Most appalling Bible verse

[sackett]

There's a creeping Jesus on another thread who's posting Bible quotes. Seems we've been prophesied against, and we're all going to get our comuppance in the sweet by 'n bye.

The Devil can quote scripture, etc. What's the most appalling Bible verse you can find? The New Testament is not too fruitful, except maybe for the part where Jesus compares gentiles to dogs. But the Old Testicle is crammed full of dreadful things. "Kill every he that pisseth against a wall" is just the beginning. Come on, people! You know your Bible!

One suggestion: Creeping Jeeze seems to be using some kind of newish translation, lacking in "the thees and the thighs, they get us confused" as a Jehovah's Witless once explained to me. Shameful. If you're going to perpetuate these Bronze Age bedtime stories, then do it in high speech! Make it thunder! Cite King James! I say verily, Hell yawneth for the nodding scholar!

[Marc]

Time for the trusty Skeptics Annotated Bible (http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/), with all the juicy stuff highlighted and indexed.


Numbers 31:9-18

31:9 And the children of Israel took all the women of Midian captives, and their little ones, and took the spoil of all their cattle, and all their flocks, and all their goods.

31:10 And they burnt all their cities wherein they dwelt, and all their goodly castles, with fire.

31:11 And they took all the spoil, and all the prey, both of men and of beasts.

31:12 And they brought the captives, and the prey, and the spoil, unto Moses, and Eleazar the priest, and unto the congregation of the children of Israel, unto the camp at the plains of Moab, which are by Jordan near Jericho.

31:13 And Moses, and Eleazar the priest, and all the princes of the congregation, went forth to meet them without the camp.

31:14 And Moses was wroth with the officers of the host, with the captains over thousands, and captains over hundreds, which came from the battle.

31:15 And Moses said unto them, Have ye saved all the women alive?

31:16 Behold, these caused the children of Israel, through the counsel of Balaam, to commit trespass against the LORD in the matter of Peor, and there was a plague among the congregation of the LORD.

31:17 Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.

31:18 But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.

[LFTKBS]

---
2:23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

2:24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.
---

God sent bears to kill kids because they made fun of his prophet?

[Corey]

This is my favorite, as of late. It's a lot more shocking on first glance than after you put it in context and delve into the translation a bit more, heh.



Song Of Solomon Chapter 5, Verse 4:

My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him.

(King James Version)



I noticed that newer translations have it much less vulgar, something like "and my feelings were moved for him". The passage is essentially, from what I've read and researched on it, about a honeymoon between two lover. Lots of heavy sex metaphors. What I gathered is she's saying that he stimulated her and her insides were moved for him. Which is much more romantic than the image it first conjured up for me, haha. I've noticed that even though this is from the old testament and doesn't really seem to have any spiritual significance (more just a love/loss poem/song), all the commentary on new and old translations by Christians have it being about Jesus filling people with the holy spirt and all that sort of thing. Gave me A LOT to think about after I read it and followed up on it. Just a little graphic sex tale from the bible...which sounds a bit like a scat fetish on first read...and is turned into a tale about the love of Jesus by Christians, amusing.

[phildonnia]

Ezekiel 4:12 (KJV):

And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with
dung that cometh out of man, in their sight.

[Nucular]

"Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces..." - Malachi 2:3

This is where God pronounced that it's hard to get it up when you're sh*tfaced

[Rosencrantz]

How about the Divine Mooning?

Exodus 33:20-23
And he said, Thou canst not see my face: for there shall no man see me, and live.
And the LORD said, Behold, there is a place by me, and thou shalt stand upon a rock:
And it shall come to pass, while my glory passeth by, that I will put thee in a clift of the rock, and will cover thee with my hand while I pass by:
And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen.

Or, one of my favorite instructions for Bible quoters:

Deuteronomy 10:16
Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and be no more stiffnecked.

[hgc]

All those examples are very obvious. But what about this really famous one, that is really insidious?For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. - John 3:16Now what's wrong with that? Believe and live. Don't believe and hellfire. But how do you control it? Can you force yourself to believe something? Doesn't that defy the very nature of belief? This only works if the only standard of judgement is an external one (pretend to believe, at least), but who's admitting to that? ;)

[Johnny Pneumatic]

genesis 6:7
And the LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.



exodus 11:5
And all the firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die, from the first born of Pharaoh that sitteth upon his throne, even unto the firstborn of the maidservant that is behind the mill; and all the firstborn of beasts.



exodus 22:18
Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.





exodus 22:29
Thou shalt not delay to offer the first of thy ripe fruits, and of thy liquors: the firstborn of thy sons shalt thou give unto me.

