For writers

[billydkid]

Okay, I'm going to start off here with the hope that others may follow. I realize this isn't the first time people have posted their writing with the hope of feedback. I actually never intended to post this, but instead something else that I just started that has a lot less personal importance, but I figure, what the hay. If I'm going to get skewered I might as well let it all hang out. I finished this manuscript a couple of weeks ago. My sister who is an editor is going through it for me. This here will be unedited and is really still a first draft. I'm just going to stick it here in the text of the post because it is too big for an attachment. Moderators, if the length of the post is an issue or a problem, I apologize ahead of time. Just delete if it is. It's called The Precise Location of The Soul (Yes, I know we don't believe in souls in here - or God. Think Kurt Vonnegut's "foma"). Much of the formatting does not come with the cut and paste. Please appreciate that this takes some courage and be honest, but also gentle. thanks, BDK
Story deleted at billydkid's request.

[Silentknight]

First off, I wanted to mention that posting the draft of the entire first chapter of a book is not something I would have done, but only because of my own paranoia towards how diffuse copyright laws are on the web. That said, I have more questions than comments. There isn't much to criticize on a technical level, at least not anything that can't be attributed to your personal style.

What genre are you trying to write in, and who is your target audience?

This chapter reads more like an existential dialogue than an actual story. Is the entire work going to be written as a dialogue, or is this simply an introduction that will lead up to the plot? I can't tell if this chapter is meant to set the stage or if it describes something ongoing, such as the narrator's life flashing before his eyes. If you were trying to fill out the background information, my suggestion would be to introduce relevant details as the story warrants them rather than trying to cram in the entire backstory at once. If not, then I apologize for misunderstanding the intent.

Does the narrator have a name, or is he nameless like the narrator from Dostoyevsky's "Notes From the Underground"? Just curious.

What is the story about as a whole? A brief summary or synopsis might be helpful in determining if your first chapter is headed in the right direction.


I'm afraid I don't have much more to say because I don't want to assume too much, given that I know next to nothing of what this is about.

[billydkid]

First off, I wanted to mention that posting the draft of the entire first chapter of a book is not something I would have done, but only because of my own paranoia towards how diffuse copyright laws are on the web. That said, I have more questions than comments. There isn't much to criticize on a technical level, at least not anything that can't be attributed to your personal style.

What genre are you trying to write in, and who is your target audience?

This chapter reads more like an existential dialogue than an actual story. Is the entire work going to be written as a dialogue, or is this simply an introduction that will lead up to the plot? I can't tell if this chapter is meant to set the stage or if it describes something ongoing, such as the narrator's life flashing before his eyes. If you were trying to fill out the background information, my suggestion would be to introduce relevant details as the story warrants them rather than trying to cram in the entire backstory at once. If not, then I apologize for misunderstanding the intent.

Does the narrator have a name, or is he nameless like the narrator from Dostoyevsky's "Notes From the Underground"? Just curious.

What is the story about as a whole? A brief summary or synopsis might be helpful in determining if your first chapter is headed in the right direction.


I'm afraid I don't have much more to say because I don't want to assume too much, given that I know next to nothing of what this is about.
Hi SK, thanks for reading. As far as copyright and all the rest goes - honestly, I don't really care. No, it's not a "story". It is intended as a memoir - told by an easily distracted person. There is central story involving a serious and tragic betrayal of a close friend of mine. That story rides on top of the real story and actually takes up little space in the manuscript. There is certainly a stream of consciousness aspect to it and it contains assorted anecdotes from my early life with the intention of relating them to my current condition and the place I find myself at now in my life. It is certainly self indulgent and that is the intention. It is certainly not as self indulgent as many things I have read. It is hoped that once all these connections are made they will for a cohesive statement of some sort. When I first began this and then set it aside a number of years ago I had in mind something along the lines of Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance as well as a couple of other books - which I can't recall at the moment. It might work or it might not. That will ultimately be up to the reader to decide if, in fact, anyone ever reads it. thanks for your observations/questions. Really, I kind of had in mind that the reader doesn't really know what it is he is reading - no preconceptions - and just lets it take him where ever it takes him. If it turns out to be nowhere - well, that is my failing.

[billydkid]

First off, I wanted to mention that posting the draft of the entire first chapter of a book is not something I would have done, but only because of my own paranoia towards how diffuse copyright laws are on the web. That said, I have more questions than comments. There isn't much to criticize on a technical level, at least not anything that can't be attributed to your personal style.

What genre are you trying to write in, and who is your target audience?

This chapter reads more like an existential dialogue than an actual story. Is the entire work going to be written as a dialogue, or is this simply an introduction that will lead up to the plot? I can't tell if this chapter is meant to set the stage or if it describes something ongoing, such as the narrator's life flashing before his eyes. If you were trying to fill out the background information, my suggestion would be to introduce relevant details as the story warrants them rather than trying to cram in the entire backstory at once. If not, then I apologize for misunderstanding the intent.

Does the narrator have a name, or is he nameless like the narrator from Dostoyevsky's "Notes From the Underground"? Just curious.

What is the story about as a whole? A brief summary or synopsis might be helpful in determining if your first chapter is headed in the right direction.


I'm afraid I don't have much more to say because I don't want to assume too much, given that I know next to nothing of what this is about.
Actually, now you have made me paranoid. Should I ask the moderators to delete it?

[Rairun]

I haven't read this yet, but I wouldn't worry much about copyright--everything is copyrighted from the moment you write it down. I'd be more concerned if I planned to get it published, because most editors only buy first publishing rights. Posting things on the Internet is generally considered publishing.

[billydkid]

I haven't read this yet, but I wouldn't worry much about copyright--everything is copyrighted from the moment you write it down. I'd be more concerned if I planned to get it published, because most editors only buy first publishing rights. Posting things on the Internet is generally considered publishing.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I asked the mods to delete the thread. Not that I seriously expect anyone to want to publish it.

[RobRoy]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I asked the mods to delete the thread. Not that I seriously expect anyone to want to publish it.

There are writing forums where anything posted is protected. I believe that Hatrack.com (http://www.hatrack.com/writers/index.shtml) (Orson Scott Card's site) is one such. I want to say that Writerswrite.com (http://www.writerswrite.com/wwforums/) is another, but I haven't been there in years and so I'm not familar with any changes they may have made.