Scaring Fundies with Common Items You Probably Have About the House

[Keziah Mason]

There's a thread over at Rapture Ready about "cleaning house" in which people describe cutting up video tapes, breaking CDs, and of course, burning books that are dark, cultic, and that do not glorify god. They aren't talking porn, Satanic bibles, or the like but horror movies, Metallica CDs, and Stephen King, and so on. Things that should be completely non-threatening.

(Oh yeah, they have to destroy them because they're afraid they might lead some other poor soul to temptation.)

But this got me thinking - my house would completely terrify them (I would say scare them witless, but they already are). I've got a grand collection of horror DVDs (splatter films are a favorite), all the HP Lovecraft stuff I can get my grubby webbed fingers on (Stephen King's for wussies :p ), and of course the obligatory Metallica CDs, along with Rob Zombie and Cradle of Filth CDs. All in all a fine collection of demonic items to panic any visiting fundies.

The problem is, how to get them into the house?

Oh well, the problem solved itself one day when a pair of JWs came to visit. Outwardly, we were very much alike - your average middle aged females in a middle class suburb. But I don't think I could have scared them more if I had been a huge Hell's Angels biker. They rang the bell and I answered. I had been watching a zombie movie and the sounds of people screaming and being devoured blared from the living room. But what really drew their attention, what they seemed unable to take their eyes away from, was my Texas Chainsaw Massacre t-shirt.

They left rather quickly, after many frantic glances around the interior of my house, and I have never been bothered again. I was exceedingly polite, BTW.

Now, anyone can scare away a fundy by coming to the door with a 12-guage and a bottle of beer and declaring "I don't want to talk about no Jesus s**t!" but I think it's interesting to scare them away by the simpler items and ways.

So, share the tales of "demonic" items in your house (oh, you horrible Harry Potter reading sinners!) and of using them, even so innocently, to send the saved fleeing in terror.

[Zero]

I remember a good time I had invitiung the JWs in, grabbing beers for everyone and popping in a porn tape...loads of laughs!

[Andonyx]

Originally posted by Zero
I remember a good time I had invitiung the JWs in, grabbing beers for everyone and popping in a porn tape...loads of laughs!

I think the next time I've got nothing to do I'm gonna come to your house peddling salvation.

[Zero]

Originally posted by Andonyx


I think the next time I've got nothing to do I'm gonna come to your house peddling salvation. See, if they had been cool, they would have had a good time!:D

[Keziah Mason]

Porn is way too easy as a way to scare fundies.

These folks are talking about getting rid of Stephen Kings books 'fer crying out loud.

Should two adult women really look scared when talking to another adult woman who was wearing a picture of Leatherface on her shirt?

[Zero]

Originally posted by Keziah Mason
Porn is way too easy as a way to scare fundies.

These folks are talking about getting rid of Stephen Kings books 'fer crying out loud.

Should two adult women really look scared when talking to another adult woman who was wearing a picture of Leatherface on her shirt? Not as scared as they would have been if you were wearing an actual human skin on your face...but that's just me.

[c4ts]

Any book other than the bible or a cookbook will send the fundies fleeing in terror.

[Checkmite]

Just make sure one of these (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0811839575/qid=1073503179/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-4207240-5061721?v=glance&s=books) is sitting on the coffee table when you invite them in.

[DVFinn]

I like a copy of Free Inquiry on the Coffee table when I entertain JWs, or the right scene from "The Last Temptation of Christ" playing.

Occasionaly I like to try to draw them into a conversation, but I have been known to answer the door naked except for a halloween mask.

[Ravenwood]

As a long time SCA memeber, I find that the 3 claymores, 2 regular swords (1 Viking, 1 Norman) & the Boar spear on the wall, as well as the mail hauberk & kettle hat on the armor stand in the corner & the Battle of Hastings painting over the sofa immediately scares off most JW & fundy visitors. Perhaps I should move my HPL bookase into the living room for more "ammo";)

[Hexxenhammer]

There are usually a few D&D books on my coffeetable and in the dining room is a bookcase full of all sci-fi, fantasy, physics, and biology books. There are usually some gaming miniatures in various stages of painting sitting on the shelves too. And an obviously satanic black cat prowling around ready to claw creduloids.

[CapelDodger]

Many, many moons ago I had a girlfriend who shared a house with two other students. One Sunday lunchtime, being student girls, they were slobbing around in dressing-gowns building up their caffeine and aspirin levels when the bell rang. "You answer that ..." - hello, two Mormons on the doorstep. I'm about to give them the "All monkey-worshippers her, mate" line when the (recently on the brink of death) girls appeared next to me zip, zip, zip, like Hewy, Lewy and Dewy - one small and deeply gorgeous, one voluptuous with wicked eyes and flaming red hair, one tall and aristocratically lovely. "Oh, come in boys ..." The poor Mormons gave me a hunted look like I've never seen before or since, and I smiled smugly back. Off they went at a goodly pace, backwards at first. One of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Since they fled into the red-light district of Leicester, I doubt if they ever forgot that day. Anyway, the moral is, Mormons have nothing to offer the man who lives with three women.

[Phil]

Keep an Iron Maiden CD handy, and play it very loud.



