How to deal w/ religion when you're forced to

[JLam]

Background: I'm 28 years old and was raised as a Catholic. I haven't been to church voluntarily in about 10 years. I'm what can be described as a "weak" atheist.

Last week, my grandmother died after a long illness. Her funeral was a full-on Catholic thing, and I was asked to do a reading from the Bible. I did, and I also recieved Communion. I basically did it for the sake of my grandfather and the older folks in my family who would have a real problem if I didn't go with the flow. It felt weird, but I didn't feel like a hypocrite. I just did what I thought was right.

My question (if you're non-religious) is what do you do in these kind of situations?

[Babe from Missouri]

A death? Go with the flow. A marriage or christening or baptism? Politely not participate.

My step-mum died recently, all-out catholic affair. Luckily, the catholics don't deem me worthy of their communion. I didn't even kneel, it's polite for non-catholics to just sit. My dad (an atheist) went up and got a blessing but no communion, because he thought it would've made her happy.

[neutrino_cannon]

Is this doing any long-term spiritual harm to you?

Didn't think so, go with the flow in this case.

I think you did what was right.

[c4ts]

Well, the first thing I do is take off my human mask, revealing that I am indeed Lucifer, the Prince of Darkness, and then I say something like "somebody goofed!" and laugh a lot.

Oh wait, I must be confusing my life with Chick Tracts again.

[Amapola]

I was recently in a similar situation, and I just went with the flow.

Think about it. If you were 100% honest all the time, you would soon be hated and reviled above all humans. "Hey - I love that turtleneck! It hides your double chin." "Gosh, I can hardly believe it, but those white stretch pants make you look fatter than ever." "Yes, I have met your daughter before - we had wild and crazy (censored) in your back yard."

Basically, it will not kill a person to be nice. (Although some people act like it would.) What you did was most probably really important to your family and you will be happy you went along with the game for the rest of your life.

[kerfer]

A death? Go with the flow. A marriage or christening or baptism? Politely not participate.


I think I'd rather likely just go with it here, too. These days are not about me. I took communion once when I was in a wedding. It was easier to just take it than have the bride modify the ceremony even slightly to accomodate me. After all, it's just a cracker and some wine, and the day is all about her...I was just a decoration. ;)

As for weddings in which I'm not a member of the party, I'd still go. The fact that I was invited probably indicates that this person is meaningful to me, or I to them, and my presence is in their honor.

That said, I don't and won't go to church for the regular services. I go run through nature at that time instead. I get a lot more out of that.

[Roboramma]

I might be an atheist but unlike what many believers think about us, I'm not obsessed with god, or it's non-existence.
The funeral was a time for family to come together and mourn, what ever rituals they felt they needed, going along with them helps to relieve their pain, and maybe even yours.
I doesn't have to be about god, or your views on religion. Or you at all. Just about being there for family. And that's exactly what you did. Good for you. :)

[HeyLeroy]

I agree with the consensus. I was asked to do a reading at a friend's mother's funeral and I did it. It meant something to her, so that was fine by me. It's not like I was worried about getting struck by lightning or anything.

[Ducky]

I usually show up to forced family church functions with my genetalia hanging out of my pants and drool down my shirt.

This ensures that I am never invited to another religious function again.

Ok seriously, I agree with the babe. A funeral? Go with the flow. Anything else? Stay out of the ceremony.

[Ladewig]

I agree with the consensus.

Besides, even though I am an atheist, there are parts of the Bible I think are useful. Heck, there are even parts that are accurate (e.g. Prov 26:11, if I may throw in a free example).

[Hutch]

I usually am in a church twice a year, at Thanksgiving and Christmas with my Brothers' family (fundy Lutherans). I stand with the rest but do not say Amen or say the prayers. Mostly go at Christmas to see the kids performance and my niece/nephews play music.

I occassionally sign along with a hymn because I like to sign (and since I sign damn badly, I need a large crowd to drown me out)

Sleep in on Sundays while they go to church.

Upshot, I keep peace with my sis-in-law (brother converted from Catholic) who makes one mean turkey and dressing t-giving dinner, but the rituals are meaningless to me, so exercising my legs and occasional voice doesn't hurt, IMHO.

[PatKelley]

Agreed again, and seconded.
It's best to honor the wishes of the deceased, and in this case she was Catholic and expected a Catholic mass. Now, when you pass and you make requests, it would do well by your loved ones to do as you requested as well. Regardless of belief, it is a manner of honoring the memory of someone you cared about by doing something they wished even though they are gone, regardless of where you think they've gone.

[sackett]

You did it “. . .for the sake of my grandfather and the older folks in my family. . . .”
Well, there you go. You comforted the grieved. Historical Jesus himself would commend you. And if that’s not enough, so do I.

