The stupidest lines you've heard in commercials

[rachaella]

I know there have been threads about the stupidity of TV commercials, but as I enjoyed a rather amusing episode of Frasier this evening I couldn't help but notice this wonderful commercial for Scot's Turf Builder which contained the line:

"Steve doesn't have any crabgrass which makes him a good human being."

The absurdity of this just astounds me.

Edited to add: could this be moved to Banter? I absentmindedly posted it in R&P

"Army of one."

[Man of jade]

"You think our commercials are cheap, you should see our prices!"

[Man of jade]

waaiiiittaminute... This is philosophy?

[zakur]

"It's all natural, so you know it's safe."

[c4ts]

"Eatin' good in the Neighborhood."

Originally posted by Man of jade
waaiiiittaminute... This is philosophy?


I am meditating deeply upon it!

[Lord Kenneth]

Originally posted by zakur
"It's all natural, so you know it's safe."

So it's ok to eat this funny-speckled mushroom?

[c4ts]

Originally posted by Dark Cobra


So it's ok to eat this funny-speckled mushroom?

Is it green? The green speckled ones will give you extra lives.

[Checkmite]

Originally posted by c4ts


Is it green? The green speckled ones will give you extra lives.

Yeah, but the red-speckled ones make you...ahem, bigger.

[c4ts]

Just stay the hell away from the purple ones.

[kourama]

"don't hate me because I'm beautiful"

[Craig]

"It works!"

[Advance]

"Tastes crunchy!"

[Checkmite]

"These are real people, not actors..."

Anything that Vulcan-haircut-like Welch's juice girl says.

[synaesthesia]

"The bible is God's gift...."

[Akots]

"...and more importantly, it teaches your children about Jesus!"

(for full effect, include sickly condescending voice and plastic career-smile)

EDIT: I didn't intend this to sound like a continuation of the above post... COINCODENCE!?!?
...
Yep.

[kourama]

Almost forgot, the Queen-Mother of stupid commercial lines:

"I'm not a doctor, BUT I play one on T.V."

:rolleyes:

[Blue Monk]

Dude, you're getting a Dell!

[Akots]

*brutaly shoots Blue Monk brutaly in the head. brutaly*

Oops... thought you were saying it yourself. Next time use quotes.

Knee-jerk reaction there. My bad.

[Akots]

"Can you hear me now...? Good!"

[Julia]

" I've been racing underground vacuum cleaners for about a
year now."

[Blue Monk]

Originally posted by Akots
*brutaly shoots Blue Monk brutaly in the head. brutaly*

Oops... thought you were saying it yourself. Next time use quotes.

Knee-jerk reaction there. My bad.

hehe, No my bad.

There's not a jury in the world that would have convicted you.

[Beleth]

One from the mid-80's. Two women, toddlers in tow, talking to each other. First line of the commercial.

"With your new job, how do you keep your toilet bowl so clean?"



(I always wanted the response to be "I don't clean my toilet bowl with my new job, you illiterate b*tch!")

[gnome]

Any commercial where two people are having an impromptu (and highly unlikely) conversation about a product. One of them always starts going over the features, even though the other is obviously quite familiar with it, and then the other says, "That's right, Tom!" and starts naming some other features.

Or... alternately, the person has never heard of it, even though they've been playing commercials for it twelve times a day for 18 years.

"Preparation H? What's that?"

[kourama]

I find funny those commercials for household appliances from Star-Frit or some other Popeil-ish company.

At the beginning of the commercial a frustrated person is struggling with some inferior product or common household feature. In an attempt to highlight the difficulty, they end up looking liek uncoordinated idiots.

Then you get the crappy cut, sometimes with a star whipe and a 'TING' sound, and the product appears to save the day.

Oh, by the way, what's the name of that uber-GIT on the infomercials with the glasses? Y'know the guy from "amazing discoveries'...I think I saw ihim on Gary Hart's morning show...when he still had a morning show...

[Blue Monk]

Another one that used to get me was for 'Gold Bond Powder' or something like that.

It started with a shot of an ugly old fat woman (sorry for my lack of sensitivity folks) saying in the whiniest voice possible....

