Cultural Assimilation

[Bruce]

Americans are notorious for stealing ideas from other cultures and slowly twisting them until they are unrecognizable to the culture they stole it from.

Do you know what's really popular in redneck Missouri? "Chinese Buffets". Recknecks are attracted to any kind of buffet, but their favorite is the chinese buffets because they are the cheapest. You might think that recknecks are finally starting to accept other cultures until you go inside a chinese buffet in Missouri.

You can load your plate up with pizza, mac & cheese, mashed potatoes, steak, creamed corn, crab rangoon (creamed cheese in deep-fried pastries), motzerella cheese sticks, spagahetti and meatballs, and top it off with a fortune cookie. In fact, the only meal that even vaguely resembles authentic chinese cuisine is Lo Mein, but that dish wasn't even developed in China.

I have to laugh every time I go with my co-workers to the chinese buffet and they actually think they are eating chinese food. I love to say things like, "Yeah, the chinese make the best onion rings, don't they? Nobody can deep-fry motzerella cheese and fix up a shepard's pie like the Chinese."

[Tony]

My favorite dishes at the "Chinese" buffet:

General Tao's (sp?) Chicken

Pork fried rice

Won Tons

Sweet and Sour chicken (and pork)

Beef and broccoli

Are any of these authentic chinese?

[crimresearch]

Lol!

I took a friend from Beijing to his first ever local 'Chinese' buffet...

He walked around the standard dishes, then whispered to me "I've never seen any of this before".

Of course given how many of the Chinese restaurants in America are run by Korean and Vietnamese families, that alone isn't too surprising.

[DaChew]

I was in Japan with my wife visiting some friends a few years back. We were sitting on a bench drinking Saporo beer we'd bought out of a vending machine right on the street (there's some culture we need to steal.). I noticed, parked at the curb across the street, a motorcycle that, for all the world, looked exactly like a Harley-Davidson chopper. Long and low with black leather saddle bags and a ton of chrome. I could even make out the word Sturgis on the gas tank. I thought to myself - Wow. Wonder what a Harley costs in Japan. Awhile later, the obvious owner dressed all in black leather and buckles (complete with skull & crossbones on his back and Captain America helmet) climbed aboard the bike and kicked the starter. Instead of the loud low pitched rumble of a Harley V-twin engine, we got the high pitched, high reving sound of an engine from a Suzuki or Kawasaki dirt bike (though, in his defence, the owner had clearly removed the muffler so at least it was loud.). It was very difficult not to spit beer in laughter as he donned his aviator shades and gave us a wave before riding off. We smiled and waved back knowing that this wild child would rebel against anything we got.

[Bruce]

Originally posted by Tony
My favorite dishes at the "Chinese" buffet:

General Tao's (sp?) Chicken

Pork fried rice

Won Tons

Sweet and Sour chicken (and pork)

Beef and broccoli

Are any of these authentic chinese?

The Chinese traditionally do not deep fry anything, they're not big on syrupy sweet sauces, and I'm not aware of any authentic chinese dishes that contain cheese. Authentic Chinese food is a lot of noodles and vegetables with modest amounts of beef, pork, chicken, and seafood. General Tao's chicken, Kung Pao Chicken, Beef & Broccoli, Won Tons, Crab Rangoon, Cashew Pork, Chopped Suey, and so on were all developed in the United States to fit the US pallete of high fat, high sugar, and high meat content.

If you want authentic chinese food, visit the china towns in the big cities, especially those that are run by chinese and visited by chinese. It's funny, but my in-laws (who are all Chinese descendants) all say that the best chinese food in the world is found in America. That's mainly because FDA imposes better quality in vegatables, meats, and seasoning than what you can find in China.

[TragicMonkey]

Originally posted by Bruce
If you want authentic chinese food, visit the china towns in the big cities, especially those that are run by chinese and visited by chinese. It's funny, but my in-laws (who are all Chinese descendants) all say that the best chinese food in the world is found in America. That's mainly because FDA imposes better quality in vegatables, meats, and seasoning than what you can find in China.

The problem with such places is that often you have to have some Chinese-speakers with you. But they really are worth the effort of hanging out with your Chinese friends' parents, even if their mothers keep going on about how the American boy is so thin and needs to be fattened up or he'll never find a wife. (Mrs C, I love you dearly for your charming naivete, and the dim sum.)

But I still like the American Chinese food, General Tso/Tao/Dao/Dow/Featherstonehaugh or whatever. I don't care whether food's authentic, as long as it's good.

Although I wouldn't have imagined finding pizza or onion rings in a "Chinese" buffet....that's just nuts.

[Pescado]

Not exactly the same, but it's a funny story, so I'll share.

About a year ago I brought a friend of mine with me to my favorite Mexican restaurant. He had just gotten out of church with his family, and they called and asked if they could join him. So they get there and I start mouthing off about another Mexican restaurant in the same small town being so terrible, and so far from authentic. "The beans come from a can!" "The salsa is La Victoria!" and on and on I went about how much it sucked and how great this place was. In the middle of it, my friend's brother, with his wife and kids beside him, informs me that the restaurant I had been bashing was their favorite restaurant. Oops!

