You mean atheists aren't evil?

[El_Spectre]

I just gotta share something funny that just happened. Maybe 90 minutes ago I was in an accident. No big deal, I got hit (t-boned at 5 mph) in a bad alley. After making sure she was ok, we did the exhange-info thing, and this conversation took place:

her: You know, it must be karma... I had it coming... I've been so bad lately... God must be sending me a message...

me: I dunno, I'm not much of a karma person...

her: No?

me: nope. I got an alternate explanation: 30 million people live in this state, 10 million in this county... and this alley sucks. It happens. Nothing divine 'bout it.

her: I suppose... wait, you mean you... don't believe in God?

me: (laugh) nope.

her (with look of shock on her face) you... you're an atheist?

me: yeah, more or less.

her: gee... I'm like Ms. Christian... I didn't think... but you're being so nice about this.

me: it was an accident, it happens. No one was hurt. Y'know, just because you've been raised that christian is good doesn't mean that not-christian is bad.


her: but... but...

me: If you were expecting me to sprout horns or something... we're decent folks too y'know.


At this point we'd done all the exchanging, took some photos and parted ways. Hopefully she won't assume we're all mean monsters in the future.

Maybe pointless, but this still has me laughing almost 2 hours later.

[CurtC]

You mean atheists?

I've heard that some of us are not mean.

I'm surprised how quickly this conversation happened upon the fact that you're an atheist.

I don't hide my atheism from people, but I haven't reached the point (yet anyway) where I am likely to fit it into a brief conversation. I've thought about that though, that it would probably be good PR to show how an atheist can be a decent person, to some people who think atheist equals Madalyn Murray O'Hair.

[jmercer]

Gotta agree... that is funny! People have the oddest prejudices. :D

[El_Spectre]

Originally posted by CurtC
I'm surprised how quickly this conversation happened upon the fact that you're an atheist.

Yeah, I don't tend to bring it up, hence the soft pedaling calling BS on karma. But since she asked directly I decided it was a decent time to do some PR work for the heathen crew. Had she just mentioned karma once, in passing I woulda let it go.

I guess the kind of person who immediately invokes god notices when others don't follow it with 'amen', maybe?

[thatguywhojuggles]

If someone ever talks about karma around me, lately I just casually ask them how the concept of karma fits in, in a universe where a tsunami can take out hundreds of thousands of people in a blink of an eye with no predjudice as to who it takes.

[Charlie Monoxide]

I had a similar experience a few years back. I was sitting in my local watering hole chatting with one of the regulars. Somehow in the conversation he asked what religeon I was (followed). I told him, atheist. He was shocked and asked "where do I get my morals?" I explained to him that I didn't need a religeon to have morals, blah blah blah.

A while later after the conversation move on he started talking about blacks in a disparaging way. He used the "n" word numerous times.

Yes, indeed, where does he get his morals?

Charlie (moralistically religeon free) Monoxide

[Paul C. Anagnostopoulos]

her: gee... I'm like Ms. Christian... I didn't think... but you're being so nice about this.
I wonder what she would say to a Moslem or a Hindu? Are they nicer than atheists? As nice as Christians? I wonder if Buddhists are even nicer?

Good story, El.

~~ Paul

[jmercer]

I had a similar experience once... except you'd have to substitute the word "American" for "Atheist". :D

[Darat]

Originally posted by jmercer
I had a similar experience once... except you'd have to substitute the word "American" for "Atheist". :D

What? You met an American that was nice?

;) :D

[joesixpack]

I had a similar experience once... except you'd have to substitute the word "American" for "Atheist".

LMAO It's amazing the amount of "confirmation bias" among people in Europe, the UK, and Canada. They often seem surprised that Americans can even read.

[Orangutan]

I remember my mother telling me she was a bit ticked off, she Is a really nice person and will help anybody out if she can. After going above and beyond for some co-worker, the co-worker thanked her and told her she was the most christian person she knew. I asked my mom why she was ticked off and she said somethink along the lines of

"..well It's like she thinks I did all that stuff to please Jesus, not because I wanted to myself, to make her happy. ... Like you should be nice because there's some reward coming if you do and not because its just the right thing to do..."

I think I had a very good upbringing. :)

O.

[Traveller]

Originally posted by joesixpack
LMAO It's amazing the amount of "confirmation bias" among people in Europe, the UK, and Canada. They often seem surprised that Americans can even read.

Oh no, of course we know that Americans can read. They read - er - National Enquirer, isn't it?

