When Zombies Attack!

[Matthew Best]

If zombies actually existed, an attack by them would lead to the collapse of civilisation unless dealt with quickly and aggressively, reports BBC News (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/8206280.stm)

That is the conclusion of a mathematical exercise carried out by researchers in Canada. (http://www.mathstat.uottawa.ca/~rsmith/Zombies.pdf)

Zombies are a popular figure in pop culture/entertainment and they are usually portrayed as being brought about through an outbreak or epidemic. Consequently, we model a zombie attack, using biological assumptions based on popular zombie movies. We introduce a basic model for zombie infection, determine equilibria and their stability, and illustrate the outcome with numerical solutions. We then refine the model to introduce a latent period of zombification, whereby humans are infected, but not infectious, before becoming undead. We then modify the model to include the effects of possible quarantine or a cure. Finally, we examine the impact of regular, impulsive reductions in the number of zombies and derive conditions under which eradication can occur. We show that only quick, aggressive attacks can stave off the doomsday scenario: the collapse of society as zombies overtake us all.

[Zeuzzz]

Now this is what scientist should be spending their time on.

But I thought a recent scientific study showed that scientific studies were pointless?

[Zeuzzz]

The Onion: Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys

cQ7J7UjsRqg

[jasonpatterson]

I've spent a good deal of time thinking about this (seriously) and have decided that unless the zombies in question were the newer 'fast' zombies, it wouldn't be that big a deal if a zombie invasion occurred. They are exceedingly slow, fairly easy to kill with common items, and unless zombie-ism was extremely contagious (not just from biting, but perhaps airborne) it would seem reasonably straightforward to protect yourself. There just aren't that many recently deceased people relative to the number of living. If everyone who had died in the past year arose from the grave and got all bitey, that would still mean that a group of about 75 people would only have to kill a single zombie.

I need to come up with a new zombie defense plan as I've moved recently. My former house was far easier to defend alone, but the new place has much stronger doors and such in case they actually entered.

[Dancing David]

I like the movie Fido, and American Zombie.

[Big Les]

This is the coolest thing that has ever happened. And I don't even understand the maths.

How does a military response factor into this, I wonder? It seems to assume only a piecemeal civilian response.

[drzeus99]

The Onion: Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys

cQ7J7UjsRqg


Now THAT is funny. Kudos to The ONION.

Now, I'm wondering just how many people (that large lot of folks who can't tell farcical humor from reality) will be in an uproar over the *animal cruelty*
inflicted to these cuddly primates. And as Snagglepuus used to say "Heavens to Mergatroid" !! How could they stab this poor monkeys in their eye sockets? :jaw-dropp

I loved the *control group* they used. They were mearly *punched* instead of being stabbed. Too ***** funny, I tells ya.

[JPK]

This is why I keep my copy of "The Zombie Survival Guide" handy
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=the+zombie+survival+guide&x=0&y=0

[Psi Baba]

Everyone should have an effective zombie defense plan--and don't forget about your pets! http://icanhascheezburger.com/2009/03/15/funny-pictures-store-den-wat/

[Jungle Jim]

I've spent a good deal of time thinking about this (seriously) and have decided that unless the zombies in question were the newer 'fast' zombies, it wouldn't be that big a deal if a zombie invasion occurred. They are exceedingly slow, fairly easy to kill with common items, and unless zombie-ism was extremely contagious (not just from biting, but perhaps airborne) it would seem reasonably straightforward to protect yourself. There just aren't that many recently deceased people relative to the number of living. If everyone who had died in the past year arose from the grave and got all bitey, that would still mean that a group of about 75 people would only have to kill a single zombie.

I need to come up with a new zombie defense plan as I've moved recently. My former house was far easier to defend alone, but the new place has much stronger doors and such in case they actually entered.

I suppose a zombie outbreak could be contained, but it would be a very messy and ongoing effort. About 2.4 million Americans die each year. Those who died in the previous year would have to be dealt with along with those people who were bitten (but not eaten) and turned into zombies. Going forward you would have to eradicate the 6,575 people who die in the United States every day. It would be a pretty nasty place in which to live.

[Dave Rogers]

This looks like a shoo-in for the IgNobel Prizes. I can't believe they haven't already heard about it, but I've sent off a nomination just to make sure.

Dave

[Dilb]

Personally I think there model is overly simplistic. They're using a linear proportional control model, so the populations evolve in relatively uninteresting ways. They also assume that zombies can't be killed permanently, which as they point out means that with any population growth the zombies are guaranteed to eventually dominate. I think they should at least have a zombie kill rate modeled with integral control, where as more zombies are killed more people realize they need to kill zombies, and learn how to do so.