[Ceritus]

Just observe the situation and consider the consequences of each action you may take. If you don't mind people hating you and speaking poorly of you or even going to jail then when you went up to read that verse you could have busted out in song and started stripping. If you do then you made the right decision.

[Starrman]

I'm an Atheist and my daughter is baptised. It was a neat little ceremony and it meant a lot to the Grandmothers. I even lied right to the priest when he asked me if I beleived in God. I said 'Yes' right with my wife (who won't admit to being an atheist, but admits to me she doesn't believe there is any magical sky dude). I didn't lie when he asked me if I rejected Satan though.

I personally felt awkward saying I believed in God even as part of a ceremony, that was a bit much for me. I think it may have been because I knew that everyone there (except the priest) knew it wasn't true (that I believed, that is).

You can even see the pictures of her holding the crucifix my Mother-in-Law gave her.

http://home.neo.rr.com/babypaige123/Gallery4.html

(Fear not, she will be taught to think rationaly)

[Marquis de Carabas]

[sigh] I hate to see such a cute kid raised to be a Packers fan.

:p

[LordoftheLeftHand]

My first reaction would be to say I would not have done it. But I am not very close to my family so the situation would not have been the same. Maybe if I was in your exact situation I would have... Tough call.

LLH

[Dr Adequate]

Look at it this way: suppose you were religious, and someone you loved died and wanted a non-religious funeral. How much of a bigot would you have to be to have a problem with that?

I think I'll start a thread about things you'd like read at your funeral.

I think that receiving Communion was downright wrong, but you didn't mean it that way. Still. Don't.

[JLam]

I think that receiving Communion was downright wrong, but you didn't mean it that way. Still. Don't.

I felt that it was wrong too. The priest even said "And now I invite all those Catholics who are properly prepared to come forward and recieve Communion." I'm no longer Catholic, and I certainly wasn't properly prepared. But if I hadn't done it, I think my grandfather might have keeled over right there.

I was actually debating the matter with my brother, when he finally said "Oh, just shut the f*** up and go up there. It won't kill you, but it might kill Grampa."

So I did.

[.13.]

I don't like the idea of going with the flow. I find it to be a slippery slope. In case of a funeral it may not seem that steep or slippery and you have rubber soles on your shoes. But steeper it gets harder it is to climb back. We can find many bad examples in history of people going with the flow.

It would be insulting if people would take offense if I didn't participate in their rituals. That would be akin to questioning my way of life. I would feel like a secondclass citizen. My lack of faith is who I am and I refuse to apologise for that. Should a black man not be allowed to sit in a buss on any seat that is available because it might be offensive to some people? Religious predjudice is not at the level where atheists have designated seats in public transportation. Not yet. We can't rule out the possibility of that in the future though. That kind of predjudice might grow slowly and unnoticed to the majority of people. And "going with the flow" will surely make the transition to state religion easier. So as I said, conforming to believes of others in a funeral might not be that big of a deal. But it comes down to this: Where do you draw the line and how readily are you going to shift it further?

So why shouldn't it be proper for me to mourn without participating in religious rituals. Especially since I would let my relatives to perform their chants and rituals the way they see fit. Without taking offense. I agree that it wouldn't kill us to be nice. But it is wrong to imply that you got to participate in religious ceremonies inorder to be nice. I can be nice, friendly and supportive without religion. And again would feel offended if someone suggested otherwise.

Instead of going with the flow and reading the bible you could politely decline explaining your position on their particular religion. And instead share your happiest memories about the deceased. Happy memories and anecdotes would be a lot more helpfull and supportive than anything you can find in the bible. But that's just my opinion.

[ruach1]

You did the right thing JLam, way to go. I've counseled about death, and I've been in the atmosphere of the bereaved so much to know (or believe strongly) that what you did was right. There are potentially so many hurt feelings and uncertainty surrounding the bodily death of a loved one that any type of wave in the mutual pool of mourning can be devastating and irreparable. A person using the death of a relative to make a religious statement is so selfish as to be cruel. If you or anybody wants to make a statement against religion, that is your right guarded by law. But at least have the sensitivity and selflessness not to do it at a funeral--as you did. KUDOS to you; condolences on the loss of your g-ma.

(continued thinking...)

If you continue with your atheism and people call you on this later, then you (if you so desire) can give them a version of what I said in the above paragraph.

You said you felt "weird" in the Bible reading and in the taking of Communion. Did it feel wrong? If not why?