"It was an itchy, itchy rash!"

Man, I didn't even want to know where.

They had an equally old geezer on one commercial complaining about 'male itch.' hehe.

But my all time favorite was from years ago and I don't even remember the product. It was for some sort of ointment but the opening scene showed a guy getting out of bed while the announcer said...

'Ever wake up with that morning stiffness?'

I'd blow coffee out my nose everytime I heard that.

Yeah, I'd think, I often wake up with a morning stiffness but trust me, I don't want to get rid of it, hehe.

[Vorticity]

"Mom? What do you do to keep...fresh?"

[Beleth]

Originally posted by Blue Monk
Another one that used to get me was for 'Gold Bond Powder' or something like that.

It started with a shot of an ugly old fat woman (sorry for my lack of sensitivity folks) saying in the whiniest voice possible....

"It was an itchy, itchy rash!"

Man, I didn't even want to know where.Here's a caveat for all people considering administering Gold Bond to treat any affliction of the anus:

Don't.

Use normal talcum powder, or cornstarch powder, instead.

I imagine sticking an icicle up your butt would produce the same sensation... except of course you can extract the icicle if it gets too uncomfortable, which you cannot do with the Gold Bond.





Am I speaking from experience?
What do you think?

[Kiri]

"George Bush for President".

[rachaella]

"Do you ever get that not-so-fresh feeling?"

[Kilted_Canuck]

Zoom Zoom!

[I'll_buy_that]

I like that these two were posted together :)

"George Bush for President"
and
"Do you ever get that not-so-fresh feeling?"

anyway, I find the line "I will work it into conversations" talking about a Jag, very stupid and even too shallow for tv

[Marquis de Carabas]

"Part of this nutritious breakfast." as if any amount of orange juice is going to make Sugar Smacks good for you.

[kourama]

Originally posted by Kilted_Canuck
Zoom Zoom!

AH! That kid! Am I the only one who thinks he looks like Damion from the "Omen" movies? I always hear "sa-tan" when he speaks.

note to dr. who fans: if you haven't seen the Omen, Patrick Troughton plays a priest who gets impaled.

[aerosolben]

Originally posted by Vorticity
"Mom? What do you do to keep...fresh?"

Saw a great spoof of this on Family Guy (paraphrased from memory):

Girl: Mom, do you ever feel..."not fresh"?

Mom: I'm not sure what you mean...

Girl: Do you every feel, like..."dirty"?

Mom: Umm...definitely don't know what you're getting at here...

Girl (getting really awkward): You know..."down there"?

Mom: Still don't know what you me...OH! Oh my God! NO! That's disgusting! Eww! OH!


In a seperate vein, I've been seriously considering ceasing to buy Dell products until they stop running these terrible commercials, and writing them a letter to tell them so.

[Kiri]

Originally posted by kourama


AH! That kid! Am I the only one who thinks he looks like Damion from the "Omen" movies? I always hear "sa-tan" when he speaks.

note to dr. who fans: if you haven't seen the Omen, Patrick Troughton plays a priest who gets impaled.

Yeah, by a lightning rod, mounted on a church... which to me suggests God's complicity: he may even be the RINGLEADER!

[Blondin]

Where to start? There are so many.

How about most commercials with William Shatner in them.

[Crossbow]

The one for a female deoderant where the woman says something like:

"I really need this suff, because if had any body odor, I would just die!"

[BillHoyt]

Originally posted by Marquis de Carabas
"Part of this nutritious breakfast." as if any amount of orange juice is going to make Sugar Smacks good for you.

Ah, but my all-time favorite was the old Special K line: "50% of the nutrition of this complete breakfast and only half the calories!" Imagine that.

Cheers,

[Marquis de Carabas]

Ah, I just remembered an even sillier line. Actually, considering that this was marketted to children, it's just disturbing.

There was a commercial a few years back for some fruit drink in a Capri Sun type pouch. The commercial featured an animated drink pouch cavorting around and giving children instructions for its use. The instructions? "Grab me. Stick me. I'm easy."

Edited to add: It might have been "Poke me," like that's any better.