How do you respond to "I'll pray for you?"

[Achán hiNidráne]

Hey all:

A question of etiquette for my fellow Brights: When someone tells you that they will "Pray for you," how do you respond?

For me, it depends on the context.

For instance: A couple weeks ago I was at a local sandwich show where I am familar with the owner. We got to talking while she was ringing up my order and I mentioned that I was out of work at the time and was looking for a job. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," she said. "I'll pray for you."

Although I don't agree with her theological view of the universe, she obviously was trying to be kind and hoped that my situtation would improve. In that case, I sincerly thanked her and said nothing more.

However, there are moments when the comment is made with less than cordial intent. I remember debating the question of homosexuality with a Fundamentalist uncle. After throwing straw-men (i.e. "The Gay Agenda is a part of the International Communist Conspiracy!") and ad hominems (i.e. "You must be queer yourself!") at me, he ends it with "I'll pray for you."

I realized what he was really trying to say was "F--k you," only his religion forbade him from using "obsenities."

What do you guys think?

[TruthSeeker]

I agree with you about the first scenario. When it comes from a place of kindness or compassion, I am thankful. To me, it means that the person cares enough to hold me in their thoughts and to ask their divine being for help. That feels very significant.

I've only had the second one happen once. When I told a born-again friend I had fallen in love with a Jewish man. My response to him was "While your at it, ask your God for some tolerance too"

I'm not proud of that because I don't like rising to the bait, but it's what came out of my mouth.

We are no longer friends, BTW

[calibos]

Well, inwardly I feel that anyone who says that is naive to think that by 'praying' they can in any way affect my life. I'm sure the usefulness and lack thereof of prayer has been discussed before.

If the context is a friendly exchange then theres no sense in laying into them over it but if they say it in a condescending "I have the moral highground/Gods on my side" manner then they deserve whatever insults I can throw at them.

[Rob Lister]

Originally posted by Mark A. Siefert
What do you guys think?

I would respond, "Thank-you. And I shall do useful things for you, should I see the need." Note the lack of emphisis. Only the eye with the log in it could take that the wrong way.

[BillC]

It can be said at odd times too. When an acquaintance learned that I would be leaving the US to return to my native UK, he announced that he would pray for me. Did he think I was taking my life in my hands with this move? Did he mean to insult my nation as well as patronise me? I don't think so. Perhaps this was just his way of wishing me good luck for the future. But the statement sat a little uneasily with me. The only response I was able to give was to mumble a few words of thanks to him.

[Lisa Simpson]

I don't mind if people say they'll pray for me if it amounts to nothing more than good wishes. On two different occasions, an elderly Arab gentleman told me Allah would bless me. Cool. But the few times the "prayers" have been for my poor, ungodly soul, I just give the classic weak smile. The weak smile is good for all sorts of situations.

[Nex]

Originally posted by Lisa Simpson
[...] But the few times the "prayers" have been for my poor, ungodly soul, I just give the classic weak smile. The weak smile is good for all sorts of situations.
Yes it is, especially when coupled with a bemusedly cocked eyebrow. :D

Myself, I usually say "Thanks" if it's meant as a way to wish luck or let me know they'll be thinking of me.

If it's meant condescendingly and I'm in a bad mood already, my favorite return phrase is, "Oh... how quaint," along with the above smile/eyebrow combo. This response does not win one friends in the American bible belt, I've noticed... :p

[Piscivore]

When it's meant kindly, I also just say "Thank you."

When it's meant otherwise I'll reply with, "Yeah? Good luck with that." Else I'll just ignore it.

[Yahweh]

Originally posted by Mark A. Siefert
A question of etiquette for my fellow Brights: When someone tells you that they will "Pray for you," how do you respond?
A simple "thank you" ends the evangelism quickly and without making a scene.

Of course, some people are into a more forceful variety of evangelism, I'm not sure what to do with those types (I think there is a verse in the bible which says something to the effect of "its only necessary to preach the gospel one time to a person, otherwise its just rude").

