My How I Have Changed

I went to a funeral service the other day. No one particularily close but I was there for the family. Years ago I would attend funerals and sit quietly, thinking this religious talk gives the others comfort and out of respect I put up with it.

More and more I find myself actually listening to what is being spouted off and inwardly sigh. What clap trap. What hypocracy. What silliness. The dead woman was not religious to any extent, the son is not religious, but the family brought in the local bible for hire pastor and turned it into the jesus show. He didn't even know the woman.

Next time a funeral comes up I am going to seriously think about giving it a miss. Maybe spend my efforts in other ways helpful to the family. I really felt like standing up and shouting the last bunch down and I don't wish to disrupt their show.

I wonder if I explained my position and declined the next funeral would the family be understanding? I doubt it, but it gets harder and harder to just sit there and say nothing.

[Lucifuge Rofocale]

My feelings exactly. Unfortunately, the last funeral I had to go was my father's who passed away 2 weeks ago. I has to resist the hipocresy of 2 diferents faiths (catholic sermon for my mother and protestant for my father's family). And I'm sure they wouldn't understand if I didn't assist. I had the oportunity of revenge during my speech, wich was a master piece of atheistic but conforting speech.

Just remember that the real reason for your presence is not as a participant in a religious ritual, but as a show of support for the deceased's survivors.

[MRC_Hans]

Sorry to hear about your father, Luci :(

Strange thing about funerals is that they are not really held for the only person that is sure to attend, but for the people left living. Thus if the next of kin bought (sorry about the cynic expression) a Jesus show, then that was, for whatever reason, their choice, and the best thing to do is sit still and live through it.

Of course, if you are asked to contribute, like with a speech, the word is yours. But a funeral may not be the proper time to further shake people's world.

Hans

[Lucifuge Rofocale]

Originally posted by MRC_Hans
Sorry to hear about your father, Luci :(

Strange thing about funerals is that they are not really held for the only person that is sure to attend, but for the people left living. Thus if the next of kin bought (sorry about the cynic expression) a Jesus show, then that was, for whatever reason, their choice, and the best thing to do is sit still and live through it.

Of course, if you are asked to contribute, like with a speech, the word is yours. But a funeral may not be the proper time to further shake people's world.

Hans

Thanks Hans. It was a long illness and we were well prepared for his dead.....but was shocking anyway.

The speech was atheistic in the sense that it never mentioned god or an afterlife or the hope to see each other after. It was not theist bashing. Just memories about him, the legacy he left to us and the best ways to remember him.

[MRC_Hans]

I find that the one thing that is most difficult to adjust to about death is the stark finality of it. I can understand why that makes some people religious.

Hans

[c4ts]

Originally posted by jimmygun
I went to a funeral service the other day. No one particularily close but I was there for the family. Years ago I would attend funerals and sit quietly, thinking this religious talk gives the others comfort and out of respect I put up with it.

More and more I find myself actually listening to what is being spouted off and inwardly sigh. What clap trap. What hypocracy. What silliness. The dead woman was not religious to any extent, the son is not religious, but the family brought in the local bible for hire pastor and turned it into the jesus show. He didn't even know the woman.

I keep finding more and more similarities between religion and advertizement, but trying to "sell" Jesus over somebody's dead body strikes me as inappropriate.

[NoZed Avenger]

Originally posted by Lucifuge Rofocale


Thanks Hans. It was a long illness and we were well prepared for his dead.....but was shocking anyway.

Yes, it always seems that way - no matter how long we have to prepare.


The speech was atheistic in the sense that it never mentioned god or an afterlife or the hope to see each other after. It was not theist bashing. Just memories about him, the legacy he left to us and the best ways to remember him.

My condolences to you and your family. It is a weak phrase - there should be better, but a sincere wish (having been there).

NA

Jimmygun,

I've been to funeral like that.

My great aunt wasn't religious at ALL. The pastor kept talking about Jesus, and how she is in Heaven, etc.

He didn't even talk about her, and all the amazing things she did in her life, like birdwatching in the Amazon and going on hikes up mountains, and all her other naturalist endeavours.

I was a little annoyed, but then her daughter got up and got the last word by sharing her memories of her mom.

I think everyone remembered her speaking for 5 minutes than all the stuff said by the pastor.


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...it gets harder and harder to just sit there and say nothing.
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I agree, but it isn't your funeral, so you have no say.

I'd probably talk to the family of the person having the funeral (if you know the deceased is not religious at all) and see what they say.

Lucifuge,

Sorry to hear about your dad.

I don't believe in afterlives, literal reincarnation, etc., but I do view death as a transformation of sorts. The ultimate recycle perhaps.

I just had a grandfather who died recently, under what it sounds like similar conditions as your father. -he wasn't doing too well for a long time, so everyone (including him) was essentially prepared for it.

[Soubrette]

Sorry about your father Lucifuge :(

Jimmie - I can only reiterate what others have said on this thread - funerals are a show of support for the living :)

If lots of people show up and show that they liked the person who died - then those that are trying to cope with it feel better.

As a nosey aside - isn't your decrease in tolerance for religious ideas a problem with your family as I remember you saying you had a religious wife?

Don't feel obliged to answer that though - I'm just being nosey :)

Sou

Whodini...Quote.."I agree but it isn't your funeral so you have no say."

It sure would suprise everyone if I had something to say at my funeral!:D

Soubrette...It is tougher for me now and getting tougher. We have an unspoken truce for now. My wife knows my distaste and doesn't try to include me. She even tries to enlighten others about me, so there is a mutual thing going on with her and I.

For so long in my life I was able to stay detached from the religious side of the community. Now I am getting more and more vocal in my distaste for it. I am hoping that I will mellow and become more of a diplomat again rather than that which I would truly hate, a fanatic. We shall see.

[Beleth]

Put yourself in the pastor-for-hire's shoes for a minute.

You get a request to perform a eulogy for a person you don't know well... in this case, it sounds like it's a person you haven't even met. You have no information to tailor this eulogy to this person, so you pull out Generic Eulogy #1 and wing it as best you can.

I'm sure the pastor didn't mean to offend anyone. But he got chosen by the survivors for some reason, even if he doesn't know what that reason is, so he's going to give them what he thinks they want to hear.

I went to a mass for an uncle of mine a few months ago. Died way too young, he did. He and his nuclear family weren't very religious, but the extended family is very Catholic, so my aunt picked a close Catholic church to have the funeral. The priest didn't know my uncle very well at all, and his eulogy showed it. It was pretty darn generic, but at least it didn't shove Jesus down anyone's throat. (Well, any more than the Eucharist at the end does, but I digress.)

But in the end, Sundog's right - what matters most is that you went as a show of support for the survivors.

Lucifuge - my condolences. My father passed away about a year and a half ago. It was sudden when we were all planning on it being gradual. It's not an easy thing either way.