What can you do that God can't?

[jimmygun]

Well?

I can feel pity for innocent victims.

[Rasmus]

Well?

I can feel pity for innocent victims.

I exist, and the assumption that I do indeed exist does occasionally make sense.

I can handle cars. (http://www.thebricktestament.com/judges/iron_chariots/jg01_19a.html)

[Frinkiak7]

I can eat my lunch.

God can keep his hands off. My name is clearly written on the bag.

[Minarvia]

I can love my chihuahuas and clean up puppy poop. All by myself. No divine help needed.

[paperskater]

I can give you an audible answer when you talk to me.

[Minarvia]

I can give you an audible answer when you talk to me.

Don't you worry a bit, tho, when there are those who say they've gotten one from their god? :D

[slingblade]

I can create entire worlds, filled with beings.

I can help people who ask me for help. If I cannot help them, I can find someone who can.

I can listen.

I can comfort.

I can learn.

Wait, there's more:

I can make sense.

I can die.

I can be forgotten.

[Safe-Keeper]

Prove that I exist.

[Autolite]

Be an atheist...

[Ocelot]

I can create a burrito so hot that I cannot eat it.

[Lord Emsworth]

Interact with my environment. God neither has an environment, nor any time for interaction.

[RoboTimbo]

Matter. Make a difference.

[UncaStuart]

Daily, as a writer, I create a narrative that is internally consistent.

[Miss_Kitt]

I can refuse to be worshipped, and tell those I love that they should not stoop to worshipping anyone or anything. I can see that there is more value in thoughtful understanding agreement than in blind obediance. I can intervene to save my child from harm.

I can have lots of vigorous, noisy, happy sex.

I can win the Language Award for January 2009!! (Alas, I can't then be modest about it.)

[joobz]

be.

[calebprime]

I can grow fat and absent-minded.

I can get married, perhaps even get divorced.

I can die.

[Elizabeth I]

Well, according to the movie Major League, Jesus Christ can't hit a curve ball.

ETA: of course, that's not to say that I can.

[Hokulele]

Be pleasantly surprised.

[notwithout]

I can believe those who say they care about me without requiring them to go through tests of faith or trials of self-denial.

I can make mistakes.

[JoeTheJuggler]

Or even unpleasantly surprised.

I can learn a new language.

I can struggle to achieve something not knowing if I'll succeed.

I can get sick and feel relieved when I get well.

I can be wracked with guilt over something I said or did.

I can come to terms with my own mortality.

I can grow and change.

[JFrankA]

Not be "vague" and not "work in mysterious ways" and not "only help those who help themselves".....


I can have lots of vigorous, noisy, happy sex.

Ooooooh! I LIKE that one! Me too!! Me too!!



I can win the Language Award for January 2009!! (Alas, I can't then be modest about it.)

And I can congratulate Miss Kitt. Congratulations, Miss Kitt!

[Lonewulf]

Masturbate.

[El Greco]

Masturbate.

I'm sure God, if he exists, does that pretty well. Since time immemorial.

[JoeTheJuggler]

Fall in love.

Even if you argue that "God can love" or "God is love", he certainly can't fall in love because that implies a change. If God is perfect, any change would make him imperfect. (If he is only perfected by falling in love, then he wasn't perfect before that happened.)

[RoboTimbo]

I'm sure God, if he exists, does that pretty well. Since time immemorial.


Do you suppose he feels guilty about it?

[catbasket]

??? Everything I can do is something that a non-existant entity cannot do.
___

Fart the first two verses of God Save The Queen.*


* The Sex Pistols' song, not the national anthem. These details are important.

[El Greco]

Do you suppose he feels guilty about it?

I don't know, but masturbation would certainly explain why he is blind to all the world's misfortunes.

[Sun Countess]

I can forgive my children for their wrongdoing, without anyone sacrificing their life or their blood.

I can take an insult without committing genocide or murder.

I can ignore other people's sex lives when they don't involve me or any minor children. Heck, I may even congratulate them for having hot noisy sex with a variety of consenting partners!

[Michael C]

I can participate in this discussion.

[Sunstealer]

Fart.

[Kthulhut Fhtagn]

Admit I'm wrong.

Not force a man to kill his daughter (http://www.thebricktestament.com/judges/jephthah_kills_his_virgin_daughter/jg11_34.html) because of a promise he made to me.

[Skeptic Ginger]

I can see from the evidence I exist and gods don't.

[headscratcher4]

I can not believe in God. Were there a god, it would be pretty hard for him not to believe in him/itself...unless he was a terrible under achiever who had father and mother approval issues.

[cbish]

I can create a burrito so hot that I cannot eat it.
Nice! Bart Simpson, right?

[Lonewulf]

I'm sure God, if he exists, does that pretty well. Since time immemorial.

Evidence?

[Wowbagger]

Eat guacamole.

[JoeTheJuggler]

Be ashamed. (God is shameless!)

[arthwollipot]

I can have lots of vigorous, noisy, happy sex.Word. God can only "do it" through an intermediary, and even then the woman still remained a virgin. Where's the fun in that?

