Jesus the Magician

[Bishop (takes Pawn)]

I hope this is the appropriate forum for this post.

On Christmas Day, I'll be spending my day with family. It's a good family, undoubtedly, and extremely religious. Fine with me. I'm the kind of person who respects other, as long as they respect me. And, I respect people's belief systems and really don't find any reason to judge or criticize. I getted a little steamed though, when ignoramuses start stepping on toes.

My family is Italian. Farmers, little formal schooling. Good people, but sometimes they can get a little hysterical. Like when one aunt of an aunt cried big fat tears because she saw Jesus on a wall (after looking at some optical illusion-inducing pattern for fifteen seconds). That's harmless (as long as you don't get a retinal tear from rolling your eyes too far back in your head). But when some knucklehead starts jabbering about how the Jews-killed-Jesus-Mel-Gibson's-movie-proves-it yadda yadda yadda, I tend to get a little peeved.

There's two guys. Two pecker-heads. And I know they're going to start. Up to now, I've been a good little boy. If you think about it, what does it matter. They're meatheads and they say meatheaded things. Their problem right? Sure. Well, I do have OCD and I tend to ruminate more than I should. For the past week, I've done nothing but daydream about what's going to happen and what I'm going to say and what they're going to say and . . . .

Even if you're completely stable and you don't need 200 mg of Zoloft, it's still a challenge to have to stand to hear such wonderful pearls of wisdom as: "Those damned Jews. How dare they not accept Jesus. He made all those miracles. How can anyone not accept Jesus after seeing all them miracles?" "Moses was nothing compared to Jesus. Jesus is greater than Moses." "4000 Jews didn't go to work on 9/11. Everyone knows that Israel was really behind the attacks."

Don't get me wrong. It's not just the Jews they're against. They're equal-opportunity bigots. I just think that the Jews are highest on their list because well, you know, the Jews-killed-Jesus and they won't accept-Jesus-into-your-heart-as-your-own-personal-massage-therapist-and-booger-removerer.

Critical thinkers? Of course not. But what does a person who likes to try to be a critical thinker do to survive this cesspool of pseudo-thought? Is it worth responding? Maybe not, but I can't stand bullies and that's what these two nimrods are. One thing I could do is to challenge them to say their crap in public where they can be picked apart like fried chicken, and not just by Jews, but any person with a sense of class and respect for their fellow Man. I could tell them that Jesus's miracles were nothing more than stage magic, like Penn and Teller. (Hey, these two guys shoot themselves in the face and catch the friggin' bullet in their teeth. How the hell could anyone not accept these two as their own personal Messiahs???) I could say that Jesus, you know the guy you say was killed by the Jews, who you hate and detest and probably feel deserve to be persecuted through all time by simple-minded bigots like yourselves, was himself a freaking Jew!!! Imagine that. Jew-haters worshipping a Jew. What irony, no?

Please don't misunderstand. My family is great people. Beautiful people, simple people, who respect others as they hope to be respected. It's just two turds in a huge punch bowl.

So, what do I do? Flush these turds or just ignore them as best I can? What would you good people do in my shoes?

[iain]

I'd bite my tongue and learn to ignore it for the sake of an enjoyable Christmas.

I had a similar thing a few years back : my wife's grandmother is a lovely person but does have some interesting opinions about black people. In my younger days I said a couple of things that weren't especially wise but I've learned that everyone is happier if these things are allowed to pass - it is Christmas after all.

[Ladewig]

I'd be tempted to ask, "what would have happened if nobody killed Jesus?"

You might also want to point out that Jesus was Jewish (at least on His mother's side).

If I were in your seat, I'd let a lot of it go, but if they brought up the Jews-stayed-home-on-9/11 crap, I'd tear them a new one.

"Do you have any credible evidence for that assertion?"
"Do you know how ridiculously easy it would be to find evidence that if it did happen?"
"Do you understand how hopeless impossible it would be to keep such a thing secret?"
"Do you know how pin-headed that sounds?"

[Ladewig]

Depending on the family dynamic, I might also use a more passive aggressive approach.

gristle-head: "The Jews stayed home on 9/11."
me: "Oh, come on. You're just saying that to yank my chain. You don't really believe it."
gristle-head: "No, really. They knew all about it and did nothing."
me: "You've got to do better than that if you're going to get a rise out of me. I know that no rational person believes that."
gristle-head: "It's true. I read it on the internet."
me: "You expect me to believe that you put stock in a pin-headed idea like that? Go tell it to someone gullible."

That way, it is the other guy who gets loud first and generally, it is the louder person that is told to shut up by the others.