Shock horror, Jesus had a penis

[commandlinegamer]

Actually I think the artist has a poor grasp of anatomy or is just crap:

http://newsok.com/warr-acres-catholic-church-has-crucifix-some-say-shows-exposed-genitals-of-jesus/article/3453833?custom_click=lead_story_title#ixzz0l7CNnmL H

[Monketey Ghost]

That is hysterical, and obviously, to my mind anyways, intentional. The artist certainly didn't mistake that when creating it.

[Lisa Simpson]

Jesus, he's hung!

[Monketey Ghost]

*rim shot*

Lisa Simpson, ladies and gentlemen!

[JWideman]

No wonder he was celibate.

[Elizabeth I]

He also appears to have several very nasty hernias.

[Tatyana]

This image is already wallpaper on several of our computers in the lab.

It is too bad we didn't get it in time for Easter.

:)

[DC]

that isnt Jesus Christ superstar, its Jesus Christ pornstar. :eek:

no wonder Maria Magdalena followed him.

[Radrook]

Jesus was a man. A penis is part of a man's normal anatomy. So why the horror?

[Brainache]

Jesus was a man. A penis is part of a man's normal anatomy. So why the horror?

Did you see the picture?

[Björn Toulouse]

Didn't know the church had the balls to display that.

[Radrook]

Did you see the picture?

No. But now that I have I can understand the reason for thge comments.

[Monketey Ghost]

An artist who has done imagery for churches before is certainly aware of what the work looks like from twenty, thirty feet back. It's unlikely to be a mistake.

Oh Lord, come!

[Brainache]

No.

Well as the penis in the picture extends from His loin cloth to his sternum and is half as wide as His torso, I can understand the horror. Imagine trying to keep that inside your speedos...

[four elevener]

Am I going to Hell for being turned on by Jesus?

[Monketey Ghost]

If you are, we're all going. Not gay, but the dude was strapped.

[Sun Countess]

Didn't know the church had the balls to display that.

Jesus brought them.

[Undesired Walrus]

I'm almost weeping with laughter. I find it hilarious when religous people get offended by the smallest of problems, so imagining a bunch of Catholics praying in church only to notice their image of Jesus appears to have an enormous erect cock poking out of his lioncloth really pushes the hilarity.

[MRC_Hans]

Some people see penises everywhere. But I suppose that once you have got the penis image into your head, it could be difficult to shake off.

Hans

[Scott Haley]

One of the minor holidays on the Eastern Orthodox Church calendar is the Feast of the Circumcision of Christ. Hey, he was Jewish. It's the eighth day after Christmas.

[tsig]

*rim shot*

Lisa Simpson, ladies and gentlemen!

You can't blame Lisa for that.

Oh wait.....

[Trent Wray]

This is beyond Chuck Norris. It's serves the purpose of both a tightly ripped six-pack AND a super shlong. He's combined two essentials into one.

It's a miracle.

When can I get in line to venerate it?

And the other idea is that Jesus is merely displayed here with one of God's favorites creations, the geoduck clam (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geoduck):

http://i969.photobucket.com/albums/ae174/trentwray/geoduck.jpg

[blobru]

http://i298.photobucket.com/albums/mm270/blobru/medium.jpg

:eusa_pray: "Come unto me, Jesus!" :aaa!

[Safe-Keeper]

"...but it was not just the type of convent that was the problem. There were also boys. I was way into boys. Even though for a while I thought it could be me and Jesus forever. I had a huge Jesus poster in my bedroom, and He had this flowing blonde hair, and these big, beseeching eyes, and a sexy beard... I will confess to you that that Jesus helped me discover the pleasures of my own body." --Julia Sweeney, in her one-woman show Letting Go of God

[Cainkane1]

Actually I think the artist has a poor grasp of anatomy or is just crap:

http://newsok.com/warr-acres-catholic-church-has-crucifix-some-say-shows-exposed-genitals-of-jesus/article/3453833?custom_click=lead_story_title#ixzz0l7CNnmL H
I don't want to be graphic but if I were nailed to a couple of pieces of wood my member wouldn't look like that.