[Harlequin]

Originally posted by joesixpack
LMAO It's amazing the amount of "confirmation bias" among people in Europe, the UK, and Canada. They often seem surprised that Americans can even read. I don't know why anyone would be surprised by that. The US is a very large country, surely some of the people there have figured out how to read. Now if they would just use that amazing skill to read something instead of just watching CNN...;)

[joesixpack]

Oh no, of course we know that Americans can read. They read - er - National Enquirer, isn't it?

Q.E.D.

[Beleth]

"Karma" is a rather un-Christian concept, when you get right down to it. Justice is done in the afterlife, not in dribs and drabs here on Earth.

[joesixpack]

Orangutan said;

..well It's like she thinks I did all that stuff to please Jesus, not because I wanted to myself, to make her happy. ... Like you should be nice because there's some reward coming if you do and not because its just the right thing to do...
I see that a lot among christians. If you're doing something good for a reward, you're not a good person, you're an employee of Jesus.

[Yaotl]

Sue her for everything she has and prove her right!

[sackett]

There's no topping El Spectre's story, but here's a line of dialogue I remember from a long-ago high school civics class on freedom of religion:

"But what if the atheists tried to open a church in town! Couldn't we STOP them?"

This was uttered by a Catholic girl, blue-eyed Linda. Only they weren't blue eyes, that was simply the color of the empty sky seen through the utter vacancy inside her skull.

[CurtC]

El, it's interesting and ironic that your disbelief of the concept of karma caused her to think that you're not a Christian. She doesn't quite have a grasp of the comparative religions thing.

Charlie Monoxide wrote:
I told him, atheist. He was shocked and asked "where do I get my morals?"I've never had anyone say something like this to me, but I would surely reply that if the only reason he's not a mass murderer is that he's trying to please Jesus, I'm not that comfortable being near him.

By the way, Americans do read more than National Enquirer - there's also Soldier of Fortune!

[KingMerv00]

Spectre:

You have dishonored your fellow atheists. In response, I have notified the head office in Las Vegas.

I have been given the authority to collect your black cloak, pentagram, special baby-killing knife, and any atheist discount coupons you still have in your possession.

Let this be an example to the rest of you.

[ShowMe]

Originally posted by KingMerv00
and any atheist discount coupons you still have in your possession.

Let this be an example to the rest of you.


Hey, wait a minute!

We get coupons?

[Darat]

Originally posted by ShowMe
Hey, wait a minute!

We get coupons?

Well more like loyalty points. I think for every soul you wrench from the all-loving, all-powerful big man in the sky you get a coupon worth 0.01 of a cent.

[Vikram]

Originally posted by Darat
Well more like loyalty points. I think for every soul you wrench from the all-loving, all-powerful big man in the sky you get a coupon worth 0.01 of a cent.

That means I've earned 0.02 cents in my entire life...

Maybe I should consider retiring. :p

[jmercer]

Originally posted by Traveller
Oh no, of course we know that Americans can read. They read - er - National Enquirer, isn't it?

I don't know what I read... only the stories use small words. What does Nat... nat... uh... what ever that was you said mean? ;) :D

[jmercer]

Originally posted by Harlequin
I don't know why anyone would be surprised by that. The US is a very large country, surely some of the people there have figured out how to read. Now if they would just use that amazing skill to read something instead of just watching CNN...;)

Heck, I'd settle for getting Bush to watch CNN instead of Fox News. Forget about the reading part with him...

[jmercer]

Originally posted by Vikram
That means I've earned 0.02 cents in my entire life...

Maybe I should consider retiring. :p

Did you guys forget about tithing? Ya gotta give back 10% of everything you earn...

:dl:

[jmercer]

Originally posted by Darat
What? You met an American that was nice?

;) :D

Oh, it's actually funnier than that... you should have seen the look on her face when I told her that I'm a New Yorker! :D

I've had people from other parts of the US look at me in total shock when they find that out and blurt "But you're so NICE!"

[joesixpack]

you should have seen the look on her face when I told her that I'm a New Yorker!
It's worse for me, I'm from Texas. It's amazing how people who've never met a texan can have such opinions about what we're "supposed" to be like.

And Yeah, I admit, I was very surprised the first time I went to NY City. People there are actually very friendly.

[rppa]

Originally posted by jmercer
I had a similar experience once... except you'd have to substitute the word "American" for "Atheist". :D

When I was in Italy last summer (2004), I was expecting to at least get into some political argument about American politics. I got the usual reaction that if you aren't speaking English, people are very surprised to learn you're American. But after that, I couldn't see that it made any difference in people's attitudes toward me.

