Ritual sex to change one's luck. Heh.

[HansMustermann]

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/11/02/taoist_master/

The short and skinny is that a model was told that having "ritual sex" with a Taoist Master would improve her luck. Which she did. Repeatedly. She apparently even insisted on paying him for it. Turns out it was just a truck driver.

Only change so far seems to be that she got pregnant.

As an aside... I don't know... it's stuff like this that makes me wonder just how superstitious, gullible and/or delusional some people can be. I mean, the whole "you need to blow me to get good luck" setup reads like a joke, except the joke used to involve a leprechaun instead of a Taoist Master...

[Rasmus]

Someone has to say it: He sure gut luckier!

From the article:
Unfortunately, the guru in question was actually 55-year-old truck driver Au Yeung Kwok-fu

... likje it would have been all good, or at least significantly better, if he had been a real "guru", or what?

[ponderingturtle]

Why do people think being a truck driver and guru or sage are so incompatable?

I think it will be difficult to show that his psychic luck sex is just as effective as other guru's psychic luck rituals.

[ParrotPirate]

Why do people think being a truck driver and guru or sage are so incompatable?

I think it will be difficult to show that his psychic luck sex is just as effective as other guru's psychic luck rituals.

I know I find driving rather meditative or zen-like ( at least when I'm not in the city).

[Simon39759]

Well; it does sounds kinda funny on face value.
On the other hand, the guy DID take advantage of her, and the trust and position of authority he exercised on her which is quite serious.

[Marduk]

I know I find driving rather meditative or zen-like ( at least when I'm not in the city).

crash much ?
:D

[HansMustermann]

Well, I'd think that failing to check the guy's credentials _is_ further proof of gullibility, if any more proof is needed. But the surrealistic element for me is that someone would just go on with a ritual that, basically, starts with "now you must blow me." I mean, we're not talking about wearing an amulet or saying a hundred Hail Marys. At the very least you'd think someone would... wonder if the Guru's interest in that ritual is purely charitable and does not contain a bit of self-interest. And not the enlightened kind ;)

[Mark6]

Well, I'd think that failing to check the guy's credentials _is_ further proof of gullibility, if any more proof is needed. But the surrealistic element for me is that someone would just go on with a ritual that, basically, starts with "now you must blow me."
Well, it did start with
Au Yeung "then used fu - written talismans - to mark her body".
"Blow me" was the SECOND step. ;)

[ponderingturtle]

Well; it does sounds kinda funny on face value.
On the other hand, the guy DID take advantage of her, and the trust and position of authority he exercised on her which is quite serious.

But did he believe what he was doing would help or not?

[HansMustermann]

Well; it does sounds kinda funny on face value.
On the other hand, the guy DID take advantage of her, and the trust and position of authority he exercised on her which is quite serious.

Well, that the guy is guilty of that, is undeniable. But I also think that she had to be terminally gullible to fall for that. One doesn't excuse the other.

[MattC]

It is amusing to realize how many of these ritual sex programs are invented by men.

[Hux]

What credentials, one wonders, must you have to be a Taoist master? Couldn't a toilet attendant be a master?

But if you can get blowjobs and get paid for them - where do I sign up? I could stay an atheist couldn't I? I mean they don't have Gods?

[Marduk]

But if you can get blowjobs and get paid for them - where do I sign up?

your local rail station should have a rent boy section, try there
:p

[Hux]

Whoah there. You making fun of my new religion? And why would I want boys? Im not a Catholic.

[HansMustermann]

Taoism has a metric buttload (about 1.1 imperial arseloads;)) of Gods, I'm affraid. If you want the no gods version you must go Buddhist master.

Though I suppose one could also get a variant of pantheism that's just an obfuscated way of saying "there is no God." Spinoza's God is an excellent example of that.

Hmm... Spinozan Guru sounds kinda cool, actually ;)

[Rasmus]

Why do people think being a truck driver and guru or sage are so incompatable?

I didn't mean to suggest that, btw. He got the gullible to do his bidding - seems he more than qualifies as a guru.

