Has Jack Chick been raptured away?

[Upchurch]

Because I enjoy mindless stupidity as much as the next guy, I tend to frequent Jack Chick's website (http://www.chick.com/) from time to time to catch the nutty fundy wackyness. For the last week or so, there has been a note promising a new tract on January 2nd. It's the second, so I thought I'd go see the new hate-filled zany-ness.

But, what do I see when I get there? Nothing! The site is down! There can only be one conclusion: The rapture has happened and not only has Jack Chick been taken away in the rapture, but so has his entire website!

He told us this time would come and we only mocked him. Now, please exuse me while I go check the "Yes, I want to be saved by Jesus" box and crawl around on the floor like an idiot to try to convince our loving lord Jesus (who oddly has no face) to not toss me in a lake of fire while quoting scripture at me.

[Keneke]

Perhaps his server was overloaded by the masses of fundies coming to see his new masterpiece?

[Upchurch]

Originally posted by Keneke
Perhaps his server was overloaded by the masses of fundies coming to see his new masterpiece? No, no, no. That doesn't fit with my rapture theory so it must be wrong. The masses of fundies who would have gone to see his masterpiece would agree with me, so I know I'm right.

[TruthSeeker]

Can you provide biblical support for your suggestion that the websites of the raptured will also be raptured?

Thanks.

:)

[Upchurch]

Originally posted by TruthSeeker
Can you provide biblical support for your suggestion that the websites of the raptured will also be raptured? No, but I've reasoned it out and it's logical so that must be what's happened. And I'm not lying so it's gotta be the truth.

[Keneke]

Originally posted by TruthSeeker
Can you provide biblical support for your suggestion that the websites of the raptured will also be raptured?

Thanks.

:)

Californians (Paul's letter to Californians) Chapter 6

8 You shall know a man by his works, whether by plowing or coding, and the fruit of his labors shall be with him the rest of his days, even unto Heaven.

9 Even as God takes you into his arms, so shall your labors be taken, for if you throw a brick at the back of Shirley's head, does it not disappear from your sight as you die?

10 So I say: if a man's labor exists after his death, then he is not within my arms. Weep not for Elvis, but rather for the joyous tongues of those whose works have forever been erased from the earth and all knowledge. You shall know them again in heaven.

[Lord Emsworth]

Originally posted by Upchurch
But, what do I see when I get there? Nothing! The site is down! There can only be one conclusion: The rapture has happened and not only has Jack Chick been taken away in the rapture, but so has his entire website!

But the page is up again.

That leaves only two conclusions:

a) The EAC has taaken over the site and slightly modified it into a tool of satan

b) God moves in mysterious ways

[TruthSeeker]

Surely, my dear Keneke, you are aware that most serious biblical scholars (i.e. the ones I agree with) suggest that Californians was not in fact written by Paul. Furthermore, they have argued, quite convincingly, that later transcribers have made unauthorized insertions and deletions to the text. Most serious of these is the idea that one's works are an important part of salvation. Salvation is about Grace. And Grace alone. Don't tell me you're one of those demon-cursed papists????

Furthermore, are you really suggesting that when we are raptured all our work tools (tractors, plows, computers, scalpels) will be going with us? Where is there space for this in heaven? I ain't working in heaven so taking all those tools is wasteful. Are you suggesting the Lord is wasteful?

I believe the Good Brother Chick has been taken to the dark side and his website made unavailable by the devil. He's blocking the message, brother. It's his latest feeble attempt to stop the saving of souls!

Amen.

Praise Be.

And pass the donuts.

[Upchurch]

Originally posted by Lord Emsworth

But the page is up again.Once I read this far, I stopped to go check this claim out for myself (skepticism and all that). Having confirmed that it is back up, I immedately jumped to the same conclusion that you did:a) The EAC has taaken over the site and slightly modified it into a tool of satanIt is the only possible explination for it being January 2 and still there is no update. Why is there no update? Jack Chick has been raptured. Case closed.

edited to add:
Plus, you'll notice that it didn't come back online until after I had announced Jack's disappearance here on this board. Coincidence? I think not!

[Keneke]

Originally posted by TruthSeeker
Furthermore, are you really suggesting that when we are raptured all our work tools (tractors, plows, computers, scalpels) will be going with us? Where is there space for this in heaven? I ain't working in heaven so taking all those tools is wasteful. Are you suggesting the Lord is wasteful?


Yes. If a work you have done remains behind, I know you'll be burning in hell. In advance, I am very sorry, I am sure hell hurts, and your disbelief has been noted. I'll pray for you.

Do you know why the history of pop music is so sinful? Because all of the righteous music disappears upon the performer's death; it is wiped from our minds and memories. And yes, Handel's Messiah is a piece of idolatric trash.

