Self-help books that really helped

[Luciana]

So?

With Dale Carnegie's How to influence people I took to heart the advice of actively listening to people. Focus on them, pay attention to their words and body language. I'm much better off for that, that lesson was invaluable to me.

If personal finance can be considered self-help, then I read one which cleared my mind to many aspects in regard to being a young career woman. I've changed my stance on spending/saving since then.

I confess to being prejudiced against most self-help books because, well, it's obvious. So let's talk about the good qualities of one you might have read.

[Brown]

Harry Lorayne's memory books really do provide useful memory tips.

[Ian Osborne]

As soon as I saw the topic title, I decided to post a recommendation of How to Win Friends and Influence People, but I see I was beaten to it :D

[HarryKeogh]

Guitar for Dummies really helped me master "Little Brown Jug"

[ehobbs]

Masturbation for Dummies!

[IllegalArgument]

Authentic Happiness, detailed discussion and suggestion on what makes people truely happy.

[epepke]

50 Secrets for Picking Up Girls

Seriously. Despite the garish title and the fact that it was little more than a pamphlet, back when I was battling crippling shyness, it had the most actual information about not only sexual socialization but socialization in general that I've ever seen.

[Cleopatra]

How to cook everything. :p

Seriously. I have never read any of these books but now I am reading this thread I might change my mind.

The problem is that when you ignore an issue you cannot really judge if some advices are good and worth to follow. If you don't burn a couple of pies you don't learn how to bake them properly and I thought that this stands in everything.

Please post full references of the books you mention in this thread. Thanks.

[SRW]

Helpfull book (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0553281097/104-1842776-7716746?v=glance)

You Can Negotiate Anything



After reading this my average raise was about 12% even during hard times. (Now that I have a union doing the negotiating for me it is 2%).

[kittynh]

hmmm, I don't know if these qualify as self help books. But I've made the kids read them, and I think they offer much quality advice.

"Endurance" about the Shakleton voyage, great leadership skills - let's you know sometimes you play it safe and sometimes you go for broke when you have to. Also, little things like the fact that Shakleton took the whiners into his own tent - or his delicate balance between being a listener and leader, and not being a "friend". Masterful leadership skills.


"Song of the Young Sentry" by Westhiemer. All teenagers need to read this book. Based on fact, about a pretty much nerdy not very likable young man that becomes a grown up through adversity. Gives all nerdy, not very likable teenagers hope - which it should.

Of course Dale CArnegie! A classic is always the best.

[epepke]

Originally posted by Cleopatra
How to cook everything. :p

I get a magazine called Cook's Illustrated (http://www.cooksillustrated.com) It's like cooking for scientists. They'll try cooking something a dozen different ways and subject the results to blind taste tests.

They sometimes find surprising results.

[Luciana]

Originally posted by SRW
Helpfull book (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0553281097/104-1842776-7716746?v=glance)

You Can Negotiate Anything

After reading this my average raise was about 12% even during hard times. (Now that I have a union doing the negotiating for me it is 2%).

SRW, I haven't read this book you mentioned, but I have read a few on negotiation tactics, and I now firmly believe that every consumer or worker in the world (and that's a lot of people) should read a couple of books on negotiation tactics. That's because, once you take those advices to heart, you don't sell yourself (product, work time) cheap. That even qualifies for interpersonal relationships. When you understand the forces behind negotiations - be negotiating to go to theater instead of the beach, or in the process of buying a house - you can protect yourself for those who are professionaly trained to take advantage on you, but also actively profit from it.

You bet. When I started working for a non-profit nearly 3 years ago, I sold myself so high that I ended up earning nearly twice than what I did in the previous job. And I earned more than people with much more experiance than me. And that's because I asked, that simple - but by then I knew how, when, and how to conduct things if they went wrong.

