Why don't christians preach to dogs?

[The Atheist]

Fundies tend to obey the gospel according to Mark:

He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved: but he that believeth not shall he condemned. 17 And these signs shall follow them that believe: In my name they shall cast out devils. They shall speak with new tongues. 18 They shall take up serpents: and if they shall drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them. They shall lay their hand upon the sick: and they shall recover.

Fundies certainly go out and preach, they tend to speak in tongues and they definitely go for laying on of hands. So, if the little god-kissers are so devout, why don't we see them carrying out Mark's instructions completely?

In Mark 16:15, the sky-daddy says:

Go ye into the whole world and preach the gospel to every creature

Next time you're bothered by a christian, ask why they aren't out saving dogs. According to the toilet paper they use for a guidebook, not a sparrow falls that the sky-daddy doesn't know about, so why the reticence to discuss their god with dogs, cats, elephants and dolphins?

[six7s]

http://69.89.21.80/~emergin2/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/WhatDogsHear.JPG

[six7s]

http://69.89.21.80/~emergin2/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/DolphinSpeak.JPG

[six7s]

http://healingmagichands.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/cartoon-what-we-say-to-cats.jpg

[six7s]

The defense rests, m'lud

[David Wong]

Fundies tend to obey the gospel according to Mark:



Fundies certainly go out and preach, they tend to speak in tongues and they definitely go for laying on of hands. So, if the little god-kissers are so devout, why don't we see them carrying out Mark's instructions completely?

In Mark 16:15, the sky-daddy says:



Next time you're bothered by a christian, ask why they aren't out saving dogs. According to the toilet paper they use for a guidebook, not a sparrow falls that the sky-daddy doesn't know about, so why the reticence to discuss their god with dogs, cats, elephants and dolphins?

You're a fundie.

You're fundie through and through, just with a different belief system. But you have 100% of their personality, where your entire belief system revolves entirely around slander of somebody else's.

I mean, seriously. Take a deep breath, clear your mind, and read your post. Read it as if somebody else wrote it.

Look at the childish, petty, schoolyard tone.

You should be ashamed.

You hate the "fundies" because because when you look at them, you see yourself. The narrow-mindedness, the glazed-eyed devotion, the absolute loathing and belittling of those who disagree. You hate them because they hold up a mirror to your own flaws.

Want to cure the world of "fundies?" Start with yourself. Because you don't beat fundamentalism with more fundamentalism from some other direction. The fundamentalist feeds off conflict; that's why it exists.

[Twiler]

You're a fundie.

You're fundie through and through, just with a different belief system. But you have 100% of their personality, where your entire belief system revolves entirely around slander of somebody else's.

I mean, seriously. Take a deep breath, clear your mind, and read your post. Read it as if somebody else wrote it.

Look at the childish, petty, schoolyard tone.

You should be ashamed.

You hate the "fundies" because because when you look at them, you see yourself. The narrow-mindedness, the glazed-eyed devotion, the absolute loathing and belittling of those who disagree. You hate them because they hold up a mirror to your own flaws.

Want to cure the world of "fundies?" Start with yourself. Because you don't beat fundamentalism with more fundamentalism from some other direction. The fundamentalist feeds off conflict; that's why it exists.

I've read the OP, and I see nothing wrong with it.

[FireGarden]

I've read the OP, and I see nothing wrong with it.

So did you not notice anything "childish, petty or schoolyard" in "...the little god-kissers ... sky-daddy ... According to the toilet paper they use for a guidebook, ... "

Or did you not see anything wrong with the use of such language?

[hgc]

So did you not notice anything "childish, petty or schoolyard" in "...the little god-kissers ... sky-daddy ... According to the toilet paper they use for a guidebook, ... "

Or did you not see anything wrong with the use of such language?


The author is young; full of piss and vinegar. With accumulating experience, the vitriol will wane, and The Atheist can take on the drooling, slack-jawed ghost worshipers with a little gentlemanly restraint.

[Smackety]

I love far side. I gotta remember to buy a book of them when I have some $$.

I don't think any fundies will be impressed though. They don't really turn the other cheek like they are supposed to, they get all worked up an indignant like.

[Safe-Keeper]

Fundies certainly go out and preach, they tend to speak in tongues and they definitely go for laying on of hands. So, if the little god-kissers are so devout, why don't we see them carrying out Mark's instructions completely?For the same reason you don't see them stone adulterers, shun shellfish and pigs like Superman and cryptonite, or punish each others for flipping light switches on the Sabbath - they realize that parts of their holy books, regardless of the intent of its authors, are best not followed.