[shemp]

It depends. If I'm in a good mood, I just smile and mumble "thank you". Otherwise, I tear out their internal organs and nail them to their forehead.

[El Greco]

I say "don't pray for me Argentina"

uhmmm... I'm sorry but it's almost 5am and I'm back from a relentless tour of Athens' nightlife and I can't sleep with my girlfriend and I need to say something stoopid to get over my no-girlfriend blues

[Mercutio]

As Shemp says, it very much depends.

I had a student come talk to me after class...on his notebook, he was a bit embarrassed to have me discover, was written "pray for [Mercutio]". This was, it turns out, because I had mentioned briefly in a previous class that I was an atheist. Anyway, I told him that I appreciated his thought, but that I would just as soon he not spend the time on me, and that he take any time he would have spent praying for me and actualy use that time actively in helping people who needed help.

I think we ended up respecting each other on that one. His heart was in the right place (thought I) and my behavior was in the right place (thought he, if I am not mistaken).

[Kitty Chan]

Even though Im not as Bright I will add a agreement for you.

First one is fine as you all say.

I dont appreciate the second one either.

It goes with "Hi I missed you in church last week"

Both are rude, period.

:)

[Nex]

Originally posted by shemp
It depends. If I'm in a good mood, I just smile and mumble "thank you". Otherwise, I tear out their internal organs and nail them to their forehead.
Care to meet my in-laws? http://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/contrib/ruinkai/FIREdevil.gif

[Stereolab]

OK, I'm an agnostic, or maybe I'm an athiest...I'm not sure. I don't believe that there's a God, but I acknowledge the fact that I don't know for sure. (What does that make me?) Anyway, praying probably has some benefits even if no one else is hearing the prayers. I believe that for spiritual types, praying can serve as a type of meditation, helping them feel better about things and about themselves. So, if someone wants to pray for me, I thank him or her sincerely. It might not do a thing for me, but it could help him or her significantly.

[Kopji]

I actually agree with kitty on this one. The first response could be a simple 'thank you'.

The second could be met with 'Excuse me, that's being rude'. After all, they can think it without saying it. If they think they are being honest with you, be honest back.

Prayer can be understood as meditation with willingness to act some part in helping. If someone says they 'will pray for those poor starving children', but not be willing to play a part in making the prayer happen, it's sort of an empty and meaningless kind of prayer anyway.

[kedo1981]

Snappy retorts for I’ll pray for you

How bout
“Let’s pray to mighty LORD VISHNU together�

“ Oh thank you, I’ll cast a spell for you�

“Pray in one hand, **** in the other, see which fills up first�

“Well thank you, and while you’re at it ask him about that pony I prayed for when I was seven�

If they really piss you off

Well tell him to answer the prays of that six year old little boy who is being raped by his youth minister first.

Well tell him to answer the prays of that six year old little boy who is dying of cancer first, ok.

And this one will really stop them in their tracks
“Oh, don’t take the Lords name in vain on my behalf�

[Diamond]

Recently I stayed with friends who are fundamentalist Christians while I secured accomodation. They asked whether I'd be bothered if they prayed for me. I answered that I thought it nice of them that they were concerned for me. But when they asked if they could pray over me, I demurred saying that I would find it embarassing and not helpful.

The real answer is: "Be my guest, but don't force me to be involved"

[Nucular]

I quite like, if the praying thing is meant condescendingly, "Well then I'll just have to think for the both of us".

[Iacchus]

Could prayer be construed as not holding hostility towards someone you don't necessarily agree with? That's a big accomplishment in and of itself right there don't you think? Anything else, it would seem to me, would be kind of contrived. If people want to pray for me, they can keep it to themselves, as far as I'm concerned.

[Ladewig]

Depending on how condescending someone was when announcing prayers for me, I might reply, "Can I have your shoes?" I'd then mention that Matthew 5:40 advises Christians to give people things they ask for (and even more than they ask for).

Polite Ladewig would then give the shoes back. Impolite Ladewig would throw them on the roof.

