View Full Version : Silly acts of God

Wile E. Coyote
17th February 2003, 09:05 AM
Yesterday my brother, an agnostic, related to me an experience that had amazed him for many years.

When he was about ten years old, he was laying in his bed staring at the closet door in his bedroom. Perhaps out of boredom, he started to pray, "God, if you are up there, make the closet door open." He had been at it for about a minute or so when the door actually swung open. He said it freaked him out for weeks.

Now, no one will ever explain why the door opened at that moment, and I can confidently say that it was not God, but I mentioned something to my brother that kind of took the awe out of the event.

I said, "What a ridiculous God. He answers worthless prayers on a whim, but ignores the important ones." So, some guy across the street is praying that his dauhgter not die from some horrible disease, and my brother wants a closet door opened. Which one does God choose. Why, the parlor trick, of course.

I can just see God's train of thought : Now let's see. This guy wants his precious daughter to not suffer anymore through this horrible illness, and he is asking me in all honesty and faith to help him out. And this guy wants the closet door opened for no particular reason. Hmmm, that would be a cool trick.

Why would anyone choose to believe in such a frivolous God?

Do you have any examples of silly acts of God? Acts that perhaps confirmed his existence to some willing believer?

17th February 2003, 02:03 PM
God gave about half of us foreskins, then told someone to chop it off. That's silly.

God put nerve endings in the shin. That's wrong.

God put our genitals where our hands hang and then forbid us to touch ourselves. That's mean.

God gave us sexual urges at 15 then tells us to ignore them until we are married. That's stupid.

God gave us little kids, so helpless and loving then he made Michael Jackson. That's criminal.

17th February 2003, 02:36 PM
My favorite example:

God creates all the animals. Then he creates man. Then he looks for a suitable partner for man, and first parades out all the animals. Not finding a suitable partner, he creates woman.

So here's my questions:

1) If God is omniscient, he already knows that there will be women all over the place in 6000 years or whatever. So why the whole game with the animals?

2) For that matter, he had already created all those animals. Didn't he create female animals? If not, how did he expect animals to reproduce? I have heard the claim that no one would die before the fall, but that doesn't account for all the animals eaten by carnivores. Heck, even plants have male and female aspects to them. Wasn't it obvious that there must be a female of the human species, too? So why try out the animals?

17th February 2003, 02:43 PM
He says he forgives all sins and then proceeds to nuking Sodom & Gomorrah.


17th February 2003, 02:51 PM
Actually, he nuked them LONG BEFORE Heyzoos and the church showed up and claimed to be forgiving people for things like being born.

17th February 2003, 03:08 PM
Oh yeah right, back then he was just an angry warmongering storm god at war with other gods for power, money and valuable resources.

17th February 2003, 03:14 PM
Exactly. You know, the column of smoke god on the mountain that everyone should witness, but nobody should approach (or be shot).

The recurring example I'm given is the "born again" fundy "how I was saved" story. God arranges a lot of vehiclular near misses as a "warning" to straying sheep.

Here I always thought they were carelessness (bordering on, and even going beyond negligence) and chance (this time they didn't "luck out" as much as prior opportunities to win a Darwin Award (http://www.darwinawards.com/)).

17th February 2003, 05:14 PM
I remember a few seasons back there was an interview with a Titans linebacker after a playoff win. The player went to great lengths to thank god for curing him of the flu that he had been struck down by the night before the game. Apparently he prayed *a lot* on the morning of the game, and god cured him just before midday so he had time to make the game. Obvious conclusion - God is a Titan's fan. Second obvious conclusion - god isn't powerful enough to rig the Superbowl (but the flu doesn't stand a chance against his powers!)

17th February 2003, 05:19 PM
Praying to the porcelain god, perhaps?

17th February 2003, 05:35 PM
Yeah, I always love the clowns who score a touchdown, then get on their knees and thank Jeebus for it. I guess this means the opposing team is made up of hopeless sinners, heathens and atheists? And Jeebus thinks it's important for you to score a touchdown, but thousands of children starve to death every day and he does nothing? What a bunch of dickheads.

I also love it when, after a horrible accident like a bus wreck where 20 people get killed, some clod who survived will say "God was with me today!" And I suppose all the dead were hopeless sinners, heathens and atheists? Idiot!

17th February 2003, 07:04 PM
How bout the one where he allows a group of his devout followers to take over several airliners (do you since where Iím going with this) and crash into buildings; gods deeds are mighty indeed.

17th February 2003, 07:34 PM
God sometimes doesn't even help those who believe in him. I started a hobby of collecting newspaper articles of faithfuls dying horrible deaths, For example nuns, ministers...etc. getting raped and murdered.

17th February 2003, 07:52 PM
Well, of COURSE that's all interference from SATAN, not having anything to do with God's will.