The funniest 9/11 conspiracy theories

[Luntoc]

This is a thread of all the conspiracy claims that made you LYAF. Of all the theories I think the claim that a death ray from outer space is the funniest of them all. When I first heard about it I LMAO. And everytime I hear it I still laugh. Not as hard as the first time but I still laugh nonetheless.

[Unsecured Coins]

all of them

[Longfellow]

Any theory involving thermite (and all of its iterations) and/or controlled demolition makes me laugh.

[BigAl]

I say that for each of us, it depends on what we relate to.

For the people that saw the planes hit the buildings, all the alleged video fakery is hilarious if it's not sick-making.

For the people that saw the pile, the idea that anything significant was "dustified" or molten or carried away or buried without anyone noticing is silly.

For anyone familiar with building operations, frieght elevators and construction projects, the idea that anyone got 300,000 cubic ft of thermite into the towers without everyone knowing about it is goof for a chuckle.

For anyone with a modicum of physics, the idea that nukes or beams from space were used is gut-busting funny.

For anyone that was related to any of the passengers on the planes, the idea that all the passengers are on the beach in Tahiti must be a laugh riot.

[T.A.M.]

While the subject matter is serious, and many of the theories revolting more then anything else, I would have to say that Judy Wood's "Space beams disintigrated the steel" did make me chuckle, followed by, "what a stupid *********** moron." comment.

TAM:)

[Horatius]

I'd have to go with ace Baker's "Hunt the Rubble" game.

[Elizabeth I]

That idiot who said you can't say "thumpity-thump" or "clickety-clack" or whatever it was 110 times in 110 seconds, thus proving (somehow) that the collapse of the towers was a CD, made me LOL, then RME (roll my eyes.)

ETA: all those people who think that stacks of pizza boxes, or scale-model "constructions" of sticks and rabbit wire, or towers of egg cartons somehow prove something about the Twin Towers just make me worry about the future of the human race.

Fortunately, we can be assured that the cockroaches are there, ready and waiting to take over the world should we stupid ourselves to death.

[dudalb]

Yeah, Judy Wood takes the cake for sheer ridiculousness .

[BigAl]

The NWO Demolition truck spotted near Ground Zero is always good for a laugh.

http://i.pbase.com/g3/26/411626/2/56542907.060223035.jpg

[Wolrab]

While the subject matter is serious, and many of the theories revolting more then anything else, I would have to say that Judy Wood's "Space beams disintigrated the steel" did make me chuckle, followed by, "what a stupid *********** moron." comment.

TAM:)
I'd vote for that. The day they brought in the known whack job Hutchinson and his magical "effect" powered by a dwindling, out to sea hurricane, was a very chuckle-able moment.

[TruthersLie]

My favorite is from "blue murder" on youtube.

the jets were real. But they were not from the airlines. Pods on the planes shot missles into the towers because we all know that aluminum planes would bounce right off. Look at corey liddles plane.

The jets were FILLED with thermite, which caused the towers to collapse.
At the same time they used controlled demolitions to bring down wtc7 because of the SEC case files against enron and others.

The plane in shanksville was shot down because they were not flying where they were supposed to

There was NO debris from shanksville in that "small hole."

and what hit the pentagon was a SNARK missle (yes the inaccurate one from the 1950's) becaues it kinda looks like a jet, but it is still a MISSLE.

That is my particular favorite...but the new wackiness from Bill S (who I can only see when others quote him) is right up there...

all of them involve massive government/conspiracy involving thousands if not tens of thousands of individuals, without one single leak. It is amazing that the consipiracies are the rube goldberg machine of conspiracies... and the conspirators are the Ateam, mixed with retarded versions of Rain man muttering GWB is good, Cheney is god, kill, kill kill.

[fezzic]

For me I think its the nuclear bomb in the tower or its base theory. Do the proponents have ANY idea of the effects and signature of a nuclear bomb?

I mostly shake my head over that and other theories rather than laugh.

[Lupie]

For me I think its the nuclear bomb in the tower or its base theory. Do the proponents have ANY idea of the effects and signature of a nuclear bomb?

