When did you choose to be heterosexual?

[Cainkane1]

I was at my very aged mothers home one day when I overheard Rev Jimmy Swaggard say that we choose our sexual preferences. I'm straight but I never remember a time when I sat down and said to myself "hmmm I wonder which gender I want to be sexually attracted to"? Hey maybe I can have fun with my own gender? Nah I'll just go with most people and be attracted to women. Yup thats what I'm gonna do.

Did anyone in here choose who they want to be with? I didn't. My hormones kicked in and it was women all the way.

I've duplicated this thread so the jokes can be moved to "Community" (see: http://forums.randi.org/showthread.php?t=142152) and the serious stuff left in this thread.

You may have had a few PMs about this action, there was a database error during the move and copying.

[GStan]

Choose??? Maybe this should be moved to the Humor section.

[Dancing David]

Um, I like girls, tried a boy, knew for sure I liked girls.

[Darat]

On a college field trip I did try snogging a very attractive girl and we even went on to ...er... heavy petting but it just didn't turn me on so I have to admit it's a mystery to me why you straight blokes choose to have sex with females. I assume you were brainwashed by all these different-sex marriages that are forced on us?

[Drudgewire]

I was 5. Watched an episode of Charlie's Angels. There was never a doubt from that day forward.

[Cainkane1]

On a college field trip I did try snogging a very attractive girl and we even went on to ...er... heavy petting but it just didn't turn me on so I have to admit it's a mystery to me why you straight blokes choose to have sex with females. I assume you were brainwashed by all these different-sex marriages that are forced on us?
On a serious note you didn't choose to be gay did you? It just happened didn't it? I mean there was never a time when you didn't care one way or another and say you know what? I think I'll just be gay. I didn't choose to be straight it just happened.

[Darat]

Quite seriously - I can never remember a time since I learned to label certain feelings "sexual attraction" that they involved females. It's not that I find women physically revolting or even unattractive, some women are drop dead gorgeous but there is simply no sexual attraction.

[Personal Grudge]

Quite seriously - I can never remember a time since I learned to label certain feelings "sexual attraction" that they involved females. It's not that I find women physically revolting or even unattractive, some women are drop dead gorgeous but there is simply no sexual attraction.

I quite agree. From a heterosexual standpoint, I can still easily point out the men that I consider extremely handsome. However, there's no sexual response or urge involved. And I have no evidence that I ever made a decision to not be sexually attracted to the masculine gender.

Perhaps Jimmy Swaggard DID choose, however? Maybe he's hiding his homosexual urges, and instead chose to overcome his distaste for women? ;)

[godless dave]

I was 5. Watched an episode of Charlie's Angels. There was never a doubt from that day forward.

For me it was "The Secret of Isis".

[quarky]

About the time the girls lost their cooties, I went hetero.

[Georg]

I was 5. Watched an episode of Charlie's Angels. There was never a doubt from that day forward.

For me it was "The Secret of Isis".


Playing "you show me yours and I´ll show you mine" with two girls of the neighborhood (quite long before puberty) in a changing room of a swimming pool is the first memory still available.
Wouldn´t call it "choice" that I really liked it, though.

[Personal Grudge]

About the time the girls lost their cooties, I went hetero.

I think the girls lost their cooties long before I lost mine.

I went hetero as soon as the girls would start giving me the time of day. Until then, I was just as aspiring hetero :D

[Cayvmann]

Soon after I "chose" to breathe, I guess........

[Alt+F4]

I think many parents want to believe it's a choice because that absolves them from feeling they are responsible for their child being gay. Even though being an out gay person is easier now then it was even 20 years ago, it can still be a difficult life, and that's something I think even the most open-minded parents want to avoid.

[Beerina]

I was 5. Watched an episode of Charlie's Angels. There was never a doubt from that day forward.

Yeah, that's pretty much it. I recall getting crushes on girls back in first grade, and "feeling funny" when looking at my kindergarten teacher's nylon-clad thighs as she sang songs to us.

There's just nothing sexually attractive about a male's physique to me, nor is his face pretty; I don't long to stare into his limpid eyes.

[Soapy Sam]

Nobody told me there was any choice available.
And it sure didn't feel like there was.


I was never given any choice about which side of the road to drive on either.
But that doesn't mean it's genetic.

[boloboffin]

I chose to be heterosexual several times in my late teens and early twenties. It never took, though.

