Annoying church and yard signs

[zakur]

I drive by several churches on my way to and from work everyday, and most of them have those marquee signs out front with the times of their service and some pithy or "witty" saying that they change every month or so. Here is a sample of some of the ones I saw yesterday:

"If you're not partaking of the Bread of Life, you're toast."

"Come inside. We're Prayer-conditioned."

"Fight truth decay. Brush up on the Bible."

Do churches subscribe to some newsletter that provides them with these groaners? Do some motorists actually read these and say, "Gee, that was clever. I should attend their services on Sunday.":rolleyes:

And while I'm on the subject of signs, I'd like to comment on annoying religious yard signs.

First, there's those ubiquitous little blue 10 commandment signs. I don't know if they're common elsewhere, but they are damn near epidemic in Ohio. The sign says "We stand for..." and then has two stone tablets listing the 10 commandments. They are, of course, indicating that the family supports the posting of the ten commandments in public schools, courtrooms and other public places.

What I want to know is if there is anyone who offers a sign that says "We stand for..." and then has a picture of the Constitution.

Another annoying yard sign that has recently cropped up in my neighborhood says "What If It's True?" and then lists a URL - http://www.whatifitstrue.org. Perhaps one of the local fundy churches has been handing them out on Sundays.

Are there people today who still try to rationalize their beliefs with Pascal's Wager? How trite.

What I want to know is if there is anyone who offers a sign that graphically depicts some of the Hindu pantheon - Shiva, Vishnu, Ganesh, Kali (especially Kali!) - and then asks "What If It's True?" ;)

[Luciana]

Well, just yesterday I saw in the newspaper a "countersign". It was written in HUGE block letters, covering all the facade of the guys' house, located next to a church, and it said...

PLEASE PRAY BUT DON'T SHOUT
JESUS IS NOT DEAF
AND NEITHER AM I

:D :D :D

I like that guy already.

[Bunk]

A nearby church's pastor (or whatever he's called) is apparently semi-literate. He comes up with a new sign each week with some glaring grammatical error, which is usually corrected in a few days, probably by one of the church members. A recent example: "Wal-Marts is not the only saving place." This weeks corniness actually is without a grammatical error, but would probably be more entertaining with one.

"J - O - Y = Jesus . . . Others . . . Yourself"

edited for clarity

[Flaherty]

Another annoying yard sign that has recently cropped up in my neighborhood says "What If It's True?" and then lists a URL - http://www.whatifitstrue.org. Perhaps one of the local fundy churches has been handing them out on Sundays.

A church around here (Tallahassee, FL) uses the same tag line, so there may be some common source of sayings. Or maybe they just saw or heard some other church use it and copied the idea.

In my fantasy world I own property right next to a church that likes to post such sayings. I set out my own sign with counter sayings such as,

"the world is my country, science my religion."

"nothing fails like prayer"

"one nation under-educated"

"do you know where your bible really came from?"

"god was my copilot but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him."

[shanek]

There's tons of ridiculous signs like that around here. I think the worst is, "Christ Answers Knee Mail." http://jockethebeast.qbrpgs.com/smilies/puke.gif

[BJS]

My faovarite stupid sign was:

"CH__CH. Whats missing?
UR"

Get it? How lame....

[CJW]

I'm not sure if I'm remembering this right, it was many years ago when I saw a sign that said something like:

Pray like Helen B. Happy

[Ipecac]

Here are some that have been on the First Church of Springfield Marquee in the Simpsons:

God, the original love connection
2:00 Peterson Wedding, 8:00 Hayride to Heaven
[At Temple Beth Springfield] Rabbi Hyman Krustofski - This Saturday "Coping With Christmas"
Every Sunday is super Sunday
Today's Topic: When Homer met Satan
Today: what a f iend we have in God, Also: the Be sharps
Today's Topic: Be Like Unto The Boy
Loosest Bingo cards in town
Private Wedding, Please worship elsewhere
Evil women in history: from Jezebel to Janet Reno
No shoes, no shorts, no salvation
God welcomes his victims
No synagogue parking
Next Sunday: the miracle of shame
The listen lady is in
Today's Sermon: Conquest of the county of the apes
Today's Sermon: Homer Rocks!
Today's Topic: He Knows What You Did Last Summer
Ned Flanders: Husband Father Wack Neighbor
Todays Topic: There's Something About the Virgin Mary

[crapmike]

the ones i like are the signs that appear near the church of the simpsons :)

[Solitaire]

"God is greater than any problem I have"
Oh? I would've thought the wife, the morgage, the job, or the boss.
Hm... Have you tried any of the commertial products like Rid-A-God or God-Be-Gone?

[Tez]

Church sign in Hawthorne, Melbourne, Australia:

"What would you do if Jesus returned today"

Graffitied underneath:

"Make him full forward"

(full forward is a position on an Aussie Rules football team - Hawthorne is one of the most prominent teams...)

[Brown]

I have seen the "CH __ CH" sign also. Ugh. It was printed in Readers Digest and several area churches thought it was cute.

A Baptist church had the following on its sign:
WORSHIP WITH US
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE
The message was gone a few minutes later. One suspects that a joker made the sign, took a picture, then quickly dismantled the sign.

Here's one from Illinois:
THE 10:30 SERVICE WILL BEGIN AT 11:00

Here's one that from Iowa:
WHERE WILL YOU SPEND ETERNITY?

And who could forget this classic, try as we might:
I asked Jesus how much he loved me
He said, This much, and he spread his arms
and died

[kitsune]

Seen in Kilgore, Texas, while a contreversial play was in production/being performed

"Love the Sinner, hate the Sin"

And on the other side,

"BOYCOTT GAY PLAY"

[bigfig]

If you're living like there is no God, you'd better be right.


One day a very religious Christian man lay on his death bed in a hospital. He tells his wife he wants to see a lawyer, any lawyer, and an IRS agent, any one would do. His wife was perplexed but as he wished, she found a lawyer and an IRS agent and explained to them her dying husband desperately wanted to see a lawyer and an IRS agent and that it would mean so much.
Touched, both the lawyer and IRS agent agreed to accomodate the wife. They followed her to her husband's room. He motioned for the IRS agent to come to one side of the bed and the lawyer to come to the other. The man then calmly and quietly closed his eyes and sighed. After several minutes of quiet the lawyer quietly asks the man, "Sir, can you please tell us what our being here means to you?"
The man opens his eyes and says, "Jesus died between two thieves, I want to go the same way."

[3-toed-sloth]

What I really like are the billboards that are notes from god himself.

The billboard ia all black except for the message that is in all white letters

things like,

"Haven't seen you at church lately"
God

They were all over South Carolina. I haven't seen as many since I've moved back to New Orleans.

I have these two cool bumper stickes to put on my car, But I figured in SC, somebody would throw a brick through my windshield so I never did.

Here they are


http://www.ratard.com/sticker01.jpg

and

http://www.ratard.com/sticker02.jpg

I guess I can put them on now

[RoadToNoReturn]

Well, at least most of the churches are back to the usual clever sayings on their marquee signs. Earlier this summer, every church sign in town read "One nation, under God." That got old pretty quick.

Another thing I get pretty tired of seeing is the Jesus fish thingie on the cars around here. Usually it's on the car that cuts me off or the one going 50mph in a 25mph zone. I guess the 10 commandments are the only laws that apply to some people.

[Ipecac]

Originally posted by bigfig
If you're living like there is no God, you'd better be right.



I suppose that if god exists and he is the vain, self-centered, vengeful, hateful god of the Bible, then you're right. But if god exists and is truly infinitely compassionate, then I don't think even non-believers have to worry about eternal punishment.

[Tricky]

I see one of the boards with all of the "cute" sayings every day on my drive to work. Today it had an announcement about a seminar about "counterfeit Christians". Apparently they don't trust God to know what "real" Christians are, but must screen them out themselves. Kind of sad/funny.

[UnrepentantSinner]

Originally posted by BJS
My faovarite stupid sign was:

"CH__CH. Whats missing?
UR"

Get it? How lame....

I actually find that one humorous. Of course I find this oldie but goodie still humorous.

Welcome to our ool.
Notice there's no p in it.
Please keep it that way.

[BrianT]

Creepy funny:

Jesus is coming; resistance is futile

Just plain depressing, from a Baptist minister who put up his own signs, on one of the occassions Ann Richards was running for govenor:

Do we really want an honorary lesbian in the Govenor's mansion?

[hobrock]

A religious school once posted "April Fools is atheists (sic) major holiday" on their marquee.

[a_unique_person]

Originally posted by 3-toed-sloth
http://www.ratard.com/sticker01.jpg



Amen to that brother.

[Jeff Corey]

For years, a church on Rte 110 in Melville NY had a sign saying, "The Wages of Sin Is Death."

[a_unique_person]

Lets face it, they all give me the *****. If there was a god, would he want to be advertised using corney sayings that are right out of 3.00am TV culture?

[Quinn]

You've got to love the aggressively confrontational "God's Gym" T-shirts, like the one with a buff, muscular Jesus doing a pushup, with a cross bearing the label "sins of the world" lying on his back. Caption: "Bench press THIS!"

A friend of mine came up with a great bumper sticker line:

"Jesus is coming to kill your sinner ass."

Quinn

[Jeff Corey]

A church in Cold Spring Harbor had "No Trespassing" signs posted around the pond on its property. Someone (no, not me, I wish I had thought of it first) wrote "Forgive Us Our Trespasses" on the signs.

[wert]

I find particularly insulting the people who insist on platering stickers on their car that say stuff like.

"Real men Love Jesus"

or

"Real men Pray"

Guess that make a lot of us not "real men" eh?

[shanek]

Originally posted by wert
"Real men Love Jesus"


Hmph....I knew he was a fag! That long-haired pussy...

[Abacus]

"Exposure to the Son prevents burning."

"Where will you spend eternity? Smoking or non-smoking?"

Pretty sick, eh?

[Nova Land]

Originally posted by zakur
Do some motorists actually read these and say, "Gee, that was clever. I should attend their services on Sunday."
I'm not a motorist, but I do often walk or bicycle past such signs. They don't generally make me want to attend the services, but I do enjoy reading them. Some of them are quite funny, even when I disagree with the overall point being made.

I also get a kick out of the "billboards from God", which I think are actually quite clever.

Considering how much political and religious "humor" is heavy-handed and unfunny, I'm always pleased when people come up with witty bits.

[Librarian]

Just recently,in the area I moved from,I saw a pretty corny one. Not twenty feet down the street there was a church. Took up a big arsed corner of the street,in either direction. Typical.

"In need of a faith lift? Come to our Sunday Service."

:rolleyes:

Every day I'd groan when I drove past that damned sign. I wanted so many times to drive into it. Through it. What an eyesore. My passenger would always stop me, commenting that it would be a shame to dent the front of my VolvoTank®.


*On an interesting side note: On a late Friday night my roommate and I were driving home from the grocery store and came down from a side street to turn onto the road that our house was on. We were passing the street corner with the church when low and behold...police tape. Seven police cruisers. All converged on the corner,half parked on the side walk..etc. Cops out everywhere. We got out and looked down the road from the church. It looked like a midnight standoff,which was exciting for us,or one hell of a wild revival. :p

[Librarian]

Come to think of it..I've seen another little saying. Not sure if it's a bumper sticker or just a snappy comeback.

I'm sure all of you have seen this at some point.

"Jesus saves.."
"What bank does he use?"



I think I had a friend mention it to me while he was in the porto-pot at a construction site. ....Wish I could remember..:(

[rachaella]

"Jesus saves... by clipping coupons and spending wisely"

[Muskrat Old Man]

Uh oh. http://www.whatifitstrue.org says i'm not authorized to view their page. Is the Rapture imminent?

Oh, well, now it works!

[shanek]

Jesus saves. He passes to Moses. Moses shoots...HE SCORES!!!! And listen to that crowd!!!

[Tricky]

Originally posted by shanek
Jesus saves. He passes to Moses. Moses shoots...HE SCORES!!!! And listen to that crowd!!!

Reminds me of one of my favorite pieces of grafitti (you have to be at least middle aged to appreciate

(artist 1) "Jesus is the answere"
(artist 2) "What's the question"
(artist 3) "Who is Matty Aleu's brother"

[Fidelio]

One of my pet peeves is with religious graffiti on the bridge abutments on I-16 from Atlanta to Savannah.

Someone took the time to stencil “TRUST JESUS” in violation of Federal, State, and probably county ordinances. I do not know if it is still there but it existed for several years indicating to me a tacet approval by authorities. I often wondered if I should (in the interest of accuracy) scrawl the words “OR ELSE” underneath.

A local church known as “He is Risen” was sometime ago the victim of letter switching vandals to become known as “It is Risen.” The church incidentally shared the same strip mall as a Urologist who had a similar sign touting Viagra.

[Libertarian]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by 3-toed-sloth
[B]What I really like are the billboards that are notes from god himself.

The billboard ia all black except for the message that is in all white letters

things like,

"Haven't seen you at church lately"
God

They were all over South Carolina. I haven't seen as many since I've moved back to New Orleans.

************************************************** ***
We've got 'em here in North Florida (a.k.a, South Georgia). There's one that says: I Don't Doubt YOUR existence.

I've always wanted to add at the bottom: "That's because we put up our own billboards!"

Two favorite bumper stickers:

(in answer to "In case of rapture, this car will be unmanned.")
In Case Of Rapture, Can I Have Your BMW?


If you'll promise not to pray in my school, I'll promise not to think in your church.

[Ove]

If that really is the state of the church in USA today i can understand why you are so disgusted. The church in Denmark is pretty anonymous and rightfully so. The general feeling seems to be: "Faith is a private matter".

If any danish church would try to make campaign ad's like those quoted by you they would be in a lot of trouble rapidly.

[Trish]

Most common bumper sticker around here is:

No Jesus:No Peace
Know Jesus:Know Peace

The rebuttal

Know Jesus: No Peace
No Jesus:Know Peace

Or

He's your God, They're your rules, You burn in Hell!

And the billboard:

Got Jesus?

Guess they couldn't get anything original in the second case.

[Lothian]

I have seen a few "Carpenter requires joiners" posters. :(

[zakur]

I saw two very annoying religious billboards on a road trip I took this past weekend, which gives me the perfect opportunity to bump this thread:
Got Problems?
Read the Bible.What? That's it? How picayune. Is the book supposed to have some magical powers such that just by reading it your problems will go away? Silly.
Keep using my name in vain,
I'll make rush hour longer.
- GodAaah, the vengeful deity shows his true colors! Is it just me, or isn't it incredibly ironic that a billboard threatening a longer rush hour for using God's name in vain is using God's name in vain itself?

Massimo Pigliucci has written an excellent essay (http://www.2think.org/rs-2001-6.shtml) on these annoying "billboards from God."If I were still a Christian, I would be outraged at this cheap publicity stunt, which is unlikely to lead anybody down the path of eternal salvation or spiritual enlightenment. If I were not a Christian but still believed in some kind of God, I would be doubly offended by the profanity of the advertising campaign and by the fact that the signature at the end is clearly the one of an impostor...

The problem, of course, is that religion - to be successful and spread - has to be obnoxious, overbearing, always ready to take advantage of any opportunity to make converts or to stigmatize enemies...But the practitioners of such aggressive religions need to keep one fundamental distinction in mind: the message is true or false independently of how good your advertising agent is. It is common practice in this country to (probably justly) criticize politicians for governing by opinion polls and spin doctoring. But we don't think this is good. How do you think God is reacting to the continuous twisting of His message in the name of more proselytizing? Are you sure that you shouldn't have a private talk with Him before putting up another sign on the highway?

I've seen:

'Truth with a capital T is in the book with a capital B'

[zakur]

Originally posted by Whodini
'Truth with a capital T is in the book with a capital B' I can't disagree with that one. I've always loved "Beowulf." :D

[zakur]

I saw this one on my way to work this morning:
God is like Allstate
You're in good hands.At first I thought comparing god to an insurance company was silly. But for people who rationalize their faith with some version of Pascal's Wager, I guess their god is like an insurance company!

[Supercharts]

Froggy?

[Thanz]

Seen at a church in Toronto during NHL playoffs:


Go Leafs Go!!!!!!!!


The true religion of Canada..........

[Soapy Sam]

Let's all kneel down and give thanks that we live in a time and place where the church has to use silly posters to get your attention.
Instead of thumbscrews and the stake.

[-=Vagrant=-]

Jeesus tulee.

nauhgty teenagers change this to:

Jeesus tulee, ota koppi!

(for Finnish linguistically challenged:
Jeesus is coming.

Jeesus is coming, catch!)

There is a slight obscene meaning in the Finnish version.
Now that I think about it, so does the English version.

[Foodbunny]

Last night I saw a car that had lots of Jesus fish. Two big ones, followed by 4 little ones. But there was also a bumpersticker that said "My daughter LOVES girlscouts!" with a bunch of hearts on it. Jesus loves underage lesbians.

[shanek]

I'd really be a terrible ad writer...

[Supercharts]

De_Bunk Advert:

[De_Bunk]

Supercharts..

This has nothing to do with my wife...:D

[-=Vagrant=-]

This is interesting. http://www.seesharppress.com/stickers.html

1. BE REALISTIC—DEMAND THE IMPOSSIBLE

[zakur]

:D

[jasonmccoy]

God is not on the Internet...Try Kneemail!

[Psi Baba]

Originally posted by BJS
My faovarite stupid sign was:

"CH__CH. Whats missing?

To this I would answer, "You need to put the UR-in."

HEY ADMINISTRATORS:

Why don't you move this thread to the "RELIGION AND PHILOSOPHY forum"?

Or you just were afraid of "the Carlos Swett affair "?

http://www.randi.org/vbulletin/show...3874#post253874

Thanks,
S&S

[Brown]

This is just a guess ('cause I don't read his posts anyway), but I'll bet old A&S&S ignored the "church and yard signs" aspect of this thread and focused on the "annoying" part.

[zakur]

Originally posted by S&S
HEY ADMINISTRATORS:

[snip]HEY ADMINISTRATORS:

Who is this troll sh*tting on my thread (and many others recently)?:mad:

[Greyson3]

I saw this one in Montgomery County, Pennsylvania:

"JESUS WILL FEED YOU"

Needless to say, He did not. I bought my own lunch at the cafeteria just like I do every day.

Another one I'm pretty sure I saw during the summer, probably in Philadelphia somewhere:

"Join us in air-conditioned worship."

[Thanz]

Saw this one yesterday:

Barbie doll: $24.99
Train set: $29.99
Skateboard: $39.99

Birth of Jesus: Priceless.

I actually thought it was fairly clever.

[hgc]

I've seen coffee mugs and t-shirts with:

"Look Busy, Jesus is Coming"

Let's see that on a church marquee!

[Brown]

Ugh. 'Tis the season for signs that read "Put Christ back in Christmas" and "Merry CHRISTmas."

[zakur]

Originally posted by Brown
Ugh. 'Tis the season for signs that read "Put Christ back in Christmas" and "Merry CHRISTmas." Oh yes, and "Jesus is the Reason for the Season."

[Marc]

Fight back with your own sign:

Mishra is the reason for the season
:D

[bigfig]

FORBIDDEN FRUITS LEAD TO BAD JAMS.

[bigfig]

GOD ANSWERS KNEE MAIL.

[bigfig]

On a Funeral Home's billboard back in Arkansas, it read: HE MAY HAVE RISEN BUT OUR PRICES HAVEN'T

Now that's really cute.

I'm sure Ill think of more.

[King of the Americas]

...set ups that display little white crosses is the one that really bugs me.

I drive by one each weekend, with some 150 crosses that says, "Abortion kills children."

'I' want to put up a sign next to it that pictures a 12-year old girl saying, "Pro-lifers want to give my rapist, the RIGHT/FREEDOM to force me to carry his child."

[Titanpoint]

http://frutsel.terrainhost.com/frutselapp/dump/Titanpoint/peptobismol.jpg

[bigfig]

Originally posted by King of the Americas
...set ups that display little white crosses is the one that really bugs me.

I drive by one each weekend, with some 150 crosses that says, "Abortion kills children."

'I' want to put up a sign next to it that pictures a 12-year old girl saying, "Pro-lifers want to give my rapist, the RIGHT/FREEDOM to force me to carry his child."


That's one thing I agree with them on.
Abortion is murder, you don't have to be religious to respect that.
That is simple compassion.
It's more likely these days the 12 yr. old daughter is a tawdry slut who got herself in trouble out running around. When I was 12 yrs. old I didn't even fully understand what it was. For that matter, I didn't even fully understand what sex was about until I had it pushed on me when I was 19, but girls today aren't as innocent as I was.
www.prochoicesucks.com

[King of the Americas]

Look, I can understand how some might be a little upset that the crack ho down the street is getting her 4th abortion, because she gets better bank not using condoms, but come on!?

Pro-lifers say it is OKAY for any man to FORCE any woman of his choosing to carry his child. That is WAY f*cked up!

THAT sounds pretty barbaric if you ask me.

Can you even fathom the wrongness in that stance???

Gving men/rapists the absolute power and authority over any woman's body they choose...!?!?

---

I have the middle ground argument for abortion right here:

At some point between the 5th and 7th month of development, the fetus CAN exist outside the host womb, and can no longer be considered an 'extension of the mother's body', and DESERVES if not equal, then SOME protection under the law, that anything she soes to her body she also does to the child and should be held accountable for 'child endangerment'. However, at the point before independent life is possible, the relationship is of a host/parasite one wherein the host WILLING allows the fetus to feed on and grow inside the host womb. At this point, it is NOT an independent life, and deserves no protection other than what a willing host would provide.

My stance gives protection to that which deserves protection, and punishes those whom would harm another independent HUMAN life form.

[bigfig]

You can't fathom the wrongness in killing?
Have you seen abortion survivors?
Have you seen victims who didn't have the chance to survive?
If I was raped by a retarded man, I still couldn't kill it. It's not about what was done to the woman at this point but about what she is going to do to the innocent life she is carrying. A woman who aborts a baby because she was raped is as bad as the rapist.

[c0rbin]

Someone in houston spent the money to put simple text across a very high-profile billboard at the intersection of I-45 and I-10. It says simply (in twenty-foot type):

"One God"

I have always wanted to spraypaint "zilla" at the end of it or something. But alas, I would be the one to go to jail.

I can't help but wonder how much such a bill-board posting costs, and allof the needy families in Houston that could have benefitted from that money. "One God" (to eat all the food).

--C

[zakur]

Originally posted by Marc
Fight back with your own sign:

Mishra is the reason for the season
:D I remember reading an article a few years ago about a guy who erected a sign at his local county courthouse that read:

Happy Winter Solstice: The REAL Reason for the Season

[does a few quick online searches]

Aaah, yes...here we go:

http://www.metroplexatheists.org/solsign.htm
http://www.dfw.com/mld/dfw/news/local/2930211.htm

[Javalar]

Seen on bumper sticker at a church:

"If you think you're perfect, try walking on water!"

[Skeptoid]

Originally posted by bigfig

You can't fathom the wrongness in killing? Aren't you the one who was gonna pop a few caps in some a$$es at the Amazing Meeting?

[SkepticScott]

Originally posted by Javalar
Seen on bumper sticker at a church:

"If you think you're perfect, try walking on water!"

That's a trivial problem under the right conditions! :)

[bigfig]

Originally posted by Skeptoid
Aren't you the one who was gonna pop a few caps in some a$$es at the Amazing Meeting?

Never said that. You really are a kid, huh?

[Jeff Corey]

Originally posted by SkepticScott


That's a trivial problem under the right conditions! :)

Yeah, I could walk on my pool if stays below 0 C a couple of weeks more.

[King of the Americas]

Look, I didn't say 'I' would have an abortion, if 'I' were a woman who got raped and ended up pregnant.

I jus think it is WRONG, barbaric, and UN-American to give anyone the Right/Freedom to legally force their will upon someone else.

Your stance ignores any and all Rights that a woman has to her Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of Happiness.

You need to understand the 'unintended consequences' of an absolute Pro-life Stance:

-If you are weaker than ME, I can force your wife to carry MY child and not your's.

-If I am stong enough and elusive enough, I can force ANY able woman to carry my child.

---

There are MANY cases that I find abortion offensive, but making it illegal isn't going to save any lives. When a woman doesn't want to carry a child to full term she isn't going to do it, PERIOD. ALL that she needs to do is decrease her protein intake, and nature's survival mechanisms will kick in and cause a miscarriage.

---

I'd like your response to my 'middle ground argument'.

Originally posted by c0rbin
Someone in houston spent the money to put simple text across a very high-profile billboard at the intersection of I-45 and I-10. It says simply (in twenty-foot type):

"One God"

I have always wanted to spraypaint "zilla" at the end of it or something. But alas, I would be the one to go to jail.

I can't help but wonder how much such a bill-board posting costs, and allof the needy families in Houston that could have benefitted from that money. "One God" (to eat all the food).

--C

So . . . what happened to the Trinity?

[zakur]

Originally posted by bigfig
Never said that. You really are a kid, huh? What bigfig really said (http://www.randi.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=7063)

Which is much worse than simply "pop a few caps in some a$$es."

[zakur]

Saw this one this morning, and I have to admit it made me smile:

"Don't worry. Moses was once a basket case, too."

And then I saw this yard sign:

"We support the troops, our president, and keeping 'Under God' in the Pledge."

[teddygrahams]

Saw this one today:

"THERE IS NOTHING COVERED, THAT SHALL NOT BE REVEALED"

Great motto for a strip club !

[Lord Kenneth]

The Church of Dark Cobra proudly displays...:

"Jesus died on the cross."

and on the other side:

"Follow in Jesus' footsteps."


Also:

"Have YOU eaten a piece of Christ lately?"

"Free alcohol: Come drink Jesus' blood which tastes like wine"

"The Blood of Christ: An excuse to get boozed up"

"Christ: The Prophet of tolerance and love. Now come in here or burn in hell."

[Brown]

Some local churches are putting up Good Friday and Easter messages. To someone unfamiliar with the Christian religion, these messages might seem to be bizarre.

How can someone call the date that an innocent man was tortured and killed "Good Friday?" Why is an empty tomb cause for celebration? How can one be in a grave for three days and three nights if one is buried on Friday evening and is raised from the dead early Sunday morning?

[Dinonychus]

Originally posted by Brown
How can one be in a grave for three days and three nights if one is buried on Friday evening and is raised from the dead early Sunday morning?

They probably figured that out after converting from the Julian calendar to the Gregorian calendar and taking into account Daylight Savings Time.

[Kilted_Canuck]

We've been seeing way too many Jesus Fish and anti-Darwin fish on cars:

ex:

A fish labelled "truth" eating a Darwin fish, or the playing old jesus fish.

A few of my friends want to do a blitz where we go around town with shiny aluminum foil tape and put legs on every single fish we see, though I think it might be considered illegal, and it might only re-enforce the Christian idea that Atheists are young hooligans and criminals.

what do y'all think about that idea?

[Foodbunny]

Originally posted by Kilted_Canuck
it will only re-enforce the Christian idea that Atheists are young hooligans and criminals.

Fixed it for you.

It is illegal and I would seriously caution you against going through with it.

[c4ts]

A "truth" fish eating the "Darwin" fish? Looks like autocannibalism to me.

[tim]

Originally posted by Librarian
Come to think of it..I've seen another little saying. Not sure if it's a bumper sticker or just a snappy comeback.

I'm sure all of you have seen this at some point.

"Jesus saves.."
"What bank does he use?"



I think I had a friend mention it to me while he was in the porto-pot at a construction site. ....Wish I could remember..:(

Over here?
"Jesus saves"
"Moses invests"

[to.by]

Poster with:

WHERE WILL YOU BE ON JUDGEMENT DAY?

Added with marker:

Probably still waiting for the bloody bus.

[Ian Osborne]

Originally posted by tim
Over here?
"Jesus saves"
"Moses invests"

Jesus saves - but United get the rebound...

[SoBitter]

Someone on this board has, or used to have, this saying in their sig line:

Jesus saves, Gretzky scores on the rebound.

Don't bother arguing with bigfig, even if you prove your point she will still contend that you did not, then a week from now she will deny saying everything she said even though you can remind her by reposting it. You won't feel any better.

If I have a baby growing in me and a doctor tells me there is a 20% chance I'll die during childbirth, I'm playing my odds and having an abortion. It's self preservation. What's the point of trying to carry a kid if you're not even going to be there to raise it. You can't feel smug about not having an abortion if you're dead.

[Brown]

Originally posted by zakur
And then I saw this yard sign:

"We support the troops, our president, and keeping 'In God We Trust' in the Pledge." I recently saw a billboard along these lines. It went a little further, however, and said that anyone who didn't agree with these principles was a "hater": a "God-hater," a "liberty-hater," a "family-hater," etc.

This tactic of labelling people as "haters" is incredibly foolish. Unfortunately, it seems to be popular with a wide range of the political spectrum.

[Dinonychus]

Originally posted by Kilted_Canuck
We've been seeing way too many Jesus Fish and anti-Darwin fish on cars:

ex:

A fish labelled "truth" eating a Darwin fish, or the playing old jesus fish.

A few of my friends want to do a blitz where we go around town with shiny aluminum foil tape and put legs on every single fish we see, though I think it might be considered illegal, and it might only re-enforce the Christian idea that Atheists are young hooligans and criminals.

what do y'all think about that idea?

Save it for Halloween.

[PygmyPlaidGiraffe]

not sure if this one is up yet but


Church sign




There is something missing in CH_RCH

[Checkmite]

Two local church signs:

"Note: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning."

"Free Mansion
Paid for by Jesus Christ
Apply Inside"

:rolleyes:

[zakur]

Saw two on my drive to work this morning. One inane, one really stupid.

God is a Father, too.So? Should we buy him a card on Sunday (Father's Day), or maybe just put a little extra cash in the collection basket?

God is Like Bayer Aspirin - He Works Miracles.Hmmm...can one overdose on God as well? Let's see...what are the symptoms of aspirin overdose (http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/002542.htm): hyperactivity, fever, convulsions, collapse, low blood pressure, rapid heart rate, rapid breathing, stop breathing, wheezing, ringing in the ears, deafness, nausea and vomiting, dry mouth, bleeding, nervous system, dizziness, hallucinations, drowsiness.

This particular church has been running similarly stupid "God is Like..." sayings on its marquee for months. Previous months' slogans were "God is Like General Electric - He Brings Good Things to Life" and "God is like Coke - The Real Thing." :rolleyes:

[jj]

Originally posted by Jeff Corey
For years, a church on Rte 110 in Melville NY had a sign saying, "The Wages of Sin Is Death."

Yeah. There was one of those signs next to a church on 25a about halfway out Lon Giland, too.

[GovtSlave]

I saw a new Darwin fish the other day that has a "Reality Fish" eating the "truth" fish (the one that eats the darwin fish).

OK now 've confused myself...

Currently the thing that's made me happiest this week is the arrival of my "Come the Rapture, Can I have your car?" sticker. Proudly parked next to the rapture-mobile at my apt. complex.... tee hee.

:D

Originally posted by GovtSlave
I saw a new Darwin fish the other day that has a "Reality Fish" eating the "truth" fish (the one that eats the darwin fish).




I once saw a car that had a Darwin fish eating a Christian fish eating a Darwin fish, eating a Christian fish, etc. etc. etc., until the whole think wrapped around the car, twice! The funniest thing is that in the end, the last fish was eating the first.

[the_ignored]

Originally posted by hobrock
A religious school once posted "April Fools is atheists (sic) major holiday" on their marquee.
How about this?

"If even a fool knows that there's no god, why don't you?":confused:

[JoxterTheMighty]

I will be putting one of these on my truck :D

http://thedragonsanctuary.com/E-Procreate.gif

Found Here (http://www.evolvefish.com/fish/emblems.html)

-Joxter-

[zakur]

Christians are not "sinles" (sic)
But more should "sin less"

Would have made a better impression without the misspelling.

And the church that has been using the product comparisons now has this on their marquee:

God is like a FORD...
He's got a better idea

:confused:

[Sandy M]

Ah, Tricky, it helps to also be a SF Giants fan....as well as middle aged.

But it's Alou, not Aleu :D

[Brown]

How about this little tidbit: "Jesus provides fire insurance."

[the_ignored]

I like this commentary:

http://www.queenofwands.net/d/20030121.html

[calladus]

Local church sign:

Add 'walking with the LORD' to your
next workout!

A local resident repainted his fence, facing the street, to make a red, white and blue sign that stated:

Right or Wrong, I support the
US government, and our troops!
101st AIRBORN!

He also added the Airborn emblem.

[Starrman]

I posted this in another thread - math fun with Jesus!

"4 Nails + 1 Cross = 4 Giveness."

[zakur]

On my drive home from work yesterday, I learned that:

Jesus Wrote the Check
to Cover Our Overdrafts

Well, Hell...I guess that means I can tithe some more. ;)

[Candace]

At the Koreshan Unity Foundation, someone put up a HUGE (and I mean view-of-oncoming-traffic blocking size) sign on the corner that has the American Flag with "Pray For Strength".

Over the first weekend it was up, someone else came along and painted "Eat More Spinach" with a little character of Popeye underneath it.

Also, sort of off subject, we have a building here that used to be a church which is now a ladies' gym. It's called (drum roll please) HIS GYM. But along with the workout equipment, advertised in a "Christian Family Atmosphere", mind you, it also offers "Aromatherapy, Reiki, Chakra Healing and Sweat Circles"...
Hmmmmm... could we mix those paradigms a little more if we used a blender?

And this is a great board, BTW!

[dissonance]

One of the local back roads is very hilly. My favourite aspect of driving this particular road is that on one of the steepest hills is this billboard:

Prepare to Meet Thy God

Which always makes me wonder if god is going to be standing in the middle of the road as I crest the hill. Or if some crazy fundamentalists have set up some sort of booby trap to kill all motorists and send us to meeet god.

[Zep]

Originally posted by calladus
Local church sign:

Add 'walking with the LORD' to your
next workout!

A local resident repainted his fence, facing the street, to make a red, white and blue sign that stated:

Right or Wrong, I support the
US government, and our troops!
101st AIRBORN!

He also added the Airborn emblem. That would be "AirbornE"?? The spelling indicates the 101st baby born in a plane... Even Jesus was born only once!

[jj]

Originally posted by 3-toed-sloth
http://www.ratard.com/sticker02.jpg

I guess I can put them on now
Maybe we ought to make a broadsheet for a song:

Darwin loves me, this I know
Evolution tells me so,
Little ones to big evolved
Started weak but end up strong,
Yes, Darwin loves me,
Yes Darwin loves me ...

[jj]

Originally posted by Jeff Corey
A church in Cold Spring Harbor had "No Trespassing" signs posted around the pond on its property. Someone (no, not me, I wish I had thought of it first) wrote "Forgive Us Our Trespasses" on the signs.

Jeff, if you ever find out who did that, please shake their hand for me, too. :)

[calladus]

Originally posted by Zep
That would be "AirbornE"?? The spelling indicates the 101st baby born in a plane... Even Jesus was born only once!

Could have been an E there - I dunno. Sorry for not verifying the spelling or checking to see if the actual spelling was correct. The sign has since been painted over. (I don't think the City liked it, 'cause it was painted in such a tacky manner.)

[calladus]

Around the Fresno area, in some of the highest traffic areas in Fresno, and on Highway 99 leading north out of Fresno, it appears as if someone has gone a little nuts in posting cardboard religious signs.

These signs are invaribly written on chunks of cardboard that are not neatly cut, and sometimes obviously ripped out of some sort of cardboard box. The letters are big enough to be seen 10 meters away, and seem to be painted by brush with an unsteady hand, and the letter color is usually in red, sometimes in black.

The message is usually simple, 3 to 8 words, and says things like:

JESUS IS COMING
DO NOT SIN
RETURN TO GOD

The signs are so odd, that the image they project is more Stephen King than devout Christian. The only thing missing is dripping red letters.

[zakur]

Just got back from a caving trip in Tennessee. Saw A LOT of signs like this down there:

Jesus is Coming
R U Ready?

[diddidit]

Not on a sign, but overheard while walking around town:

Boy finds magazine noted for its "articles." Mumu-clad mother-beast notices, hollers "Do you want to be reading somebody else's Playboy when Jesus returns?" Read that with a good hick accent to get the full effect.

did

[zakur]

Passed a church the other day that had the times of its services on a sign out front. The sign wasn't big enough to write out 'Saturday' and 'Sunday' so they abbreviated them. Funny thing — they didn't use any punctuation. The bottom of the sign read:
Sun Worship 10:00 AMSun worshipers in my own neighborhood! I never knew! :D

[Abdul Alhazred]

Originally posted by Ove
If any danish church would try to make campaign ad's like those quoted by you they would be in a lot of trouble rapidly.

Trouble with the law? Or just people not liking them?

[Abdul Alhazred]

Originally posted by zakur
I saw this one on my way to work this morning:
At first I thought comparing god to an insurance company was silly. But for people who rationalize their faith with some version of Pascal's Wager, I guess their god is like an insurance company!

Furthermore, selling insurance is a lot like evangelism.

[PygmyPlaidGiraffe]

"Let go, and let God."

:cs:

[Jabberwock]

Saw this one after the hurricane when most of us were without power:

"No Power? There is Power in the Blood!"

I'm staying away from that church after dark unless I have some garlic and a nice wooden stake !:eek:

[TruthSeeker]

An evangelical friend emailed this to me today:

No Jesus, No Peace
Know Jesus, Know Peace.


This was my response:

No Self, No Peace
Know Self, Know Peace

[Underemployed]

In the church at the end of my road (a major junction in town):

"What's the best vitamin for making friends?
B1"

[Iamme]

What does anybody think of having to listen to a small town church blaring church music out of their belfry, during the week.

I can't stand it. I don't want to make a stink because the townspeople would probably think I'm a demonic troublemaker. They would say, "You're the only one who...."

And I equate church music to funeral music.
:eek:

[a_unique_person]

On our local satirical comedy show, CNNNN, they have the scrolling banner at the bottom full of all kinds of 'Onion' type nonsense.

One of them was "Atheist Converted by Sign in Church Yard".

http://www.cnnnn.com

Also,

"Price Check in Supermarket takes Longer than Expected".

[zakur]

Saw this on a church sign last week, right around the time change:

"Time to Fall Back . . . to God."

Yup, that's falling back alright.

And the church that spoofs well-known advertising now has this on its billboard:

"God is like Visa...Everywhere You Want To Be."

:rolleyes:

[Brown]

Originally posted by Iamme
What does anybody think of having to listen to a small town church blaring church music out of their belfry, during the week.Ugh, it can be worse than that. I used to live in downtown Minneapolis. Several large churches were nearby, of various denominations. Perhaps the most well known of the churches was the Basilica of St. Mary.

Many of the churches had sets of bells. And there apparently had been some sort of keeping-up-with-the-Joneses competition to see which church could have the most bells, the loudest bells, and who could play the bells the longest.

The bottom line was: sleeping late on Sunday morning was not an option because of all the damned bell-ringing that went on, seemingly for hours. It was a damned nuisance.

[Suddenly]

Saw one today that bugged me:

"Rivers, like people, become crooked when they follow the path of least resistance"

On a church. I was driving by on the road and took the advice and ran my car into the wall of the church building. Now I limp.

(Just kidding about that last part - I walk fine)

[Ossai]

Last weekend on a church sign I saw
God is up to something

And on numerous churches (they may all be the same denomination, I'm not sure)
Truth out of balance is hearsay
This one is all over the Nashville area.

Ossai

[Johnny Pneumatic]

god, the original drug.

[PygmyPlaidGiraffe]

http://www.aboyandhiscomputer.com/images/churchsigns/lovingway_church3.jpg

Do I dare call the number?

[PygmyPlaidGiraffe]

http://www.aboyandhiscomputer.com/images/churchsigns/fireworkstf.jpg

[PygmyPlaidGiraffe]

http://www.aboyandhiscomputer.com/churchsigns.php

-collects contributions

http://www.fasterpastor.com/autobio1.htm

enjoy or roll your eyes


http://sblomberg.com/cbs/sign26.jpg

[Marc]

God doesn't believe in atheists?

Well since we exist that proves god is wrong. Who would want to follow a god so incompitent to not even realize that atheists exist?

[NightG1]

There is a large Southern Baptist church right down the street that had a sign in the yard begging kids to come in on "Helloween" and pray to Jeebus instead of partaking in the demonic practice of trick-or-treat. They had a big Jeebus bash that night in the church parking lot. When the festivities were over, hordes of Southern Baptist kids flooded into our neighborhood trick-or-treating. I guess its a case of do as I say, not as I do - err.... or something like that.

[Chanileslie]

The only church sign that gave me a chuckle was:

Give Jesus a try, if it doesn't work out then Satan will always take you back.

The church that I drive by every day, usually has bad such grammatical errors or misspelling that their message is quite unclear!! I guess they are hoping that if don't understand then maybe you will come to the service to get enlightenment.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

"Camoflage welcome" man do I live in Hick'svill!

[fishbob]

I spent last week in my home town in the south-central part of Texas. On almost every residential street, I saw at least one lawn with a bible quote sign. Some streets had almost complete coverage. Each sign was about 18" square, white with black letters. Each had a different bible quote. The striking thing was that every one of them was either grim, all about perishething or fearething or burnething, or complete nonsense (maybe because of lack of context, but maybe actual complete nonsense). Since the signs were obviously made the same way, I figure they are in the lawns of one church congregation. What a grim and miserable bunch they must be. Yet another reason that I don't live there anymore.

[DangerousBeliefs]

Make your own statement:

http://www.evolvefish.com/

[volant]

Originally posted by PygmyPlaidGiraffe
"Let go, and let God."

:cs:


My brother, a former member the cult FBI (http://www.faithbuilders.cc)(which claims it's just a Christian church. :rolleyes: ), says that all the time. Pisses me off! :mad:

[zakur]

http://www.aboyandhiscomputer.com/images/churchsigns/exposure.jpg

Lots more here (http://www.aboyandhiscomputer.com/churchsigns.php).

Make your own here (http://www.aboyandhiscomputer.com/churchsigngenerator/index.php).

[Brown]

Bumper sticker I saw today: "Don't drive faster than your guardian angel can fly."

[Corey]

There used to be a HUGE billboard on the highway just north of my town. It was black, with white lettering and it said:


School -

I need to be there

- God



Which is hilarious and weird and blasphemous to the Christians' own religion (they wrote a note and signed god's name, he HAD to be pissed, right?). Here's the thing, and this is long gone stuff so I have no problem saying it with a laugh...the first time I saw it I was in college and I ditched out on a week of classes to hang out with some friends back home, and I was driving on the highway, rather messed up on a few drugs (not terribly safe, no defense) and I zoomed past the sign, only catching it for a split second. In my mind it read "Corey .... You need to be in school - God". I shook my head and just kind of mumbled to myself, not that I believed god existed and was speaking to me, I just realized that perhaps I should have waiting a little longer before starting to drive and I pulled over and got a big cup of STRONG coffee, haha.

[zakur]

Allegedly a real sign:

[epepke]

Originally posted by Flaherty
A church around here (Tallahassee, FL) uses the same tag line, so there may be some common source of sayings. Or maybe they just saw or heard some other church use it and copied the idea.

Frightening. I live in Tallahassee and own a Dalmatian.

Anyway, the most mind-boggling church sign I have seen was, "Control-alt-delete my sins away."

[zakur]

The sign in front of a church down the road from where I work now says:

ONE BODY, MANY MEMBERS


The first thing that came to mind was "Gee, those folks must have finally discovered hentai." :D

[DVFinn]

There used to be an org, probably still is, that distributed fliers and T-Shirts that read

Have you forgotten Jesus?
Isn't it timne you did?
We're not kidding!

I always loved that one. Wish I could afford to put it up on a billboard.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

" If your in a pickle, god can help you deel with it"



:(

[zakur]

Here's a new one (for me, at least):

HELP WANTED
NO PAY. GREAT BENEFITS

[Keziah Mason]

I saw one a while ago:

"You catch them
He'll clean them"

Ever since then, whenever I drive past this church, I always imagine a high priest gutting a non-believer like a fisherman guts and 'cleans' a fish.

[Thanz]

Interesting sign from the same church that had "Go Leafs Go" duing last year's hockey playoffs:

"My advice: See the movie if you want, but be sure to read the book"

[MLynn]

Originally posted by Ove
If that really is the state of the church in USA today i can understand why you are so disgusted. The church in Denmark is pretty anonymous and rightfully so. The general feeling seems to be: "Faith is a private matter".

If any danish church would try to make campaign ad's like those quoted by you they would be in a lot of trouble rapidly.
Ove, because of the First Amendment to our Constitution, Americans are free to express or not express any religious idea as long as it does not violate separation of church and state mandates. Unfortunately, "corn" and tackiness seem to rule the day.

[Vitnir]

I'm guessing Denmark and Sweden are pretty similar in that we have a more regulated society. Your not allowed to put up big signs anywhere you like regardless of what it says. If it doesn't distract drivers it may change the landscape. When they rebuilt an old monastery they werent allowed to use the kind of bricks it was originally built with. They had to use a colour already present in the landscape.

The sign outside my hotel window when I visited San Fransisco would not have been allowed in Sweden, it was a pornographic theater I think. Feminist activists would have made sure of that.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

"Coincidence is when god chooses to remain anonymous"
"Spring- god's greeting card"
"god created Adam and Eve; not Adam and Steve"

[c4ts]

Originally posted by Chanileslie
The only church sign that gave me a chuckle was:

Give Jesus a try, if it doesn't work out then Satan will always take you back.

The church that I drive by every day, usually has bad such grammatical errors or misspelling that their message is quite unclear!! I guess they are hoping that if don't understand then maybe you will come to the service to get enlightenment.

I think they were trying to say that the devil is a lot more forgiving and welcoming than Jesus, so you might as well worship him.

[c4ts]

Originally posted by BJS

"CH__CH. Whats missing?"


Brains.

[evildave]

Duh... Urrrrrr!

[phildonnia]

Originally posted by Flaherty

"the world is my country, science my religion."


This is from Christian Huygens I believe?

[zakur]

Someone please explain this one. It seems pornographic to me:

Open Wide Your Mouth
And He Will Fill It

[zakur]

WEATHER FORECAST:
THE SON IS ALWAYS SHINING

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Saw this gem yesterday "god is bigger than Wal-Mart, shop here."
I want to get a photo of it today.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

I got the photo. Once I copyright it I'd like to submit it to InfidelGuy.com Its so funny.

[bluess]

Originally posted by shanek
Jesus saves. He passes to Moses. Moses shoots...HE SCORES!!!! And listen to that crowd!!!

:D

If Jesus saves, does that mean Satan spends?

[daenku32]

Originally posted by bewareofdogmas
"god created Adam and Eve; not Adam and Steve"


So who made Steve? Does this mean only Adams' and Eves' are god's creations?

[Brown]

Originally posted by bewareofdogmas
"god created Adam and Eve; not Adam and Steve" Really? I watch Adam and Steve all the time on "Family Business" on Showtime.

[Lars Blitzer]

I've always liked: Jesus saves, and takes half damage.

[Hutch]

I still remember a slice of graffitti in the bus shelter at KSU:

"Jesus Saves" somebody had written, and in another handwriting, somebody had appended "And Esposito Scores on the Rebound!!"


For the sports-challenged, Phil Esposito if the Boston Bruins was a famous hockey player in the 1970's. Guess today we'd use Gretsky instead.

[Hardenbergh]

This isn't a church sign but I saw a sign a long time ago in front of Hussey's General Store in Windsor, Maine that read as follows:

Guns
Wedding Gowns
Cold Beer

I guess the gun was needed for a "shotgun wedding" and the beer was to help them get through it.

[zakur]

Saw two new ones this week:Well Fed Sheep Graze HereYeah, but sheep nonetheless.Our Faith is 2000 Years Old
Our Thinking Is NotYeaahh....

[T'ai Chi]

ooh, how about annoying atheist shirts?

http://www.atheistparents.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4889

[Kopji]

Driving home today, I passed several kids holding a large sign to drivers that read: "I lost my thumb"

I didn't even want to know...