I mostly shake my head over that and other theories rather than laugh.

You beat me to it. I was torn between laughing, and feeling dumbfounded
with the fact that such stupidity actually exists.

L.

[240-185]

"Star Warz beams", and "the terrorists knew where to strike" for me :D

[NWO Sentryman]

Richard Gage with Cardboard boxes

The Existentialist Cowboy with the global hawk passing for a plane.

Alex Jones with "people in a cave could makenorad stand down"

[sylvan8798]

A really early version call the "no truss theory" claimed the floors weren't REALLY supported by long span bar joist type trusses. Like no one would have noticed THAT.

And of course, Christophera and his concrete shear walls, which were like, what?, 12 feet thick? Amazing that no one noticed when they were walking through those tunnels to get to the elevators. And how they lied to us from the beginning of the very construction about what the building was made of.

[Carlos]

Silverstein has admitted the 7 WTC was imploded

9/11 could not have been done by men who live in a cave (Loser Change)

No plane hit the towers

A cruse missile hit 5 poles, a generator and the Pentagon

Thermite could cut steel columns like a hot knife through butter

WTC was turned into dust by explosives

[TheDaver]

Just about every MIHOP theory there is, and when they’re thrown together in ways that don’t even make sense.

[Carlos]

September Clues Fade To Black Theory

oqEpuTGc98s
WEQnzs8wl6E

[Justin39640]

the clunkity clunk and cardboard boxes gave me a real chuckle
but at the end of the day
this crap makes me more mad than anything

the disrespect is just disgusting (when you break down any of these so called "theories")

[KJC]

The funniest one is that twoofers think it's possible to demolish 267 floors of busy office space.

Can you imagine the NWO round table if someone brought that up?

[Brainache]

That Cab Driver Lloyd Englund is a CIA agent, because his cab got hit by a light pole. And the rest of the Pentagon Flyover nonsense is just too stupid. Aldo talking about secret teams of black-ops guys knocking down street lights in the dark and other guys throwing bits of plane all over the lawn...

How could anyone believe this stuff?

[Mr. Skinny]

For me it was Judy Woods space beams.

Actually, when I was arguing with Max Photon about this theory, I actually came up with a better theory.

If you put the laser in WTC7, you have potentially all the power and room for support equipment you need. Then, you get an aircraft of some sort overhead with some beam turning optics on it; shoot the beam out of the roof of WTC7; destroy WTC1 and WTC2, then turn the beam on your own building (WTC7) destroying the building and all the evidence. :D

No one ever picked up on the theory though.:(

[George152]

For me it was Judy Woods space beams.

Actually, when I was arguing with Max Photon about this theory, I actually came up with a better theory.

If you put the laser in WTC7, you have potentially all the power and room for support equipment you need. Then, you get an aircraft of some sort overhead with some beam turning optics on it; shoot the beam out of the roof of WTC7; destroy WTC1 and WTC2, then turn the beam on your own building (WTC7) destroying the building and all the evidence. :D

No one ever picked up on the theory though.:(


Impossible but more credible than 'missiles' or 'explosive demolition' or 'space lasers'

The whole of the conspiracy kook claims is comedic.
Sad, sick, ignorant of any technical training but in a way a comedy.

[Mr. Skinny]

Impossible but more credible than 'missiles' or 'explosive demolition' or 'space lasers'

The whole of the conspiracy kook claims is comedic.
Sad, sick, ignorant of any technical training but in a way a comedy.
Yeah. You still have the problem of putting enough w/cm squared on the buildings without blacking out NYC, but it was fun trying to be a CTist for a while.

[Toke]

I am new to the 9/11 whackjobs, but the scale models from heiwa and the videos of chickenwire had me laughing.

[Matthew Cline]

The most out-there theories make me face-palm and go :boggled: rather than laugh, but the ones that get the most reaction out of me are the Star Wars beam weapon theories and the mini-nuke theories. Especially the claims that directed energy weapons can 1) turn metal into dust, and 2) cause rubble to emit toxic fumes.

