Shemp's Theory of Why We Are Here(TM)

[shemp]

(1): This existence is just a prison. Our souls are sent here to serve time for violating the rules in the eternal existence.

When babies die, it means that the soul that inhabited that body had committed only a very small crime, maybe jaywalking between clouds, and was sentenced to only a very short time.

When people live to be elderly, it means their soul got sent here for something awful, like maybe frying God's butt with an errant thunderbolt, and their sentence was long.

This means it's true that only the good die young.

Also, suicide is an escape attempt, and gets punished with an even longer sentence in a reincarnation, so don't even think about trying it.

Or (2): It's all just a crock of ***** and there's no reason we're here.

I'm going with (2).

[Lothian]

Originally posted by shemp
When people live to be elderly, it means their soul got sent here for something awful, like maybe frying God's butt with an errant thunderbolt, and their sentence was long.
From shemp's Sig
shemp is about a hundred years old What did you do ?

[Graham]

The pope must've been a pretty naughty boy in aprevious life then, eh?

[roger]

We are here for the donuts. Nothing else.

[geni]

Because no one has managed to stop me being here.

[Iacchus]

Life is nothing but a crap hole huh? ... Well, at least you can't blame God for it. ;)

[Keneke]

Originally posted by Graham
The pope must've been a pretty naughty boy in aprevious life then, eh?

Yep, I sure was.

[neutrino_cannon]

Originally posted by Iacchus
Life is nothing but a crap hole huh? ... Well, at least you can't blame God for it. ;)

Nothing but a crap hole? Alow me to enlighten you my ignorant compadre.

Life is more than just a place where they put the toasted souls of the damned with last week's fertilizer and the sewer leaving, life is much, much more.

Did you know, for example, that when you're alive, you'll take the lives of more bacteria than you could count in a life time? That's the way it is buddy, kill or be killed.

All throughout your murder-tinged blood vessels run your own little secret police, the immune system. They'll attack any subversives, peots, or simetimes just citizens minding heir own buisiness. It's a mean, pointless and bleak existance. A crap hole would be a distinct improvement.

Look at the pretty flowers!

[Cecil]

Or maybe this life is just a vacation from the eternal existence - where we get to spend our long weekends (and in eternity they're really long!)

Those who die young didn't pay very much for their experience, and those who live to be 120 paid a fortune.

And suicide is just throwing money out the window. You'll regret it later.



I hope I'm the kind of person that would pay for a long vacation... :D

[Iacchus]

Originally posted by neutrino_cannon

Nothing but a crap hole? Alow me to enlighten you my ignorant compadre.

Life is more than just a place where they put the toasted souls of the damned with last week's fertilizer and the sewer leaving, life is much, much more.

Did you know, for example, that when you're alive, you'll take the lives of more bacteria than you could count in a life time? That's the way it is buddy, kill or be killed.

All throughout your murder-tinged blood vessels run your own little secret police, the immune system. They'll attack any subversives, peots, or simetimes just citizens minding heir own buisiness. It's a mean, pointless and bleak existance. A crap hole would be a distinct improvement.

Look at the pretty flowers! Did you know that in heaven urine is compared with falsity and dung compared with evil? ;)

[Keneke]

Originally posted by Iacchus
Did you know that in heaven urine is compared with falsity and dung compared with evil? ;)

I piss, therefore I lie? There's a new one.

[Iacchus]

Originally posted by Keneke

I piss, therefore I lie? There's a new one. Just don't piss on me okay? :D

Hey, did you know that truth is stranger than fiction? How bizzare man ... How bizzare ...

[neutrino_cannon]

Originally posted by Keneke


I piss, therefore I lie? There's a new one.

Who knows what evil is spread on lawns?

The trowel knows.

[Iacchus]

Originally posted by neutrino_cannon

Who knows what evil is spread on lawns?

The trowel knows. Yeah, you gotta watch out for the worms too. They can be pretty cruel!

[Zep]

You people have all been eating the same cactus, haven't you...

[Yahweh]

Originally posted by shemp
(1): This existence is just a prison. Our souls are sent here to serve time for violating the rules in the eternal existence.

When babies die, it means that the soul that inhabited that body had committed only a very small crime, maybe jaywalking between clouds, and was sentenced to only a very short time.

When people live to be elderly, it means their soul got sent here for something awful, like maybe frying God's butt with an errant thunderbolt, and their sentence was long.

This means it's true that only the good die young.

Also, suicide is an escape attempt, and gets punished with an even longer sentence in a reincarnation, so don't even think about trying it.

Or (2): It's all just a crock of ***** and there's no reason we're here.

I'm going with (2).
I dont know, you put up some pretty strong arguments for (1)...

I going with (1).

[Iacchus]

Originally posted by Zep

You people have all been eating the same cactus, haven't you... What are you beginning to recognize a pattern here? ... :p

[c4ts]

Buddha's latest incarnation is going to sue you for that, Shemp.

[Cecil]

Originally posted by Zep
You people have all been eating the same cactus, haven't you... No cactus for me, just some mushrooms I found.