All Faith Extreme Fundamentalist Challenge - Many Enter, Only One Will Survive

[mapguy114]

Here is my solution to all of the people around the globe that are being killed in the name of one God or another. Make them willing participants! I am proposing a Pay Per View event held in the Empty Quarter of Saudi Arabia and Death Valley California. (Proceeds of the pay per view go towards transportation to the battlefield for future participants)

Any Religion, Faith, Sect, Cult or Denomination that feels that it has the right to kill others in the name of their God or Leader (for any reason), can step up to claim the bragging rights of "baddest religion on the planet", from the end of the contest until the end of time.

Here are the rules:

All fights are to the death.
Only hand to hand combat is allowed. Conjuring of spirits, demons, acts of God, and Divine Intervention are encouraged.
Number of participants is unlimited. As many as you can get together by game time.
This will be a single elimination style tournament, with only one loss allowed (Since they'll all be dead).
Victorious teams will continue fighting until only one "team" remains.

For the rest of humanity that believes in the right of people to worship freely and respect other faiths, it will allow them to freely practice their chosen faith without fear of retribution from others, except the winning team, of course. However, after the number of battles they will have fought through to get to the top, the number of lunatic fundamentalists remaining should be fairly easy to manage on a global scale.

Now, before you get upset that I am bashing religion in general - think again. I'm only really looking to rid the world of those that choose to justify intolerance and murder through literal interpretations of written text. What I need from the forum is opinions on the format and rules of engagement. It would probably also be beneficial to start coming up with a list of likely combatants for planning purposes

[TragicMonkey]

Hmmm. As a follower of the Monkey Gods, I have no wish to kill other religionists. I would, however, like to watch the combat and occasionally throw fruit and feces at the combatants. Would that be permitted? I'm sure the combatants would agree once they realized it's a sanctified religious ceremony.

[mapguy114]

Originally posted by TragicMonkey
Hmmm. As a follower of the Monkey Gods, I have no wish to kill other religionists. I would, however, like to watch the combat and occasionally throw fruit and feces at the combatants. Would that be permitted? I'm sure the combatants would agree once they realized it's a sanctified religious ceremony.

Good Point. I hadn't thought of having fans of the battles viewing outside of the Pay Per View. But what the heck, a few miles of chain link and razor wire to keep the fans safe. I see no problem with the flinging of feces n' fruit from monkey god worshippers.

[Skeptical Greg]

Originally posted by mapguy114
Good Point. I hadn't thought of having fans of the battles viewing outside of the Pay Per View. But what the heck, a few miles of chain link and razor wire to keep the fans safe. I see no problem with the flinging of feces n' fruit from monkey god worshippers. Wouldn't that be unfair to a combatant who slipped and fell, or was otherwise distracted by fruit or poop?


If the monkey worshipers are not going to defend their god with their life's blood, I don't think it is fair to let them interfere..

[TragicMonkey]

Originally posted by Diogenes
Wouldn't that be unfair to a combatant who slipped and fell, or was otherwise distracted by fruit or poop?

If the monkey worshipers are not going to defend their god with their life's blood, I don't think it is fair to let them interfere..

It's a lot fairer than letting the Walrus-Flinging Sect of the Church of Improbable Acts watch. Anyway, even with all the monkeys in the world flinging poop into the arena, most of the crap will be coming out of the tired mythologies of the combatants.

[mapguy114]

Okay, I was debating whether to post this in the Religion & Philosophy forum, or the Humor forum.

Looks like I guessed wrong......

[Piscivore]

Originally posted by Diogenes
Wouldn't that be unfair to a combatant who slipped and fell, or was otherwise distracted by fruit or poop?

If one's god allows one to slip on monkey poo, that's a clear statement that either the god is ineffectual or the worshipper unworthy.

No foul.

[Marquis de Carabas]

What if someone who was not religious felt they should have a right to kill people? The way I read it, since it's not killing in the name of any deity or leader, your rules wouldn't make <s>me</s> this completely hypothetical individual have to participate, right? Just curious is all.

[TragicMonkey]

Originally posted by Marquis de Carabas
What if someone who was not religious felt they should have a right to kill people? The way I read it, since it's not killing in the name of any deity or leader, your rules wouldn't make <s>me</s> this completely hypothetical individual have to participate, right? Just curious is all.

Killing is not the way, my son. If thou must registereth disapproval, do it the divine and sacred monkey way: with an eloquent handful of unmistakeable organic disdain.

[c4ts]

In a battle to the death where there can be no winners, WHO WILL WIN?

[mapguy114]

Originally posted by Marquis de Carabas
What if someone who was not religious felt they should have a right to kill people? The way I read it, since it's not killing in the name of any deity or leader, your rules wouldn't make <s>me</s> this completely hypothetical individual have to participate, right? Just curious is all.

Well you er,.... someone could get around the "not killing in the name of any deity or leader" restriction by declaring yourself God - or perhaps just a Messiah complex.

A singles fighting area might just be the trick for these types of battles. What say?