[TimCallahan]

If this were truly an image of an erect penis and testicles rather than stylistically drawn abdominal muscles, then Jesus' testicles would have been sprouting from his navel.

However, the real crucified Jesus would have indeed been showing his genitalia. One of the probable inaccuracies of crucifixion scenes is the decorous bit of loin cloth he's wearing. Remember that, along with protracted suffering, one of the points of crucifixion was humiliation. Thus his Roman executioners would not have left Jesus, or anyone else being crucified, the least bit of dignity. He would have been crucified naked.

[Björn Toulouse]

Some people see penises everywhere. But I suppose that once you have got the penis image into your head, it could be difficult to shake off.

Hans


Especially if you do it every day.

[The Nimble Pianist]

Why is this suddenly shocking to Catholics? I'm not sure what that mass on his abdomen was originally supposed to be, but it is shown on every San Damiano cross/icon across Christendom.

http://www.google.com/images?hl=en&source=imghp&q=San+Damiano+cross&gbv=2&aq=f&aqi=g2&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=

[Pardalis]

So crucifixion works just as well as Viagra?

[Skeptic]

Didn't know the church had the balls to display that.

Wanna bet (http://poetry.rotten.com/stained-glass/stainglass.jpg)?

[Pardalis]

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a154/perdalis/medium.jpg

I especially like the way the characters around him are staring right at it.

[Aepervius]

I looked at the picture. And looked. And looked. And I was thinkiong where the goddamn they see a penis, I only see a small skirt under the stomach. And reading the comment here I finally realized that due to a badly drawn stomach, people saw a penis there instead.

I dunno what should surprise me the most, that people got shoclked at the picture, or that nobody even tryed to explain them what paradeolia is.

[154]

Huh.. in the Catholic Church.. with a bunch of gay guys... I'm sure it's just coincidental...

[Morrigan]

"...but it was not just the type of convent that was the problem. There were also boys. I was way into boys. Even though for a while I thought it could be me and Jesus forever. I had a huge Jesus poster in my bedroom, and He had this flowing blonde hair, and these big, beseeching eyes, and a sexy beard... I will confess to you that that Jesus helped me discover the pleasures of my own body." --Julia Sweeney, in her one-woman show Letting Go of God


A cross upon her bedroom wall
From grace she will fall
An image burning in her mind
And between... her thighs

A dying God-man full of pain
When will you cum again?
Before him beg to serve or please
On your back or knees

There's no forgiveness for her sins
Prefers punishment?
Would you suffer eternally
Or internally?

For her lust
She'll burn in hell
Her soul done medium well
All through mass manual stimulation
Salvation

Corpus Christi
She needs
Corpus Christi

She'd like to know God
Ooh love God
Feel her God
Inside of her--deep inside of her

Jesus Christ looks like me...


RIP Peter. :(

[Third Eye Open]

I'm gunna get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus...

[Yeggster]

He has Risen!

[TimCallahan]

So crucifixion works just as well as Viagra?

In reality . . . perhaps. If the pain is intense enough, it can provoke a neurological state called the ultra-paradoxical response, in which pain is perceived as pleasure. This explains the Buddhist monks who could sit calmly while immolating themselves, even propping themselves up with one arm when they started to topple over.

It could also have been part of the degradation of crucifixion that the one being crucified would not only be naked, but might have sprung and erection at the point when they entered the ultra-paradoxical state. The Beresovka mammoth, found frozen in Siberia, had a broken pelvis, broken foreleg, was sprawled in a puddle of congealed blood - and had a full erection.

[154]

If this were truly an image of an erect penis and testicles rather than stylistically drawn abdominal muscles, then Jesus' testicles would have been sprouting from his navel."stylistically drawn abdominal muscles"? Yeah, right.

