Texans Give Bush Greenlight for Invasion of Kyrgyzstan

[a_unique_person]

http://www.abc.net.au/cnnnn/news/s971880.htm

or on rm

http://www.abc.net.au/cnnnn/video/s02ep10/story16.ram



CNNNN discovers Americans support war on Kyrgyzstan, 'wherever it may be'

Kyrgyzstan, the next target for the US?

The difficulties experienced in Iraq have not put Americans off going to war again, CNNNN's Julian Morrow found when he surveyed people on the streets of Texas.

While the failure to capture Saddam Hussein, locate any weapons of mass destruction or control the almost daily terrorist attacks might have discouraged a lesser imperial power, Americans are already sizing up the central Asian republic of Kyrgyzstan as their next invasion target.

Though CNNNN commentator Chris Taylor said that the 'teething problems' in Iraq should not be seen as any indicator that the war had been anything other than a complete success, he admitted he had been encouraged by what he termed Americans' "refusal to think twice" before rushing into another conflict.

Taylor paid tribute to the Americans' refusal to let even their prior ignorance of Kyrgyzstan's existence stop them from declaring war on the former Soviet republic.

"It's that sort of devil-may-care, gung-ho attitude from Donny Rumsfeld down that has made the US so universally popular around the world today," he commented.

In fact, Morrow's investigation discovered almost universal enthusiasm for a war on Kyrgyzstan. "I don't think they're powerful enough to be a threat to America," one person commented when interviewed. "But we should invade them anyway."

[UnrepentantSinner]

As someone who did a paper at a Texas university on the conflict between Armenia and Azerbaijan over the region of Nagorno-Karabach* I can tell you that your average Texan does indeed have little if any idea about the former Soviet Central Asian states of Kazachstan, Turkministan, Tadjikistan, Uzbekistan or Kyrgyzistan. Fewer of my fellow residents would realize that "stan" means land of and that the above countries were named for the majority ethnic group.

I can say that they would likely not favor an invasion, but would more likely suggest the use of nuclear weapons.

I will further assert that I am the only Security Guard in Texas who knows who Nursultan Nazerbayev is.

*I know these geographic entities are in the Caucuses, not in Central Asia, but I was just trying to show off.

[a_unique_person]

Well, you certainly know your 'stans a lot better than I do.

[Zep]

One of my favourite cartoonists. He's American too, would you believe!

http://www.ucomics.com/tomthedancingbug/2003/09/20/

[epepke]

We obviously need to send them some vowels.

[UnrepentantSinner]

Originally posted by epepke
We obviously need to send them some vowels.

We can't, they're already on backorder for the Slavic countries.

[shemp]

The average Texan can't even find Asia on a map, never mind Kyrgyzstan; and they wouldn't know Nursultan Nazerbayev from Osama bin Laden, Saddam Hussein or Hassan ben Sober.

[a_unique_person]

Nursultan Nazerbayev ????? Is he a terrorist?

[originalgagster]

To warm up for the next stage of the war on terror you can hone your guided missile skills here (http://www.newsgaming.com/games/index12.htm)

[shemp]

Originally posted by a_unique_person
Nursultan Nazerbayev ????? Is he a terrorist?

Relax. He's the president of Kyrgyzstan. I didn't mean to suggest he was a terrorist, just that Texans are generally stupid and wouldn't know the difference.