The classic book on negotiation is Getting to Yes (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0140157352/ref=pd_cpt_gw_1/103-0514249-4221467)

In negotiations, I have the added advantage of looking nice and sweet... just don't take me for naive. :)

Another book I was almost forgetting, and to my great surprise, I saw it being sold at TAM:
Influence (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0688128165/qid=1081544513/sr=8-2/ref=pd_ka_2/103-0514249-4221467?v=glance&s=books&n=507846)


, by Robert Cialdini. There's a chapter on charismatic leaders such as Jim Jones and other end-of-the-world doomsayers (hmm, maybe that's why it was at TAM?). For some time I stood next to the counter telling everybody to buy that book. :)

Among the things I learned, there is one that might save my life at some point. Cialdini explains (and his book offers plenty of references to scientifically-sound researches) how, and why, the more there are people witnessing a dangerous situation, the less each one of them will feel responsible for taking care of it. Example- a person feels sick in the middle of a crowd. If, very soon, one person won't come forth to offer help - in each case a crisis is confirmed, and people will gather for support - then you might be lying dying with people walking around you, looking at others to understand how to behave, and then going on with their lives because they feel it's none of their business. The more people are there, the less you're likely to get help in an emergency! Now, his research indicated that if, upon falling ill, you appoint ONE person "please, you there, help me", then in 99% of the cases you WILL get help.

I swear that this very thought crossed my mind as I was losing consciousness (stupid heatstroke) in the middle of a beach. The person appointed to help me was my boyfriend, well, but if I were alone, you can be sure I would have grabbed someone's arm.

[SRW]

Negotiating is a skill like critical thinking that should be mandatory in school. Understanding human nature is, as you pointed out a life saver at times.

The neat thing about being good a negotiator is that its satisfying and fun to do. My wife and I will some times stop at a car dealer just to see what kind of deal we can get, even though we have no intention of purchasing.

We have some really nice artwork in our house that was given to us by furniture dealers just, to get us out of the store.

[Ladewig]

I found all of Miton Erickson's books very helpful. Before I get shot down for mentioning books on hypnosis, let me qualify my statement. I understand that there are no mysterious hypnotic powers; nothing can be done under hypnosis that cannot be done by people not under hypnosis. I have found that hypnosis and, more specifically, these books useful in maintaining focus on large and small goals. They helped me realize that I could view the world and myself in different ways. They also taught me that mild pain control is easier than most people think. They also improved my ability to shoot pool or, more precisely, they allowed me to concentrate while not tensing up as I played pool.

The books also showed me the importance of language and story-telling.

[Boo]

The more people are there, the less you're likely to get help in an emergency! Now, his research indicated that if, upon falling ill, you appoint ONE person "please, you there, help me", then in 99% of the cases you WILL get help.

It is for this very reason that when teaching CPR we teach people to make eye contact and point at a specific person and say 'You, call for help!'. In the past the phrase taught was 'Someone call for help'. Rarely did help get called.

A saying I heard once "If you want nothing done get someone to do it"



Boo

[Virgil]

Originally posted by kittynh

"Endurance" about the Shakleton voyage, great leadership skills - let's you know sometimes you play it safe and sometimes you go for broke when you have to. Also, little things like the fact that Shakleton took the whiners into his own tent - or his delicate balance between being a listener and leader, and not being a "friend". Masterful leadership skills.




I agree, well done.


Virgil

[Christian]

Luciana Nery wrote:
Another book I was almost forgetting, and to my great surprise, I saw it being sold at TAM:
Influence


, by Robert Cialdini. There's a chapter on charismatic leaders such as Jim Jones and other end-of-the-world doomsayers (hmm, maybe that's why it was at TAM?). For some time I stood next to the counter telling everybody to buy that book.

That is an excellent book.


I recommend:

On finance, anything by Ric Edelman, and I came across a little book that I think is nice,

Mastery by George Leonard

[DrMatt]

Back in Junior High we had Intro to Critical Thinking mixed in with our Algebra curriculum. I don't remember who wrote the textbook--I don't think it was Mary P Dolciani, who wrote the rest of the math textbooks that I had until college--but it was an effective self-help book.

[BillyTK]

The bestest self-help book I ever saw was called Don't Buy This Book: Spend the Money on Beer Instead. Excellent advice, really glad I didn't buy it!

[ceo_esq]

Lost in the Cosmos: The Last Self-Help Book by Walker Percy.

[Soapy Sam]

I thought all books were self help books.
Chambers' English Dictionary is one of my favourites.

[T'ai Chi]

There are some t'ai chi ch'uan books that I've found pretty useful that could probably be listed under "self help".

