c4ts
20th April 2003, 09:47 PM
I've seen so many descriptions of atheism as being a kind of religion in itself that I finally decided to try evangelizing it. The idea of any sermon is kind of like advertizing, because I am creating a need and providing a means of filling it, by telling some kind of story (written especially for R&P). Just imagine it spoken with a drawl, and feel free to criticize, especially if you don't fit my straw theist profile.
I think there may be people who actually need to be told what to think. I mean, most people go through life thinking they only want to know how to do a job. So they are taught exactly how to do it, and take comfort in knowing that. The first time a man tries to contemplate what death must really be like, he is terrified by the idea of not existing at all, and it weighs most heavily upon the mind, making all the knowledge of how to do specific tasks as a routine job seem futile and worthless. But instead of thinking about these things for himself, he would prefer to be "in the know" to a degree of certitude as profound as how to do his job. He is assured by instructions with immediate results for following them, and he wants all the answers the way he was taught in school, which would make them feel like the truth. Whatever the need is, religion can fulfill it if he only believes it like he believed his teacher to get A's on tests. "The universe has a purpose," says religion, "and you are it. A deity more powerful than you could possibly imagine created it just for you, and he will quiz you at the end of your life, so you can forget that silly nonsense of death being some kind of end for who you are. Here are the rules he gave us, so memorize these and follow them, or you will suffer for your failure. Report back here each week, and we will make you feel extra-special like you should, just in case the rules you're following aren't immediately improving your life. Remember that everything we say is profound truth, no matter what anybody else may think of it." And so a man will cease to wonder and go back to his career (if he has one), satisfied with the answers he is given, able only to ask the kind of difficult questions his religion can supply the easy answers to. He thinks he is happy, moral, profound, and downright virtuous, especially since he knows the rules well and follows them as if someone were watching the entire time. And someone comes along to tell him how incredibly stupid he's been most of his life.
You think he'll change? You think he'll suddenly awaken from his happy little dream which you're trying to turn into a nightmare? No! He's not stupid, you are! And he'll contradict himself 100 ways over, regurgitating enough philosophical tidbits to kill an army of strawmen. He's been pretending to have knowledge of the divine for so long, he believes it even though he doesn't know what it is. He does not understand any other possible position than his own, and thinks you are playing the same game of God's policy debate he is, only poorly. When threatened, he repeats himself because he thinks he knows the only correct answer, and if he sees different people refuting them the same way, he can only assume there is collaboration against him. If you can't accept his facts you must be stupid or something. He can't tell the difference between rational discourse on the subject of his beliefs, and Jehova's Witnesses shoving a pamphlet in his face telling him he'll go to Hell if he doesn't join them. And as the insults continue, he will feel persecuted or alienated by this collaboration against him, and that will cause him to fight even harder by growing more faithful. That invites riducule, and eventually... a JREF troll is born.
And there is no troll that can escape the notice of the ever watchful Hal Bidlack. Trolls should beware the fiery punishment of Hal, for he will ban them to oblivion, and not even a thousand sock puppets can save them. Every troll should live in fear of Hal, for there is little trollfeed outside the JREF board, and other boards will ban trolls even quicker. The close-minded, the believers, and the woo woos stand on a perilous bridge suspended over Hal, unaware of the danger. So be good to your fellow posters, or you will go to Hal!
Now let us not pass the collection plate and refrain from saying the Lord's prayer.
I think there may be people who actually need to be told what to think. I mean, most people go through life thinking they only want to know how to do a job. So they are taught exactly how to do it, and take comfort in knowing that. The first time a man tries to contemplate what death must really be like, he is terrified by the idea of not existing at all, and it weighs most heavily upon the mind, making all the knowledge of how to do specific tasks as a routine job seem futile and worthless. But instead of thinking about these things for himself, he would prefer to be "in the know" to a degree of certitude as profound as how to do his job. He is assured by instructions with immediate results for following them, and he wants all the answers the way he was taught in school, which would make them feel like the truth. Whatever the need is, religion can fulfill it if he only believes it like he believed his teacher to get A's on tests. "The universe has a purpose," says religion, "and you are it. A deity more powerful than you could possibly imagine created it just for you, and he will quiz you at the end of your life, so you can forget that silly nonsense of death being some kind of end for who you are. Here are the rules he gave us, so memorize these and follow them, or you will suffer for your failure. Report back here each week, and we will make you feel extra-special like you should, just in case the rules you're following aren't immediately improving your life. Remember that everything we say is profound truth, no matter what anybody else may think of it." And so a man will cease to wonder and go back to his career (if he has one), satisfied with the answers he is given, able only to ask the kind of difficult questions his religion can supply the easy answers to. He thinks he is happy, moral, profound, and downright virtuous, especially since he knows the rules well and follows them as if someone were watching the entire time. And someone comes along to tell him how incredibly stupid he's been most of his life.
You think he'll change? You think he'll suddenly awaken from his happy little dream which you're trying to turn into a nightmare? No! He's not stupid, you are! And he'll contradict himself 100 ways over, regurgitating enough philosophical tidbits to kill an army of strawmen. He's been pretending to have knowledge of the divine for so long, he believes it even though he doesn't know what it is. He does not understand any other possible position than his own, and thinks you are playing the same game of God's policy debate he is, only poorly. When threatened, he repeats himself because he thinks he knows the only correct answer, and if he sees different people refuting them the same way, he can only assume there is collaboration against him. If you can't accept his facts you must be stupid or something. He can't tell the difference between rational discourse on the subject of his beliefs, and Jehova's Witnesses shoving a pamphlet in his face telling him he'll go to Hell if he doesn't join them. And as the insults continue, he will feel persecuted or alienated by this collaboration against him, and that will cause him to fight even harder by growing more faithful. That invites riducule, and eventually... a JREF troll is born.
And there is no troll that can escape the notice of the ever watchful Hal Bidlack. Trolls should beware the fiery punishment of Hal, for he will ban them to oblivion, and not even a thousand sock puppets can save them. Every troll should live in fear of Hal, for there is little trollfeed outside the JREF board, and other boards will ban trolls even quicker. The close-minded, the believers, and the woo woos stand on a perilous bridge suspended over Hal, unaware of the danger. So be good to your fellow posters, or you will go to Hal!
Now let us not pass the collection plate and refrain from saying the Lord's prayer.