God teaches little girl a lesson [Archive]

TragicMonkey

15th October 2004, 07:45 AM

Cool beans! God is awesome!

In another thread, someone asks what people would do should they become God. I would like to state that if I ever attain to the powers of godhood, I will personally manufacture a hell of eternal torment for any person who utters those words quoted above. In fact, I will expand eternity to greater lengths, just to ensure that such words do not go insufficiently punished. New depths of pain and horror undreamt of are not enough to express my disgust with the statement "Cool beans! God is awesome!".

Gastric ReFlux

15th October 2004, 07:54 AM

Originally posted by TragicMonkey
In another thread, someone asks what people would do should they become God. I would like to state that if I ever attain to the powers of godhood, I will personally manufacture a hell of eternal torment for any person who utters those words quoted above. In fact, I will expand eternity to greater lengths, just to ensure that such words do not go insufficiently punished. New depths of pain and horror undreamt of are not enough to express my disgust with the statement "Cool beans! God is awesome!".

I could go for that.

It's a bizarre world some of these people live in. There are no accidents, everything is an act of God. There's an AM Christian station I can pick up with my car radio and one of my favorite programs to listen to is "The Gospel Hour" which plays the sermons of the late Dr. Oliver B. Greene. Strangely, the show is only a half-hour long, so shouldn't it be The Gospel Half-Hour?

Anyhow, the sermon yesterday had Dr. Greene talking about how God's justice in the OT was swift, whereas in the modern age it doesn't seem like is striking down infidels left and right. But Dr Greene pointed out that God always pays in full, and what we think are accidents, really aren't accidents. Mmm hmmm, that's right, I mean to tell you that those accidents are God getting the infidels and blasphemers.

Another fascinating show is "In His Grip" with Dr. Chuck Betters. Yesterday he was ranting about the Muslims worshipping a false god, and he asked, "What possible explanation is there for such people?"

The answer was...

Satan!

Yaotl

15th October 2004, 07:58 AM

So when I misplace my wallet, I can blame god for it?

TragicMonkey

15th October 2004, 08:03 AM

Originally posted by Yaotl
So when I misplace my wallet, I can blame god for it?

Are you suggesting that God is sneaking your wallet, looking for beer money? Because, like, his mom totally gave him that cash, it's not yours, dude. I swear. No, God wasn't drinking. He was having a soda, but some guy spilled beer on him, which is why he smells like beer. Honestly.

Yaotl

15th October 2004, 08:05 AM

Originally posted by TragicMonkey
Are you suggesting that God is sneaking your wallet, looking for beer money? Because, like, his mom totally gave him that cash, it's not yours, dude. I swear. No, God wasn't drinking. He was having a soda, but some guy spilled beer on him, which is why he smells like beer. Honestly.

And how do you explain the funky smell on his clothes? I don't want god hanging out with those kids down the street anymore, and if my keys are gone when I come back, there's a god that's not going to have any x-box to play.

TragicMonkey

15th October 2004, 08:09 AM

Originally posted by Yaotl
And how do you explain the funky smell on his clothes? I don't want god hanging out with those kids down the street anymore, and if my keys are gone when I come back, there's a god that's not going to have any x-box to play.

When God grows up, he's going to teach you a lesson. Learn from what happened to the little girl, and consider--they're praising God for going light on her.

Yaotl

15th October 2004, 08:11 AM

Originally posted by TragicMonkey
When God grows up, he's going to teach you a lesson. Learn from what happened to the little girl, and consider--they're praising God for going light on her.

Hmm, good point. Okay, but only 1 hour of x-box instead of 2.

Gastric ReFlux

15th October 2004, 08:12 AM

Originally posted by TragicMonkey
When God grows up, he's going to teach you a lesson. Learn from what happened to the little girl, and consider--they're praising God for going light on her.

Yeah, I bet if she doesn't shape up, next time He's gonna break her legs too! Maybe have her get hit by a Hummer instead of just a minivan.

Gastric ReFlux

15th October 2004, 08:33 AM

Before I forget, I win! Debate's over.

:cs:

El Greco

15th October 2004, 08:42 AM

A proof of these people's idiocy is that while in a deadly accident they admit they can't understand God's mysterious ways, when a accident is warded off they suddenly can understand perfectly God's works and motives. How do they know that God didn't save that girl only to become a suicide bomber later in her life ? Why don't they praise the Lord after a tragic accident since allegedly that was also part of his greater plan ?

jimmygun

15th October 2004, 09:03 AM

And god said let there be light and there was light. And it was good. And god said I'm going to cause a coincidence and he made the little girl run out under a minivan. And it was done. Now god secretlyspoke to a truck driver and told him to return to his house to get his wallet and he did. And god saw the truck driver rescue the little girl who was nearly crushed to death. And it was good. And the people stood around and praised the coincidence, thanking god for making it happen and it was good.

