Dr Adequate
17th February 2005, 12:07 PM
'Scuse me... the Muse has been singing in me again. A Muse, anyway. One of the less well-known ones.
This will go to a number of tunes, but perhaps the melody of the verse of Oh Dear, What Can The Matter Be? is the most apt.
Song Of The Sceptic
They talked of the ether and crystal vibrations;
the code in the Bible; St John's revelations;
of Templars and Gnostics, of Jews and of Masons
(and sinister people like that);
of psychics and ghosts; and of psi and telepathy;
women who channel the goddess Persephone;
folks who can cure all your ills --- for a heavy fee;
spirits who like a good chat.
They showed me their schemes for perpetual motion:
their blueprints and plans drawn with care and devotion.
I said: "What a wonderful, ground-breaking notion...
come back when you've built one that works."
They showed me machines which can cure all diseases,
from cancer and AIDS down to sniffles and sneezes,
as proven by theories and papers and theses
(and liars and con-men and jerks):
diagnostic machines which have perfect veracity;
machines to extend your... libido's capacity;
balance your chakras; increase your sagacity;
heal emotional pain.
They help you quit smoking; keep hair that you're losing;
ascend to the spiritual plain of your choosing ---
impressively though, the inventor's just using
(he says) ten percent of his brain.
The Young Earth Creationists came to me saying
they've found out half science is wrong --- just by praying
and reading a book which they claim is relaying
a message directly from God.
They babbled and burbled of thermodynamics;
invented new theories of quantum mechanics.
One mention of Darwin and everyone panics ---
it seems most decidedly odd.
And the folks who were kidnapped by alien races
tell how they were probed in remarkable places
by horrible creatures with hideous faces ---
well, it sounds like a nightmare to me!
But they're certain for sure the conspiracy's real:
what government agencies try to conceal
The X-Files' scriptwriters always reveal
and broadcast on primetime TV.
I listened to each one expounding his theory,
and when he was finished, or when he grew weary,
I spotted my chance and I put in a query ---
I think you can guess what I said.
There's something I missed --- my attention was straying ---
Is there EVIDENCE, please, for the things you've been saying?
'Cos if not, I have news that you may find dismaying:
you've probably gone off your head.
This will go to a number of tunes, but perhaps the melody of the verse of Oh Dear, What Can The Matter Be? is the most apt.
Song Of The Sceptic
They talked of the ether and crystal vibrations;
the code in the Bible; St John's revelations;
of Templars and Gnostics, of Jews and of Masons
(and sinister people like that);
of psychics and ghosts; and of psi and telepathy;
women who channel the goddess Persephone;
folks who can cure all your ills --- for a heavy fee;
spirits who like a good chat.
They showed me their schemes for perpetual motion:
their blueprints and plans drawn with care and devotion.
I said: "What a wonderful, ground-breaking notion...
come back when you've built one that works."
They showed me machines which can cure all diseases,
from cancer and AIDS down to sniffles and sneezes,
as proven by theories and papers and theses
(and liars and con-men and jerks):
diagnostic machines which have perfect veracity;
machines to extend your... libido's capacity;
balance your chakras; increase your sagacity;
heal emotional pain.
They help you quit smoking; keep hair that you're losing;
ascend to the spiritual plain of your choosing ---
impressively though, the inventor's just using
(he says) ten percent of his brain.
The Young Earth Creationists came to me saying
they've found out half science is wrong --- just by praying
and reading a book which they claim is relaying
a message directly from God.
They babbled and burbled of thermodynamics;
invented new theories of quantum mechanics.
One mention of Darwin and everyone panics ---
it seems most decidedly odd.
And the folks who were kidnapped by alien races
tell how they were probed in remarkable places
by horrible creatures with hideous faces ---
well, it sounds like a nightmare to me!
But they're certain for sure the conspiracy's real:
what government agencies try to conceal
The X-Files' scriptwriters always reveal
and broadcast on primetime TV.
I listened to each one expounding his theory,
and when he was finished, or when he grew weary,
I spotted my chance and I put in a query ---
I think you can guess what I said.
There's something I missed --- my attention was straying ---
Is there EVIDENCE, please, for the things you've been saying?
'Cos if not, I have news that you may find dismaying:
you've probably gone off your head.