Masturbate.Guiltlessly.

[JoeTheJuggler]

Word. God can only "do it" through an intermediary, and even then the woman still remained a virgin. Where's the fun in that?


I guess it depends on the God. Zeus just incarnated into various forms to have sex with women.

The bull, I can understand. The swan, less so.

The "shower of gold"---I don't even wanna know!

[JoeTheJuggler]

Can a perfect being fart?

[arthwollipot]

I guess it depends on the God. Zeus just incarnated into various forms to have sex with women.That's true, but the OP references "God", not simply "a (ie, any) god". The lack of an article and the capitalisation gives me the impression that a specific god is the referent. Since the Christian God is the only one who is routinely referred to as "God" (a proper noun), it was logical to assume that the OP referenced the Christian God specifically, and not other gods such as Zeus.

[alfaniner]

I can say "I am lying."

[JoeTheJuggler]

That's true, but the OP references "God", not simply "a (ie, any) god". The lack of an article and the capitalisation gives me the impression that a specific god is the referent. Since the Christian God is the only one who is routinely referred to as "God" (a proper noun), it was logical to assume that the OP referenced the Christian God specifically, and not other gods such as Zeus.

I know.

I just wanted to bring up the "shower of gold". ;)

[Z]

I can get a woman to scream God's name.

So far, I've never seen God get a woman to scream mine.

[Region Rat]

What can you do that god can't?

Anything that I've ever done in my life.


Well, except for the lying. Oh, and thinking that I'm better than everyone else.

[Region Rat]

Can a perfect being fart?

Perfectly.

Ever been to Gary, Indiana?

Or Terre Haute, IN. in the summertime?

[JoeTheJuggler]

Perfectly.

Ever been to Gary, Indiana?

Or Terre Haute, IN. in the summertime?

Is that where they celebrate the Feast of the Immaculate Digestion?

[Macoy]

Hold an impromptu party.

[fromdownunder]

I can tell people that the following is not a cure for Leprosy:

Get two birds. Kill one. Dip the live bird in the blood of the dead one. Sprinkle the blood on the leper seven times, and then let the blood-soaked bird fly away. Next find a lamb and kill it. Wipe some of its blood on the patient's right ear, thumb, and big toe. Sprinkle seven times with oil and wipe some of the oil on his right ear, thumb and big toe. Repeat.

Finally find another pair of birds. Kill one and dip the live bird in the dead bird's blood. Wipe some blood on the patient's right ear, thumb, and big toe. Sprinkle the house with blood 7 times.

Norm

[Nogbad]

Be imperfect?

Something I am brilliant at btw

[babbits]

Change my mind.

[SirPhilip]

Well? I can feel pity for innocent victims. Decaying heavens, you too?! High five!

[JoeTheJuggler]

I can tell people that the following is not a cure for Leprosy:

Get two birds. Kill one. Dip the live bird in the blood of the dead one. Sprinkle the blood on the leper seven times, and then let the blood-soaked bird fly away. Next find a lamb and kill it. Wipe some of its blood on the patient's right ear, thumb, and big toe. Sprinkle seven times with oil and wipe some of the oil on his right ear, thumb and big toe. Repeat.

Finally find another pair of birds. Kill one and dip the live bird in the dead bird's blood. Wipe some blood on the patient's right ear, thumb, and big toe. Sprinkle the house with blood 7 times.


What's that from, Norm?

[quixotecoyote]

Leviticus 14

[JoeTheJuggler]

Leviticus 14
Thanks, QC.

Just for the record, it's not given as a cure for the disease. It says this cleansing ritual is required if the person has been healed of the disease. (Presumably to be considered clean and to re-enter the normal community.)

[JohnG]

Take the lord's name in vain.

When I do it, I'm breaking a commandment. When god does it, he's just being hard on himself.

[frankvan]

Usually come when called; fulfill reasonable and inexpensive requests.

[babbits]

Follow Frankvan's requests.

And respond to: Can a perfect being fart?
"And: Of course. As long as it's a perfect fart.
"though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

[JoeTheJuggler]

And respond to: Can a perfect being fart?
"And: Of course. As long as it's a perfect fart.
But isn't a fart the result of imperfect digestion?

I'd hate to think a perfect being could be lactose intolerant, for example.

[Safe-Keeper]

I hate to derail such a serious and constructive thread ( :D ), but does it say anywhere in the Bible that Jesus is perfect? Lemme go check Bible Gateway.

ETA: No, it doesn't. But I found this amusingly hypocritical nugget:


Psalm 64:6 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=23&chapter=64&verse=6&version=31&context=verse)
They plot injustice and say, "We have devised a perfect plan!" Surely the mind and heart of man are cunning.

This after a long list of verses praising the perfectness of the incredibly unjust Yahweh:).

[JoeTheJuggler]

I hate to derail such a serious and constructive thread ( :D ), but does it say anywhere in the Bible that Jesus is perfect? Lemme go check Bible Gateway.

ETA: No, it doesn't.