And in the meantime, while god was causing this coincidence twenty five thousand children around the world starved to death.

Yaotl

15th October 2004, 09:07 AM

Originally posted by jimmygun
And god said let there be light and there was light. And it was good. And god said I'm going to cause a coincidence and he made the little girl run out under a minivan. And it was done. Now god secretly spoke to a truck driver and told him to return to his house to get his wallet and he did. And god saw the truck driver resque the little girl who was nearly crushed to death. And it was good. And the people stood around and praised the coincidence, thanking god for making it happen and it was good.

And in the meantime, while god was causing this coincidence twenty five thousand children around the world starved to death.

No, no, since god is omnipresent, he knew and could have helped the 25,000 kids, he just didn't want to bother. Now where did I put my wallet...

Stitch

15th October 2004, 09:18 AM

I think they seem to have missed the bit up front where satan tempted her out in to the road so she could be run over. God didn't do it all you know, he just did the saving :rolleyes: You really must remember this is a partnership the god and satan have going, just to keep people really guessing :D

Gastric ReFlux

15th October 2004, 09:32 AM

I swear sometimes these people live in an alternate reality:

Let me tell you all something scary that happened to me this morning. My 17 year old daughter Melissa wakes me up (about 4:30am) and says, "Mom, where's Katie??!?!!" I said, "In bed where else?" I should have known by the panicked tone in her voice Katie (3 years old) obviously not there. Katie jumps out of her closet and says, "Here I am!" and is laughing. Apparently she had a little accident in bed and was changing her panties. Later Melissa and I were talking and she said, "Mom. I thought the rapture had happened and we had not been taken." We prayed right then and there so there would be no doubt in our minds next time

http://rr-bb.com/showthread.php?t=170614

TragicMonkey

15th October 2004, 09:42 AM

Originally posted by Gastric ReFlux
I swear sometimes these people live in an alternate reality:

http://rr-bb.com/showthread.php?t=170614

Wow. I wonder, if the little girl had been kidnapped, how long would the sister and mother have spent praying for the Rapture before they suspected something besides God was at work, and thought to contact the police?

Gastric ReFlux

15th October 2004, 09:47 AM

Originally posted by TragicMonkey
Wow. I wonder, if the little girl had been kidnapped, how long would the sister and mother have spent praying for the Rapture before they suspected something besides God was at work, and thought to contact the police?

Or they go on a camping trip, and the little girl wanders off. I can just see the headlines now:

"We thought she had gone home to Jesus!" wail parents of girl found dead in park

TragicMonkey

15th October 2004, 09:53 AM

Originally posted by Gastric ReFlux
Or they go on a camping trip, and the little girl wanders off. I can just see the headlines now:

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"We thought she had gone home to Jesus!" wail parents of girl found dead in park
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They wouldn't say that. They'd blame it on satanist teenagers, who listen to that evil "heavy metal" music and play Dungeons and Dragons.

(Edited to add: the "West Memphis Three", for example.)

RamblingOnwards

15th October 2004, 10:02 AM

You really must remember this is a partnership the god and satan have going, just to keep people really guessing :D

Good cop, bad cop! It makes so much sense now!

"Look, bud, I like you, but my partner here - he's really after your ass. I can protect you, but you need to cooperate with me."

TragicMonkey

15th October 2004, 10:05 AM

Originally posted by RamblingOnwards
Good cop, bad cop! It makes so much sense now!

"Look, bud, I like you, but my partner here - he's really after your ass. I can protect you, but you need to cooperate with me."

It's more like a scam. You see, God and Satan worked together to involve the kid in an accident, and now they'll split the cut of the insurance money the kid's parents will pay them (if they're sensible, they'll pay up!).

c4ts

15th October 2004, 10:23 AM

These people do live in their own little world. They do it on purpose by isolating themselves from everyone else.

Yaotl

15th October 2004, 10:25 AM

Originally posted by Gastric ReFlux
I swear sometimes these people live in an alternate reality:

http://rr-bb.com/showthread.php?t=170614

That really is the scariest place I've ever seen.

c4ts

15th October 2004, 10:34 AM

Evidently you missed out on all the fun when we first discovered the forum, when a bunch of us were kicked off for posting evidence.