[Mr. Skinny]

The most out-there theories make me face-palm and go :boggled: rather than laugh, but the ones that get the most reaction out of me are the Star Wars beam weapon theories and the mini-nuke theories. Especially the claims that directed energy weapons can 1) turn metal into dust, and 2) cause rubble to emit toxic fumes.
Well, a laser can't turn metal into "dust" but it can burn through it.

Also, a laser can cause Laser Generated Air Contaminants (LGAC), which, depending on the material being lased, can certainly cause it to emit toxic fumes.

[sylvan8798]

For me it was Judy Woods space beams.

Actually, when I was arguing with Max Photon about this theory, I actually came up with a better theory.

If you put the laser in WTC7, you have potentially all the power and room for support equipment you need. Then, you get an aircraft of some sort overhead with some beam turning optics on it; shoot the beam out of the roof of WTC7; destroy WTC1 and WTC2, then turn the beam on your own building (WTC7) destroying the building and all the evidence. :D

No one ever picked up on the theory though.:(

Methinks maybe you've seen one too many James Bond movies...:)

[Matthew Cline]

Well, a laser can't turn metal into "dust" but it can burn through it.

The most (in)famous energy weapon Truther, Judy Wood, claims that the energy weapons used turned the steel and concrete to dust. "Nano-dust", to be precise. You can search for the terms "dustified" and "dustification" to see some of the nutiness.

Also, a laser can cause Laser Generated Air Contaminants (LGAC), which, depending on the material being lased, can certainly cause it to emit toxic fumes.

I should have been a bit more specific. The claim is that the energy weapons caused the rubble to emit toxic fumes for several months after 9/11. The quick Googling I did of LGAC doesn't lead me to believe that if a laser turned a skyscraper to rubble that the rubble would be emitting fumes for that long.

[portlandatheist]

"voice morphing technology" is a personal favorite of mine.

[JoeyDonuts]

Being former military, and knowing a thing or two about air defense, the notion of UA93 being shot down over Shanksville gives me yuks. Especially when it's peddled by someone that pretends to work at NSA as an analyst.

That is the closest I'll probably ever come on this forum to having an archnemesis.

Except maybe Shemp. Or MdC.

[EnJaySee]

What makes me laugh is the <insert fantasy> to explain anything you want. Too many examples to point out, but the ones that stand out are the ones already mentioned: Space Beams, nano-nukes, Voice morphing, remote-controlled planes, drilling holes in supports to insert nano-thermite etc


the clunkity clunk and cardboard boxes gave me a real chuckle
but at the end of the day
this crap makes me more mad than anything

the disrespect is just disgusting (when you break down any of these so called "theories")

Completely agree with you. Nothing made me more angry than hearing Avery laughing off box-cutter attacks.

[McHrozni]

It's got to be clunkity-clunk, and it's beneficial brother, clunkity.

The Star Wars death rays are almost sane by comparison!

McHrozni

[Retrograde]

More pathetic than funny, perhaps: the guy a few years back who claimed the Naudet brothers were knowingly filming a snuff film with the cooperation of FDNY.

Anyone who claims the WTC buildings fell "in their own footprints".

[jaydeehess]

ahhh, in reading the above I find that I cannot narrow it down to one in particular.

but,,,, Reynolds(no planes), Judy Woods(space-a-beams) and CiT woo are certainly up there.

Then there is this that I just got from a poster on the Blackvault which purports that OBL did do the attacks because he was upset at not getting construction projects in the middle east.(the whole creation of a following based on an Islamic Jihad is, I suppose, only due to the fact that standing up and saying, "hey, I should have gotten the multimillion dollar contracts" will not garner you many followers who would lay down their lives for your cause)
Timeline:

Iran has a revolt putting the Ayatolla's in power, ousting the Shah and taking US Embassy employees hostage for 444 days.

Most of the friends of the Shah leave Iran, many come to the US. I know some personally. One is really into space travel.

The US steps up its support for brutal thug Saddam in the hopes that he will be able to help oust the Ayatolla's by attacking Iran.

Saddam's repeated wars with Iran prove ineffectual.