[jj]

Originally posted by Bruce
The Chinese traditionally do not deep fry anything, they're not big on syrupy sweet sauces, and I'm not aware of any authentic chinese dishes that contain cheese.

Well, I might ask "which kind of Chinese" but I don't think you're too far off, at least for the most part.

As to cheese, well, the closest I've seen (major Ewwwww) is tso do fu. Which should have been called pi Ew!

[TragicMonkey]

Originally posted by Pescado
In the middle of it, my friend's brother, with his wife and kids beside him, informs me that the restaurant I had been bashing was their favorite restaurant. Oops!

Could have been worse. They could have turned out to be the owners and operators of the place. Then you would have had to backpeddle, and tried to turn all your previous insults into compliments, in what is known as a "George Costanza Moment".

I didn't do it with restaurants, but I did manage to mock a building's design to the architect's daughter. Whoops.

[Tony]

Originally posted by Bruce

If you want authentic chinese food, visit the china towns in the big cities, especially those that are run by chinese and visited by chinese.

Last time I was in LA, a chinese-american friend of mine took me to one of those authentic places. He even had to order our food because the waiter didn't speak english. The food was ok, but I prefer the American style chinese buffet food.

I agree with TMonkey when he says:

I don't care whether food's authentic, as long as it's good.

[Pescado]

Originally posted by TragicMonkey
Could have been worse. They could have turned out to be the owners and operators of the place. Then you would have had to backpeddle, and tried to turn all your previous insults into compliments, in what is known as a "George Costanza Moment".

I didn't do it with restaurants, but I did manage to mock a building's design to the architect's daughter. Whoops.
If only I had the verbal dexterity of George Costanza. I don't remember exactly how I reacted, but I think I pretty much just shut up and smiled, nodding, or some equivelent.

What tactic did you use for the building? "Well, you know, many times it is difficult for people to embrace things that are revolutionary or before their time."? Or did you pull the ol' Pescado and just nod and smile, trying to pretend that you didn't say any of what you had just said?

[Bruce]

Originally posted by TragicMonkey
The problem with such places is that often you have to have some Chinese-speakers with you. But they really are worth the effort of hanging out with your Chinese friends' parents, even if their mothers keep going on about how the American boy is so thin and needs to be fattened up or he'll never find a wife. (Mrs C, I love you dearly for your charming naivete, and the dim sum.)

LOL! Chinese parents are equally as coarse about girls they think are too plump. More rice and vegatables, less meat. I've never seen a Chinese person on the Atkins diet. Chinese without rice is like.........uh.........Americans without beef.

Originally posted by TragicMonkey
But I still like the American Chinese food, [quote]General Tso/Tao/Dao/Dow/Featherstonehaugh or whatever. I don't care whether food's authentic, as long as it's good.


Oh yeah, don't get me wrong, I like that stuff too. I just find it funny when I overhear conversations of nearby redneck families that really and truly think they are eating authentic chinese food. Sometime's, they'll make up stories and pass them around as absolute fact.

"Cousin Ed knew a fella from China. He says General Kung Pao and General Tso were bitter rivals. That's why they built that there big 'ol wall. Kung Pao liked his chicken hot and Tso liked his chicken sweet, but then Kublee-Kan showed up on the Yang Sea with sweet-and-sour pork, and the rest is history."

"No, wait! Yeh can't just grab a fortune cookie and open it! Yeh hafta do it like the Chinese do it. First we mix 'em all up, then we close our eyes and pick one out, then we open 'em just like this and read 'em. Don't never tell no one what your fortune is, or it won't come true. How many times do you have to tell you young-in's?

[LostAngeles]

Originally posted by Tony


General Tao's (sp?) Chicken



I've seen General Gau and General Tsao.

OK, Bruce. You're ****ting us right? That's a "Chinese buffet?" General Kung Pao vs. General Tso? :roll:

[TragicMonkey]

Originally posted by Pescado
What tactic did you use for the building? "Well, you know, many times it is difficult for people to embrace things that are revolutionary or before their time."? Or did you pull the ol' Pescado and just nod and smile, trying to pretend that you didn't say any of what you had just said?

Oh, I didn't backtrack. I stuck to my guns and said "Well, anyway, it still sucks." This was back in high school, when I'd rather be a jerk than an idiot.

These days I'm comfortable with being both at once, because I model my bad behavior on Eric Cartman. He's not as nice as George, but he certainly has a lot more fun.

[Bruce]

Originally posted by LostAngeles
I've seen General Gau and General Tsao.

