Why are horrorscopes so popular?

[JJM 777]

Why do we find hoorayscopes in nearly every magazine? A full page (if not more) costly space wasted for nothing.

Are they economically so important for the magazines?

On second thought, yep this must be one of the cheapest known ways to produce a pageful of article content to a magazine.

[SphereGuy]

This morning mine read "Dread and despair will infest your pathetic existence until your last putrid breath. Lucky numbers are 23 and 11."

[Ladewig]

Because wanting to know the future is a strong desire in many people.

Because wanting to blame the stars and not ourselves for our faults dates back several centuries if not several millennia.

Because it can be considered fun. It can be a game to look for predicted things during one's day.

[Legend]

It applies to everyone (everyone has one), it's quick, fun and ALWAYS RIGHT!

Alex.

[leonAzul]

Probably part of a syndication bundle of otherwise entertaining and desirable content.

Just sayin'

[fromdownunder]

Horoscopes give the most junior journalist in the newspaper/magazine some writing practice. Then they get promoted to writing the questions and answers to "Ask Abby"

Norm

[andycal]

They're just easy. Newspapers run them because they fullfil the basic need to tell people stuff, no matter if true. These days the 'scopes are about as accurate as the front page headlines.

[Uncayimmy]

I was going to answer this, but apparently this is not a good day for an aries to make bold proclamations.

[quarky]

I often wondered why newspapers have to have really crappy cartoons that have been around for ages and have never been funny, even once. I could name several. Two of them that suck are even penned by the same guy. What's up with that? Does the managing editor date him or owe him money?

[JJM 777]

Also I have wondered for more than a decade, how it is possible that the artistic quality of brand name cartoons (Garfield, Peanuts, etc.) is inversely proportional to the quality of their manuscript. Does television industry pay so much better than cartoon industry, that no talented sketch writer anywhere in the world works in the cartoon industry?

[JFrankA]

Why do we find hoorayscopes in nearly every magazine? A full page (if not more) costly space wasted for nothing.

Are they economically so important for the magazines?


They're there because they always come out TRUE!!!!! :duck:

[Toke]

Here is a good excample of usefullness of horoscopes.:D

http://www.amazon.com/Dirty-Little-Book-Stolen-Time/dp/1596911883

(there is some manipulation of a beliver)

[Delvo]

I dispute the premise that horoscopes are popular at all. I can't think of anybody I've ever met who really reads them or cares about them. I've seen just a few cases over the years, of people stopping at the horoscopes while flipping pages, and all they do is read a couple and laugh at how silly they are and go on. The only two people I've known who took anything about astrology seriously excluded horoscopes from that, not counting them as "real" astrology. (One only believed in it for general personality descriptions and wasn't even invested enough in it to care about guessing my sign wrong, and the other was so invested in it that she would rather do her own work in it than rely on the printed ones and would criticize them for not being done well.)

[quarky]

I'll bet more people read the horoscope column than the bridge column.

Leo, today is an excellent day to learn bridge.

[Stray Cat]

Well all of us Virgos are sceptical of astrology so we don't pay them any attention.

[thatguywhojuggles]

Well all of us Virgos are sceptical of astrology so we don't pay them any attention.

You too, huh? Every time someone gets to know me and realizes I'm a skeptic, they eventually ask my sign. If I do tell them, they always say, "Oh, you're ______ sign, that makes sense as to why your a skeptic!"

Of course, I often lie about my sign.

[quarky]

As the universe expands, we should be getting some new signs. A modern appliance would be nice. Perhaps a toaster oven?

[JJM 777]

The Randi asteroid is not involved in any astrological beliefs yet?

[slingblade]

um....asteroids are usually ignored by astrology.

But then, I'm an Aquarius. I'm creative, artistic, and intelligent, so I know things you don't.

[dudalb]

Because people are stupid.

[quarky]

Not Leos.

[vIQleS]

You too, huh? Every time someone gets to know me and realizes I'm a skeptic, they eventually ask my sign. If I do tell them, they always say, "Oh, you're ______ sign, that makes sense as to why your a skeptic!"

Of course, I often lie about my sign.

I always make them guess - "If it works, you should be able to figure it out right?"

They never get it right - I'm an ophiuchus...

[arthwollipot]

This thread is not complete without a Weird Al quote.

Aquarius
There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day

Pisces
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus
You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say

Aries
The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep

Taurus
You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

That's your horoscope for today-yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today-yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
That's your horoscope for today

Gemini
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiancé hurls a javelin through your chest

Cancer
The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test

Leo
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik

Virgo
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stake

That's your horoscope for today-yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today-yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
That's your horoscope for today

Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.

Where was I?