Saddam is goaded into invading Kuwait.

The US responds pushing Saddam back to Baghdad but leaving him alive and in power (on purpose). Saddam claims Bush tricked him.

The US makes a "deal" (described below) with Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, UAE, etc. to get rid of the new threat that Saddam poses to the region.

OBL attacks the WTC in 1993. Reason given below.

Saddam is maneuvered onto the UN's $hit list, accused of developing weapons of mass destruction. He refuses to let UN inspectors have free reign to inspect his many palaces. What a dope.

Details of the "deal" become known to OBL which angers him even more than the US invasion in the Gulf War. Begins plans for 2nd, more devastating, attack on the WTC.

Lots of UN inspector crap, anthrax, a few bombings, yada yada yada, all part of the theme.

The attack of 9/11 happens.

The Bush 43 admin ramps up claims against Saddam targeting him as well as his Al Qaeda buddies.

The US invades Afghanistan and Iraq capturing Saddam. The US, over time, pretty much wipes out Al Qaeda. Saddam is tried and executed.

You know the rest.

Now, lets discuss this deal, as The Donald would say. What is the deal? Well, what business was OBL in? Anyone, anyone? Bueller, Bueller? ... Construction! Yes, very good. OBL and his family were/are in the construction business. But construction where? Why, Saudi Arabia of course.

Are you getting it yet?

The deal was for western (um hm, American) contractors to be given the expected massive contracts to develop the Middle East, namely Saudi, Arabia, UAE, Kuwait, etc. (you know, where all the money is?). Add to this the development in Iraq, needed after all those bombs (remember all that talk about "infrastructure" blah blah blah, cost of the war blah blah blah?). Now do you get it?

OBL was being shoved out the door on contracts in his own home country. Yeah, that would piss me off a little.

Now does the attack on the "world trade center" make a bit more sense. It had nothing to do with religion, politics, evil Americans, terrorists, Islam, blah blah blah. All pure b.s. It was about the money. In the end its always about the money. "Wish I had some loftier goal."

Where is all the money? Where is the biggest development region going to be in the coming decades? And if you are going to get into commercial development in the mid east then you gotta take care of some business first, that being anyone who would threaten that development.

Check out this loc (25° 6'22.77"N 55° 8'54.85"E) in Google Earth (helps if you hum the Indiana Jones theme). Look honey, its Palm Jumeirah. Guess who has a great big hotel going up right on the end of that island? Yep, you guessed it, The Donald. Neat how that works out. The man knows how to deal.


the poster follows up with.... you might have guessed it.... a youtube video

[Toke]

Those coordinates is the "stem" of palm island at 1 km altitude.
I have seen it on discovery too, it still looks like a completely insane project.:)

(And no, I don´t see the OBL angle either)

[NWO Sentryman]

Len Hart again with his "wikipedia proves that 9/11 was an inside job" piece

As well as saying Purdue University lost all credibility because of aluminium cutting steel. A missed Stundie IMO

[jaydeehess]

Those coordinates is the "stem" palm island at 1 km altitude.
I have seen it on discovery too, it still looks like a completely insane project.:)

(And no, I don´t see the OBL angle either)

I should note that the poster was responding to my asking another poster why, if the idea was to garner war with Iraq, were there no supposedly Iraqi hijackers. In that context the response is even more odd.

[Justin39640]

I should note that the poster was responding to my asking another poster why, if the idea was to garner war with Iraq, were there no supposedly Iraqi hijackers. In that context the response is even more odd.

so we got attacked on 9/11 cause OBL lost some contracting bids?

from what i understood OBL didnt have much to do with the construction company, other being on the right side of the receivables desk. wrong, right?