[Yahweh]

Exodus 4:23-24
4:24
And it came to pass by the way in the inn, that the LORD met him, and sought to kill him.

4:25
Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband art thou to me.

In 4:24, God is searching (I thought he was omniscient) for Moses. Apparently, Moses was uncircumcized and God really felt this deserved a smiting.

In 4:25, Moses's wife, Zipporah, cuts off her sons foreskin with a ROCK?! And like a good mommy, she tosses the bloody foreskin at her son's feet.

Hey, kids, why dont you get yourself circumcized THE OLD FASHIONED WAY!

(Penises are sacred to God, but he really cant stand foreskins...)

[Yahweh]

1 Sam. 18:27

Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife.

What the f**k?


Genesis 19:26

But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.

What the f**k?! (Its like an echo!)

God turned that nice lady into a pillar of salt? What a jerk!



Deuteronomy 22:5

The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.

Yall here that, keep your clothes on your own side of the closet!


More from Deutoronomy

22:28

If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;

22:29
Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.

The Bible's guide to meeting women:
Find a virgin, rape her, pay her daddy 50 sheckles and she's yours forever (she is your property, by the way).

[CaveatxEmptor]

Deuteronomy 23:1

A man with crushed testicles or severed penis may not enter the assembly of the Lord.

What???

[T'ai Chi]

Originally posted by Yahweh

Hey, kids, why dont you get yourself circumcized THE OLD FASHIONED WAY!


Why don't you do everything the old fashioned way in that case and move into a hut, walk around, eat unprocessed food, bury it in the ground and salt it, go to the bathroom in a hole in the ground, and hunt and gather for your food, for starters.

?

[T'ai Chi]

Originally posted by bewareofdogmas

exodus 11:5
And all the firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die, from the first born of Pharaoh that sitteth upon his throne, even unto the firstborn of the maidservant that is behind the mill; and all the firstborn of beasts.


I guess I don't see what is really appalling about that. Isn't it a fact that everything that is alive will die eventually?

[Yahweh]

Originally posted by T'ai Chi
I guess I don't see what is really appalling about that. Isn't it a fact that everything that is alive will die eventually?

Yes, every is going to die eventually, but I dont think that's a way to justify genocide...

[triadboy]

Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, an do ye to them as is good in your eyes. -- Genesis 19:8
Amazing
And it was so, that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts. -- 1 Samuel 5:9
mmm...hemorrhoids.
And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even. -- Leviticus 15:19
That must have freaked them out.
Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones. -- psalms 137:9
One of the best

[Nyarlathotep]

Originally posted by T'ai Chi


I guess I don't see what is really appalling about that. Isn't it a fact that everything that is alive will die eventually? [/B]


errr... you do know the context of this verse right? It is God telling Moses that he intends to wipe out all of the first born as a means to get Pharoah to free the Isrealites. It's not saying they are all going to die sooner or later, it's saying that God intends to whack them in the immediate future.

[Marc]

Originally posted by Nyarlathotep



errr... you do no the context of this verse right. It is God telling Moses that he intends to wipe out all of the first born as a means to get Pharoah to free the Isrealites. It's not saying they are all going to die sooner or later, it's saying that God intends to whack them in the immediate future.

You left out how Pharoh was going to let all the slaves go, but God heardened his heart specifically so he could do more miracles to plague the Egyptians

[Kimpatsu]

Originally posted by Yahweh
Penises are sacred to God, but he really cant stand foreskins...
Thereby demonstrating that god is an overt prick. :p :D

[Johnny Pneumatic]

genesis 9:22
And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without.

9:23
And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father's nakedness.

9:24
And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him.


9:25
And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren.

9:26
And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.











thats fair:rolleyes:

[shemp]

Ezekiel: 29:7-8

When they took hold of thee by thy hand, thou didst break, and rend all their shoulder: and when they leaned upon thee, thou brakest, and madest all their loins to be at a stand.

Therefore thus saith the Lord GOD; Behold, I will bring a sword upon thee, and cut off man and beast out of thee.

So God gets them all excited and aroused, then cuts off their weenies! What a pervert!