But many (probably most) Christians believe that Jesus is perfect. In fact, most believe that there is actually only one God in three persons, so if "The Father" is perfect, then so is Jesus (and the Holy Ghost).

Some examples:

The Baltimore Catechism? Lesson Second: On God And His Perfections (http://www.catholicinformationcenteroninternet.org/Catechism/Part1/les2.html#RTFToC1).
Lesson Third: On the Unity And Trinity of God (http://www.catholicinformationcenteroninternet.org/Catechism/Part1/les3.html#RTFToC6).

A couple of bits from the Athanasian Creed:

But the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit have one divinity, equal glory, and coeternal majesty.
<snip>
[on "the Son":]He is perfect God; and He is perfect man, with a rational soul and human flesh.
He is equal to the Father in His divinity, but inferior to the Father in His humanity.

[NobbyNobbs]

I can doubt the existence of God.

[Gord_in_Toronto]

I can order myself to disappear without causing great rips in the Space Time Continuum. :p

[bruto]

I can doubt the existence of God.You could also have faith in the existence of God. Neither of these options would be available to God.

[alfaniner]

I can listen to Vogon poetry.


For a short while.

[bruto]

When I feel a subtle quiver that is not hevenly love or pity, I can act on it. And eat the radishes afterwards, too.

[Lonewulf]

I can be human.

You know, without having to bang a virgin that's somehow still a virgin and has a kid that's me and yet not me.

[Patsy]

I can admit to my mistakes, instead of blaming others. I can learn from my mistakes. I can make amends for my mistakes, instead of taking the attitude that the victims of my mistakes deserved what they got.

[articulett]

Can a perfect being fart?

Since god is everywhere--he's in your intestines and he inhabits your farts. Set him free, I say.

[articulett]

I can create a burrito so hot that I cannot eat it.

Contrary to this assertion, I maintain that god cannot eat. He has no teeth, tongue, or digestive system. What would it mean for and immaterial entity to eat? Since he's everywhere, he'd only be eating himself anyhow (which is something god might be able to do, that I imagine you can't).

I, on the other hand, CAN eat.

(I can do lots of thing with a corporeal god cannot do--no wonder he's a jealous god.)

[JFrankA]

I can be human.

You know, without having to bang a virgin that's somehow still a virgin and has a kid that's me and yet not me.

Which leads me to this thought:

I can have sex with a virgin, keep her a virgin and NOT make her pregnant.... :D

[arthwollipot]

Which leads me to this thought:

I can have sex with a virgin, keep her a virgin and NOT make her pregnant.... :DSaddlebacking doesn't count.

[JFrankA]

Saddlebacking doesn't count.

Awww. But...but...but.... It's still sex......right?



.................right?

[Gord_in_Toronto]

Awww. But...but...but.... It's still sex......right?



.................right?

I'm sending an e-mail to Bill Clinton. I'll let you know what he says. ;)

[Ocelot]

Contrary to this assertion, I maintain that god cannot eat. He has no teeth, tongue, or digestive system. What would it mean for and immaterial entity to eat? Since he's everywhere, he'd only be eating himself anyhow (which is something god might be able to do, that I imagine you can't).

I, on the other hand, CAN eat.

(I can do lots of thing with a corporeal god cannot do--no wonder he's a jealous god.)

Who say's he's incorporeal. Even before he fathered himself to become his own zombie bastard, he walked in the garden in the cool of the day (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=genesis%203:8;&version=31;).

[arthwollipot]

Who say's he's incorporeal. Even before he fathered himself to become his own zombie bastard, he walked in the garden in the cool of the day (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=genesis%203:8;&version=31;).I can totally do that!

[Ocelot]

I can totally do that!

But can you go on to father yourself to become your own zombie bastard?

[DC]

What can you do that God can't?

exist

[arthwollipot]

But can you go on to father yourself to become your own zombie bastard?No, but then again, I can have earth-shattering, toe-curling orgasms, and there's absolutely no record of God being capable of that!

[KarlG]

Guiltless masturbation?

[Ocelot]

No, but then again, I can have earth-shattering, toe-curling orgasms, and there's absolutely no record of God being capable of that!

Haven't you heard of the coming of the Lord :cool:

1 Thessalonians 4:15 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=59&chapter=4&verse=15&version=31&context=verse)


15According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep.

[JFrankA]

According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep.


Wow!!!! Sounds like god knows how to throw one HELL of an orgy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

[arthwollipot]

Wow!!!! Sounds like god knows how to throw one HELL of an orgy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)Actually, it sounds to me like everyone's going to be asleep.

[Wowbagger]

Wear ugly red pants and a hideous purple leather vest, while strumming a severely out-of-tune guitar.

Not that I would do that. But, at least I could, if I wanted to.

[Ocelot]

I can be fashionably late.

[Whiplash]

Every single thing I can do is something God cannot do since he doesn't exist ;)

[shawmutt]

Actually burn a bush.

[thegrave]

Prove that I exist.

I is in exIst, therefore I exists!

[shawmutt]

I is in exIst, therefore I exists!

Not neccesarily. For instance, where the I in the kanji for exist? 在る?