[Loon]

I'm with TruthSeeker and Lisa Simpson (as well as about half of us, inluding, it seems, Mr Siefert.)

If they mean it as their own way of saying "Good luck" or "I wish you well," then I thank them. It can't do me any good to refuse sincere well-wishes.

If it's the other one with the saving of souls and whatever, I might thank them for their concern, but I have just recently learned an amusing comment about taking the lord's name in vain that I ache to use.

Thanks, kedo.

[FFed]

I never say thank you. Most of the time I just say "Really, which god are you praying too?"

[AWPrime]

For the impolite ones:

Can I have your soul, that would help me soo much more?:D

[monkboon]

I have a friend who automatically responds "I'll think for you" which I would only find, well, appropriate isn't quite the word, if the offer was meant as an insult. Believe me, around here, it often is. Most of the time, however, it's merely the way some people say good bye, good luck, I'll be thinking of you, etc., no insult intended, no need to make it into one.

About 5 years ago, while waiting for surgery, the hospital's non-denominational minister came by and asked if I'd like for her to pray for me during my procedure. I politely replied that it would be unnecessary. I'm still somewhat pleasantly surprised that I didn't get any sort of lecture from her after that. I've since reconsidered my response, though. If asked again, I will tell them, "please do, if that will make you feel better."

[KingMerv00]

"Thanks....how about 5 bucks instead?"

[MLynn]

Originally posted by Mark A. Siefert
For me, it depends on the context.

For instance: A couple weeks ago I was at a local sandwich show where I am familar with the owner. We got to talking while she was ringing up my order and I mentioned that I was out of work at the time and was looking for a job. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," she said. "I'll pray for you."

What do you guys think?
Just yesterday the same thing happened to me. I had to take my car in for repair and my service rep found out I was just laid off from my job of 15 years. We chatted about our lives a bit and he said he wanted to pray for me. I found it very encouraging because of his ATTITUDE - one of caring for another human being. I sincerely thanked him.

On the other hand, some people use the phrase "I'll pray for you" in a crappy, condescending manner - those people can shut up - they don't do anyone any good IMHO.

If I see someone in trouble I first ask if I can help. Then, and only then, will I ASK them IF I may pray for them.

[Beady]

~25 years ago, I was transferred to the Coast Guard base at Kodiak, Alaska. I knew I was in trouble when I found my new barracks room and saw that it had a prayer list on the *outside* of the door; one of my new roomies wanted everyone to know whom he was praying for, and the list was almost a full page long. I hadn't even finished unpacking when he asked me where I was going to spend eternity. Without thinking, I answered "Cleveland." He didn't say anything, but damned if less than an hour later I hadn't been penciled in at the very top of the list.

[Flaherty]

I tell them to hold still while I charge up my weapons.

[Temporal Renegade]

Besides, isn't that somewhat condescending, implying that you're the one who needs help from 'A Higher Authority'? Are their lives so perfect, that they can go around casting prayers to those they deem in need of God's intervention?

Pray for world famine to end, worldly diseases to end, wars started and incessantly fought over differing viewpoints to end, stopping crib death, stopping aiplanes from crashing due to human error, etc. etc. etc?
"Oh, yeah...yeah. We pray for those things, too. But, you're the one who really needs it!"

[alock]

Just say:
"Thankyou, keep me informed of your progress?"

One week later, ask for a progress report.

[Cleon]

Back in 1998 or so, we (the Penn State Skeptics Club) brought Randi to PSU for his excellent "Search for the Chimera" talk. During the Q&A, someone gave a rambling spiel that ended with "I'll pray for you." I will never forget Randi's response, which to my mind remains the best answer I've ever heard:

"Well, that's very pious of you. [pause] It's also very condescending and arrogant, and I'm insulted by it!"

[TragicMonkey]

I like to pretend to misunderstand the remark, and act like the speaker has expressed a desire to pray to me.