[Beth]

I gather you're not familiar with St. Francis of Assissi? He preached to the birds.

Fundies pick and choose which bible verses to interpret literally and which are metaphorical, same as every other christian religion. They just refuse to acknowledge, even to themselves, what they are doing. It can be seriously frustrating when you're trying to understand their beliefs.

[Alareth]

Animals don't have souls, what would be the point of trying to save them?

Many years ago I attended church every Sunday not because I believed in it, but purely out of respect for my wife and her beliefs.

One morning the pastor gave a sermon that highlighted the lack of souls in animals. After the service ended there was a nice elderly woman with no children of her own and had filled the void with dogs who confronted the pastor and screamed him for daring to imply the "her babies" weren't going to Heaven.

The amount of doubletalk the pastor used to get this woman to stop yelling at him was amazing.

[Safe-Keeper]

One morning the pastor gave a sermon that highlighted the lack of souls in animals. After the service ended there was a nice elderly woman with no children of her own and had filled the void with dogs who confronted the pastor and screamed him for daring to imply the "her babies" weren't going to Heaven.Ah, the beauty of the perfect and unchanging word of God. Except that deeply offensive part right there. That's... eh... metaphor.

So did you not notice anything "childish, petty or schoolyard" in "...the little god-kissers ... sky-daddy ... According to the toilet paper they use for a guidebook, ... "

Or did you not see anything wrong with the use of such language?I've made it a JREF Forum New Year's resolution to use terms like 'fundie' less myself, no matter how fitting it is. Regardless of what's thrown at you, people will respect you a lot more if you always stay level-headed and calm.

[RandFan]

Interesting...

The Atheist has actually come to the defense of theists on a number of occasions and has consistently challenged appeals to authority such as Dawkins and dogmatic beliefs from atheists.

I'm not sure the complaints are completly fair.

[six7s]

I mean, seriously. Take a deep breath, clear your mind, and read your post. Read it as if somebody else wrote it.Mr Pot, allow me to introduce you to Mr Kettle

You're a fundie.You're an apologist

[six7s]

Animals don't have souls, what would be the point of trying to save them?Ask Jehovah; he/sh/it said "Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature. (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=mark%2016:15;&version=9;)"

[RandFan]

So did you not notice anything "childish, petty or schoolyard" in "...the little god-kissers ... sky-daddy ... According to the toilet paper they use for a guidebook, ... "

Or did you not see anything wrong with the use of such language?Bear in mind that atheists hate god, are angry at god and want to embrace libertine sex. I think that explains it. :)

[JoeTheJuggler]

Go ye into the whole world and preach the gospel to every creature
Next time you're bothered by a christian, ask why they aren't out saving dogs. According to the toilet paper they use for a guidebook, not a sparrow falls that the sky-daddy doesn't know about, so why the reticence to discuss their god with dogs, cats, elephants and dolphins?

I'll play "God's advocate" here a bit.

The passage in context is Jesus' instructions to "the eleven". Now there are plenty of times when believers take such instructions to be universal, but there are others when they clearly don't (like "go into town and prepare a room for our dinner" sort of thing).

However, even if the instruction to preach the gospel to every creature is directed at the eleven, why isn't Acts full of stories of them preaching to cows and goats?

I think the more sensible answer is that it's just figurative language. Hyperbole. In another passage, I think Jesus says that the stones themselves will praise him. I don't think it's shaken anyone's faith not to have ever encountered a stone that was "testifyin'"!

Finally, since there are some people who take nearly ANY passage literally (there are snake handlers!)--are you certain that there aren't any sects that preach to non-human animals? I would bet money that there are, or at least has been.

[JoeTheJuggler]

I've made it a JREF Forum New Year's resolution to use terms like 'fundie' less myself, no matter how fitting it is. Regardless of what's thrown at you, people will respect you a lot more if you always stay level-headed and calm.

I don't know about other people, but I find it easier to retain self-respect if I don't resort to name-calling.

Sounds like an admirable resolution!

[I Ratant]

I love far side. I gotta remember to buy a book of them when I have some $$.

I don't think any fundies will be impressed though. They don't really turn the other cheek like they are supposed to, they get all worked up an indignant like.
.
There's at least nine of the yearly collections, and a couple anthologies!
I keep them in the reading room.

[I Ratant]

Ask Jehovah; he/sh/it said "Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature. (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=mark%2016:15;&version=9;)"
.
Snakes ain't got ears!
Foot-stomping instead of yelling will be needed.

[FireGarden]

Interesting...

The Atheist has actually come to the defense of theists on a number of occasions and has consistently challenged appeals to authority such as Dawkins and dogmatic beliefs from atheists.

