RSLancastr
29th August 2010, 11:26 AM
Back in the 90s I was a contract computer programmer for a major producer/distributor of home videos. I worked there for three years (on what was supposed to have been a two-month contract).
Towards the end of my time there, they put a man in charge of the development team I was on. A man who was stunningly incompetent. Not uncommon at all, unfortunately.
I had avoided any socializing with the guy, but on my last day there, I finally accepted his invitation to have lunch together.
We sat at a table out on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant, and started to get to know a bit about each other.
At one point he said "I noticed that you were looking at those UFO books in the book store."
This was true. On the drive over to the restaurant we had passed a book store which had a large display of UFO books in its window, which had caught my eye.
I acknowledged that I had been looking at them, and he perked right up, and started telling me about his obsession with the subject of UFOs. He told me all about the fact that Earth was of tremendous interest to aliens from several different star systems, and they had been observing us, and interacting with us, for centuries.
I was not as firm in my skepticism then as I later became, but I knew that this guy was off his rocker. And, as he continued to Explain The Truth to me, it rapidly became clear that he was, in fact, bat-poop crazy.
You see, not only had these alien species been fighting over Earth all of this time, but they had come down and lived among us. In fact, many of the most prominent people in our history were in fact aliens! After explaining in excrutiating detail the physical description and behavior of each of the species involved, he went on to tell me about various famous aliens in our history. The only one I remember was the fact that Jesus of Nazareth was actually an alien from (I forget which star system). He went on and on about all of this, with absolutely no trace of being kidding. I kept responding with polite remarks like "Really?" and "I did not know that!"
After a while, he apologized for having gone on for so long about it.
I told him that was fine - I enjoyed hearing about people's unusual beliefs. I mentioned that I had, in recent years, learned much about the beliefs of Mormons, from a Mormon co-worker at my previous contract. Up until then, I had thought that Mormons were just another protestant group, much like any other in their beliefs, but I had learned that some of their core beliefs were wildly different.
This intrigued my lunch companion, and he asked "beliefs like what?"
I told him that one of the principal goals of being a Mormon is to be so good that, after you die, you become a God of your own universe. This intrigued him, and he explained how it fit in with his personal alien-centric views. He then asked what other Mormon beliefs were a bit unusual.
I told him that Mormons believed that the God of our universe was once a mortal living on a planet called Kolob (or on a planet near a star called Kolob - there is some argument on this within Mormon circles). This of course intrigued my lunch companion tremendously, and he asked for more unusual Mormon beliefs.
I told him of the Mormon doctrine of the Pre-existence, where souls hang around waiting for a baby to be born so that the soul can enter the baby. He was intrigued, and asked for more.
I told him that Mormons believe that Jesus came to the Americas after he was crucified, and spoke to Native Americans. He was intrigued by this, and this may have been where he confided in me that Jesus was, in fact, an alien, which would of course explain how he could have traveled to the Americas. He asked for more Mormon beliefs. I told him about the Mormon ceremony of Baptism of the Dead, or Baptism by Proxy, wherein a deceased person is baptised as a Mormon via a ceremony where a living Mormon is baptised as the deceased person's proxy.
My lunch companion thought about this for a moment before he said
"Well, that's just stupid."
Through a near-miraculous effort, I did not laugh in his face. Everything else made perfect sense, but Baptism of the Dead was evidently just beyond the pale.
That evening I told my family about this conversation. "Well, that's just stupid." became a catch-phrase around the house, used, for example, when watching a Science Fiction or Fantasy movie which took its wild premise just a bit too far.
Towards the end of my time there, they put a man in charge of the development team I was on. A man who was stunningly incompetent. Not uncommon at all, unfortunately.
I had avoided any socializing with the guy, but on my last day there, I finally accepted his invitation to have lunch together.
We sat at a table out on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant, and started to get to know a bit about each other.
At one point he said "I noticed that you were looking at those UFO books in the book store."
This was true. On the drive over to the restaurant we had passed a book store which had a large display of UFO books in its window, which had caught my eye.
I acknowledged that I had been looking at them, and he perked right up, and started telling me about his obsession with the subject of UFOs. He told me all about the fact that Earth was of tremendous interest to aliens from several different star systems, and they had been observing us, and interacting with us, for centuries.
I was not as firm in my skepticism then as I later became, but I knew that this guy was off his rocker. And, as he continued to Explain The Truth to me, it rapidly became clear that he was, in fact, bat-poop crazy.
You see, not only had these alien species been fighting over Earth all of this time, but they had come down and lived among us. In fact, many of the most prominent people in our history were in fact aliens! After explaining in excrutiating detail the physical description and behavior of each of the species involved, he went on to tell me about various famous aliens in our history. The only one I remember was the fact that Jesus of Nazareth was actually an alien from (I forget which star system). He went on and on about all of this, with absolutely no trace of being kidding. I kept responding with polite remarks like "Really?" and "I did not know that!"
After a while, he apologized for having gone on for so long about it.
I told him that was fine - I enjoyed hearing about people's unusual beliefs. I mentioned that I had, in recent years, learned much about the beliefs of Mormons, from a Mormon co-worker at my previous contract. Up until then, I had thought that Mormons were just another protestant group, much like any other in their beliefs, but I had learned that some of their core beliefs were wildly different.
This intrigued my lunch companion, and he asked "beliefs like what?"
I told him that one of the principal goals of being a Mormon is to be so good that, after you die, you become a God of your own universe. This intrigued him, and he explained how it fit in with his personal alien-centric views. He then asked what other Mormon beliefs were a bit unusual.
I told him that Mormons believed that the God of our universe was once a mortal living on a planet called Kolob (or on a planet near a star called Kolob - there is some argument on this within Mormon circles). This of course intrigued my lunch companion tremendously, and he asked for more unusual Mormon beliefs.
I told him of the Mormon doctrine of the Pre-existence, where souls hang around waiting for a baby to be born so that the soul can enter the baby. He was intrigued, and asked for more.
I told him that Mormons believe that Jesus came to the Americas after he was crucified, and spoke to Native Americans. He was intrigued by this, and this may have been where he confided in me that Jesus was, in fact, an alien, which would of course explain how he could have traveled to the Americas. He asked for more Mormon beliefs. I told him about the Mormon ceremony of Baptism of the Dead, or Baptism by Proxy, wherein a deceased person is baptised as a Mormon via a ceremony where a living Mormon is baptised as the deceased person's proxy.
My lunch companion thought about this for a moment before he said
"Well, that's just stupid."
Through a near-miraculous effort, I did not laugh in his face. Everything else made perfect sense, but Baptism of the Dead was evidently just beyond the pale.
That evening I told my family about this conversation. "Well, that's just stupid." became a catch-phrase around the house, used, for example, when watching a Science Fiction or Fantasy movie which took its wild premise just a bit too far.