[Upchurch]

Originally posted by Keneke
Do you know why the history of pop music is so sinful? Because all of the righteous music disappears upon the performer's death; it is wiped from our minds and memories.The only reason we still have most of the Beatles' stuff is because of Lennon's "Bigger than Jesus" crack. Ironically, he saved us his music while losing his soul.

[Andonyx]

Originally posted by Upchurch


edited to add:
Plus, you'll notice that it didn't come back online until after I had announced Jack's disappearance here on this board. Coincidence? I think not!

Obviously it was your act of conscious observation that made it so.

[Upchurch]

whew (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1050/1050_01.asp)

edited to add:
Odd little underaged lesbian twist there at the end...

[Keneke]

Originally posted by Upchurch
The only reason we still have most of the Beatles' stuff is because of Lennon's "Bigger than Jesus" crack. Ironically, he saved us his music while losing his soul.

"Imagine no religion" - Lennon
"Imagine no Lennon" - God

[phildonnia]

Originally posted by Upchurch
Because I enjoy mindless stupidity as much as the next guy, I tend to frequent Jack Chick's website (http://www.chick.com/) from time to time to catch the nutty fundy wackyness.

I wish I could remember the post, but someone on this forum has given a name to our pain: "Skepticomacochism".

[Lord Emsworth]

Originally posted by Upchurch
whew (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1050/1050_01.asp)

edited to add:
Odd little underaged lesbian twist there at the end...

How subtle and clever of the EAC!

Substituting the Word Of God with a ridiculous Straw Man version that is virtually bound to drive all the unsaved deeper into their folly and, perhaps, causing righteous believers to stumble.

How vicious and evil!

[Marc]

Originally posted by phildonnia


I wish I could remember the post, but someone on this forum has given a name to our pain: "Skepticomacochism".

Might have been one of mine. Not the origin of the term, but I have done my part in spreading it around here. A name for whatever that urge is that drives skeptics to visit the hights of stupidity when they know they will be disgusted by it.

[NightG1]

I wonder if it went "WHHHOOOOSSSHHHH!!!!!" like in his tracts. I always wondered what the sound of the rapture would be and now, thanks to Jack, I know.

[Upchurch]

Originally posted by NightG1
I wonder if it went "WHHHOOOOSSSHHHH!!!!!" like in his tracts. I always wondered what the sound of the rapture would be and now, thanks to Jack, I know. Well, assuming that one simply vanished rather than rising up into the heavens, wouldn't it be more of a popping sound as the air rushed in to occupy the space the "rapturee" formally occupied? Whooshing usually occurs when gas is pushed through a small oppening.

Not even Jack can get them all right, I suppose.

[Kopji]

Behold the new 2004 tract titled - Stealth Religion (Everything is a Religion) (http://www.chick.com/bc/2004/religion.asp)

Better gird up our loins.

[hgc]

Originally posted by Upchurch
No, but I've reasoned it out and it's logical so that must be what's happened. And I'm not lying so it's gotta be the truth. Sounds like you lifegazed it.

[Upchurch]

Originally posted by hgc
Sounds like you lifegazed it. Actually, it's my own special blend of trolls and woo-woos, lightly sprinkled on BS and baked at 300 degrees for 2.5 hours. mm-mmm! Dat's a spicy meat-a-ball!

[Upchurch]

Originally posted by Kopji
Behold the new 2004 tract titled - Stealth Religion (Everything is a Religion) (http://www.chick.com/bc/2004/religion.asp) My favorite part is at the end of the piece where he hocks his own books as solutions to the "evolutionary materialism" threat!

[c4ts]

[

[!Xx+-Rational-+xX!]

He must have been rationalized out of existence!...! Not by himself though!

[c4ts]

As Christians, we rightly learn how to lead Mormons, Roman Catholics, Jehovah's Witnesses, and Moslems to Christ.

This just cracks me up.

[rdaneel]

Originally posted by Kopji
Behold the new 2004 tract titled - Stealth Religion (Everything is a Religion) (http://www.chick.com/bc/2004/religion.asp)
I can't help but wonder just how one goes about having the "atheistic faith" mentioned in the last paragraph.

[Humphreys]

Originally posted by Upchurch
whew (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1050/1050_01.asp)

What a lovely story. It is great that Cathy was so trusting in her friend, and took her outrageous, extraordinary story as absolute truth no questions asked.

Yep. With the light of the Lord, a ton of magic Crystals, and an Alex Chui immortality ring, little Cathy is going to be just fine.

What is the message in this cartoon?

Religion is fecking stupid. That is the message, I think.

[Keneke]

Originally posted by rdaneel

I can't help but wonder just how one goes about having the "atheistic faith" mentioned in the last paragraph.