And nobody had the slightest interest in politics, American or otherwise, so I never got a chance to try to develop that vocabulary.

I'm a little apprehensive about how random Americans might be prejudged in Europe now that "we" have re-elected King George and the Theocrats. You still know that half of us hate where the country is going, right?

[Vikram]

Originally posted by jmercer
Did you guys forget about tithing? Ya gotta give back 10% of everything you earn...

:dl:

Big deal! I'll still be left with 0.018 cents. That just means I won't be able to get that porsche...

[rppa]

Originally posted by CurtC
El, it's interesting and ironic that your disbelief of the concept of karma caused her to think that you're not a Christian. She doesn't quite have a grasp of the comparative religions thing.

That was my reaction. Somebody should tell her that her belief in karma is heretical. In an earlier era she'd be burned at the stake for saying such things.

[Ashles]

Originally posted by Vikram
Big deal! I'll still be left with 0.018 cents. That just means I won't be able to get that porsche...
And don't forget the atheist fringe benefit of unlimited masturbation rights.

[MESchlum]

This tale goes back some time...

My grandmother came from Protestant stock, and travelled a lot (my grandfather was in the military). They settled down in Brittany (west coast of France, very Catholic country) for a while, where my uncle was born.

Shortly after his birth, some of the local women came over, and were surprised to see he had neither a forked tail nor horns.

So I guess things change (slowly).

[Vikram]

Originally posted by Ashles
And don't forget the atheist fringe benefit of unlimited masturbation rights.

Hear, hear!

[jmercer]

Originally posted by joesixpack
It's worse for me, I'm from Texas. It's amazing how people who've never met a texan can have such opinions about what we're "supposed" to be like.

And Yeah, I admit, I was very surprised the first time I went to NY City. People there are actually very friendly.

I definitely understand what you mean. My first trip to Texas was to San Antonio... it was (and is) a phenomenal city, and the people there were just like the people back home, and I'll admit that I was a bit surprised by that. The more I travelled around the US, the more I understood that while there are differences, they're mostly trivial.

I will say, though, that I was totally creeped out by the Alamo. The last thing I expected was what appeared to be a semi-religious shrine or something... the other thing that surprised me was the size. It's TINY!

[Harlequin]

The truth is not that Athiests aren't evil, it's that Evil is really not as bad as everybody thinks. It's just poor marketing.

[phildonnia]

Originally posted by jmercer
Gotta agree... that is funny! People have the oddest prejudices. :D

Your typical atheist, according to the Gospel of Chick:

[El_Spectre]

Originally posted by CurtC
El, it's interesting and ironic that your disbelief of the concept of karma caused her to think that you're not a Christian. She doesn't quite have a grasp of the comparative religions thing.


Yeah, I thought that was a bit odd... of course, I have yet to meet a religious person who didn't in some significant way break the rules of their faith.

[jmercer]

Originally posted by phildonnia
Your typical atheist, according to the Gospel of Chick:

For some strange reason, that's the image I had of Chick! ;)

[Chanileslie]

This type of conversation doesn't surprise me. I am a very open atheist. It isn't as if I wear a sign, but if religion is brought up, I am very clear that I don't buy into that stuff. So, over the years I have often heard, "You are so nice; how can you be an atheist?"

Of course the funniest incident happened a few years ago. I was talking with a former friend and she said, "I don't believe you and Lori (another mutual friend) are really atheists." I asked what made her come to this conclusion. She stated, "Well, you both love your children!" She had no answer as to why being an atheist would preclude loving my children.

It amazes me that someone could actually think I can't love my kids because I am an atheist. I guess we atheists are incapable of love, or heck any feelings. It makes it easier for believers to marginalize us, I guess.

[KingMerv00]

Originally posted by KingMerv00
Spectre:

You have dishonored your fellow atheists. In response, I have notified the head office in Las Vegas.

I have been given the authority to collect your black cloak, pentagram, special baby-killing knife, and any atheist discount coupons you still have in your possession.

Let this be an example to the rest of you.

I forgot to mention. The the collection acolyte will be arriving at sometime between 3PM - 10PM.

Remember do not let an unregistered collection agent into your house. His uniform will be as follows:

1) Goat skull hat.

2) Cape made of maggots.

3) Snake draped over his shoulders.

4) Handlebar mustache with goatee.

5) A onyx sceptre that wails with the agony of a million tortured puppies.

He will arrive at your house through the usual method...by erupting from the ground in a colossal explosion of bedrock, lava, brimstone, and spiders.

His name is Scott. Please tip generously.