[ravdin]

I think I chose to be heterosexual in the 80s- right around the same time that Jimmy Swaggart chose to pick up prostitutes in motel parking lots.

[Wudang]

UK people of my age may understand - I was totally convinced I was heterosexual by Pan's People.

[IMST]

I chose to be heterosexual once. Then I sobered up and chose back.

[El Greco]

The decisive moment was when I stopped playing football with the guys in order to play dodgeball with that girl. I suspect this affected not only my sexuality but also my career.

[godless dave]

Gee I wish this hadn't happened.

Me neither. You raised a serious issue in the OP. A split would have been better, as it's natural for people to joke about things like this.

[godless dave]

Like I said, I'm glad to see a few (three, I think?) gay people post their experiences on this thread. It seems that you, along with every exclusively gay person I've ever talked to, say you felt attracted to the same sex as long as they can remember feeling any kind of sexual or romantic attraction at all.

If Swaggart's claim were correct, that would mean all of you are lying.

[JoeyDonuts]

I don't remember ever having to "choose" to be heterosexual. It's not like I walked into a room and suddenly had to pick between a dude and a girl. It doesn't really work like that. For me, it was the factory setting. If circumstances or genetics had been different, then I might be different. But, I've never even had a moment where I looked at another guy and thought "Heyyy...ya know?" No. Never happened.

I enjoy curves and boobs, as if I - or anyone else for that matter - needs to justify what they enjoy in a partner no matter what their preferences are.

[Luciana]

I fell irredeemably in love with a boy when I was 9. And that's how far I remember it.

[gnome]

If you press a "homosexuality is a choice" type person with this argument, they will revert to something a little more logical, if stupid.

"homosexual behavior is a choice".

It's not so much that they think people choose to not be gay, it's that they think people that are gay should just not do anything about it. How very enlightened of them.

[Vorticity]

Ever since I was, say, nine or ten years old, I can remember being about equally attracted to males and females. It came very naturally, and involved no choice. In fact, I had these "feelings" even before I knew that they were the same thing as "sexual attraction".

[Dogdoctor]

I never got a choice. Was I cheated? Can I get a refund somewhere?

[Dicon]

My mom likes to tell a story about a time the family was gathered around the TV watching the Beverly Hillbillies. I must have been four or five at the time.

Mom (to me): "Would you like to have a granny like that?"

Me: "I'd like to have an Ellie May like that."

So, I guess that's when the switch was flipped.

[IMST]

As far as the real experience instead of the pith attempt above:

I remember being about 10 years old and deciding I wanted to be straight. I was aware of the difference at the time and 10 year old version of me didn't want to be gay. I remember being in my bedroom thinking "I hope I'm not". I didn't want the discrimination,
I didn't want the religious implications (xian household), I didn't want the social implications.

By this point in time, there were already ample signs in my thinking that should've tipped me off that I would, in fact, be gay, but I didn't have the ability to recognize this at the time.

Shortly thereafter, puberty hit. It happened young for me, I actually hit my adult height at age 13. All of the sudden, and before most all of my peers, I was a ball of hormones interested only in boys and for fully two more years, I still didn't get it. I didn't stare at girls, I didn't think about girls during (*ahem) personal time, and I didn't think I was gay.

I had a rough ride through middle school in general and very gradually coming to the realization that the continual barrage of homophobic slurs and jokes applied to me didn't help.

By late middle school or early high school I had finally admitted it to myself, but was rooted firmly in the closet. Instead of doing the more self destructive tactic of proving I wasn't by being the biggest homophobic piece of **** in the school, I took on left wing clubs and causes including the schools first attempt at something Gay-Straight-Alliance related, though there wasn't a single out person in it. I grew up just 6 miles from the rather liberal city of Seattle, but being on an island populated mostly by the rich that didn't want to be too accessible to the city made it effectively a non entity.

It took until college for me to be out to anyone else. I wish I had worked up the courage sooner. There was choice involved in that and it had a lot to do with the scared 5th grader that didn't want to have to accept it later.

[NobbyNobbs]

I think I knew when, while watching Gilligan's Island, I couldn't take my eyes off of Mary Ann.

[Cleon]

The first time I met tkingdoll, I just knew that guys weren't for me. ;)

[Darth Rotor]

When did you choose to be heterosexual?

It wasn't a choice.
I overheard Rev Jimmy Swaggard say that we choose our sexual preferences
Ah, I see, you give his utterances weight.