[Nucular]

Originally posted by shemp
What a pervert! More Divine Perviness: God sends Gabriel to a young betrothed virgin in true "my mate fancies you" style, and persuades her to let Him have His way:

In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin's name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you."
Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end."
"How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I am a virgin?"
The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. For nothing is impossible with God."
"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." Then the angel left her.
- Luke 2:26-38

[DangerousBeliefs]

Genesis 19

30 Now Lot went up out of Zo'ar, and dwelt in the hills with his two daughters, for he was afraid to dwell in Zo'ar; so he dwelt in a cave with his two daughters. 31 And the first-born said to the younger, "Our father is old, and there is not a man on earth to come in to us after the manner of all the earth. 32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve offspring through our father." 33 So they made their father drink wine that night; and the first-born went in, and lay with her father; he did not know when she lay down or when she arose. 34 And on the next day, the first-born said to the younger, "Behold, I lay last night with my father; let us make him drink wine tonight also; then you go in and lie with him, that we may preserve offspring through our father." 35 So they made their father drink wine that night also; and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose. 36 Thus both the daughters of Lot were with child by their father. 37 The first-born bore a son, and called his name Moab; he is the father of the Moabites to this day. 38 The younger also bore a son, and called his name Ben-ammi; he is the father of the Ammonites to this day.


Do it in the family, baby! Yeah!

[Kimpatsu]

Originally posted by DangerousBeliefs
Do it in the family, baby! Yeah!
Incest: a game for all the family. :D

[zakur]

"But Rabshakeh said, Hath my master sent me to thy master and to thee to speak these words? Hath he not sent me to the men that sit upon the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?" (Isaiah 36:12)

"And I will feed them that oppress thee with their own flesh; and they shall be drunken with their own blood, as with sweet wine." (Isaiah 49:26)

"I will not feed you: that that dieth, let it die; and that that is to be cut off, let it be cut off; and let the rest eat every one the flesh of another." (Zechariah 1:9)

"Through the wrath of the LORD of hosts is the land darkened, and the people shall be as the fuel of the fire: no man shall spare his brother. And he shall snatch on the right hand, and be hungry; and he shall eat on the left hand, and they shall not be satisfied: they shall eat every man the flesh of his own arm." (Isaiah 9:19-20)

"And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man . . . Then said I, Ah, Lord God! behold, my soul hath not been polluted: for from my youth up even till now have I not eaten of that which dieth of itself, or is torn in pieces; neither came there abominable flesh into my mouth. Then he said unto me, Lo, I have given thee cow's dung for man's dung, and thou shalt prepare thy bread therewith." (Ezekiel 4:12-15)

"And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat." (Leviticus 26:29)

"And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters." (Deuteronomy 28:53)

"And toward her young one that cometh out from between her feet, and toward her children which she shall bear: for she shall eat them." (Deuteronomy 28:57)

"And I will cause them to eat the flesh of their sons and the flesh of their daughters, and they shall eat every one the flesh of his friend." (Jeremiah 19:9)

[Hamish]

Ok, a quick quiz:

You are entertaining two guests at your home. A crowd of men turn up at your door and demand to be allowed to have sex with your guests. Do you:

a) Ignore them and hope they go away.
b) Let them in.
c) Tell them not to be so wicked.
d) Tell them not to be so wicked, but offer your two virgin daughters for them to do with as they please

The OT approved answer is, of course, d) (Genesis 19:3-9)

[Kimpatsu]

Originally posted by Hamish
Ok, a quick quiz:

You are entertaining two guests at your home. A crowd of men turn up at your door and demand to be allowed to have sex with your guests. Do you:

a) Ignore them and hope they go away.
b) Let them in.
c) Tell them not to be so wicked.
d) Tell them not to be so wicked, but offer your two virgin daughters for them to do with as they please

The OT approved answer is, of course, d) (Genesis 19:3-9)
OK, Hamish, I'm coming to your house. Who cares about wickedness if I can have your virgin daughters? :D

[Zep]

All these delightful references should be posted on the Rapture Ready BB, but using the chapter/verse reference only, not the text itself. See how many of them wake up and read...

[T'ai Chi]

Originally posted by Yahweh

Yes, every is going to die eventually, but I dont think that's a way to justify genocide...

Oh, well from the exceprt you gave, I could not have known that the entire passage was about genocide.

Who determines righteousness? God or man? I'd assume that most Christians think God does.

There are some other points. I found this an interesting read on the topic:

http://www.pbc.org/dp/roe/moses14.html

[Kimpatsu]

Originally posted by T'ai Chi
Oh, well from the exceprt you gave, I could not have known that the entire passage was about genocide.

Who determines righteousness? God or man? I'd assume that most Christians think God does.
Great to know that a fictitious Big Brother in the sky can be held culpable for evil acts by humans.