TragicMonkey

15th October 2004, 10:35 AM

Originally posted by c4ts
Evidently you missed out on all the fun when we first discovered the forum, when a bunch of us were kicked off for posting evidence.

Do they know you were kicked off, or do they think you were all swept up in the Rapture? Somehow, I think they might suspect the truth in this case.

Savagemutt

15th October 2004, 10:42 AM

Originally posted by TragicMonkey
Wow. I wonder, if the little girl had been kidnapped, how long would the sister and mother have spent praying for the Rapture before they suspected something besides God was at work, and thought to contact the police?

It's a great excuse to skip out of work though.

"Sorry boss, but I can't make it in today. I've ascended to heaven."

Nyarlathotep

15th October 2004, 10:46 AM

Sometimes I think 1inChrist is a troll.

Then someone posts a link to rapture ready, and see things that convince me that if he is a troll, there is a whole message board full of people who sound just like him and are dead serious. It's kind of sad, really.

The GM

15th October 2004, 10:47 AM

Originally posted by RR that Yoatl pointed to
Let me tell you all something scary that happened to me this morning. My 17 year old daughter Melissa wakes me up (about 4:30am) and says, "Mom, where's Katie??!?!!" I said, "In bed where else?" I should have known by the panicked tone in her voice Katie (3 years old) obviously not there. Katie jumps out of her closet and says, "Here I am!" and is laughing. Apparently she had a little accident in bed and was changing her panties. Later Melissa and I were talking and she said, "Mom. I thought the rapture had happened and we had not been taken." We prayed right then and there so there would be no doubt in our minds next time.

I literally weep for Melissa. I grieve for the fear and anguish that this girl must endure. This is not funny stuff guys. How does this sort of outlook affect a young woman, her self esteem, her thoughts and feelings? If my 3 year old was missing out of bed, my first thought isn't going to be, 'I missed the bus to Heaven.'
I wish there was a way to comfort this young woman and to give her a sense of peace rather than one of fear. *sigh*
Idiot parents. The use of a uterus should require a license.

c4ts

15th October 2004, 10:55 AM

Originally posted by TragicMonkey
Do they know you were kicked off, or do they think you were all swept up in the Rapture? Somehow, I think they might suspect the truth in this case.

No, they know. The board rules were hypocritical. It said "we want different viewpoints," but as soon as I said Christians were not a minority in America (and showed survey results, not a poll), they kicked me off without even a warning. It makes JREF look good in comparison, where someone can post all the "evidence" for Hell he wants and he won't be kicked off for it.

TragicMonkey

15th October 2004, 11:01 AM

Originally posted by c4ts
No, they know. The board rules were hypocritical. It said "we want different viewpoints," but as soon as I said Christians were not a minority in America (and showed survey results, not a poll), they kicked me off without even a warning.

Wow, Christians aren't a minority? Oh, but maybe the True Christians (TM) are. Lol. Too bad you didn't get kicked off for something snappy, like Dorothy Parker:

from http://www.bedfordstmartins.com/litlinks/fiction/parker.htm

While a student at the Blessed Sacrament Convent School in New York City, Dorothy was expelled for insisting that the Immaculate Conception was a form of "spontaneous combustion."

I bet they'd love hearing that on RR.

c4ts

15th October 2004, 11:06 AM

At least she didn't say it was spontaneous generation.

alfaniner

15th October 2004, 11:12 AM

Originally posted by Gastric ReFlux
Before I forget, I win! Debate's over.

:cs:

Nuh-uh! You need to post a reasoned Argument to win a debate. (Unless you meant to post "Argument by Happy, Wacky, Bouncing, Yellow Ball").

And besides, I don't think we're debating here...

c4ts

15th October 2004, 11:20 AM

It doesn't matter whether or not we are debating, I win the debate!

Argument through apathy.

Gastric ReFlux

15th October 2004, 11:33 AM

Originally posted by The GM
I literally weep for Melissa. I grieve for the fear and anguish that this girl must endure. This is not funny stuff guys. How does this sort of outlook affect a young woman, her self esteem, her thoughts and feelings? If my 3 year old was missing out of bed, my first thought isn't going to be, 'I missed the bus to Heaven.'
I wish there was a way to comfort this young woman and to give her a sense of peace rather than one of fear. *sigh*
Idiot parents. The use of a uterus should require a license.