The Number of the Beast
Harris

I left alone my mind was blank
I needed time to get the memories from my mind

What did I see can I believe that what I saw
that night was real and not just fantasy

Just what I saw in my old dreams were they
reflections of my warped mind staring back at me

Cos in my dreams it's always there the evil face that twists my mind
and brings me to despair

The night was black was no use holding back
Cos I just had to see was someone watching me
In the mist dark figures move and twist
was all this for real or some kind of hell
666 the Number of the Beast
Hell and fire was spawned to be released

Torches blazed and sacred chants were praised
as they start to cry hands held to the sky
In the night the fires burning bright
the ritual has begun Satan's work is done
666 the Number of the Beast
Sacrifice is going on tonight

This can't go on I must inform the law
Can this still be real or some crazy dream
but I feel drawn towards the evil chanting hordes
they seem to mesmerise me...can't avoid their eyes
666 the Number of the Beast
666 the one for you and me

I'm coming back I will return
And I'll possess your body and I'll make you burn
I have the fire I have the force
I have the power to make my evil take its course

[Yahweh]

I'm one who has more than his fair share of pentagrams, knives, and all around fun fun EVIL...

A short list of books and music I own:
A large collection of books by Dean Koontz
Another large collection of books by Stephen King
Rob Zombie
Cradle of Filth
Marilyn Manson
Insane Clown Posse
Human Evolution
Programming COBOL

My house is a house to FEAR...

[RCNelson]

Yahweh:
My house is a house to FEAR...
Yea, but you're Yahweh - the JWs/Fundies are supposed to fear you!

[Rocky]

When my room mate started dating a fundy, I got a few Darwin books. A few days later he (at her request) asked me to put them some where else than the living room. Too bad it was my house. He moved out a month later. The power of an idea....

[Paul C. Anagnostopoulos]

I just toss in my tape of "Teletubbies Do Dallas."

~~ Paul

[Samus]

I've got a copy of Metallica's St. Anger album, they might as well destroy that as I'll probably never listen to it again.

[jj]

Buy a black cape with a hood, and carry a large book around with you. Keep saying things like "Ia, Ia, Cthulhu Fthagn" :)

[Funkenstien]

Just recently, I had some fundies at my school preaching The Apocalypse. Now, I attend an art school, so the thinking is fairly liberal, but they accept everyone, as long as you don't push your opinions on others. Anywhoo, these guys were on there pulpit in the middle of the street, complete with charts, and pictures of 9/11, all the while speaking about the Rapture and how only the "saved" will be spared from The Anitchrist, yadda yadda yadda...

Here's the fun part. Unknown to the fundies, there were a handful of Theology majors in the mix of people, who started asking them questions about there beliefs. It was like watching a sniper pick it's targets with the utmost precision, and systematically take out there targets without breaking a sweat. These people when from "It will happen soon!" to "It will happen" to "It could happen" to "Where did you read that?" in just under ten minutes.

What does this have to do with the OP? If you really want to scare fundies out of there wits, hit them with something we all have in our homes: the truth :D

[Zero]

Oh, how could I forget about when I used to room with my brother?!? Whenever he would bring his weirdo fundie girlfriend over, I would go in my room and crank up the stereo...

...I have a 100 disc player set ti "kill", and full of everything from Slayer to Slipknot, Megadeth to Maiden!*GRINS*

[patnray]

Many years ago I was digging out a backed up septic tank when the Mormons showed up. I just kept on shoveling. A load of crap plopped at their feet and they backed up a step. Of course I flung the next shovel full a little further so it still landed at their feet. They backed up again. They turned around and left after the third one....

[bozothedeathmachine]

Originally posted by patnray
Many years ago I was digging out a backed up septic tank when the Mormons showed up. I just kept on shoveling. A load of crap plopped at their feet and they backed up a step. Of course I flung the next shovel full a little further so it still landed at their feet. They backed up again. They turned around and left after the third one....

Fighting crap with crap. Nice strategy.

[Yahweh]

Originally posted by Funkenstien
Here's the fun part. Unknown to the fundies, there were a handful of Theology majors in the mix of people, who started asking them questions about there beliefs. It was like watching a sniper pick it's targets with the utmost precision, and systematically take out there targets without breaking a sweat. These people when from "It will happen soon!" to "It will happen" to "It could happen" to "Where did you read that?" in just under ten minutes.
:D :D :D

[c4ts]

I've got a half a row full of Nietzche on one of my bookshelves. More fun than a barrel of fundie-cide. Of course if I really wanted to scare them away I'd just reach for the nearest hardback Tolstoy novel and throw it.

[rdaneel]

Reminds me of a great picture from this thread (http://www.randi.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=30758&highlight=when+Jehovahs+witnesses+attack)

http://bissells.com/cindy/funstuff/funphotos/images/doorknocker.jpg

[Marc]

One of my brothers maried a very religious woman, if not an outright fundi. She threw out his Santana albums on him (must have misread the labels) :rolleyes:

Speaking with their daughter was the only time I can recal someone useing the word blasphemy in a sentence without it being sarcastic. At least the eldest has enough corrupting influences to get away from that. :D