[ruach1]

You did the right thing JLam, way to go. I've counseled about death, and I've been in the atmosphere of the bereaved so much to know (or believe strongly) that what you did was right. There are potentially so many hurt feelings and uncertainty surrounding the bodily death of a loved one that any type of wave in the mutual pool of mourning can be devastating and irreparable. A person using the death of a relative to make a religious statement is so selfish as to be cruel. If you or anybody wants to make a statement against religion, that is your right guarded by law. But at least have the sensitivity and selflessness not to do it at a funeral--as you did. KUDOS to you; condolences on the loss of your g-ma.

(continued thinking...)

If you continue with your atheism and people call you on this later, then you (if you so desire) can give them a version of what I said in the above paragraph.

You said you felt "weird" in the Bible reading and in the taking of Communion. Did it feel wrong? If not why?

[Jas]

I think it depends on the situation. Generally, I view it as 'their day, not mine', and I would hate for a religious friend (because I have so many....), or relative, to avoid a special day of mine because of a conflict of beliefs.

That being said, I will go to midnight mass as Christmas, just because I like the latin, and I like the music.

[Marquis de Carabas]

How can I expect my friends to come to my goat sacrifices if I don't go to their brown-nosing the Skydaddy fests?

[.13.]

A person using the death of a relative to make a religious statement is so selfish as to be cruel. If you or anybody wants to make a statement against religion, that is your right guarded by law. But at least have the sensitivity and selflessness not to do it at a funeral--

Politely declining to participate in a religious ceremony is hardly a statement against religion and definetly not selfish. To say it is cruel is absurd and unfair. Because you don't have to make a big scene about it and start screaming about irrationality while foaming through your mouth. Believe it or not atheists too can be reasonable, loving and compassionate without relying to religion.

[Piscivore]

I recently went to my brother's wedding. It was a small non-denominational but Christian ceremony. I shook hands with and politely greeted the officiant. I stayed away from loaded conversations (for instance, the bride's father cornered the officiant and rambled on for three quarters of an hour about how vital God is to a stable marriage- he's divorced, I'm not. :)) When prayers were said, I looked down. Doesn't hurt me in the least. One Christmas, I was asked to be the narrator for the church preschool my wife worked at, and I did so happily (and nervously, I'm very shy.) I stood as godfather to one of my sister-in-law's kids. I've even been to a church service or three, without the roof falling in.

Despite all this, I cannot go to funerals. It makes me physically ill to listen to all the rote banalities that people vomit up at such a time. Suddenly, formerly rational people resort to playing back old Sunday school tapes in their heads.

The last funeral I attended was my maternal grandfather's almost a decade ago. He was a foul-tempered crusty old SOB that rubbed most people the wrong way- including me, often, and I didn't realise I admired him until after he'd gone- but suddenly after his death everyone considered him Jebus' favourite little angel. I left the room during the eulogies, and haven't set foot anywhere near a funeral since. So far I have been fortunate that most of the subsequent deaths in my family have been out of state, though I got into an argument with my father when I refused to attend the funeral of my cousin's husband's father.

We have never had a funeral for my daughter, and we were still besieged with "she's in a better place" and "god needed her more" and like garbage. If I hadn't had a distraught wife and two little children to take care of I might have gone Travis Bickle on them- and a lot of it came from my family.

I have strict orders for my wife and parents not to have any kind of funeral for me, but they won't listen.

[Piscivore]

How can I expect my friends to come to my goat sacrifices if I don't go to their brown-nosing the Skydaddy fests?

The beer and the goat-kabobs are always a draw.

[Marquis de Carabas]

Don't worry, old buddy. I'll make sure they can't find your body.

[PatKelley]

Just make sure to file a "Do Not Ressurect" order and have it filed and signed by a notary public.

[JLam]

Politely declining to participate in a religious ceremony is hardly a statement against religion and definetly not selfish. To say it is cruel is absurd and unfair. Because you don't have to make a big scene about it and start screaming about irrationality while foaming through your mouth. Believe it or not atheists too can be reasonable, loving and compassionate without relying to religion.

No one is arguing that atheists can't be reasonable, loving and compasisonate.

It's my position that politely declining to participate in a religious ceremony isn't ALWAYS selfish, but in this case it most definitely would have been. This was the first time in 4 years that all of my grandmother's grandchildren have been gathered together at the same time. For me to decline to attend the funeral would have been a screaming act of selfishness. That day was NOT about me; it was about my grandmother.

Even if I hadn't made a big scene and simply didn't show up, it would have been a slap in the face to my entire family.

[ruach1]

Politely declining to participate in a religious ceremony is hardly a statement against religion and definetly not selfish.

In Jlam's particular case it would have been, and everyone would have known it. Politeness would not have been an issue in this case. However, in other circumstances, politely declining not to participate such as in Protestant/Catholic Communion issues or atheist issues where not participating would be expected and wouldn't hurt a mourner would not be so selfish or hurtful.