Care to buy a bridge from me near a major US city?

DR

[Darat]

Placeholder

[sphenisc]

Ironically, when I kissed a girl and I liked it.

[BPSCG]

If you press a "homosexuality is a choice" type person with this argument, they will revert to something a little more logical, if stupid.

"homosexual behavior is a choice".

It's not so much that they think people choose to not be gay, it's that they think people that are gay should just not do anything about it. How very enlightened of them.Which, I think moves the discussion.

I haven't seen here any serious disagreement with the premise that (almost?) nobody chooses his sexual orientation, so it's rather a pointless discussion.

The question then becomes, "What's wrong with homosexual behavior?"

I'll give details what's wrong with it as soon as I can think of homosexual behavior that picks my pocket or breaks my leg (pace, Thomas Jefferson).

[chillzero]

Ironically, when I kissed a girl and I liked it.

So have I, but I remain hetero ... although sometimes I wonder if that's because I just haven't met the right woman yet.

When it comes to the really strong feelings... the 'more than lust' type lust, or falling in love, it's been with men, but I don't seem to be able to exclude the possibility that some woman could completely blow my mind in the future.

In any case, to answer the OP - it's not a choice; it's just how you feel.

[godless dave]

So have I, but I remain hetero ... although sometimes I wonder if that's because I just haven't met the right woman yet.


People have been saying for a long time that women's sexuality tends to be more fluid than men, and there was a study published a few weeks ago that seemed to support that hypothesis.

What, you want a link or something?

[godless dave]

It wasn't a choice.

Ah, I see, you give his utterances weight.

I think you might be misunderstanding the OP.

[themusicteacher]

People have been saying for a long time that women's sexuality tends to be more fluid than men, and there was a study published a few weeks ago that seemed to support that hypothesis.

What, you want a link or something?

Yeah, I read a synopsis of that, too. Of course, fundies like to use stuff like this as ammunition in the "Being gay is a choice" cannon. All of the prejudices and fears still stem from illogical social norms and a misunderstanding of the complexities of the human mind. The more we unravel those mysteries and learn the truth, the more the fundies/bigots screech and howl about "human nature" (as if they have some sort of special insight) and ramp up the fear factor: "the gays are coming to sodomize and eat your children!"

[Dysphemist]

Being gay was never a choice for me. I find men sexually attractive, not women. Can't help it.

Like I said, I'm glad to see a few (three, I think?) gay people post their experiences on this thread. It seems that you, along with every exclusively gay person I've ever talked to, say you felt attracted to the same sex as long as they can remember feeling any kind of sexual or romantic attraction at all.

This wasn't the case for me. In primary school (that's kinder to year 6 in Australia) I felt no attraction to guys at all. Nothing. I did, however, have a thing for two girls. One in year 5, and then in year 6. Both times it wasn't a physical attraction. Definitely not sexual attraction. I just really liked them. Year 5 was my first 'crush', but then she moved to South Africa (before she left, she gave me three African coins that I've kept still. I think they amount to about 15 Australian cents). The year after, when sexual education has begun and I still have never even thought whether I'm gay or straight, I had my second crush. I can't explain either of these crushes. Both were more than just a friendship thing... I don't know.

My first guy-crush happened on the first day of starting high school. This time, it was purely physical attraction. The long, Christmas holidays had just finished so maybe during that time I had realised my sexuality, I can't remember. But I do remember the boy, staring at him during the whole welcoming assembly for the new students. I still go to school with that boy (last year). I don't have the fascination with him I had for at least the whole first year of high school, though he's still great looking. The same year I had my first kiss, with a girl. We were friends. I wasn't expecting it when it happened; she was having fun, I was having fun (in a totally non sexually arousing way), for the next few days we kept kissing. By the end of year 7 I was positive that I liked men, and not women. I didn't choose. I had tried a few times to, err, see if women did anything for me. They just didn't.

I'm 18 in a few days, have never done anything with a guy, have 'hooked up' with numerous girls. I'm completely happy being gay, though am not out of the closet (this is the first time I've told anyone, internet or RL) - I go to an all-boys Catholic school, I'm sure that I wouldn't face any kind of discrimination, I just don't want to be labelled (I'm equally sure this would happen, that the first thing people would think when they think of me is "isn't he the gay guy?"). There's a few people that I've thought of telling; I've got to the point when I'm just about to tell them and then for some reason I don't.