[Chanileslie]

Originally posted by joesixpack
LMAO It's amazing the amount of "confirmation bias" among people in Europe, the UK, and Canada. They often seem surprised that Americans can even read.

That is a dirty lie! Now take it back! I am illiterate just like the rest of my gun-toting fellow citizens!! And get out of my way on the Freeway or I will shoot you!

[The Mighty Thor]

Originally posted by jmercer
Oh, it's actually funnier than that... you should have seen the look on her face when I told her that I'm a New Yorker! :D

I've had people from other parts of the US look at me in total shock when they find that out and blurt "But you're so NICE!"

I wonder what her "Christian" reaction would have been if you were in the wrong and bashed into her??

[joesixpack]

I am illiterate just like the rest of my gun-toting fellow citizens!!
You forgot to add "biggoted and materialistic".

[jmercer]

Originally posted by The Mighty Thor
I wonder what her "Christian" reaction would have been if you were in the wrong and bashed into her??

Heheh... probably about the same as any Atheist, I would imagine. ;) Unless, of course, I was wearing a priest's collar. :D

[Chanileslie]

Originally posted by joesixpack
You forgot to add "biggoted and materialistic".

Oh, well that is such an automatic given, it just completely slipped my mind to put it down. But, I'm going to blame the illiteracy for that! Mwahahahahahahah!! :D

[Moose]

I just want to know who's reading all this to the two of you?

(Grins, ducks, and RUNS!)

[supercorgi]

Originally posted by jmercer
Oh, it's actually funnier than that... you should have seen the look on her face when I told her that I'm a New Yorker! :D

I've had people from other parts of the US look at me in total shock when they find that out and blurt "But you're so NICE!"
Yeah, but you're upstate. That doesn't count! (It's funny how many non-Americans equate New York with New York City.)

[jmercer]

Originally posted by Moose
I just want to know who's reading all this to the two of you?

(Grins, ducks, and RUNS!)

Not me. They're using words of more than two syll... sllyya... sillya...

They're using BIG words... :( ;)

[Chanileslie]

Originally posted by Moose
I just want to know who's reading all this to the two of you?

(Grins, ducks, and RUNS!)

Read???? I don't read. My computer 'talks' out the posts and I reply.

[jmercer]

Originally posted by supercorgi
Yeah, but you're upstate. That doesn't count! (It's funny how many non-Americans equate New York with New York City.)

True, true. :)

At the time, though, I was a "Lawn Guylander", and I worked in the City. (capitalized, because there are cities... but only ONE 'City", right? ;))

[thaiboxerken]

File suit for all the money she has!!! If she asks why you've changed your mind, tell her that you found Jesus.

[AWPrime]

Originally posted by Darat
Well more like loyalty points. I think for every soul you wrench from the all-loving, all-powerful big man in the sky you get a coupon worth 0.01 of a cent.

WOW I am rich!!!!!:D

[El_Spectre]

Originally posted by KingMerv00
Spectre:

You have dishonored your fellow atheists. In response, I have notified the head office in Las Vegas.

I have been given the authority to collect your black cloak, pentagram, special baby-killing knife, and any atheist discount coupons you still have in your possession.

Let this be an example to the rest of you.


Man... I really liked that knife, too.

Makes me wanna go buy one of those "Evil Atheist Conspiracy" shirts.

[gecko]

hehe, that is quite funny. People really need to realize that christians and athiests/skeptics really only have that one determining difference. The two people can be nearly identical otherwise....*shrugs*

I think its people like that, who are quick to stereotype and judge, that really give christians a bad rap. There's a large population of us out here that aren't the hypocritical, go to church but hate your neighbor, type.

Well, that's my thought.

[rppa]

Originally posted by El_Spectre
Man... I really liked that knife, too.

Perhaps you should have kept it in better condition, used it for its intended purpose instead of for pruning your bonsai and cutting French cheese. Never forget They See What You Do.

Speaking of the bonsai, there's also a question of the disrespectful purpose to which you have used your Evil Atheist Conspiracy Manual. It is not a plant-stand. In fact, it is not any sort of household furnishing.

[El_Spectre]

Originally posted by rppa
Perhaps you should have kept it in better condition, used it for its intended purpose instead of for pruning your bonsai and cutting French cheese. Never forget They See What You Do.

Speaking of the bonsai, there's also a question of the disrespectful purpose to which you have used your Evil Atheist Conspiracy Manual. It is not a plant-stand. In fact, it is not any sort of household furnishing.

There's a manual?!?! Damn... I didn't get one. Can I use that as an excuse for failing The Order ?

