Chick Tract discussion circle: How is Hell governed?

[c4ts]

Like the bible itself, Jack T. Chick's depiction of Hell is loaded with conflicting accounts. The only problem is that this time, they all come from a single person- CHICK!

Let's take a look at the following tracts:

According to "Party Girl," Hell is a bureaucracy:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0099/0099_01.asp

In "Bewitched," Hell is a corporation:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0045/0045_01.asp

In "A Demon's Nightmare," Hell has a military:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0004/0004_01.asp

In "The Assignment," they just plagarize Heaven:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0022/0022_01.asp

And in "The Only Hope," Hell is property of the Catholic church or something:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0030/0030_01.asp

So what kind of government works bureaucratically, places itself at the head of a television station, and puts its leader as head of the Catholic church AND overbearing world government? That's a lot of jobs to tackle at once. And look, in every tract, they manage to get things done. Every talk at the table of Hell is a success, a victory!
Satan's got those low-grade condom exports bringing in the money to pay for his television productions and broadcasting rights, and yet he has enough resources to care for all the demons in his army AND keep the flames going for eternity.

[PixyMisa]

Originally posted by c4ts
So what kind of government works bureaucratically, places itself at the head of a television station, and puts its leader as head of the Catholic church AND overbearing world government?
That's not Hell, that's France!
That's a lot of jobs to tackle at once. And look, in every tract, they manage to get things done.
Oops, not France then.
Every talk at the table of Hell is a success, a victory!
Definitely not France.
Satan's got those low-grade condom exports bringing in the money to pay for his television productions and broadcasting rights, and yet he has enough resources to care for all the demons in his army AND keep the flames going for eternity.
AOL/Time-Warner!! :eek:

[UserGoogol]

They changed the name back to Time Warner, actually. Putting AOL in their name made their demonic secrets slightly too obvious.

[c4ts]

I'll also point out that Satan changes his appearence every tract. My theory is that every four years or so, Hell elects a new Satan. Either that or he's a time lord and keeps getting assassinated.

[Odin]

For Chick Hell = whatever he disaggrees with.

The best picture of Satan is at the end of angels? (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0034/0034_01.asp)

[RamblingOnwards]

Originally posted by c4ts
I'll also point out that Satan changes his appearence every tract. My theory is that every four years or so, Hell elects a new Satan. Either that or he's a time lord and keeps getting assassinated.

Conventional Christian literature has decided that Satan has three distinct forms:
- Angelic: his original 'brightest and the best' appearance - so stunningly beautiful that it would drive mortals insane. He can only wear this when he's up to chat with god.
- Ordinary Man: this is the guise he has to wear on earth, when he appears so non descript that no one notices him.
- Demonic: this is the huge black and red Pan guise he gets to wear when he's relaxing at home.

Now the problem with the 'Ordinary Man' guise is that while it's great for spying, it doesn't really do much for the 'striking fear into people's hearts' thing. To combat this, he is forced to buy carnival masks. They break from time to time, so he grabs a new one, and well...

edited for spelling

[Flo]

Originally posted by PixyMisa

Originally posted by c4ts
So what kind of government works bureaucratically, places itself at the head of a television station, and puts its leader as head of the Catholic church AND overbearing world government?

That's not Hell, that's France!




For all his faults, Chirac has not yet declared he would be running as the next pope (he's promised miracles on the French and Third World economy and the environment, and appears far too often time on television, though) :D

[c4ts]

Originally posted by Odin
For Chick Hell = whatever he disaggrees with.

The best picture of Satan is at the end of angels? (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0034/0034_01.asp)
Except that it doesn't quite work in "The Assignment," where Heaven and Hell are virtually identical.

Have you seen the parody of "Angels?" I did a while ago?

[Markus702]

In the Bewitched tract, Satan appears "devilishly" handsome. Hahahaha....hahahaha...haha.....ok I guess that's not all that funny.

Incidentally, I wonder what you have to do to get one of those front office positions down in hell. I mean I'm guessing you have to be truly evil on earth to rate one of those jobs. Us mere fornicators and booze bags are probably going to be working the coal mines (I don't suppose the devil's interested in switching to natural gas for heat). But the serial killers and ruthless dictators are probably getting cushy office jobs with hot secretaries. And I mean hot as in good looking hot, not temperature hot (becuase everyone's temperature hot down there...it's hell).

[Odin]

Originally posted by c4ts

Have you seen the parody of "Angels?" I did a while ago?

The Engrish one with God Jesus? :D

[arthwollipot]

Have you seen the parody of "Angels?" I did a while ago?

How about a link for us noobs?

[c4ts]

Originally posted by arthwollipot
How about a link for us noobs?

Fine, here you go:
Auto Rock Party! (http://www.angelfire.com/alt/c4ts2101/tract.html)

[c4ts]

Originally posted by Markus702
In the Bewitched tract, Satan appears "devilishly" handsome. Hahahaha....hahahaha...haha.....ok I guess that's not all that funny.

Incidentally, I wonder what you have to do to get one of those front office positions down in hell. I mean I'm guessing you have to be truly evil on earth to rate one of those jobs. Us mere fornicators and booze bags are probably going to be working the coal mines (I don't suppose the devil's interested in switching to natural gas for heat). But the serial killers and ruthless dictators are probably getting cushy office jobs with hot secretaries. And I mean hot as in good looking hot, not temperature hot (becuase everyone's temperature hot down there...it's hell).