[Dr Adequate]

Etiquette: What Do You Do When People Cast Demons Out Of You? (http://forums.randi.org/showthread.php?s=&threadid=47425&highlight=Etiquette)

[Temporal Renegade]

Originally posted by TragicMonkey
I like to pretend to misunderstand the remark, and act like the speaker has expressed a desire to pray to me.

What, you mean we're not?

All Hail The Monkey! The Monkey Is ALL!!:D

[Anathema]

I'd respond thus:

Case 1: "Thank you, I appreciate that"

Case 2: "Thank you, I'll return the favor by slaughtering a goat and drinking its blood on your behalf."

[c4ts]

Originally posted by Mark A. Siefert
Hey all:

A question of etiquette for my fellow Brights: When someone tells you that they will "Pray for you," how do you respond?

For me, it depends on the context.

For instance: A couple weeks ago I was at a local sandwich show where I am familar with the owner. We got to talking while she was ringing up my order and I mentioned that I was out of work at the time and was looking for a job. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," she said. "I'll pray for you."

Although I don't agree with her theological view of the universe, she obviously was trying to be kind and hoped that my situtation would improve. In that case, I sincerly thanked her and said nothing more.

However, there are moments when the comment is made with less than cordial intent. I remember debating the question of homosexuality with a Fundamentalist uncle. After throwing straw-men (i.e. "The Gay Agenda is a part of the International Communist Conspiracy!") and ad hominems (i.e. "You must be queer yourself!") at me, he ends it with "I'll pray for you."

I realized what he was really trying to say was "F--k you," only his religion forbade him from using "obsenities."

What do you guys think?

I think you should not waste your time trying to argue with fundamentalists. You might as well attempt platonic dialogue with a recording.

[Lisa Simpson]

A similar question--how should I tell a relative that I don't know well, yet don't want to offend, that I do not want the endless religious glurges that she sends. Here's today's missive:

Diane, a young university student, was home for the summer. She had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped around her, she felt as though someone was walking with her.

When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there.

Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her Story.

The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a
lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When

the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her.She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her.

When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her."

Moral of the story.. Don't underestimate the power of Prayer!

Gives ya goose bumps doesn't it!

Actually, no, it didn't give me goosebumps.

I've only met this relative once and she seems nice. I'm thinking perhaps I will email her back, thanking her, but telling her that as an Apathetic Agnostic Tacoist Buddhist, I'm not really interested.

[Dr Adequate]

Originally posted by Lisa Simpson
A similar question--how should I tell a relative that I don't know well, yet don't want to offend, that I do not want the endless religious glurges that she sends.
Reply by saying "Cool, I love urban legends!" Then tell your relative the one about the guy who drank his grandmother's ashes by mistake for herbal tea. Then ask if she's got any more funny stories.

[Kitty Chan]

Originally posted by Lisa Simpson
I'm thinking perhaps I will email her back, thanking her, but telling her that as an Apathetic Agnostic Tacoist Buddhist, I'm not really interested.

and add but thanks anyway and there is nothing she can say whatsoever :) and you will stay in good books with the family.

I had a friend that was sending gross email from her cousin, so I started sending her sweet poems etc and the gross stuff ended. You could also send her buddist email or that one by the dalimi lama you probably have got 50 x by now.

Good luck :)

[Leif Roar]

Originally posted by alock
Just say:
"Thankyou, keep me informed of your progress?"

One week later, ask for a progress report.

A variant of that would be to say "Thank you. Let me know if you get an answer."

Or you could just tell them that you'd rather they re-read Matthew 6:1-15. I give you ten to one that they won't know what you're talking about.

[Beady]

Personally, I'll take all the help I can get. If someone wants to loan me their deity for a while, whether it's for a specific purpose or just my general welfare, I have no objection. At best, it'll help out; at worst, nothing at all will happen. Either way, the lender will feel better.

Which seems to indicate that being a godless pervert is socially beneficial..

[scribble]

When I'm feeling punchy, I respond with, "And I'll *think* for you."

Otherwise, it's just a "thanks."