I'm not sure the complaints are completly fair.

I don't know the Atheist, so my complaint is entirely drawn from the OP. In my time here, I've also made posts which were more colourful than practical -- so I'm not complaining too much.

Besides, I found hgc's post funny. So I've clearly got a bit of multiple personality disorder going on.

The author is young; full of piss and vinegar. With accumulating experience, the vitriol will wane, and The Atheist can take on the drooling, slack-jawed ghost worshipers with a little gentlemanly restraint.

:D

[six7s]

I don't know about other people, but I find it easier to retain self-respect if I don't resort to name-calling.

Sounds like an admirable resolution!As one of the 'other people', my self-respect will be undiminished when I reinstate my pre-solstice sig:
Those who are easily offended, should be. Often

[JoeTheJuggler]

Ask Jehovah; he/sh/it said "Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature. (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=mark%2016:15;&version=9;)"
You're getting your fictional characters mixed up. These words were a Jesus quote.

[RandFan]

I don't know the Atheist, so my complaint is entirely drawn from the OP. In my time here, I've also made posts which were more colourful than practical -- so I'm not complaining too much.

Besides, I found hgc's post funny. So I've clearly got a bit of multiple personality disorder going on.Understood.

:D

[six7s]

You're getting your fictional characters mixed up.Ain't the first time

Won't be the last time

But, thanks anyhoo

[The Atheist]

The defense rests, m'lud

Nah, none of them are speaking in tongues, you fool!

Of course they don't understand English - I know plenty of barking mad christians who could help.

You're a fundie.

Mea culpa. Just PM me next time you're going to read one of my posts before you actually read it. That way I can edit in all sorts :0 ;) :) thingies so you don't get that blood pressure problem back.

The author is young; ...

Why thanks!

I haven't been called young for aeons.

Animals don't have souls, what would be the point of trying to save them?

Actually, a surprising number of christians believe all animals have souls and will be in heaven with us. Who wouldn't want to wake to warbling? I did point out that if there were dogs in heaven, I wasn't going.

Bear in mind that atheists hate god, are angry at god and want to embrace libertine sex. I think that explains it. :)

And what part of that do you deny?

I've met many a catholic schoolgirl who was happy to hate god for an hour or two to help with her sins of the flesh!

However, even if the instruction to preach the gospel to every creature is directed at the eleven, why isn't Acts full of stories of them preaching to cows and goats?

Because when the goats saw some bloke in a long robe coming towards them while wearing no underwear, I doubt the goat's first thought was, "Oh nice, we're going to get some conversation today!"

[bokonon]

I did point out that if there were dogs in heaven, I wasn't going.
Bull. There are dogs on earth, and you haven't left yet.

[six7s]

you fool!I plead guilty

[RandFan]

Because when the goats saw some bloke in a long robe coming towards them while wearing no underwear, I doubt the goat's first thought was, "Oh nice, we're going to get some conversation today!":D

The goats lie.

[Safe-Keeper]

I did point out that if there were dogs in heaven, I wasn't going. Bull. There are dogs on earth, and you haven't left yet.Someone nominate this man for pith:).

[The Atheist]

Bull. There are dogs on earth, and you haven't left yet.

Ijit!

I don't have a bleeding choice but to be on earth. You can choose whether to go to heaven or not.

:D

The goats lie.

Haha! That's what they all say.

[parky76]

Cause all dogs go to heaven!!!!!

silly.

[six7s]

Cause all dogs go to heaven!!!!!

silly.Life's a bitch, and then you die :D

[Silentknight]

Interesting...

The Atheist has actually come to the defense of theists on a number of occasions and has consistently challenged appeals to authority such as Dawkins and dogmatic beliefs from atheists.

I'm not sure the complaints are completly fair.

I've also seen some accuse TA of being an apologist because he's not hard enough on Christians. That said, the OP does appear to be a little weak at first glance, although given the nature of its claims and the responses that followed, I assumed it was intended to be humorous. With that in mind, the Far Side comics pretty much summed up what I was going to say regardless.

Oh, and heaven wouldn't be heaven without our animal friends. Including carnivores. Because if they weren't allowed to eat us, then they wouldn't be happy, and it wouldn't be heaven. :D

There was a Calvin & Hobbes strip about this, published on November 24, 1990, but I don't know if I have it.

[Safe-Keeper]

But then again - the Bible does mention a talking snake and donkey.

[Darth Rotor]

From this thread, my learning is supposed to be the following:

The Atheist is a young fundie. The Atheist is therefore a sock puppet of edge.