[Marduk]

Whoah there. You making fun of my new religion? And why would I want boys? Im not a Catholic.

its floundering, you need to sugar the deal somehow before you get started on charging people if you want to be a real cult leader like me
suggest you try paying women to blow you first and take it from there
:D

[m_huber]

I thought this was the funniest thing I had seen all day, until I got to the bottom and saw the related headline:

Witchdoctor orders Serb to have sex with hedgehog

[Mister Agenda]

Now THAT'll change your luck!

[Marduk]

from that headline theres this
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/09/15/serbian_witchdoctor/
We contacted a member of the International Association of Witchdoctors this morning for a comment. He told us: "This demonstrates the dangers in consulting unlicenced witchdoctors. We advise anyone with ejaculatory disfunction to consult our list of approved practitioners."
God save us from unlicensed witch doctors
:D

[quixotecoyote]

Best part of that article is the related stories section:

Related Stories

Error: a thorough search of the Register database for "sex" and "hedgehog" returned [0] results. Please modify your search to contain at least one IT-related term.

[Marduk]

Error: a thorough search of the Register database for "sex" and "hedgehog" returned [0] results. Please modify your search to contain at least one IT-related term.

works when I click on it, could you ask your parents to switch off your cyber nanny so you can read the article
:p

[HansMustermann]

I think he means the Related Stories at the bottom of the hedgehog article.

[Marduk]

I think he means the Related Stories at the bottom of the hedgehog article.

okies, noted, still I got my cheap shot in so it was worthwhile, apparently this is the approved and licensed witchdoctor remedy for impotence from the same article
"Mix one teaspoon of powdered ocelot spleen with Red Bull under a full moon. Drink one hour before attempting penetration while sitting in a pentacle formed by toad skulls. Then, when you're on the job, think about the mother-in-law and filling in tax returns."
I wonder if hes mixing up his "cure for impotence" with his "will cause impotence" remedies
:D

[ponderingturtle]

I didn't mean to suggest that, btw. He got the gullible to do his bidding - seems he more than qualifies as a guru.

It only seems remarkable for the involement of sex, but tying sex to magic is nothing remarkable. It seems that doing this with out the sex would have been unremarkable.

[Careyp74]

Well; it does sounds kinda funny on face value.
On the other hand, the guy DID take advantage of her, and the trust and position of authority he exercised on her which is quite serious.

She didn't wait long enough for her luck to turn around. Also, she did not have faith that it was going to work. I see no fault on the truck driver.

[Skeptic]

Unfortunately, the guru in question was actually 55-year-old truck driver Au Yeung Kwok-fu

Actually, she is Au Yeung Kwok fu... he's just a dirty old man.

[Simon39759]

That reminds me of the news a few week ago about this teacher at a Christian school that convinced a couple of teenager to have sex with him for some cultish reason...

[TimCallahan]

Well, as a general rule, people who have sex are luckier than people who don't, in that they're getting laid. So, there you are!

[Marduk]

Well, as a general rule, people who have sex are luckier than people who don't, in that they're getting laid. So, there you are!

doesnt that depend on if the person theyre having sex with looks like Pamela Anderson rather than Mother Theresa
:D

[Mick Houlahan]

Awesome. Kinda reminds me of this bar downtown - you go in, pay em five bucks, and they give you a drink and a sandwich, then take you in the back room and get you laid.

I've never been there, but my sister has.

[Marduk]

Awesome. Kinda reminds me of this bar downtown - you go in, pay em five bucks, and they give you a drink and a sandwich, then take you in the back room and get you laid.

I've never been there, but my sister has.

every town has a kfc, perhaps shes just confusing getting laid with the origin of chicken sandwiches
:p

[Achán hiNidráne]

Her first mistake was to go to a Taoist for her sexual rituals when the Wiccans have the real deal... or was it the Raelians....

[tyr_13]

But what am I to do if I have no luck getting sex?

Damn ketch 22.

[arthwollipot]

What credentials, one wonders, must you have to be a Taoist master?You don't need to be a Taoist master, you only need to convince someone that you are.

[Marduk]

Her first mistake was to go to a Taoist for her sexual rituals when the Wiccans have the real deal... or was it the Raelians....

its the Babylonian pantheists actually, you must have missed my international churchboard campaign.

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a178/belmarduk/made_at_www_txt2pic_com.jpg
we had to change the wording as the original message wasn't appreciated down south as some people thought it was offensive
http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a178/belmarduk/churchsign.jpg
:p

[Marduk]

But what am I to do if I have no luck getting sex?

Damn ketch 22.

if thats you in the picture, you'd just need to get arrested and thrown in county,

sex will follow
:p

[Hux]

Awesome. Kinda reminds me of this bar downtown - you go in, pay em five bucks, and they give you a drink and a sandwich, then take you in the back room and get you laid.

I've never been there, but my sister has.

Absolute class :D

[tyr_13]

if thats you in the picture, you'd just need to get arrested and thrown in county,

sex will follow
:p

:eye-poppi

[Skeptic]

Sex is usually due to romance, which leads to marriage, which often leads to divorce...

Why don't you shorten the procedure, tyr_13? Instead of looking for love, just find a woman you don't like and buy her a house.

[paiute]

And he was on solid scientific ground

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/2067223.stm

yours truly,
Sexual Guru for hire
Wan Hung Low

[NoZed Avenger]

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/11/02/taoist_master/

The short and skinny is that a model was told that having "ritual sex" with a Taoist Master would improve her luck. Which she did. Repeatedly.


I don't see the problem. Sounds like she got lucky.

[Hux]

Wan Hung Low?

Unlucky.

[Bob Blaylock]

Why do people think being a truck driver and guru or sage are so incompatible?


Taken out of the context of this thread, just reading this one sentence, am I the only one who immediately thinks of Roadtoad?

[Metullus]

Taken out of the context of this thread, just reading this one sentence, am I the only one who immediately thinks of Roadtoad?It does seem like an employment opportunity - the guy got paid, after all - but I'm not certain that Peggy would go along with it...

[tyr_13]

Sex is usually due to romance, which leads to marriage, which often leads to divorce...

Why don't you shorten the procedure, tyr_13? Instead of looking for love, just find a woman you don't like and buy her a house.

I'm too damn smart. Damn smart. That should be read 'damn (accusation) smart' as in I'm damning smart.

I was actually told that the other day. Apparently while I don't come off as a 'know it all' I came off as rather intelligent. Supposedly that intimidates women.

However, I think that isn't really a problem because when I'm around women, I become an idiot. :p

As far as how this is related to the thread.... why would Cubaka live on Endor?

[Roadtoad]

It does seem like an employment opportunity - the guy got paid, after all - but I'm not certain that Peggy would go along with it...

Probably not, but if Peggy and I had ritual sex over an extended period of time, would that change my luck at all?

[gtc]

However, I think that isn't really a problem because when I'm around women, I become an idiot. :p

I'm led to believe that sex with a Hong Kong truck driver can cure that.

[xXMoshtradamusXx]

Ok, I think it's still relevant. So where do you get to draw the line between "taking advantage" and sheer stupidity?
I mean the Nigerian Prince scheme seems way viable that this for crying out loud.

To sum up that I present this.
http://motivateurself.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/implied-facepalm.jpg

Wow this will so get me a breach and a slap for poor taste.
So is the baby eligible for a Darwin thanks to Mom?

[Skeptic]

I was actually told that the other day. Apparently while I don't come off as a 'know it all' I came off as rather intelligent. Supposedly that intimidates women.

Er... if someone tells you "you come off as rather intelligent" they usually mean "you come off as a 'know it all'"...

More seriously: perhaps, when around women, you speak too much about unrelated things out of insecurity? That's not rare.

[ponderingturtle]

Probably not, but if Peggy and I had ritual sex over an extended period of time, would that change my luck at all?

Is she painting mystic symbols on your body?

[NoZed Avenger]

Probably not, but if Peggy and I had ritual sex over an extended period of time, would that change my luck at all?

Well, some controlled trials seem to be in order.

[tyr_13]

Well, some controlled trials seem to be in order.

I don't want to think of what the controlled group might get.

[Roadtoad]

I don't want to think of what the controlled group might get.

Chicken. :p