[IllegalArgument]

I posted in Science and Tech forum about Positive Psychology, which is what the Athentic Happiness book I mentioned is based on. It really is a facinating topic, at least for me.

[jj]

Learned Helplessness - Seligman (not the wierd one)

[epepke]

Originally posted by jj
Learned Helplessness - Seligman (not the wierd one)

In a similar vein, On the Geneaology of Morals by Friedrich Nietzsche. Not exactly designed as a self-help book, but helpful nonetheless.

[J Coplen]

Originally posted by ehobbs
Masturbation for Dummies!

:dl:

[IllegalArgument]

Originally posted by jj
Learned Helplessness - Seligman (not the wierd one)

Who's the wierd Seligman?

[Luciana]

Most books teach you something - or try to. For self-enlightenment, any book on a subject you enjoy could be considered "self-help". But they describe themselves, and serve the purpose of, fiction, non-fiction, reference, biography etc. On the other hand, there are some whose main purpose is to be self-help. Most of the time they're just common sense words with a few feel-good cliches out there. Only a few accomplish their goal, and those are the ones we're talking about here.

[IllegalArgument]

Originally posted by Luciana Nery
Most books teach you something - or try to. For self-enlightenment, any book on a subject you enjoy could be considered "self-help". But they describe themselves, and serve the purpose of, fiction, non-fiction, reference, biography etc. On the other hand, there are some whose main purpose is to be self-help. Most of the time they're just common sense words with a few feel-good cliches out there. Only a few accomplish their goal, and those are the ones we're talking about here.

Ditto, which is why I keep mentioning the AH book. It has practical advice, steps, backed up with controlled studies.

[El Greco]

Dale Carnegie is ancient history, Milton Erickson, Virginia Satir and the other hypnotists are history, Richard Bandler, John Grinder and the other NLPists are old news :D

Basically when it comes to manipulating people (in the good or not-so-good sense), the above authors are useful in making you think and experiment. But one has to develop his own personal style and this can't be taught...

[Outcast]

For anyone with ADD, I would highly recommend Attention Deficit Disorder : A Different Perception (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1887424148/ref%3Dnosim/thomhartmann/102-3821949-7761749)

[asthmatic camel]

"Depression And How To Survive IT"

Dr. Anthony Clare and Spike Milligan.

Pun intended

[Brown]

So?

With Dale Carnegie's How to influence people I took to heart the advice of actively listening to people. Focus on them, pay attention to their words and body language. I'm much better off for that, that lesson was invaluable to me.

If personal finance can be considered self-help, then I read one which cleared my mind to many aspects in regard to being a young career woman. I've changed my stance on spending/saving since then.

I confess to being prejudiced against most self-help books because, well, it's obvious. So let's talk about the good qualities of one you might have read.I recently completed the basic Dale Carnegie Course, which is based upon his books "How to Win Friends & Influence People" and "How to Stop Worrying & Start Living." Basically, I felt the course was worthwhile, but it had its disadvantages as well as its advantages.

Much of the Carnegie course was, in my judgment, a re-affirmation of the way I was raised. Many of the principles were ideas I had already incorporated into my life. To me, it is self-evident that empathy will be rewarded, that listening is an effective technique for persuasion and that complaining turns people off.

Those who seemed to benefit most from the course were those who were used to barking orders and using confrontation as a tool. These techniques may work reasonably well in the army, but in private life, people do not react well to them.

One of the themes of the course was public speaking. In my group, I expect I had more experience in the field of public speaking than anyone else, so I needed almost no coaching in this regard. Most of the participants were (when they started the course) scared out their pants at the prospect of speaking in front of a group, so many of the Carnegie "formulas" gave them the confidence to make a basic presentation. One of my complaints about the course was that the speaking lessons were TOO formulaic, and that there should be more emphasis on the basics of organization, self-editing, message definition and eye contact.

In every lesson of the course, there was something to learn. In my case, I learned the most from the other participants, especially their different perspectives.

Although many of the Carnegie principles make good sense, there are some that need to be updated. (For example, it would be helpful to have a lesson about speaking using PowerPoint.) In addition, some of the principles are questionable, and at least one strikes me as utter nonsense: "The Perfect Way to Conquer Worry: Pray." Carnegie specifically promotes Christian prayer as a technique for dealing with worry. In my experience, prayer is AT BEST of no effect in solving any problem, including the problem of worry.