The E ain't bein' put into JREF here, my friends, though I giggled at the OP and Larsen follow up.

I don't preach to my dog, but I thank God for him. He's the greatest dog of all time.

[six7s]

The author is young; Why thanks!

I haven't been called young for aeons.Yes you have, you just don't remember - you senile old fart!




;)

Akshally, I suspect this wasn't one of those times, anyhoo... Twiler? :confused:

[cj.23]

In response to oP: We do though - and the birds and the fish. Maybe you have not met many Spiritual Franciscans? :)

cj x

[Sherman Bay]

But then again - the Bible does mention a talking snake and donkey.Maybe the donkey's no problem, but I haven't found a talking snake recently, so how can I preach to one? 'Tis a puzzlement.

[Shalamar]

Well, in the bible, the only dog mentioned is the Greyhound. (Proverbs 30:29-31, King James Version), So all good Christians who have dogs, only have Greyhounds, right?

;)

[RoboTimbo]

Why don't christians preach to dogs?


Dogs are smarter than prosletyzers.

[The Atheist]

Well, in the bible, the only dog mentioned is the Greyhound. (Proverbs 30:29-31, King James Version), So all good Christians who have dogs, only have Greyhounds, right?

;)

Yes indeed!

Typical of those vile papists to turn it into a cock with girded loins.

Dogs are smarter than prosletyzers.

Very good - and true!

[Twiler]

Okay, I've taken a second look at the OP, and perhaps my esteemed colleague did go a little too far. I think David Wong over-reacted though; I can easily imagine myself writing something similar in a moment of irritation.

[Ichneumonwasp]

I don't preach to my dog, but I thank God for him. He's the greatest dog of all time.


Can't be. Neil Young had the greatest hound dog ever.

King went a-runnin' after deer
Wasn't scared of jumpin'
off the truck in high gear
King went a-sniffin'
and he would go
Was the best old hound dog
I ever did know.

[SumDood]

You're a fundie.

You're fundie through and through, just with a different belief system. But you have 100% of their personality, where your entire belief system revolves entirely around slander of somebody else's...

First of all, Mr. Wong, I'm a huge fan. I love your essays on cracked.com. My personal favorites are 'Ten things Christians and Atheists Must Agree On', 'The Next 25 Years of Video Games' and '50 Reasons the Lord of the Rings Sucked'.

BUT

The statement 'your entire belief system revolves entirely around slander of somebody else's' is 100% false. Atheists' beliefs are rooted in science, reason and logic rather than mysticism.

[The Atheist]

First of all, Mr. Wong, I'm a huge fan. I love your essays on cracked.com. My personal favorites are 'Ten things Christians and Atheists Must Agree On',

Ah, I see my zealously atheist-hating pal is known to some.

Is this the same bloke who even used my avatar* in an article to show why atheists are bad? I tried to look in the article, but wouldn't you know it, the legend's website is down.

If it's the same bloke, Maddox he ain't.


*edit: my old avatar:

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s97/TheAtheist/atheistavatar.gif

[Belz...]

The OP reminds me of a "discussion" we had with a religion teacher back in high school. He claimed that dogs don't have souls. After a relatively heated discussion with some of the students who called him on that, his final explanation on WHY he thinks dogs don't have souls was jaw-dropping:

"Have you ever seen a dog go to church ?"

... that's it folks. Buddhists don't have souls.

[SumDood]

Ah, I see my zealously atheist-hating pal is known to some.

Is this the same bloke who even used my avatar* in an article to show why atheists are bad? I tried to look in the article, but wouldn't you know it, the legend's website is down.

If it's the same bloke, Maddox he ain't.



A google search on 'Ten things Christians and Atheists Must Agree On' will get you to the article. Your avatar is still there, along with your screen name. Also he refers to this forum as one of his favorites.

[The Atheist]

A google search on 'Ten things Christians and Atheists Must Agree On' will get you to the article. Your avatar is still there, along with your screen name.

Excellent, so it is! Thanks. Here's even a link to it to keep it alive (http://www.cracked.com/article_15663_god-fuse-10-things-christians-atheists-can-must-agree-on.html).

That just makes his response bloody brilliant!

There he is, talking about fundies, yet he's laughably and demonstrably wrong himself, using every bit the a priori reasoning a creationist would be proud of.

David Wong, me old pal, you have just *********** PWND yourself!

:dl:

Also he refers to this forum as one of his favorites.

Yes. I suspect he means "favourite place to find atheist quotes out of context which support my thesis that atheists are fundies".

Oh, I do hope he comes back; I've wanted to have a wee tete-a-tete with David for some time.

:bgrin: