

even though i didnt understand it, i enjoyed it. lots of stuff got blowed up real good.

[Evolver]

I didn't think it was a great movie, but I enjoyed enough of it.
That said, I thought the dancing scene was pointless & gratuitous (however much I like looking at naked women), and the scene where they took out the power plant was edited so badly that at first I thought they were starting to show previews of the 3rd movie.

On DVD, without the expectations I had when originally seeing the film, I enjoyed it more.

But I like movies where lots of things blow up.
Nyah nyah.

[gnome]

Originally posted by Evolver
I didn't think it was a great movie, but I enjoyed enough of it.
That said, I thought the dancing scene was pointless & gratuitous (however much I like looking at naked women)

Am I the only one that liked the dancing scene?

Everyone in the future seemed so dry and grim... I thought it was an exhilerating change to see them celebrating life, even while fearing their own extinction. To me it was very necessary, for them to remind themselves why they wanted to live.

[BTox]

Originally posted by Ed
Oh, and that absurd Chop Suey Ringmaker spewing incomprehensible crap, right out of the character in the Naked Ninjas sub-movie in And God Spoke.



My wife and I saw it at the theater and I burst out laughing during that ridiculous part. No one else thought it was funny, tho..

[Ed]

Originally posted by Evolver
IThat said, I thought the dancing scene was pointless & gratuitous (however much I like looking at naked women.


My friend, may I call you "my friend"? Listen closely, for I have the secret of the Matrix:

THE WHOLE FING THING WAS POINTLESS AND GRATUITOUS

Every scene was occupied to take up space and spend money. There was no point. Old black hag bag ladies being incomprehensible, Chop Suey Ringmakers, and that gay designer guy at the end. Was he or was he not gay. Answer that. Know what? It dosn't really matter. They could have stuck the Easter Bunny in there because no one could advance the plot BECAUSE TERE WAS NO PLOT.

[Ed]

Originally posted by BTox


My wife and I saw it at the theater and I burst out laughing during that ridiculous part. No one else thought it was funny, tho..

I thought it was funny when he died. Damn Chop Suey Ringmaker Keymaker whatever bastard.

You paid real money for it? I did too but $3.95 for the disk. Did you ask for a reinbursement?

[Hannibal]

I liked it. Others liked it. Some people didn't. That's life!

I had a distinct feel of "one half of a very long film" watching it - presumably so they can make lots of wonga by marketing it twice!
I still think it was great though - but I like mindless action films anyway.

Best scene - Neo's fight with the Merovingians guards.

[Brown]

This movie well illustrates what I've been saying for years:

Martial arts movies are the modern musicals.

Forty to sixty years ago, Hollywood made movies where people would suddenly start dancing for no reason. Sometimes they would sing while they danced, but usually they were accopanied by orchestral music that just appeared out of nowhere. The whole number was included in the story as something that was improvised by the characters on the spot... but of course it wasn't. In many cases, the dance did nothing to advance the plot; it was simply there for enjoyment.

Well, instead of dancing, we now have movies that feature martial arts. More often than not, they are accompanied by music. If you look at the credits, these scenes have a "choreographer."

The scenes are presented as impromptu fights involving the characters, and yet it is clear that they are carefully staged. Usually they are accompanied by music that just appears out of nowhere. Many of these fights do not advance the plot; they are simply there for enjoyment.

Musicals didn't make sense. For the same reasons, martial arts movies don't make sense.

[Hannibal]

Martial arts films are really closer to ballet than musical - that is to say the "story" is really incidental to the action. Look at Swan Lake for example - I have seen this many time snow and although the physicality of the performers is breathtaking, it is only the fact I read the story prior to performance that makes it understandable.

Bruce Lee's films were/are the epitome of the Martial Arts genre. There is a definite sense of purpose to the fights - not only that but consequences. Bruce was a firm believer that there must be REASON for the combat. He also stated that you can't just kick the crap out of somebody and expect not to pay the consequences.