However, the real crucified Jesus would have indeed been showing his genitalia. One of the probable inaccuracies of crucifixion scenes is the decorous bit of loin cloth he's wearing. Remember that, along with protracted suffering, one of the points of crucifixion was humiliation. Thus his Roman executioners would not have left Jesus, or anyone else being crucified, the least bit of dignity. He would have been crucified naked.True.

[Modified]

He also appears to have several very nasty hernias.

And gills. Jesus can breathe under water.

[ddt]

I don't want to be graphic but if I were nailed to a couple of pieces of wood my member wouldn't look like that.

Which part of the picture are you describing as a piece of wood? :boxedin:

[Monketey Ghost]

Am I the only one who thinks it was intentional? :)

[One Eyed Jack]

Jesus was a man. A penis is part of a man's normal anatomy. So why the horror?

Penis envy. He's hung like a horse! I have new respect for Christianity.

[Ron_Tomkins]

Oh no!!!

They've tainted the image of Jesus Christ with these horrid, sexist manipulations!! Won't somebody think of the chirren? Oh my God, we're all going to Hell.

*Prays euphorically in silence*

[Elizabeth I]

And the other idea is that Jesus is merely displayed here with one of God's favorites creations, the geoduck clam (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geoduck)

I think those clams are the original inspiration for the graboids in Tremors.

[Pardalis]

Am I the only one who thinks it was intentional? :)

No, as Nimble Pianist mentioned earlier (http://forums.randi.org/showthread.php?postid=5838104#post5838104), it's part of the way they naively painted the Jesus figure in Byzantine and Medieval art.

A few examples:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/af/Crucifixion_Icon_Sinai_13th_century.jpg
http://www.monachos.net/content/images/icons/cross_crucifixion.gif
http://www2.cytanet.com.cy/gogreek/Jesus_Nimfios.jpg


they hadn't discovered perspective back then, let alone proper anatomy.

ETA: that said, when I think about it, there could be a level of subliminality involved. Here's a theory: devout Christians are known to be sexually repressed, so maybe the original artist who developped the technique of portraying Jesus in that particular posture was unintentionally drawing a penis, unconsciously depicting his own desires or inhibitions, and since artists in those days openly copied their predecessor (it was actually a pre-requisite to become an artist, plagiarism didn't have the negative connotation it has today, as most of them were anonymous anyway), then the penis got reproduced over and over without anyone noticing the original "misintent".

[Pardalis]

I looked at the picture. And looked. And looked. And I was thinkiong where the goddamn they see a penis, I only see a small skirt under the stomach. And reading the comment here I finally realized that due to a badly drawn stomach, people saw a penis there instead.

I dunno what should surprise me the most, that people got shoclked at the picture, or that nobody even tryed to explain them what paradeolia is.

Still, it's funny to see some Christians getting all worked up on it now, and like any illusions, once you see it, you can't unsee it. The schlong is there forever now, even if it wasn't intended, which makes it even funnier given the image is supposed to be sacred.

[fuelair]

Didn't know the church had the balls to display that.

But, they are working to cut them off.

[Redtail]

http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2010/4/17/129160183630151273.jpg

[Aquila]

Am I the only one who thinks it was intentional? :)

I think that the artist might have had religious/spiritual intentions in trying to link the crucifixion to sex - after all the whole process (temptation, betrayal, crucifixion) is called The "Passion".

However, the shape on the painting cannot be Jesus' penis, as his would have been circumcised.

[Sledge]

Oh no!!!

They've tainted the image of Jesus Christ with these horrid, sexist manipulations!! Won't somebody think of the chirren?
The Catholics have that one covered.
I think that the artist might have had religious/spiritual intentions in trying to link the crucifixion to sex - after all the whole process (temptation, betrayal, crucifixion) is called The "Passion".

However, the shape on the painting cannot be Jesus' penis, as his would have been circumcised.
Vampires can regenerate, so...

[Darth Rotor]

Triune God? That looks more like a Tripod God ...