[rppa]

Originally posted by El_Spectre
There's a manual?!?! Damn... I didn't get one. Can I use that as an excuse for failing The Order ?

Failure to have opened the envelope is not an excuse. I know that much and I'm not even an atheist, though of course I didn't tell them that when I filled out my Conspiracy Application. In fact, I...

Uh-oh.

Hang on, there's a goat-headed guy at the door. I'll be right b...

[jambo372]

Originally posted by phildonnia
Your typical atheist, according to the Gospel of Chick:

Is that picture you attached supposed to be James Randi ?
It certainly looks like him.

[phildonnia]

Originally posted by jambo372
Is that picture you attached supposed to be James Randi ?
It certainly looks like him.

It's supposed to be an "evil evolutionist professor", but the resemblance to JR is uncanny.
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0055/0055_01.asp

My point is, that atheists are thought to be recognizable by their visible teeth and hyper-emotional bearing. Thus it may come as a surprise to find them acting like normal people involved in unfortunate fender-benders.

[LostAngeles]

Originally posted by rppa
Failure to have opened the envelope is not an excuse. I know that much and I'm not even an atheist, though of course I didn't tell them that when I filled out my Conspiracy Application. In fact, I...

Uh-oh.

Hang on, there's a goat-headed guy at the door. I'll be right b...

Why are you even opening the envelope? Why aren't you using your Satan-given powers to remotely view the manual within the envelope? I mean duh. We have these for a reason, like knowing whether or not our HOMOSEXUAL lovers have eaten that last of stuffed baby toes without opening the fridge.

...Why do I get the feeling that some of you in the ATHIEST CONSPIRACY haven't gotten the GAY AGENDA yet? *sigh* You're all very bad.

[El_Spectre]

Originally posted by LostAngeles
...Why do I get the feeling that some of you in the ATHIEST CONSPIRACY haven't gotten the GAY AGENDA yet? *sigh* You're all very bad.

Uh... I'm pretty sure I have, er... evidence that I only like women.

Alas, it's only anecdotal!

[LostAngeles]

Originally posted by El_Spectre
Uh... I'm pretty sure I have, er... evidence that I only like women.

Alas, it's only anecdotal!

Which doesn't count, if you consulted page 2342 of the ATHIEST CONSPIRACY manual. And if you consulted page 666, you'd know that we're deep in league and are gay ourselves, with the GAY AGENDA in our plan to destroy America and eat babies.

[The Mighty Thor]

"I'm an atheist."

"Aye, but are you a Catholic atheist or a Protestant atheist?"

:)

[El_Spectre]

Originally posted by The Mighty Thor
"I'm an atheist."

"Aye, but are you a Catholic atheist or a Protestant atheist?"

:)

I gotta buddy who's a Jewish atheist (apparently more common than I thought)

[gecko]

Originally posted by El_Spectre
There's a manual?!?! Damn... I didn't get one. Can I use that as an excuse for failing The Order ?

You can cuss? ****, I've been on christian forums too much...where if you talk about Dick Cheney he turns into Richard Cheney mysteriously enough....and one time something "really urinated me off" haha.

EDIT: Oh what what? You can say damn, but now I can't say, well, you should be able to guess. If not think back to jurassic park where that fruity guy's with the triceritops. *shrugs*

[Dr Adequate]

The idea seems to be that we should have just enough censorship to make sure that the site isn't blocked for children.

It still gets quite saucy sometimes.

Thanks for not thinking I'm evil. I am, but only a little bit. Sometimes, I perform vegetable sacrifices in honour of Phil, The Prince Of Insufficient Light (http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/the_characters/html/character4.html).

[El_Spectre]

Originally posted by gecko
You can cuss? ****, I've been on christian forums too much...where if you talk about Dick Cheney he turns into Richard Cheney mysteriously enough....

Sure. I try not to be exceptionally profane, but they're just words.

I have this great hat (which I will bowlderize, ironically) that just says "F*CK Censorship"

The intentional concealment of truth is not something particularly welcome here.

Also, just a thought. Most "profanity" (and indeed the FCC definition of obscenity) relates to matters sexual and scatological. Being a godless heathen, I don't sweat it. But from a religious POV... if God created the human body (and implicitly sex and other bodily functions), then how can they be bad?

[The Mighty Thor]

Scunthorpe. Just testing.:)

[Metullus]

Can I be a paganist atheist? I mean, I really don't see the point in worshipping trees and stuff ...

[LotusMegami]

I like the way fark.com converts obscenities. They also convert particularly annoying phrases:

"first post" becomes "boobies"

one very offensive slur becomes "attractive and successful African American"