Unlike many other gay guys, the people I'm really looking forward to telling are my parents. My dad isn't homophobic, but he holds many many prejudices that annoy me. I can't wait to bring my first boyfriend home and introduce him. "So, dad, this is 'John'. We're going out." :D

Sorry, that's a bit of a derailment. Re-iterating: It wasn't a choice at all. Every attraction (sexual or otherwise) has been completely natural, no decision involved.

[BPSCG]

Re-iterating: It wasn't a choice at all. Every attraction (sexual or otherwise) has been completely natural, no decision involved.And again, what is the point of this thread? I think pretty much everyone here agrees that asking when someone chose to be straight is like asking when they chose to be caucasian.

[Soapy Sam]

Unlike many other gay guys, the people I'm really looking forward to telling are my parents. My dad isn't homophobic, but he holds many many prejudices that annoy me. I can't wait to bring my first boyfriend home and introduce him. "So, dad, this is 'John'. We're going out." :D

Word of advice. Don't do that. Sit down with your folks and talk it through with them when it's just the three of you. You'll possibly find they already know or at least wonder about your orentation, but if they don't, it may come as a shock . It's unfair to both your folks and your boyfriend to put them on the spot like that, especially if they just met. You could alienate all of them.

[Dysphemist]

If I were to do something like that, it wouldn't happen without a partner knowing.
Alienating my parents is what I'd be aiming for.

[WildCat]

I think it was in kindergarten when I had a crush on a cute girl who used to ride to school on the back of her dad's bike.

I never knew her name... tragic.

[slingblade]

And again, what is the point of this thread? I think pretty much everyone here agrees that asking when someone chose to be straight or gay or bi or something else is like asking when they chose to be caucasian.

Completed that for you. :D

The point is that a lot of people still know for a fact that gays choose to be gay. This thread is about debunking that, if possible, and I think it's pretty possible.


I had a time in my 30s when I got a chance to be with women. I'd always been attracted to both women and men, but never really got a chance with any girls.

And hot damn, it was great when I finally did! :p

During this time, I was in one of the local bars in my little mountain town, having a beer, and a guy I knew asked me out of the blue: "So, when did you decide you were gay?"

I said, "I dunno. When did you decide you were straight?"

Now you'd think if a person can ask a question, he can maybe anticipate it being turned back on him, but this guy didn't. The shocked look on his face was hilarious. "Wha? *splutter, cough* I didn't decide, I've always been straight!"

I nodded. "Exactly."

[BPSCG]

The point is that a lot of people still know for a fact that gays choose to be gay. This thread is about debunking that, if possible, and I think it's pretty possible.Yeah, except JREF preachers, meet JREF choir.

[jimtron]

Julie Newmar as Cat Woman on the old Batman TV show.

[Autolite]

I think I decided on hetero when Annette first started getting her boobies on the MM Club...

[slingblade]

Yeah, except JREF preachers, meet JREF choir.

Oh, come on, Beeps!

1. Lurkers you don't know about (the unknown unknowns);
2. Posters who've just never mentioned it (the known unknowns);
3. Posters who have and remain unconvinced (the known knowns);
4. Donald Rumsfeld.


...sorry...he just seemed to belong there, somehow. :p

[godless dave]

And again, what is the point of this thread? I think pretty much everyone here agrees that asking when someone chose to be straight is like asking when they chose to be caucasian.

Everyone here may agree with that, but there are millions of people out there, including Jimmy Swaggart, who do not. They're wrong, and that's the point of this thread.

[NoZed Avenger]

I remember the moment distinctly. Raquel Welch was on the television, by coincidence.

[Autolite]

I was at my very aged mothers home one day when I overheard Rev Jimmy Swaggard say that we choose our sexual preferences.

(Attempted) Gay sex is not at all uncommon in the animal world. How does Jimmy account for that? Did the animals make a "choice"? Are they all going to some wildlife Hell?

[gumboot]

I think I became heterosexual the day I noticed I had a penis.

In all seriousness though, well obviously I never chose. It's a bizarre concept, but it is one that has generated some pretty interesting conversations.

A once somehow ended up talking about the notion of "choosing to be Gay" with a very good Gay friend of mine, and he made a remark that, for me, is the ultimate answer to any who argue being Gay is a choice. His comment?

"What? choose to be gay? Are you insane? Do you have any idea what being gay has brought me? Do you think I would choose this?"

