Kent Hovind --- Poet!

[Dr Adequate]

God Doesn't Believe In Atheists

God does not believe in atheists
His presence from creation is quite clear
God does not believe in atheists
It takes a fool to tell him he's not here

God believes atheists can get born again
And become a new creation,
But they'd best admit the world around them first
And ask for their salvation
But to only cry, "Recycle!" is the worst

God believes atheists do have certain rights
To seek and search the scriptures
It says, "Come now, let us reason" that's for them
But it doesn't give them reason to
Make up what God is saying
Until it's no true benefit to them

Blee dop, sklee dop, sklee dilly dilly
Bah donna bee on a Saturday night
If that sounded like nonsense to you too,
Those schools have got some books for you

[Odin]

Jack Chick should turn it into a tract, then at least it would have humor value.

[c4ts]

He rhymes "athiests" with "atheists" and then the entire rhyming structure falls apart, especially at the end. Just like his religion.

[eri]

Ooh, that was just painful. And I thought my sister was a bad poet...

Now clear something up for me. If God doesn't believe in me, then how can I exist if he does?

[BillC]

Cool, now we have a new nominee for the 'Worst (Published) Poems' thread.

[Diamond]

Why can't these people write poems that scan?

Why don't we have a creationist/fundies poetry competition?

[Kiless]

I feel SO much better about my own poetry now. Thank you, Hovind, for contributing one useful thing on this earth! :)

[Mercutio]

Is there a source for this "poem"?

[JamesM]

Here ya go (http://www.drdino.com/articles.php?spec=44)

[Diamond]

At least his literary skills haven't evolved..

[Goshawk]

I ran this through the Alanis Morisette Lyric Generator (http://www.brunching.com/alanislyrics.html).

Here ya go, Kent.

"Will to Live"

I feel miserable
Fools make me ill
I feel miserable
Liars tear at my foundations
I feel miserable
Schools are dragging me down to the depths of misery
I want to die

Is it because of atheists that I feel this way?
With the black rays of misery pounding on my brain?
Or am I lost in tale of William Blake, adrift far from home
I don't think so, I don't think so.

Darwin Broke My Will to Live
Darwin Broke My Will to Live
Darwin Broke My Will to Live
I was getting better but then
Darwin Broke My Will to Live

I feel miserable
Books rot the flesh from my bones
I feel miserable
Recyclers defeat my purpose
I feel miserable
Deniers are doing their best to impale my soul
I want to die

Is it because of atheists that I feel this way?
With the black rays of misery pounding on my brain?
Am I lost in tale of William Blake, adrift far from home
I don't think so, I don't think so.

Darwin Broke My Will to Live
Darwin Broke My Will to Live
Oh God, Darwin Broke My Will to Live
I was getting better but then
Darwin Broke My Will to Live
"I Think"

I Think fools are really a huge problem
I Think liars are too much on my mind
I Think schools have got a lot to do with why the world sucks
But what can you do?

Like a black rain, beating down on me
Like a William Blake line, which won't let go of my brain
Like Darwin's smile, it is in my head
Blame it on atheists
Blame it on atheists
Blame it on atheists

I Think books are gonna drive us all crazy
And recyclers make me feel like a child
I Think deniers will eventually be the downfall of civilization
But what can you do? I said what can you do?

Like a black rain, beating down on me
Like a William Blake line, which won't let go of my brain
Like Darwin's smile, it is in my head
Blame it on atheists
Blame it on atheists
Blame it on atheists

Like a black rain, beating down on me
Like Darwin's smile, cruel and cold
Like William Blake's smile, it is in my head
Blame it on atheists
Blame it on atheists
Blame it on atheists"Why"

Fools, liars, schools
Why God, Why?
Liars, books, atheists
Why God, Why?

What have I done to deserve this black horror?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of atheists
Like a William Blake character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

Recyclers, fools, deniers
Why God, Why?
Atheists, deniers, schools
Why God, Why?