I understand your point. Back in college, I had an English lit course where the professor pointed out that tragedy and humor are the two sides of the same coin. So yes, I think you're correct to point out the tragic implications, but there is also for some of us a reaction to the incredible absurdity of it, since in this case the brief anecdote didn't seeing anyone getting irreparably harmed. But then, as you pointed out, it seems to be a horribly tragic way to see the world, where the disappearance of a younger sibling translates into fear that one hasn't been a good-enough Christian.

So anyhow, let me tell you this funny story about a young Danish prince who can't ever make up his mind...

The GM

15th October 2004, 11:42 AM

Originally posted by Gastric ReFlux
I understand your point. Back in college, I had an English lit course where the professor pointed out that tragedy and humor are the two sides of the same coin. So yes, I think you're correct to point out the tragic implications, but there is also for some of us a reaction to the incredible absurdity of it, since in this case the brief anecdote didn't seeing anyone getting irreparably harmed. But then, as you pointed out, it seems to be a horribly tragic way to see the world, where the disappearance of a younger sibling translates into fear that one hasn't been a good-enough Christian.

So anyhow, let me tell you this funny story about a young Danish prince who can't ever make up his mind...

Yeah, I know. The RR crowd makes themselves a pretty easy target for humor. I agree, some of it is so absurd, the only thing you can do is laugh. Unfortunately, laughter isn't going to help Melissa. I sometimes make light of fundie behavior myself. I've been ill of late and a relative, completely serious and sincere, offered to come and annoint me. I replied with, "No thanks. I've been trying to cut back." We both laughed, it was a good way to break the tension of a potentially sticky discussion. I'm guessing Melissa doesn't get to laugh much when her panick at a missing sibling automatically translates into 'I'm going to Hell.'
I wish I knew what the solution to these sorts of dilemnas was.

BTW, I've heard about the Dane. Have you heard the one about the baby seal who walks into a club?

EdipisReks

15th October 2004, 12:00 PM

Originally posted by The GM
BTW, I've heard about the Dane. Have you heard the one about the baby seal who walks into a club?

did the seal go in for the drinks, the atmosphere, or the bone crushing beat of the music?

Anders

15th October 2004, 12:18 PM

So which God do we cheer for when another child dies of HIV/Aids in Africa.

phildonnia

15th October 2004, 01:10 PM

There seems to be an unusually high occurrence of "Me Too" sentiments expressed in that thread.

Tony

15th October 2004, 01:38 PM

Originally posted by Gastric ReFlux
I swear sometimes these people live in an alternate reality:

http://rr-bb.com/showthread.php?t=170614

From the link:

I am at work and I just decided today that I will pray every time I
go to the ladies room.

I just prayed for my daughter and my husband and I tell you, I could
feel I was in his presence.

The more time you spend in prayer, the closer you will feel to GOD.

She was praying in the bathroom and claims to have felt "his" presence. Hmmm...I think that was just gas woman.

TragicMonkey

15th October 2004, 01:41 PM

Originally posted by Tony
She was praying in the bathroom and claims to have felt "his" presence.

I think the Protestant Reformation has gone too far. It's one thing to say you don't have to be in a fancy church with stained glass windows and statues to pray, but the bathroom? That seems a tad disrespectful...communicating with the Almighty in the same room that you make stinkies.

Tony

15th October 2004, 01:52 PM

roger

15th October 2004, 01:55 PM

Originally posted by TragicMonkey
It's more like a scam. You see, God and Satan worked together to involve the kid in an accident, and now they'll split the cut of the insurance money the kid's parents will pay them (if they're sensible, they'll pay up!). No, I think you have this all wrong. See, this little girl is going to grow up to be a serial killer. God, in his infinite wisdom, chose to take her out via minivan before it could happen. But satan hid the tow truck driver's wallet so he would be there to save the child, insuring her future path of destruction and woe.

All hail Satan!

StaticEngine

15th October 2004, 02:55 PM

Originally posted by c4ts
No, they know. The board rules were hypocritical. It said "we want different viewpoints," but as soon as I said Christians were not a minority in America (and showed survey results, not a poll), they kicked me off without even a warning. It makes JREF look good in comparison, where someone can post all the "evidence" for Hell he wants and he won't be kicked off for it.

You understand, of course, that this is why they'll win. Because we insist on playing fair, while they'll break every rule they can if it gets them ahead.