(I should be clear this was given as a calm "logic" point, not as an emotional "poor me" point and this guy had absolutely no issues, no shame and no discomfort with being gay).

A second interesting conversation was with a German lesbian flatmate. She was perplexed that I wasn't interested in men at all. I have to presume she must be at least partially bisexual, I'm not sure. She thought it odd that I would "choose" to reduce my chances of finding "the one" to only half the human race, instantly cutting the other half out of the running. I struggled to get her to see my point.

And I realised "Wow, this is what it's like to be gay, when those idiots try tell them they "chose" to be homosexual".

None of these were really huge revelations for me, because I've never had issues with sexuality - mine or anyone else's - but they were interesting insights, nonetheless.

[Cainkane1]

And again, what is the point of this thread? I think pretty much everyone here agrees that asking when someone chose to be straight is like asking when they chose to be caucasian.
Thats just it. Not everyone does agree. Anyone in this forum actually feel that a persons sexual attraction is a choice? I certainly don't feel that it is but do we have another opinion somewhere?

[MRC_Hans]

Some of my very early experiments were with other boys. After all, they were what was at hand, in an age where real boys did not play with girls. As soon as I found out what it was all about, I took a good look at girls, and stayed there.

BTW; I think that the position (of some people who are homophobes out of religious conviction) that you choose your sexual behavior is reasonable. It is not reasonable (IMO) that they feel that gay people should choose a non-gay behavior, but for other sexualities, I guess most of us agree: I don't think e.g. pedophiles choose to be pedophiles either, but we do expect them to suppress that behavior.

Hans

[Oliver]

On a college field trip I did try snogging a very attractive girl and we even went on to ...er... heavy petting but it just didn't turn me on so I have to admit it's a mystery to me why you straight blokes choose to have sex with females. I assume you were brainwashed by all these different-sex marriages that are forced on us?


Wait a second - you are gay? :confused:

[Eddie Dane]

Ever heard of SMEG's?

Straight Men who Envy Gays.

That's me.

Let's face it:
Double income, no kids.
Stylish
Promiscuity less frowned upon.
More sex (hey, we're talking about men here)
And you get to share your house with another guy.

I want my money back.

eta: I blame it all on seeing Debby Harry on TV one day.
That was the deciding moment.

[Eddie Dane]

Completed that for you. :D

The point is that a lot of people still know for a fact that gays choose to be gay. This thread is about debunking that, if possible, and I think it's pretty possible.


I had a time in my 30s when I got a chance to be with women. I'd always been attracted to both women and men, but never really got a chance with any girls.

And hot damn, it was great when I finally did! :p

During this time, I was in one of the local bars in my little mountain town, having a beer, and a guy I knew asked me out of the blue: "So, when did you decide you were gay?"

I said, "I dunno. When did you decide you were straight?"

Now you'd think if a person can ask a question, he can maybe anticipate it being turned back on him, but this guy didn't. The shocked look on his face was hilarious. "Wha? *splutter, cough* I didn't decide, I've always been straight!"

I nodded. "Exactly."

This reminds of a girlfriend I once had: the only bi-sexual women I've ever dated.

The great thing was: I never had to hide my compulsive looking at other women. Instead we'd just debate which ones we thought were hot.

Never did the threesome thing, I regret to say.

Now, who do I have to kill to return to 1995?

[gumboot]

The great thing was: I never had to hide my compulsive looking at other women. Instead we'd just debate which ones we thought were hot.


Me and my girlfriend do that and she's not even remotely bisexual.

[The Central Scrutinizer]

Don't you gay guys realize how gross guys are? I don't want them touching me. They are repulsive. Ick.

[Eddie Dane]

Don't you gay guys realize how gross guys are? I don't want them touching me. They are repulsive. Ick.

And this coming from an overweight chick in a cow suit.

That thing does not compliment your figure.

[RoboTimbo]

And this coming from an overweight chick in a cow suit.

That thing does not compliment your figure.

The handcuffs are what make it hot.

[Eddie Dane]

The handcuffs are what make it hot.

I just had a thought: Ball gag in cow print.

You think there's a market outside Central Scrutinizer?

[INRM]

The answer is that I never did make a choice to be straight. I just was. When puberty started, I began being attracted to females...

INRM

[Tricky]

Hemorrhoids. Before that, I'd always left the possibility open.