[Justin39640]

What makes me laugh is the <insert fantasy> to explain anything you want. Too many examples to point out, but the ones that stand out are the ones already mentioned: Space Beams, nano-nukes, Voice morphing, remote-controlled planes, drilling holes in supports to insert nano-thermite etc
yeah the "build your own science" style of truthing can be hysterical
a lot of "WTF"s over the years

Completely agree with you. Nothing made me more angry than hearing Avery laughing off box-cutter attacks.

yeah avery (and most truthers) never seemed to grasp the fact that no matter how these people died theyre still dead
they claim to be working for the victims yet they mock and accuse them every day

sometimes what they do on the internet pales in comparison to how they act in the real world (http://forums.randi.org/showthread.php?t=144138)

[BigAl]

so we got attacked on 9/11 cause OBL lost some contracting bids?

from what i understood OBL didnt have much to do with the construction company, other being on the right side of the receivables desk. wrong, right?

By all accounts, the guy was hands-on and respected as a contractor. He grew up working with his father, who built much of the modern infrastructure in Saudi Arabia.

Source: The bin Ladens by Coll. (Bio of the entire bin Laden family)

[Perfume V]

Most of my favourites have been mentioned, but I have to put in a special mention for all those people who believe WTC7 was demolished because it contained sensitive documents. I mean, every time I need to get rid of personal information I just use a paper shredder. I feel so stupid now, knowing that the most efficient way of destroying paper is to demolish then rebuild my house.

[Carlos]

The 9/11 Conspiracy Theory is a government conspiracy
by South Park

[Toke]

I should note that the poster was responding to my asking another poster why, if the idea was to garner war with Iraq, were there no supposedly Iraqi hijackers. In that context the response is even more odd.

Yes very odd.
I guess that poster have a stick horse and do not care too much in which treads it prances.

[Trojan]

I'd have to go with 9/11 investigators ever changing theory that Mossad did it through the elevator shafts while dressed as Ninjas with Marvin's security team turning their back, etc.

[Justin39640]

By all accounts, the guy was hands-on and respected as a contractor. He grew up working with his father, who built much of the modern infrastructure in Saudi Arabia.

Source: The bin Ladens by Coll. (Bio of the entire bin Laden family)

wasnt that his brother Salem?
their dad died in '67 when OBL was about 10

ill have to read that one day though
i never really read that deep into the bin laden family history (obviously lol)

[Brainster]

I can't locate it right now, but Captain Sherlock (Field McConnell, a-gasp!-pilot for one of the commercial airlines) came up with a doozy about how the towers were destroyed with a binary weapon; half the weapon was affixed to the underside of the elevators and the other half came in on the planes, and when they were mixed it resulted in the demolition of the towers.

[jaydeehess]

Yes very odd.
I guess that poster have a stick horse and do not care too much in which treads it prances.

oohh---kay

I take it that may be a Danish saying that us North Americans have not heard before.

The poster has in the past put forth rather odd responses to my posts, responses that only obliquely address my post but do put forth a pet theory of his.
The way I read your phrase reflects this in a colloquial manner.

[Toke]

oohh---kay

I take it that may be a Danish saying that us North Americans have not heard before.

The poster has in the past put forth rather odd responses to my posts, responses that only obliquely address my post but do put forth a pet theory of his.
The way I read your phrase reflects this in a colloquial manner.
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.gavertalle.dk/images/53939.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.gavertalle.dk/index.php%3FcPath%3D26_29%26osCsid%3Dcd3ae5ba726ca d07f3a9b0ee746af3bc&h=500&w=500&sz=16&tbnid=hCl0pBclpKBCCM:&tbnh=130&tbnw=130&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dk%25C3%25A6phest&usg=__UCPZPkV5ge_OZo9BHtjT3RoM_2c=&ei=336pSpOJEcjB-QbClIzBBg&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=4&ct=imagehttp://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.gavertalle.dk/images/53939.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.gavertalle.dk/index.php%3FcPath%3D26_29%26osCsid%3Dcd3ae5ba726ca d07f3a9b0ee746af3bc&h=500&w=500&sz=16&tbnid=hCl0pBclpKBCCM:&tbnh=130&tbnw=130&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dk%25C3%25A6phest&usg=__UCPZPkV5ge_OZo9BHtjT3RoM_2c=&ei=336pSpOJEcjB-QbClIzBBg&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=4&ct=image
I see, my litterate translation may not be valid in english.
Pet theory would work too, and not being too carefull about where to advance it.