[JWideman]

In reality . . . perhaps. If the pain is intense enough, it can provoke a neurological state called the ultra-paradoxical response, in which pain is perceived as pleasure. This explains the Buddhist monks who could sit calmly while immolating themselves, even propping themselves up with one arm when they started to topple over.

It could also have been part of the degradation of crucifixion that the one being crucified would not only be naked, but might have sprung and erection at the point when they entered the ultra-paradoxical state. The Beresovka mammoth, found frozen in Siberia, had a broken pelvis, broken foreleg, was sprawled in a puddle of congealed blood - and had a full erection.

http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090611164827/en.futurama/images/3/32/Amazonians.jpg
Approves.

[Tsukasa Buddha]

Penises don't come out of navels, last I checked.

And if you see a penis, Freud says you are a gay homosexual.

Unless you are a girl, then you have the penis envy.

[kuroyume0161]

I'm gunna get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus...

Who knew that this was why I was a christian? Gay and here I have Jesus of Finland. All makes sense now!

[kuroyume0161]

Penises don't come out of navels, last I checked.

And if you see a penis, Freud says you are a gay homosexual.

Unless you are a girl, then you have the penis envy.

While it may be paradeolia (or phalledolia?), I've seen enough of those things to know intentional imagery when I see it. It may be in the incorrect place marginally (intentionally for sure so as to hide it). It may be massive (thank you, lord). Either way, a naive artist or repressed sexually - in my book. Looking at the rest of the body, this musculature style is not used elsewhere.

[Nosi]

I looked at the picture. And looked. And looked. And I was thinkiong where the goddamn they see a penis, I only see a small skirt under the stomach. And reading the comment here I finally realized that due to a badly drawn stomach, people saw a penis there instead.

I dunno what should surprise me the most, that people got shoclked at the picture, or that nobody even tryed to explain them what paradeolia is.

Holy Inkspots Batman!:eek:

[Nosi]

Still, it's funny to see some Christians getting all worked up on it now, and like any illusions, once you see it, you can't unsee it. The schlong is there forever now, even if it wasn't intended, which makes it even funnier given the image is supposed to be sacred.

Gotta feel for the Church getting stiffed like that intentionally or not!:blush:

[Brainache]

Mary Magdelene: Is that a gourd in your loincloth, or are you just pleased to see me?

[St.Michael]

I'm just imagining a speech bubble with Jesus saying: "Ta-Dah".

[fishbait]

Jizzus Christ!

[Ausmerican]

No wonder they thought he was god!

[FledgelingSkeptic]

He has Risen!

Damnit! You beat me to it! :p

[Bob Klase]

And if you see a penis, Freud says you are a gay homosexual.

Unless you are a girl, then you have the penis envy.

Didn't Freud also say, "sometimes a penis is just a penis"?

[shandyjan]

Well as far as paradeolia goes...at least it isnt appearing in their toast!

[Skeptic]

And if you see a penis, Freud says you are a gay homosexual.

Is there such a thing as a gay heterosexual?

Although I agree with your view of Freud's over-analysis.

[alfaniner]

If them balls let loose it will be like a scene out of Scary Movie.

Jizzus Christ!

You win.

[Monketey Ghost]

Jizzus Christ!

Win x2!

"Put your sword back in its place," Jesus said to him, "for all who draw the sword will die by the sword."

[Sledge]

That second coming is going to be messy.

[Bob Klase]

Is there such a thing as a gay heterosexual?

Why yes, there is:

http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/entry/gay
ADJECTIVE:
gay·er, gay·est

1. Of, relating to, or having a sexual orientation to persons of the same sex.
2. Showing or characterized by cheerfulness and lighthearted excitement; merry.
3. Bright or lively, especially in color: a gay, sunny room.
4. Given to social pleasures.
5. Dissolute; licentious.

Just skip #1.

[Mick Houlahan]

So an iconic image of Jesus with a monster shlong persists for centuries, and the church pretends not to see it. How incredibly Catholic.