I think the idea of Hell rewarding evil behavior would drive Mr. Chick insane. I mean more insane than he already is, if that's even possible.

[CFLarsen]

If there is a Hell, then Jack Chick will find out for himself how it is governed...

[c4ts]

Originally posted by CFLarsen
If there is a Hell, then Jack Chick will find out for himself how it is governed...

And the irony is they make him their leader.

[neutrino_cannon]

I seem to recall, and perhaps a more avid Chick scholar than I can find the one I'm thining of, a tract that made reference to Hell having concentric circles. The context was that some demons who had failed to corrupt some Aryan (yes, of course he was a blindingly reflective haole, why do you ask?) youth were to be punished for their incompetance by going down one level of hell, in an elevator no less, for each soul he saved.

I'm not going to say the idea is original to Dante, but isn't the image of Hell as a set of concentric rings a post-biblical overlay? Seeing as it comes from or before Dante, that would make it one of those evil Cathy-lick ideas yes?

Oh yeah, I forgot about all of those pre-Luther Protestants who were running around underfoot and avoiding the evil Latin-speaking paedophile priests. :rolleyes:

[Vortex]

Being a Libertarian, were Hell (oh if only it existed, but play along :) a true libertarian reality, primarily focusing on the profligate and libertine in all of us, I'd be more than happy to find my place there. Course, we'd first have to get beyond that little "garden of gehenna" deal which was actually a garbage dump circa 30 AD, fomenting into our modern-day ideal of hell, but hey. :)

[Jas]

The best line from "The Only Hope":

"I love drugs. Do you?"

"No, incest and murder are my things"

[SwissSkeptic]

The evidence in Chicks opus is pointing strongly towards a homosexual, catholic, mustache-wearing archfiend (he probably has a french accent, too)

[c4ts]

Originally posted by Jas
The best line from "The Only Hope":

"I love drugs. Do you?"

"No, incest and murder are my things"

Sounds like the kind of banter common to a law firm.

[headscratcher4]

I'm pretty sure that Hell is an airline...

[Beerina]

Originally posted by c4ts
Like the bible itself, Jack T. Chick's depiction of Hell is loaded with conflicting accounts. The only problem is that this time, they all come from a single person- CHICK!

Let's take a look at the following tracts:

According to "Party Girl," Hell is a bureaucracy:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0099/0099_01.asp

In "Bewitched," Hell is a corporation:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0045/0045_01.asp

In "A Demon's Nightmare," Hell has a military:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0004/0004_01.asp

In "The Assignment," they just plagarize Heaven:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0022/0022_01.asp

And in "The Only Hope," Hell is property of the Catholic church or something:
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0030/0030_01.asp

So what kind of government works bureaucratically, places itself at the head of a television station, and puts its leader as head of the Catholic church AND overbearing world government? That's a lot of jobs to tackle at once. And look, in every tract, they manage to get things done. Every talk at the table of Hell is a success, a victory!
Satan's got those low-grade condom exports bringing in the money to pay for his television productions and broadcasting rights, and yet he has enough resources to care for all the demons in his army AND keep the flames going for eternity.

I prefer South Park's Hell best. All you do is have luauas and engage in lewd sex acts.

[Charlie in Dayton]

When I saw the subject line of this thread, my first thoughts were of Howard Dean and the Democratic National Committee...:eek:

[Roadtoad]

Hell is Rancho Cucamonga, CA.

[c4ts]

It's also in Grand Cayman.

[Hutch]

Originally posted by Roadtoad
Hell is Rancho Cucamonga, CA.

Nah, actually it's in Wyoming (http://www.roadsideamerica.com/attract/WYPOWhell.html).

Rather small space for so many evil souls, eh?

[Odin]

A map of Hell:
Hell (http://www.multimap.com/map/browse.cgi?client=public&GridE=10.90556&GridN=63.44472&lon=10.90556&lat=63.44472&cidr_client=none&lang=&db=NO&place=HELL,+STJ%D8RDAL,+7517&pc=&advanced=&cname=Great+Britain&addr2=&client=public&addr3=hell&overviewmap=&scale=50000)

[UserGoogol]

Actually, Hell is in Michigan. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hell,_Michigan)

[Roadtoad]

Damn it, people! STAY ON TOPIC!!!

:D :D :D

[c4ts]

Have you noticed how Chick has the devil wear a white priest's collar? Satan is a preacher!

[Jas]

Isn't he supposed to be Catholic?

[c4ts]

Of course! Because Catholicism was started by Satan in "The Death Cookie!"

[bjornart]

Originally posted by Odin
A map of Hell:
Hell (http://www.multimap.com/map/browse.cgi?client=public&GridE=10.90556&GridN=63.44472&lon=10.90556&lat=63.44472&cidr_client=none&lang=&db=NO&place=HELL,+STJ%D8RDAL,+7517&pc=&advanced=&cname=Great+Britain&addr2=&client=public&addr3=hell&overviewmap=&scale=50000)

The camp where I got basic military training is just off the top of that map.

We occasionally marched through Hell.

Edited to add: it's governed by the local municipal elected government.