[T'ai Chi]

Originally posted by Kimpatsu

Great to know that a fictitious Big Brother in the sky can be held culpable for evil acts by humans.

I'm just reporting on what some people believe.

[Yahweh]

Originally posted by T'ai Chi
Oh, well from the exceprt you gave, I could not have known that the entire passage was about genocide.

Dont worry, most of the verses of the bible are extremely cryptic (the authors of the bible had problems with being able to "get the point across", they seem to go off on tangents and get very long winded... even still the details of the stories are surprisingly vague and inconsistant :p ).

Who determines righteousness? God or man? I'd assume that most Christians think God does.

Romans 3:10
There is none righteous, no, not one.
So I guess God determines what is righteous.


Here's something a little humorous:

1 Kings 8:46
There is no man that sinneth not.

...

2 Chronicles 6:36
There is no man which sinneth not.

Romans 3:23
For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.
All men are sinners, all sinners fall short of the glory of God... wow, that sucks...

Dont worry, in other parts of the bible, it says you can win your salvation by faith alone.

It says so right in Romans 3:28:
A man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law.

...

Galatians 3:11-12 also deserves a little reconition

"The just shall live by faith. And the law is not of faith."

Ahh, deontology... so I guess Hitler was justified when he ordered the extermination of a race.

Hey, how did I forget James 2:21-25:
Was not Abraham our father justified by works? You see then that a man is justified by works, and not by faith only. Likewise, was not Rabab the harlot also justified by works? For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.
(Of course, it wasnt Jesus who said that, so it doesnt carry the same punch...)

So, is it faith, or is it good deeds. Better do both, you cant go wrong with that (unless there are people who take gods commans literally and consider having faith in condemning "witches" to death, murdering homosexuals/heathens/women who do not obey men, or committing crime in the name of God as a good deed...).

There are some other points. I found this an interesting read on the topic:

http://www.pbc.org/dp/roe/moses14.html
Very interesting.

[Tricky]

Originally posted by DangerousBeliefs
Genesis 19

30 Now Lot went up out of Zo'ar, and dwelt in the hills with his two daughters, for he was afraid to dwell in Zo'ar; so he dwelt in a cave with his two daughters. 31 And the first-born said to the younger, "Our father is old, and there is not a man on earth to come in to us after the manner of all the earth. 32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve offspring through our father." 33 So they made their father drink wine that night; and the first-born went in, and lay with her father; he did not know when she lay down or when she arose. 34 And on the next day, the first-born said to the younger, "Behold, I lay last night with my father; let us make him drink wine tonight also; then you go in and lie with him, that we may preserve offspring through our father." 35 So they made their father drink wine that night also; and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose. 36 Thus both the daughters of Lot were with child by their father. 37 The first-born bore a son, and called his name Moab; he is the father of the Moabites to this day. 38 The younger also bore a son, and called his name Ben-ammi; he is the father of the Ammonites to this day.

Seems like this story ought to have a punch line.
Daddy always liked you best
Don't try to fool me. I saw you coming back for more wine.
(Lot): Um... this would really be a sin, if I weren't asleep... and drunk.

Probably "lots" more

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Rev.9:3
And there came out of the smoke locusts upon the earth: and unto them was given power, as the scorpions of the earth have power.




9:4
And it was commanded them that they should not hurt the grass of the earth, neither any green thing, neither any tree; but only those men which have not the seal of God in their foreheads.

9:5
And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man.

9:6
And in those days shall men seek death, and shall not find it; and shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them.

9:7
And the shapes of the locusts were like unto horses prepared unto battle; and on their heads were as it were crowns like gold, and their faces were as the faces of men.

9:8
And they had hair as the hair of women, and their teeth were as the teeth of lions.

9:9
And they had breastplates, as it were breastplates of iron; and the sound of their wings was as the sound of chariots of many horses running to battle.

9:10
And they had tails like unto scorpions, and there were stings in their tails: and their power was to hurt men five months.

9:11
And they had a king over them, which is the angel of the bottomless pit, whose name in the Hebrew tongue is Abaddon, but in the Greek tongue hath his name Apollyon.

9:12
One woe is past; and, behold, there come two woes more hereafter.

9:13
And the sixth angel sounded, and I heard a voice from the four horns of the golden altar which is before God,

9:14
Saying to the sixth angel which had the trumpet, Loose the four angels which are bound in the great river Euphrates.

9:15
And the four angels were loosed, which were prepared for an hour, and a day, and a month, and a year, for to slay the third part of men.