[TragicMonkey]

Actually, I'm currently in that funny mood where you try to think of the most inappropriately awful thing to say, and the thread title caught my eye again. If someone told me right now that they'd pray for me, I'd look them in the eye, lick my lips a little, and say "Really? That is so HOT!!"

[Marquis de Carabas]

My standard response used to be, "Why?" but I never liked the answers I got. I tried "on what?" a time or two, but nobody got it. I've now settled on staring blankly and mumbling under my breath, which is actually my usual conversational gambit.

[Nyarlathotep]

I have noticed people saying "I'll pray for you" with two different meanings and it eleicits two different responses.

The first is the nice meaning. I am sick, or hoping for a promotion or something, and someone will say "I'll pray for you". In that case they usually mean it as their way to sincerely wish me well, and I take it as such. I'll just give them a sincere "thanks, I appreciate it" and leave it at that. I never object to someone wishing me well, even if I don't think their means of so doing amounts to anything.

The second is the condescending meaning. This usually comes about when some religious person finds out I am an atheist and they give me a snotty "I'll pray for you". Since this is NOT a bit of sincere well wishing on their part, I also take it in the manner itis offered. I usually say something like "Yeah. That'll work" in the most sarcastic tone I can muster. I also mentally mark them as a dim-witted puke sack to be avoided or messed with in the future as the situation dictates. People like that irritate the heck out of me.

[Beady]

Thinking about this thread, I started remembering some things that some devout Christians have said that was kind of on the subject.

I *think* it was Puritan leader Oliver Cromwell who said, "Put your faith in God, but keep your powder dry."

Which is sort of like the folk saying, "God helps those who help themselves."

Then there's "God willing an' the creek don't rise."

There must be others, but I've gone blank.

[Leif Roar]

Originally posted by Beady
There must be others, but I've gone blank.

One I'we always liked is "Pray to God, but keep rowing towards shore."

Then, of course, there's the saying "God fights on the side with the best artillery."

There's allegedly an old Arab saying "Trust in God, but tie your camel" and a Russian version "Trust in God, but lock your door."


(Edited to correct the "Pray to God, but keep rowig to shore" proverb.)

[Beanbag]

In God we trust; all others pay cash.

Regards;
Beanbag

[elliotfc]

Originally posted by Mark A. Siefert
Although I don't agree with her theological view of the universe, she obviously was trying to be kind and hoped that my situtation would improve. In that case, I sincerly thanked her and said nothing more.

Thanks for this Mark, it's nice that sincere and decent people can interact with one another in such a way.

If I had a friend, or an acquaitance, who told me that he/she was uncomfortable by saying "i'll pray for you", I wouldn't say it anymore...

I realized what he was really trying to say was "F--k you," only his religion forbade him from using "obsenities."

What do you guys think?

F you might be a bit extreme, but he certainly meant it in a way to display superiority over you, and in that case I think you would have been justified and commended for speaking your mind to the twat.

I'll pray for you, when used in public discourse, is usually a sign of solidarity and concern and good will. People who say the phrase for other reasons can't even be talked to, because anything said to them will reinforce whatever issues they have.

-Elliot

[Thumper]

Originally posted by Marquis de Carabas
My standard response used to be, "Why?" but I never liked the answers I got. I tried "on what?" a time or two, but nobody got it. I've now settled on staring blankly and mumbling under my breath, which is actually my usual conversational gambit.

OK. It took me a second, but "on what?" is hilarious! That's my new comeback for them. :)

[Riddick]

@OP: I think that after he throw's that crap at you, you pretty much have the right to go as low as you want in retaliation. I mean, he set the standard for behavior, after all. but, if you touch him, it's battery, so be careful. or at least run out of the area before the police arrive.

Of course, you can always offer the polite "thank you" and know that you are the better person for the moment. on rare occasions I do that, and later think 'boy I shoulda....' it goes away with time.

[Beady]

Originally posted by Riddick
Of course, you can always offer the polite "thank you" and know that you are the better person for the moment.

How about, "Please don't"? Then, if they ask why not, you can tell them there are some people you'd rather not have speaking on your behalf.