What have I done to deserve this black disaster that is my life?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of atheists
Like a William Blake character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

What have I done to deserve this black misery?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of atheists
Like a William Blake character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?

[Zep]

Frankly, I'd publish that to schools in English classes, instead of his rot about creationism in science. At least English students would (1) have a laugh, and (2) be given an example of rotten poetry to compare with the good stuff!

[c4ts]

I ran this through the Alanis Morisette Lyric Generator (http://www.brunching.com/alanislyrics.html).

Here ya go, Kent.

Those are all ten times better than anything Mr. Hovind wrote!

[c4ts]

"I Think"

I Think Jews are really a huge problem
I Think monkeys are too much on my mind
I Think lying bastards have got a lot to do with why the world sucks
But what can you do?

Like a Heavenly rain, beating down on me
Like a God line, which won't let go of my brain
Like atheism's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on evolution
Blame it on evolution
Blame it on evolution

I Think lies are gonna drive us all crazy
And scientists make me feel like a child
I Think Darwinists will eventually be the downfall of civilization
But what can you do? I said what can you do?

Like a Heavenly rain, beating down on me
Like a God line, which won't let go of my brain
Like atheism's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on evolution
Blame it on evolution
Blame it on evolution

Like a Heavenly rain, beating down on me
Like atheism's smile, cruel and cold
Like God's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on evolution
Blame it on evolution
Blame it on evolution

It expresses Kent better than Mr. Hovind himself!

[Dr Adequate]

I've found this working on an article about him for the skepticwiki and you would not believe the stuff I've found. Which is why I'm going to document it.

Antivaccination... HIV developed in a government laboratory... the Great Pyramid... French, German, and English created by God at Babel... fire-breathing dragons... your television may be WATCHING YOU... paying income tax is voluntary... he distributes the Protocols of the Elders of Zion....

You could not make it up.

[chance]

Those are all ten times better than anything Mr. Hovind wrote!


well them’s fighting words, I can do much worse!

brings out pen, behold!!!

Dinosaurs are dead,
Darwin is too, :)
Jeeezuz loves me
and atheists like you.

[TheFeds]

Damn. I thought that was a parody, but apparently it isn't. How very sad.

[Dr Adequate]

Damn. I thought that was a parody, but apparently it isn't. How very sad.Kent Hovind is one of those people who doesn't need parody.

[c4ts]

well them’s fighting words, I can do much worse!

brings out pen, behold!!!

Dinosaurs are dead,
Darwin is too, :)
Jeeezuz loves me
and atheists like you.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
This poem is about evolution you hellbound atheist!

[c4ts]

Damn. I thought that was a parody, but apparently it isn't. How very sad.

It's even funnier because it's not. In fact, parody would be less funny.

I wonder if Kent's written any poems about how he was excommunicated by the Mormon church...

[Tex]

creationist tripe
spewing forth such ignorance
it makes my brain hurt

[c4ts]

Kent Hovind burning bright
Writing poetry in the night
What immoral hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful sophistry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the strawman in his eyes?
To what mighty goals dares he aspire?
To burn all science in a fire?

And what total lack of art
Twists the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy Bible began to beat,
What dread bullsh** didst thou eat?

What the hammer? What the chain?
What convolutes thy addled brain?
Humans in the dino's grasp
So bad it would make Spielberg gasp!

At all fact he hurls his spears
Blinded by infantile tears
Did he forge his diploma for us to see?
Did he who evolved the lamb make thee?

[chance]

Kent Hovind burning bright
Writing poetry in the night
What immoral hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful sophistry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the strawman in his eyes?
To what mighty goals dares he aspire?
To burn all science in a fire?

And what total lack of art
Twists the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy Bible began to beat,
What dread bullsh** didst thou eat?

What the hammer? What the chain?
What convolutes thy addled brain?
Humans in the dino's grasp
So bad it would make Spielberg gasp!

At all fact he hurls his spears
Blinded by infantile tears
Did he forge his diploma for us to see?
Did he who evolved the lamb make thee?


Well I know when I’m beaten (waves white flag).