Libra
A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented than you
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week

Scorpio
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window
Work a little bit harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak

Sagittarius
All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)
Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den

Capricorn
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying
If I were you, I’d lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again

That's your horoscope for today-yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today-yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
That's your horoscope for today

That's your horoscope for today-yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today-yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
That's your horoscope for today

[MysteryMammal]

I live my life by what the Onion tells me in my horoscope.

Leo Jul 23 - Aug 22

Take a moment this week to reflect on the fleeting nature of love, loss, and life itself. This should give the stars enough time to deal with some actually important **** for once.

I'm reflecting as we speak... or type... or whatever...

[fromdownunder]

This just in:

All Virgo's die in plane crashes in various parts of the world, vindicating Asrology.

Film at 11:00

Norm

[JFrankA]

I like being Cancer.

No, not because of what the astrological bull says about Cancers. I just like going around and telling people "I'm the Cancer in your life......." :D

[H3LL]

Newspapers have got it wrong.

Horoscopes should be sponsored.

Libra: The Moon trine Mercury today puts everyone in the mood to communicate. Now is a great time to put ideas and inspirations into words, as you will find that it is easier at this time to say exactly what you mean, expressing your thoughts to others with grace and intelligence. Now would be a good time to consider technological improvement on your channels of communication. Increase your consumption of fruit. Lucky number - 5.

You heard it here first. :D

Any guesses on the sponsor?


.

[Stray Cat]

I like being Cancer.

No, not because of what the astrological bull says about Cancers. I just like going around and telling people "I'm the Cancer in your life......." :D

Surely the astrological bull is Taurus?

... I didn't know it was a speaking bull though... I'll have to amend my charts. :D

[Think_Tank]

Newspapers have got it wrong.

Horoscopes should be sponsored.

Libra: The Moon trine Mercury today puts everyone in the mood to communicate. Now is a great time to put ideas and inspirations into words, as you will find that it is easier at this time to say exactly what you mean, expressing your thoughts to others with grace and intelligence. Now would be a good time to consider technological improvement on your channels of communication. Increase your consumption of fruit. Lucky number - 5.

You heard it here first. :D

Any guesses on the sponsor?


.

The future's bright. The future's... Banana?

I'm sure the mobile phone industry has to consider all angles :D

[Bloodtoes]

I had a horoscope tell me once that I would find $50 that day, and I did. I feel bad for the millions of other Taurii who didn't, though.

[Comrade Raptor]

There used to be a horoscope in a cheap coffee mag around here that was surprisingly specific and accurate for me, but always a day late.

Some good that is, telling me what happened yesterday!

While odd, I don't attribute any mystical powers to it. Or think anybody was following me around. But it was good for a few laughs until they discontinued the newsletter.

Behold the mystical power of seeing into yesterday!

Ooooh.

Aaaah.

[H3LL]

The future's bright. The future's... Banana?

I'm sure the mobile phone industry has to consider all angles :D

:D

Seeing as I made just a small, more obvious amendment to some crap I stole off the Internet - Maybe they're already on to it.

I suspect the Masons. :boxedin:


:p

ETA: I was thinking of a more autumnal fruit appropriate for the lucky number. Wrong fruit, right industry.

[H3LL]

I think I'll use that angle next time I come across someone oohing and aahing about some horoscope.

They're so generic that "Yes, but they're sponsored. It's just another sneaky form of advertising. Look at it again and see if you can guess the product", might work.

Spread the meme. :D

.

[Think_Tank]

:D

Seeing as I made just a small, more obvious amendment to some crap I stole off the Internet - Maybe they're already on to it.

I suspect the Masons. :boxedin:


:p

ETA: I was thinking of a more autumnal fruit appropriate for the lucky number. Wrong fruit, right industry.

Re-reading the lines about personal expression, I'm guessing this is an iScopeTM :D

[H3LL]

Re-reading the lines about personal expression, I'm guessing this is an iScopeTM :D

That's so funny on so many levels. :D :D

Thank you.

[JJM 777]

A good business idea, to sell advertisement space within the horoscope section.

This week will be tough for you, but everything will probably go OK if you drink enough Red Bull to stay sharp and focused all day long.

I had a horoscope tell me once that I would find $50 that day, and I did. I feel bad for the millions of other Taurii who didn't, though.
[CFL mode on]Do you have evidence[/CFL mode off] that the other Taurii didn't find $50 on that day?

[Apology]

This thread is not complete without a Weird Al quote.

Gemini
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiancé hurls a javelin through your chest


OMG this describes me almost perfectly except my fiance hurled a javelina at my chest rather than a javelin through my chest. Worst birthday ever. How does Weird Al do it?

[blue sock monkey]

Here's mine from The Onion:

Sagittarius
A crazy person will try to convince you that the stars are vast, distant balls of gaseous matter. Ignore him.

Guess I'd better stay out of the Science & Technology threads this week. :(