OK, Bruce. You're ****ting us right? That's a "Chinese buffet?" General Kung Pao vs. General Tso? :roll:

Ok, I made that one up because I couldn't think of a complete story that I've overheard, but it's not that far off from bits and pieces of stories I've overheard. ;)

The fortune cookie story is for real. I witnessed that one just last week. :)

[UserGoogol]

The furthest south I've eaten a Chinese buffet was Gettysburg, which was comparatively authentic, (mostly on the level of take-out, though, with some Japanese food like miso soup and sushi thrown in for no apparant reason) although still a little weird. (Because it was in Gettysburg, so they had a minor identity crisis in simultaneously attracting customers with Chinese food and Americana.)

Also, technichally lo mein was invented in China, but American lo mein uses both different noodles and different spices.

(Ramen, for all you etymology wonks, is the Japanese transliteration of lo mein. (Or la mian.))

[Bruce]

Every time I go to LA, my wife's rich uncle treats us to a local chinese restaurant. The most expensive dish is shark-fin soup. Apparantly shark fin is valued in china. I don't know what they do with the rest of the shark. Anyway, I hate this stuff. The soup tastes ok, but the texture of the shark fin makes me nauseous. It's all cartilidge, crunchy and slippery at the same time. I choke it down every time because I'm sure that turning such an expensive delicacy away would be a complete insult. :(

[AtheistArchon]

Apparantly shark fin is valued in china. I don't know what they do with the rest of the shark.

- I can't stake my name on it because I only saw this in passing on the TV, but evidently there's a cruelty thing going on because the Chinese fishermen slice all the fins off the shark and then simply throw the shark back into the water to die. Could be PETA nonsense, or it could be widespread... I can't imagine that too many fishermen would toss all the meat overboard!

- Then again, poachers kill for tusks, horns, and tongues all the time and leave the rest. So I dunno.

[ManfredVonRichthoffen]

Originally posted by Bruce
I have to laugh every time I go with my co-workers to the chinese buffet and they actually think they are eating chinese food. I love to say things like, "Yeah, the chinese make the best onion rings, don't they? Nobody can deep-fry motzerella cheese and fix up a shepard's pie like the Chinese." Man. They are hicks. They pronounce mozzarella with a T.


I had a chinese friend at the place I worked in NYC. He would occasionally take me for authentic chinese food. Fatty. Unrecognizable cuts of chicken. Nothing like a regular chinese restaurant. He did get me to eat deep fried chicken feet though. You bite off a finger, roll it around in your mouth until the bones separate from the rest of the stuff, then take the bones out and swallow. Not something I will soon forget.

[LostAngeles]

Originally posted by ManfredVonRichthoffen
Man. They are hicks. They pronounce mozzarella with a T.


I had a chinese friend at the place I worked in NYC. He would occasionally take me for authentic chinese food. Fatty. Unrecognizable cuts of chicken. Nothing like a regular chinese restaurant. He did get me to eat deep fried chicken feet though. You bite off a finger, roll it around in your mouth until the bones separate from the rest of the stuff, then take the bones out and swallow. Not something I will soon forget.

When I was out here in L.A. visiting in May of '03, we went to a yakitori place after visiting Disneyland.

For those of you who don't know, real yakitori is not just white meat on a stick. It's a whole goddamned chicken, essentially. You've got the white meat, the thigh, the skin, the liver, the gizzard, the heart, and then they give you either eggplant, zucchini, or okra with chicken over it.

I saw it and thought, "My god. Ew. But... I can't decline. That would be rude."

Turned out to be one of the best meals I've ever had. There's nothing like chicken heart, I'll tell you. Mmmm.

Real Chinese, I have yet to have, but I can definitely say that there's East Coast Chinese food (chicken fingers, boneless spareribs), Left Coast Chinese food (no appetizers, just bunch of stuff on rice), and Midwest Chinese food (onion rings, "motzarella sticks"). :)

[ManfredVonRichthoffen]

Originally posted by LostAngeles
Real Chinese, I have yet to have, You will know whey you've had chicken done by the chinese, for the chinese. They use a sledge hammer to cut it up. Or possibly firecrackers. You will get an unrecognizable piece of meat, with fat attached if possible, and bone fragments from some part of the chicken or other, stuck into the meat.

I did eat the tail honk on his recommendation once though. I rotisseried a chicken, and remembering a conversation I had with my friend in which he said that his parents always fought for that triangular piece of the chicken's butt, I decided to eat it. It was very fatty and delicious.

[Jorghnassen]

There's a reason why there's no Chinatown style restaurants (with real, but fancy feast-like chinese food) outside of Chinatowns, and it doesn't have to do with whether the owners are actually Chinese or not. No redneck, and likely very few non-Chinese, would set foot in a real chinese restaurant (and, for those who have gone to a real chinese restaurant, admit that you never go without at least one chinese speaker), and therefore there'd be no profit in making such a restaurant. That's why they have buffets with everything from pizza to General Tao chicken, where the "chinese" food is just a varation on western food that was invented to sell to the "gwa tsai"s (approximate phonetic spelling, IIRC). You have to adapt to the market.

I have to admit, a good General Tao chicken is tasty... But it doesn't beat the 8 piece duck meal in Chinatown (when they don't go crazy with the MSG).