Bush calls for helmets for all Americans to protect against meteorites!

[shemp]

Weekly World News report (http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/news/index.cfm?instanceid=60635)

In a bold and determined move to protect the American public from all possible harm, the Bush administration wants the Pentagon and State Department to issue surplus Army helmets to every man, woman and child in the country -- to save us from falling meteorites.

"Every hundred years or so, somebody is struck and killed by a meteorite," says a senior White House official. "This is an intolerable situation that can't be allowed to continue.

"The president will soon sign an executive order directing the issuance of millions of surplus World War II helmets to every citizen, regardless of age. And when we run out of old helmets, we'll manufacture new helmets so no one will go without.

"The headgear both can and should be worn every time we venture outside, to save us from any meteorites that might cross the vast reaches of space and hit us on the head.

"Mr. Bush's brilliant Save Us From Space Debris Initiative -- SUFSDI -- is long overdue. If we can save just one American life, the effort is well worth it."

Finally, he does something right! :D

[jj]

Well I got in a race with a meteorite
My space buggy it won that fight,
It won that fight,
Yes it won that fight
My space buggy it beat that meteorite!

(words fail me)

[Zep]

I think I will be feeling something in between amazement and nausea when I discover shortly that this is NOT a joke, and that some people think this is a GOOD idea from their leader.

What would JFK have done??

[kittynh]

I give my kids the Weekly World News for their current events reports. Makes for a lot more interesting class time.

Please note, I got the idea from an old Calvin and Hobbs cartoon.

In case you think I'm kidding....

I use it to teach skeptical thinking! It's pretty funny.

[Frank Newgent]

http://www.meteoritearticles.com/znppeekskill.html

Knapp heard what sounded like two cars crashing at about 7:50 p.m. outside her home at 242 Wells St. Tentatively venturing outside, she said she found a hole in the trunk of her parked 1980 Chevrolet Malibu - and a smoking football-sized rock in a 6-inch crater amid pieces of sheet metal and seared plastic reflectors.


SNIP


One person who wants it is Martin Prinz, curator of meteorites at the American Museum of Natural History in Manhattan, who went to the Knapp home yesterday in hopes of obtaining the meteorite for the museum's collection.

Prinz -- who examined the meteorite Sunday at the Lamont-Doherty lab in Palisades -- said it was likely an "ordinary chondrite," the most common type of meteorite, that came from the meteor belt between Mars and Jupiter.

Prinz said that meteorites usually hit the earth only once every few years, and that the likelihood of Friday's meteorite hitting Knapp's car was "one in many billion."


SNIP


Knapp said that her car was not insured for collision damage, and that she hoped her mother's homeowner's policy would cover the repair bill.

Meteorites are highly collectible. And there are small meteorites lying on the ground everywhere. But they tend to blend in and are hard to find (except in, say, a desert or icefield). Unless you are lucky (or unlucky) enough to be close to where one actually impacts...

[Frank Newgent]

IT CAME OUT OF THE SKY

Oh, it came out of the sky, landed just a little South of Moline.
Jody fell out of his tractor, couldn't b'lieve what he seen.
Laid on the ground and shook fearin' for his life.
Then he ran all the way to town screamin' it came out of the sky.

Well, a crowd gathered round and a scientish said it was marsh gas.
Spiro came and made a speech about raising the Mars tax.
The Vatican said, woe, the Lord has come, Hollywood rushed out an epic film
and Ronnie the Popular said it was a communist plot.

Oh, the newspapers came and made Jody a national hero.
Walter and Eric said they'd put him on a network TV show.
The White House said, put the thing in the Blue Room, the Vatican said,
no, it belongs to Rome
and Jody said, it's mine and you can have it for seventeen million.

Oh, it came out of the sky, landed just a little South of Moline.
Jody fell out of his tractor, couldn't b'lieve what he seen.
Laid on the ground a shakin', fearin' for his life.
Oh, then he ran all the way to town screamin' it came out of the sky.

- John C. Fogerty

[Skeptic]

There's an interesting book called Grossed-Out Surgeon Vomits Inside Patient! (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0922915423/qid=1076293596//ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl14/103-9943079-2326221?v=glance&s=books&n=507846) about the wackiest tabloids. The author--who worked for most of them--claims that they is significantly more than meets the eye to these "papers"--for example, a not-so-hidden political slant.

[Ion]

Remember, this has to connect somehow to:

it's Clinton's fault.

[Zep]

Anyone got a link to the old "B29 Bomber Found On Moon" story?

[WildCat]

I'm just glad I no longer have to worry about that Iraqi sub in Lake Michigan. I was certain Chicago would be obliterated. :eek:

[kittynh]

It's true that a piece of Sputnik fell on the sidewalk near where I lived in Manitowoc Wisconsin. Now how much would that be worth? The stupid Feds took it though and just gave the town a facsimile....