The GM

15th October 2004, 03:02 PM

Originally posted by TragicMonkey
I think the Protestant Reformation has gone too far. It's one thing to say you don't have to be in a fancy church with stained glass windows and statues to pray, but the bathroom? That seems a tad disrespectful...communicating with the Almighty in the same room that you make stinkies.

Hey, I've prayed in the bathroom plenty of times. It usually starts with me kneeling before the porceline altar in a cold sweat and escalates to me trying to cut a deal w/ the Almighty. 'Dear God, I promise I'll read the bible cover to cover if you'll just make this go away.' Such a deal has never banished a flu, but it's never stopped me from trying. ;)

Art Vandelay

15th October 2004, 11:45 PM

Originally posted by Gastric ReFlux
I swear sometimes these people live in an alternate reality:
Let me tell you all something scary that happened to me this morning. My 17 year old daughter Melissa wakes me up (about 4:30am) and says, "Mom, where's Katie??!?!!" I said, "In bed where else?" I should have known by the panicked tone in her voice Katie (3 years old) obviously not there. Katie jumps out of her closet and says, "Here I am!" and is laughing. Apparently she had a little act of God in bed and was changing her panties. Later Melissa and I were talking and she said, "Mom. I thought the rapture had happened and we had not been taken." We prayed right then and there so there would be no doubt in our minds next time

http://rr-bb.com/showthread.php?t=170614
message has been edited for theological accuracy

Art Vandelay

15th October 2004, 11:52 PM

BTW, anyone read A Prayer for Owen Meany? I found it just as silly as this story.

StaticEngine

16th October 2004, 12:00 AM

I can't read that forum and not simultaneously feel pity for and horror with their stupidity.

On the other hand, I kick myself for not thinking of bilking them by being the first to come out with the "Left Behind" series.

Riddick

16th October 2004, 08:57 PM

Pfft.

Zep

16th October 2004, 09:14 PM

From the original RR post:"Thank God she's going to be okay," said Mariampillai, who has been a tow-truck driver since emigrating from Sri Lanka 18 years ago. "It's not my work, it's God that helped me to help her."Umm, don't anyone tell the RR crowd, but the God that this Sri lankan gentleman was referring to was more than likely NOT the same one THEY think is the one-and-only. Which would mean that the little girl was saved by ... OH NO! AN UNBELIEVER!!! So what to do, what to do... I know! Put her back under the bus and wait for a REAL believer to come to the rescue! Yeah! That's the spirit!

Brahe

16th October 2004, 09:17 PM

Originally posted by Riddick
Pfft. Ah, Riddick. Haven't seen you around for a while.

Your comment is insightful and enlightening, as per your usual standards.

SezMe

16th October 2004, 09:55 PM

Originally posted by Tony
She was praying in the bathroom and claims to have felt "his" presence.

Let's all dump for Jesus :D

SezMe

16th October 2004, 10:01 PM

Originally posted by Art Vandelay
BTW, anyone read A Prayer for Owen Meany? I found it just as silly as this story.
I just didn't get the point of the whole book. Was Owen god? So what? Or what else is the interpretation that he envisioned his own demise?

I can't say silly because I couldn't get any sense of the book to call it anything.

Well, maybe that makes it silly...or me dense.

Gastric ReFlux

18th October 2004, 10:27 AM

I think the Rapture Ready server got raptured today.

Do you believe now? :(

Beerina

18th October 2004, 01:25 PM

Originally posted by TragicMonkey
Are you suggesting that God is sneaking your wallet, looking for beer money? Because, like, his mom totally gave him that cash, it's not yours, dude. I swear. No, God wasn't drinking. He was having a soda, but some guy spilled beer on him, which is why he smells like beer. Honestly.

"Can God make a beer so high in alcholic content that even He cannot keep Himself from getting drunk if He drinks it?"

Party God: I don't know, but we're gonna find out!!!

Beerina

18th October 2004, 01:29 PM

> "Mom. I thought the rapture had happened and we had not
> been taken." We prayed right then and there so there would
> be no doubt in our minds next time.

Of all the horrible things men have done throughout history that have directly or indirectly harmed women, I think invention of religion, then conning them into believing it, is among the worst.

TragicMonkey

18th October 2004, 01:33 PM

Originally posted by Beerina
Of all the horrible things men have done throughout history that have directly or indirectly harmed women, I think invention of religion, then conning them into believing it, is among the worst.

Um, evidence that religion was invented by men, and no women were involved? The current crop of religions may be run by men, disproportionately, but the believers seem fairly evenly split along gender lines. It's believing parents who con their children into belief, for the most part.