9:16
And the number of the army of the horsemen were two hundred thousand thousand: and I heard the number of them.

9:17
And thus I saw the horses in the vision, and them that sat on them, having breastplates of fire, and of jacinth, and brimstone: and the heads of the horses were as the heads of lions; and out of their mouths issued fire and smoke and brimstone.











Crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jimmygun]

"In the beginning.....". Everything after this is even more rediculous.

[phildonnia]

2 Chronicles 4:2 (KJV):

Also he made a molten sea of ten cubits from brim to brim, round in compass, ... and a line of thirty cubits did compass it round about.

[DarkPrimus]

Mark 16:16
He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.

[Yahweh]

Originally posted by jimmygun
"In the beginning.....". Everything after this is even more rediculous.

1. Everything that begins has a cause
2. The Universe had a beginning
3. Therefore, the Universe has a cause


1. Everything that begins has a cause
2. The bible begins with "In the beginning".
2. That means God had a beginning
4. Therefore, God has a cause

:D

[lifegazer]

Originally posted by Yahweh


1. Everything that begins has a cause
2. The Universe had a beginning
3. Therefore, the Universe has a cause


1. Everything that begins has a cause
2. The bible begins with "In the beginning".
2. That means God had a beginning
4. Therefore, God has a cause

:D
A 'thing' is an effect as perceived existing within spacetime. But God is, supposedly, the creator of those things existing within spacetime. I.e., there is a distinction to be made between 'things' and 'God'.
Your train of logic does not note this distinction. That 'things' have a cause does not automatically infer, as you imply, that 'God' has a cause. Therefore, your train of logic is completely wrong.

[Yahweh]

Originally posted by lifegazer
A 'thing' is an effect as perceived existing within spacetime. But God is, supposedly, the creator of those things existing within spacetime. I.e., there is a distinction to be made between 'things' and 'God'.
Your train of logic does not note this distinction. That 'things' have a cause does not automatically infer, as you imply, that 'God' has a cause. Therefore, your train of logic is completely wrong.

I realize the train of logic is entirely wrong, I just posted it as a kind of subtle satire (hence the smilie).

In fact, I think very recently made this post (http://www.randi.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&postid=1870193632&highlight=universe+cause#post1870193632):
(I'm just posting this because my postsperday count is getting low...)

From ChristianAnswers.net (http://christiananswers.net/q-aiia/trickyquestions.html):
If God is all-powerful, can He create a rock so big that He can't lift it?
No. God cannot do the logically impossible, any more than He can act out of character with Himself. God cannot, for instance, create a square circle, stop being good, or cease being God. God can do everything that is possible to do, which includes those acts for which there may be no simple, immediate, apparent, human explanation, i.e. miracles. For further study, see Jeremiah 32:17, Matthew 19:26, Hebrews 6:18, and 2 Timothy 2:13.

Dont worry, Christian logic is often very fuzzy, very evasive, and "bad". See Who created God? (http://christiananswers.net/q-aig/aig-c039.html):
A number of sceptics ask this question. But God by definition is the uncreated creator of the universe, so the question ‘Who created God?’ is illogical, just like ‘To whom is the bachelor married?’

How nice, the question of God's origins is obscured by deliberate (and shoddy) semantics...

So a more sophisticated questioner might ask: ‘If the universe needs a cause, then why doesn’t God need a cause? And if God doesn’t need a cause, why should the universe need a cause?’ In reply, Christians should use the following reasoning:

1. Everything which has a beginning has a cause.
2. The universe has a beginning.
3. Therefore the universe has a cause.

Anyone want to guess the logical fallacy? :D

[Kimpatsu]

Originally posted by Yahweh
Anyone want to guess the logical fallacy?
I'll name that fallacy in one, Lionel. :D

[sackett]

Everybody was having fun quoting stuff like "I will fill all the land round about Jerusalem with blood." -Please- don't let Master LifeSquirter hijack this thread with his barren babbling!

[VicDaring]

Originally posted by Nucular

The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you.
- Luke 2:26-38

Ewwwww!! Was she all sticky?

[Rosencrantz]

Remember this one the next time a psychic claims to have some special connection to God:<BLOCKQUOTE>But the prophet, which shall presume to speak a word in my name, which I have not commanded him to speak, or that shall speak in the name of other gods, even that prophet shall die.

And if thou say in thine heart, How shall we know the word which the LORD hath not spoken?