[xXMoshtradamusXx]

If you're like me and love Zombies here is the site for you! =D
http://www.zombiesurvivalwiki.com/

[Singularitarian]

This is the coolest thing that has ever happened. And I don't even understand the maths.

How does a military response factor into this, I wonder? It seems to assume only a piecemeal civilian response.

The math is psuedoscience. How can an infinity lead to a doomsday scenario? How can one properly define that?

[Pure Argent]

Okay... what kind of zombies are we talking about here? "Night of the Living Dead" or "28 Days Later"? And did they include variables for how soon the frantic populace is able to convince the military that yes, we're not kidding, there actually are zombies?
Really, the only way I can see a zombie outbreak (of old zombies, the slow ones) actually threatening anyone is if there's a near-infinite number and they show up everywhere at once. On the other hand, if they're the fast zombies, I think we're all kinda screwed.

[Big Les]

The math is psuedoscience. How can an infinity lead to a doomsday scenario? How can one properly define that?

Can you explain for the maths-retarded like me? Is modelling for this sort of thing not valid then?

[dudalb]

If zombies actually existed, an attack by them would lead to the collapse of civilisation unless dealt with quickly and aggressively, reports BBC News (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/8206280.stm)

That is the conclusion of a mathematical exercise carried out by researchers in Canada. (http://www.mathstat.uottawa.ca/~rsmith/Zombies.pdf)


Wow.Anybody who has read "World War Z" could have told you that.

[Dilb]

The math is psuedoscience. How can an infinity lead to a doomsday scenario? How can one properly define that?

It's really very simple. In their model the survivors S grow at some constant rate, and naturally die at some rate proportional to the population. Ignoring zombies, the survivors will grow until their death rate matches their growth rate.The dead (R) grow to infinity because they just keep accumulating.

Zombies (Z) rise from the dead, proportional to how many dead there are. They also kill survivors proportional to how many zombies and how many survivors are alive, and are killed again by how many zombies there are, and how many survivors are alive.

So the survivors have a max population S(max), and therefore a max zombie killing rate. Once the dead R can create zombies faster than that, which necessarily happens because R grows unbounded, the survivor population inevitably goes to zero as more and more zombies are created.

Doomsday is defined by the human-centric view that the entire human population turning into zombies would be a bad thing.

[Raze]

Now this is what scientist should be spending their time on.


No, what they ought to be working on is CREATING the Zombie Apocalypse. It has always been my dream to live in a zombie apocalypse... :sigh:

[jasonpatterson]

I suppose a zombie outbreak could be contained, but it would be a very messy and ongoing effort. About 2.4 million Americans die each year. Those who died in the previous year would have to be dealt with along with those people who were bitten (but not eaten) and turned into zombies. Going forward you would have to eradicate the 6,575 people who die in the United States every day. It would be a pretty nasty place in which to live.

True, I guess that saying it would be 'no big deal' is going too far. What I really meant was that it wouldn't be the end of humanity. Even though 2.4 million die each year, there are 300 million in the country. Most of the deaths are no surprise (cancer and cardiovascular disease) and could be dealt with immediately as well.

Doctor: I'm sorry Mr. Jones, but your father is gone.
Mr. Jones: -Sobbing- Can I see him before the disposal team arrives?
Doctor: Yes, but you'll need to do so soon, he'll convert in about 5 minutes.

Imagine if every stray cat or dog were rabid and there were no rabies vaccine. And the cats and dogs were really really slow and clumsy. Pretty much the same situation; it would suck but we wouldn't all die.

[Audible Click]

BRAINS! :eek:

[NoZed Avenger]

Ok, but they completely forgot to factor in velociraptors.

[Ziggurat]

Ok, but they completely forgot to factor in velociraptors.

So here's what I'm worried about: whose side will the zombie velociraptors be on? 'Cause if it's not ours, we've got problems.

[trvlr2]

No, what they ought to be working on is CREATING the Zombie Apocalypse. It has always been my dream to live in a zombie apocalypse... :sigh:

Be careful what you wish for!

...It has occurred to me that 912 Groups and certain others may be zombie sleeper cells....they seem bereft of brains.

[jasonpatterson]

So here's what I'm worried about: whose side will the zombie velociraptors be on? 'Cause if it's not ours, we've got problems.

But would they still be velociraptors after they were zombified or would they then be bradyraptors? (ie slow raptors) I still wouldn't want to fight one, but I guess if they were slow that would help.