By far the best fight scene EVER is Bruce vs Chuck from "Way of the Dragon" (U.S. "Return of the Dragon"). This whole scene was almost in microcosm from the rest of the film and remains the purest form of on screen combat as an art form I can think of.

[Martin]

Originally posted by gnome
We're in the wrong copy of the Matrix, I think... if you look at all the viewscreens of Keanu Reeves watching himself, you'll notice that all of his other selves are better actors and more expressive :) Hmm, but were any of them playing air guitar?

[Wudang]

Nice analogy Brown. The conventions of MA fights in films do seem closer to dance than fighting, though most dancers would be able to vary their rhythm a little more than the "MA" guys. Two things that irritate me as a martial artist
- the fights where every move could be set to a metronome and the Matrix Reloaded sucked, excuse me, exhibited the properties of vacuum in this regard
- the blows that make no sense with neither muscle, momentum nor kinetic energy behind.

Yes, Lee and Norris was one of the best. There's also a suprisingly okay fight in Jet Li's "The One" where 2 "instances" of himself fight each other, one using Hsing-I (linear internal style) and the other Pa Gua (round internal style). If you'd like to see a good "comic book as movie" see The Brotherhood of the Wolf, nice bit of pretty fun.

[Hannibal]

I agree to a point, but the moves in "The Matrix" (& "Reloaded") at least make sense within their context (i.e. a computer simulation where the normal rules do not apply). Compare this to "Crouching Tiger..." where the same sort of action is seen with no such qualifier as to the superhuman abilities.

Seagal does some quite impactive stuff in his films - typical Aikido but it is well choreographed and at least people tend to stay down off one shot. But in a sense the debate is moot because we watch martial arts flicks for exhiliration rather than reality. Jackie Chan is a good example - they are not realistic fights but they are very, very entertaining.

By the way Wudang - what do you think of the GOD footage in the pagods? I think they are right up there with the best.

[voidx]

http://www.corporatemofo.com/stories/051803matrix.htm

A link for everyone that either didn't "get" the plot, or claims there was no plot. Like it or not, there was potential plot a plenty coming out of the Matrix Reloaded, you probably just didn't pick up on it.

If you have an inordinate amount of time you can also look at this thread on another forum discussing potential explanations of the trilogy and what will happen in the third installment

http://www.ngemu.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38092&pagenumber=1

As Brown mentioned, certain aspects of the movie, like the kid make more sense if you've seen the Animatrix as it provides a background for the Matrix universe (for the record I didn't care much for the Animatrix, but it did help explain things).

[Wudang]

Originally posted by Hannibal

By the way Wudang - what do you think of the GOD footage in the pagods? I think they are right up there with the best.

Sorry GOD is Game of death??? Saw it once 20 years ago and don't remember it too clearly.

[Brian]

Originally posted by voidx
http://www.corporatemofo.com/stories/051803matrix.htm

A link for everyone that either didn't "get" the plot, or claims there was no plot. Like it or not, there was potential plot a plenty coming out of the Matrix Reloaded, you probably just didn't pick up on it.

If you have an inordinate amount of time you can also look at this thread on another forum discussing potential explanations of the trilogy and what will happen in the third installment

http://www.ngemu.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38092&pagenumber=1

As Brown mentioned, certain aspects of the movie, like the kid make more sense if you've seen the Animatrix as it provides a background for the Matrix universe (for the record I didn't care much for the Animatrix, but it did help explain things).

That second link, I think the guy nailed it. WARNING don't look at it if you hate spoilers. I think this guy figured out what the Matrix is, why the plot holes are not plot holes, and what the 3rd one will be about. And the desired effect on the audiance.

[Hannibal]

Originally posted by Wudang


Sorry GOD is Game of death??? Saw it once 20 years ago and don't remember it too clearly.

Yes it is indeed Game of Death. The reason I ask is it has (relatively) recently been re-released with all the deleted tower footage put in. That includes the FULL Jabar fight and the wonderful "nunchaku duel". There are also some interesting scenes with supporting actors who never quite made the full version because Bruce died.

It's great!