When a prophet speaketh in the name of the LORD, if the thing follow not, nor come to pass, that is the thing which the LORD hath not spoken, but the prophet hath spoken it presumptuously: thou shalt not be afraid of him.
—Deuteronomy 18:20-22
</BLOCKQUOTE>False prophets should be executed. How do you know if a prophet is false? If what they forsee doesn't come to pass! So, according to the Bible, if someone says they have a vision of the future, and it doesn't happen like they say, kill them?

And take a look at these:<BLOCKQUOTE>Verily I say unto you, All these things shall come upon this generation.
—Matthew 23:36

Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled.
—Matthew 24:34

And he said unto them, Verily I say unto you, That there be some of them that stand here, which shall not taste of death, till they have seen the kingdom of God come with power.
—Mark 9:1

Verily I say unto you, that this generation shall not pass, till all these things be done.
—Mark 13:30

But I tell you of a truth, there be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till they see the kingdom of God.
—Luke 9:27

Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass away, till all be fulfilled.
—Luke 21:32

Verily, verily, I say unto you, the hour is coming, and now is, when the dead shall hear the voice of the Son of God: and they that hear shall live.
—John 5:25
</BLOCKQUOTE>Jesus says the end of the world will happen in this generation. Speaketh Jesus in the name of the LORD?

I also like this quote from Jesus, although it's a bit of a downer as the winter holidays approach.<BLOCKQUOTE>Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division.

For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three.

The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
--Luke 12:51-53
</BLOCKQUOTE>Well, that's nice. Actually, it does kind of sound like my family at the holidays.

[triadboy]

Originally posted by Yahweh
If God is all-powerful, can He create a rock so big that He can't lift it?


What was the thing Homer said?

Can God microwave a burrito so hot even HE can't consume it? :D

[Rosencrantz]

Apparently, God doesn't like handicapped people.<BLOCKQUOTE>21:16 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

21:17 Speak unto Aaron, saying, Whosoever he be of thy seed in their generations that hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God.

21:18 For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous,

21:19 Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded,

21:20 Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken;

21:21 No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the LORD made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God.

21:22 He shall eat the bread of his God, both of the most holy, and of the holy.

21:23 Only he shall not go in unto the vail, nor come nigh unto the altar, because he hath a blemish; that he profane not my sanctuaries: for I the LORD do sanctify them.

—Leviticus 21:16-23</BLOCKQUOTE>This is particularly sad, because it seems God was the one who made them handicapped in the first place. In fact, He sounds pretty proud of it.<BLOCKQUOTE>And the LORD said unto him, Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the LORD? —Exodus 4:11</BLOCKQUOTE>And Jesus seems to preach that people are handicapped because of sin. Here's what He says to a crippled man after healing him.<BLOCKQUOTE>Afterward Jesus findeth him in the temple, and said unto him, Behold, thou art made whole: sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee. —John 5:14</BLOCKQUOTE>

[Lord Emsworth]

Perhaps you'll need to read up a bit background in Acts Ch. 4, 32-36 (http://www.sacred-texts.com/bib/kjv/act004.htm#032)

Acts Ch. 5 (http://www.sacred-texts.com/bib/kjv/act005.htm)

<BLOCKQUOTE> 5:1 But a certain man named Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, sold a possession, 5:2 And kept back part of the price, his wife also being privy to it, and brought a certain part, and laid it at the apostles' feet.

5:3 But Peter said, Ananias, why hath Satan filled thine heart to lie to the Holy Ghost, and to keep back part of the price of the land? 5:4 Whiles it remained, was it not thine own? and after it was sold, was it not in thine own power? why hast thou conceived this thing in thine heart? thou hast not lied unto men, but unto God.

5:5 And Ananias hearing these words fell down, and gave up the ghost: and great fear came on all them that heard these things.

5:6 And the young men arose, wound him up, and carried him out, and buried him.

5:7 And it was about the space of three hours after, when his wife, not knowing what was done, came in.

5:8 And Peter answered unto her, Tell me whether ye sold the land for so much? And she said, Yea, for so much.

5:9 Then Peter said unto her, How is it that ye have agreed together to tempt the Spirit of the Lord? behold, the feet of them which have buried thy husband are at the door, and shall carry thee out.

5:10 Then fell she down straightway at his feet, and yielded up the ghost: and the young men came in, and found her dead, and, carrying her forth, buried her by her husband.

5:11 And great fear came upon all the church, and upon as many as heard these things. </BLOCKQUOTE>


Could it after all be that the [gasp] holy Comrade Peter coldbloodedly [gasp] murdered Ananias and Saphira?

Noooo, who would get such a foolish idea. :rolleyes: