WinAce
2nd April 2005, 08:13 PM
This is one of the weirdest things I've seen on TV, ever. Jessica and I were scrolling through the interactive guide on our cable box, and saw a show called "Real Jews are Black" on some obscure--perhaps public access--channel. Obviously, I couldn't resist picking it. "What, only black people can be Jews?"
The program was a religious one, with some Ebonics-speaking black Christ-worshipping Jews discussing marriage. They posted a definition of it on the screen, which read something like "Marriage: the union of a man and a woman, constantly nurished [sic] by sexual intercourse" (I'm not making that up). They also had a link to their website, TheHolyConceptionUnit.org (http://TheHolyConceptionUnit.org) (I'm not making that up, either). They list contacts like Apostle Tazadaqyah, MaahwarLamad and Chaawalamahmath.
After you enter their site, you find juicy tidbits like this (http://theholyconceptionunit.org/main/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=3&mode=thread&order=0&thold=0):
The Israelite Church of God and Jesus Christ Inc is a church divinely inspired and dedicated, with biblical scholars that are devoted to the spiritual, mental, & physical liberation of the 12 Tribes of the Nation of Israel.
The Holy Bible is the historical record book of the so-called Negroes and so-called Indians scattered throughout North, Central, South America, Mexico, Puerto Rico, Hispaniola, the West Indian Islands and all the lands throughout the four corners of the earth.
Hilariously enough, they also have a Scriptural FAQ (http://theholyconceptionunit.org/main/modules.php?op=modload&name=FAQ&file=index&myfaq=yes&id_cat=1):
* Did Jesus Christ die for all nations upon earth?
NO. (Churches pervert John 3:16)
Read: John 17:9, John 11:51-52 (John 7:33-35, Acts 2:5-11/22/38-39, 1 Peter 1:1, James 1:1), Rom. 9:1-4, Rom. 11:26, Matt. 1:21, Matt. 2:6, Matt. 10:5-6, Matt. 15:24, Acts 5:29-31, Acts 13:23, Luke 1:68-80, Isa. 45:17 and many more.
* Does the Lord love everybody?
NO.
Read: Isa. 40:15-17, Psalm 147:19-20, Amos 3:1-2, Deut. 7:6, Mal. 1:2-4, Rom. 9:13, 2 Sam. 7:23-24, and many more.
...
* Does Christ's color matter?
YES.
Read: 1st John 4:2-3, Isa. 8:20, St. John 4:24 with St. John 17:17.
* Who will be gathered out of all the nations?
Only the 12 Tribes of Israel.
Read: James 1:1, 1st Peter 1:1-2, Rev. 7:1-17, Isa. 11:11-12.
And the funniest Frequently Asked Question of all, along with its "Answer":
* Why is there no peace on earth?
NO.
Zech. 2:8, 2 Thess. 1:6, Luke 18:7-8, Zeph 2:12, Matt. 10:34, Matt.24:6-7, Luke 21:25-26, Rev. 18:21, Jer. 22:13, Zech. 9:12-17. Dan. 8:25, Jer. 6:14, 1 Thess. 5:3, Ps. 105:6-15.
After checking further, this nutty cult is everywhere!! They're in New York, Oregon and North Carolina (http://theholyconceptionunit.org/main/modules.php?op=modload&name=Sections&file=index&req=listarticles&secid=6), three of the places we could potentially hide in!! Ack! They also have a downloads (http://theholyconceptionunit.org/main/modules.php?op=modload&name=Sections&file=index&req=viewarticle&artid=10&page=1) section where you can grab snippets of all the TV shows (I think the one we saw was "Keys to a Successful Marriage").
At their forums (http://theholyconceptionunit.org/main/modules.php?op=modload&name=PNphpBB2&file=index&POSTNUKESID=44f0a8a621994b6644cf6d9b1a160c65), people make comments like (when using tampons) "it's almost the same as a loin being penitrated so it was unlawful." Topics include "To Prove The Greeks Were Israelites" and "stoooooopid evolution blah!" but as tempting as it was to register, I really don't think they'd let even a single challenging comment stand, or that anyone aside from their own are welcome.
At times like this, we both wish Queen of Swords was still doing her Nutwatches.
The program was a religious one, with some Ebonics-speaking black Christ-worshipping Jews discussing marriage. They posted a definition of it on the screen, which read something like "Marriage: the union of a man and a woman, constantly nurished [sic] by sexual intercourse" (I'm not making that up). They also had a link to their website, TheHolyConceptionUnit.org (http://TheHolyConceptionUnit.org) (I'm not making that up, either). They list contacts like Apostle Tazadaqyah, MaahwarLamad and Chaawalamahmath.
After you enter their site, you find juicy tidbits like this (http://theholyconceptionunit.org/main/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=3&mode=thread&order=0&thold=0):
The Israelite Church of God and Jesus Christ Inc is a church divinely inspired and dedicated, with biblical scholars that are devoted to the spiritual, mental, & physical liberation of the 12 Tribes of the Nation of Israel.
The Holy Bible is the historical record book of the so-called Negroes and so-called Indians scattered throughout North, Central, South America, Mexico, Puerto Rico, Hispaniola, the West Indian Islands and all the lands throughout the four corners of the earth.
Hilariously enough, they also have a Scriptural FAQ (http://theholyconceptionunit.org/main/modules.php?op=modload&name=FAQ&file=index&myfaq=yes&id_cat=1):
* Did Jesus Christ die for all nations upon earth?
NO. (Churches pervert John 3:16)
Read: John 17:9, John 11:51-52 (John 7:33-35, Acts 2:5-11/22/38-39, 1 Peter 1:1, James 1:1), Rom. 9:1-4, Rom. 11:26, Matt. 1:21, Matt. 2:6, Matt. 10:5-6, Matt. 15:24, Acts 5:29-31, Acts 13:23, Luke 1:68-80, Isa. 45:17 and many more.
* Does the Lord love everybody?
NO.
Read: Isa. 40:15-17, Psalm 147:19-20, Amos 3:1-2, Deut. 7:6, Mal. 1:2-4, Rom. 9:13, 2 Sam. 7:23-24, and many more.
...
* Does Christ's color matter?
YES.
Read: 1st John 4:2-3, Isa. 8:20, St. John 4:24 with St. John 17:17.
* Who will be gathered out of all the nations?
Only the 12 Tribes of Israel.
Read: James 1:1, 1st Peter 1:1-2, Rev. 7:1-17, Isa. 11:11-12.
And the funniest Frequently Asked Question of all, along with its "Answer":
* Why is there no peace on earth?
NO.
Zech. 2:8, 2 Thess. 1:6, Luke 18:7-8, Zeph 2:12, Matt. 10:34, Matt.24:6-7, Luke 21:25-26, Rev. 18:21, Jer. 22:13, Zech. 9:12-17. Dan. 8:25, Jer. 6:14, 1 Thess. 5:3, Ps. 105:6-15.
After checking further, this nutty cult is everywhere!! They're in New York, Oregon and North Carolina (http://theholyconceptionunit.org/main/modules.php?op=modload&name=Sections&file=index&req=listarticles&secid=6), three of the places we could potentially hide in!! Ack! They also have a downloads (http://theholyconceptionunit.org/main/modules.php?op=modload&name=Sections&file=index&req=viewarticle&artid=10&page=1) section where you can grab snippets of all the TV shows (I think the one we saw was "Keys to a Successful Marriage").
At their forums (http://theholyconceptionunit.org/main/modules.php?op=modload&name=PNphpBB2&file=index&POSTNUKESID=44f0a8a621994b6644cf6d9b1a160c65), people make comments like (when using tampons) "it's almost the same as a loin being penitrated so it was unlawful." Topics include "To Prove The Greeks Were Israelites" and "stoooooopid evolution blah!" but as tempting as it was to register, I really don't think they'd let even a single challenging comment stand, or that anyone aside from their own are welcome.
At times like this, we both wish Queen of Swords was still doing her Nutwatches.