By leaping a tiny, tiny gap between Weak and Hard Atheism. It's the smallest of gaps, but it is there, in the form of not being able to prove a negative. True, it's so much less assumption than any religious statement, but there it is.

When someone calls atheism a religion, I guess we should just refutes the implications of that statement, and not the statement itself.

[c4ts]

Wow. Lil' Suzy is just asking for a Cthulhu parody. Too bad it's already been done.

[Ralph]

Originally posted by Upchurch
Well, assuming that one simply vanished rather than rising up into the heavens, wouldn't it be more of a popping sound as the air rushed in to occupy the space the "rapturee" formally occupied? Whooshing usually occurs when gas is pushed through a small oppening.

Not even Jack can get them all right, I suppose.

I've been reading quite a few of the posts over on the Rapture Ready board. That is a VERY disturbing place over there.

There are a few that are monitoring earthquakes around the world.
They refer to them as "birth pains" and think it's just a sign of Jesus getting ready to come down & kick some heathen ass.

There are dead serious discussions about all the chaos that's going to occur when millions of people suddenly vanish in an instant.

Many of them are practically salivating at the thought of some horrible disaster occuring. Some seem delighted at the Iranian earthquake---not because it was muslims who were killed---just because it might mean their special day is coming.



About the only fundie I actually know is someone I work with......and she's nowhere near as loony as these people are.

I hope none of these people have weapons...............................

[Abdul Alhazred]

Originally posted by Upchurch
He told us this time would come and we only mocked him.

Aw shucks, Upchurch. Isn't L'il Suzy (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1050/1050_01.asp) the sweetest thing you ever saw?

[Abdul Alhazred]

Look what I found.

Doctor No-face (or your mother) died for your sins! (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0027/0027_01.asp)

[c4ts]

Ph-nglui mglw'nafh Jesus R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

[Ian Perez]

Speaking of Chick, I was just given my first actual pulp and paper tract (Gunslinger, cause they were too lazy to give me a new one) today by a guy handing them out on the steet. What should I do, keep it as a conversation piece, throw it out, or mail it to somebody I don't like?

[the_ignored]

Originally posted by Abdul Alhazred
Look what I found.

Doctor No-face (or your mother) died for your sins! (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0027/0027_01.asp)

Pathetic. Not even close! Why?

In this story, it was literally "a life for a life" With christ, it was "be dead for 3 days then come back" balancing out "an ETERNITY of torture" for US. Not even close.

The story had it more balanced out than the bible itself has. I've YET to hear just how "3 days = ETERNAL TORMENT"!

It seems to me that if christ DID pay for "our sins" that he'd still be in hell.

Otherwise, then WE who "reject" christ should just pay the SAME "penalty" he did.... 3 days, and then come back....


There's other problems with that comic, but that's the main one.



Also, he has a new comic (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1050/1050_01.asp) out now.



edit--if anyone's offended, sorry, but I can't find any other way to elaborate on that!


2nd edit---crap. You've already mentioned the new comic.....

Where's the Cthulhu parody of THAT comic?

[Abdul Alhazred]

Originally posted by the_ignored


Pathetic. Not even close! Why?

In this story, it was literally "a life for a life" With christ, it was "be dead for 3 days then come back" balancing out "an ETERNITY of torture" for US. Not even close.


You think that's bad how about THIS (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0037/0037_01.asp)

[TruthSeeker]

Originally posted by Humphreys


What is the message in this cartoon?



I think the message is that parents divorce because they don't love their children and that if your divorced parent remarries, he/she is going to hell.

Or maybe it's that the answer to crushing loss is to escape the reality of the loss by embracing a fairy tale?

Or maybe it's that God loves you so much, he won't let your parents live long enough for you to grow up but he will "comfort" you in invisible ways after he kills them?

Or maybe I'm missing something?

[Abdul Alhazred]

Originally posted by the_ignored

Pathetic. Not even close! Why?


Doctor No-face was featured in Batman comics about forty years ago, but since that he's been reduced to playing the heavy in Chick Tracts.

[Abdul Alhazred]

Originally posted by Ian Perez
Speaking of Chick, I was just given my first actual pulp and paper tract (Gunslinger, cause they were too lazy to give me a new one) today by a guy handing them out on the steet. What should I do, keep it as a conversation piece, throw it out, or mail it to somebody I don't like?

Keep it.

I have a collection of Chick Tracts that I acquired back in the 1970s. Some of them are no longer in print (or on the website).

Kings of the East is a good one. The Bible says the Chinese are going to take over the world starting with Australia.

I guess the Bible doesn't say that anymore.

Soul Story (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0069/0069_01.asp) is also one of my favorites. It's no longer in print, but unlike Kings of the East, Chick will print up a batch of them for you for the right price.