Animal Rights Violation

[The idea]

Planetary Information Transmission Organization (PITO) reports that a worm disarmed a security guard at the Institute for Advanced Studies in Princeton, New Jersey. The guard is currently in the hospital. The worm broke through a steel door and slowly made its way to the mathematics library. After extensive, painstaking studies, it obtained the equivalent of a high school diploma in mathematics. Police arrived at the scene and were quite enraged when the worm was able to add numbers more accurately than the police officers. They attempted to handcuff the worm, but were eluded by the worm's negligent failure to have previously acquired a license to crawl. The worm had failed to obtain authorization to crawl. Authorization to crawl was only forthcoming given the existence of arms. The worm had no arms. A lawsuit was pending, but the legal fees were exorbitant. The worm was on the verge of bankruptcy.

Stay tuned for further developments.

This story inspired by Ted Koppel, who frequently reports from Washington.