Apart from this religious blip, I saw little pseudoscience in the Carnegie course. Nevertheless, there are occasional mentions of immediate and near-miraculous solutions to long-standing problems, and yet the reality is that none of the problems actually solves itself.

[fuelair]

I get a magazine called Cook's Illustrated (http://www.cooksillustrated.com) It's like cooking for scientists. They'll try cooking something a dozen different ways and subject the results to blind taste tests.

They sometimes find surprising results.
Often more than a dozen - and they proved to my wife I was not making up the "steak that tastes like liver" thing (about two years ago)

[fuelair]

SRW, I haven't read this book you mentioned, but I have read a few on negotiation tactics, and I now firmly believe that every consumer or worker in the world (and that's a lot of people) should read a couple of books on negotiation tactics. That's because, once you take those advices to heart, you don't sell yourself (product, work time) cheap. That even qualifies for interpersonal relationships. When you understand the forces behind negotiations - be negotiating to go to theater instead of the beach, or in the process of buying a house - you can protect yourself for those who are professionaly trained to take advantage on you, but also actively profit from it.

You bet. When I started working for a non-profit nearly 3 years ago, I sold myself so high that I ended up earning nearly twice than what I did in the previous job. And I earned more than people with much more experiance than me. And that's because I asked, that simple - but by then I knew how, when, and how to conduct things if they went wrong.

The classic book on negotiation is Getting to Yes (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0140157352/ref=pd_cpt_gw_1/103-0514249-4221467)

In negotiations, I have the added advantage of looking nice and sweet... just don't take me for naive. :)

Another book I was almost forgetting, and to my great surprise, I saw it being sold at TAM:
Influence (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0688128165/qid=1081544513/sr=8-2/ref=pd_ka_2/103-0514249-4221467?v=glance&s=books&n=507846)


, by Robert Cialdini. There's a chapter on charismatic leaders such as Jim Jones and other end-of-the-world doomsayers (hmm, maybe that's why it was at TAM?). For some time I stood next to the counter telling everybody to buy that book. :)

Among the things I learned, there is one that might save my life at some point. Cialdini explains (and his book offers plenty of references to scientifically-sound researches) how, and why, the more there are people witnessing a dangerous situation, the less each one of them will feel responsible for taking care of it. Example- a person feels sick in the middle of a crowd. If, very soon, one person won't come forth to offer help - in each case a crisis is confirmed, and people will gather for support - then you might be lying dying with people walking around you, looking at others to understand how to behave, and then going on with their lives because they feel it's none of their business. The more people are there, the less you're likely to get help in an emergency! Now, his research indicated that if, upon falling ill, you appoint ONE person "please, you there, help me", then in 99% of the cases you WILL get help.

I swear that this very thought crossed my mind as I was losing consciousness (stupid heatstroke) in the middle of a beach. The person appointed to help me was my boyfriend, well, but if I were alone, you can be sure I would have grabbed someone's arm.
I have noticed this myself, but it does not affect me - my training is to offer immediate help or assault prep as appropriate.

[Ausmerican]

"Growing Marijuana the Australian Way" was certainly a big help to me at one point in time. :D

[Jason Smith]

For when you're heartbroken, How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Peter McWhorter et al. It's a short, pithy book with some practical suggestions on how get your life back together after a significant other has dumped you. If you read it when you're not heartbroken, you may not appreciate it. My suggestion is to buy it used and keep it on your bookshelf in case you need it. It's a wonderful balm for the broken-hearted.

[kittynh]

cool Jason, I've got some friends that need that book

[jimtron]

Yesterday Boingboing.net (which I also just mentioned on another thread--but I have no connection with them) recommended the "Feeling Good Handbook" by David D Burns, in a post (http://www.boingboing.net/2008/11/30/cognitive-therapy-is.html) about Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy.

[Jeff Corey]

For you alte kockers: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Enjoy-Old-Age-B-F-Skinner/dp/0393316513
One hint from the book, if your memory isn't so good anymore, always carry a small note pad with you to remind you of where you left the note pad.

[arthwollipot]

Alan Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking.

It's because of that book that I'm able to go to TAM7 next year.

Oh, and 9/10 for thread necromancy, Brown.