To say it is cruel is absurd and unfair.

To knowingly hurt other people in a mourning state is cruel. This is not an absurd statement. Absurdity (in its literal definition) is also not an issue here (if we are treating the subject matter seriously). Yes, it certainly might be unfair to use the word cruel if someone choose not to participate without knowing how much pain he/she may be causing other people.


Because you don't have to make a big scene about it and start screaming about irrationality while foaming through your mouth.

Agreed. I think this applies for just about everything--funerals et al.


Believe it or not atheists too can be reasonable, loving and compassionate without relying to religion.

I believe it--especially when the loss of a loved one is at hand.

[.13.]

No one is arguing that atheists can't be reasonable, loving and compasisonate.

In the post I replied to I felt there was that undertone.


It's my position that politely declining to participate in a religious ceremony isn't ALWAYS selfish, but in this case it most definitely would have been. This was the first time in 4 years that all of my grandmother's grandchildren have been gathered together at the same time. For me to decline to attend the funeral would have been a screaming act of selfishness. That day was NOT about me; it was about my grandmother.

Even if I hadn't made a big scene and simply didn't show up, it would have been a slap in the face to my entire family.

I would have no problems sitting in a church and support my relatives in their grief. But I wouldn't read the bible or recieve communion. Showing up and offering your support is very different from actively taking part in the rituals.

And I would say that day was most definetly about you and everyone else grieving. Afterall funerals are for the living rather than the dead. And it is your right to grieve your grandmother without peer pressure.

I have no objections on what you did. I'm not judging you in anyway. But since you asked for opinions, I gave you mine.

[Ceritus]

You said you felt "weird" in the Bible reading and in the taking of Communion. Did it feel wrong? If not why?

I remember a time I had to read the bible at my grandfathers funeral not to long ago and it felt very wrong. The reason it felt so wrong was because even though such a quote that is read at a funeral may sound sweet and innocent but it is cherry picked from a book that condones and promotes hatred and bigotry.

I guess a fair comparison would be as if it were me in a room full of friends and family sniffing cocaine and asking me to try it for the first time all while knowing the consequences of what could happen if I did it. I know through observation how addicting cocaine can be and I know how strong addiction can be (I smoke). I know cocaine has killed many people through overdoses and has financially and emotionally destroyed healthy families. I think it is a safe bet to say that the bible and any other religious dogma has caused more deaths and more suffering than all the narcotics put together and then squared.

From now on, no matter the circumstances when it comes to the bible I will just say NO! It is a shame that so many parents tell their children not to do drugs while promoting something far worse "religious irrationality". There needs to be programs like D.A.R.E. going to all the schools warning kids about the dangers of accepting irrational beliefs as true.

[.13.]

In Jlam's particular case it would have been, and everyone would have known it. Politeness would not have been an issue in this case. However, in other circumstances, politely declining not to participate such as in Protestant/Catholic Communion issues or atheist issues where not participating would be expected and wouldn't hurt a mourner would not be so selfish or hurtful.

I wouldn't have a problem sitting and watching the ceremonies (even though I find them tedious and inane) and supporting my relatives. But I would have a problem participating in those ceremonies. But even if I chose not to step inside the church at all I shouldn't be considered insensitive or cruel. I could just as well offer my support after the ceremonies.

And how is politenes not an issue? Respectfully asking others to acknowledge your differing opinion is not selfish or cruel. Are you saying my faith (or more accurately lack of it) isn't important and I can't grieve how I feel like? Is it ok to force the atheists to do what christians feel is best? What right do you have to say anyone how they should grieve?

What if Jlam was a muslim or a jew? Would it then be insensitive and cruel if he didn't participate in christian ceremony? Or is that only reserved for atheists?


To knowingly hurt other people in a mourning state is cruel. This is not an absurd statement. Absurdity (in its literal definition) is also not an issue here (if we are treating the subject matter seriously). Yes, it certainly might be unfair to use the word cruel if someone choose not to participate without knowing how much pain he/she may be causing other people.


But holding your beliefs isn't intented to hurt others. And if someone is so close minded that can't respect my worldview I shouldn't be expected to apologise for that. I refuse to feel ashamed for who I am. What if I was gay? Would it be insesitive for me to attend the ceremony even though their religion says I would be a sinner and offend their views?

I wouldn't tell others not to do their ceremonies and I expect them to respect my views in return. As I said you don't have to preach your atheisim, just politely decline the offer. Have you considered how the atheist might feel about force fed religion?

Why would it even be selfish? Aren't the others selfish when they require you to participate?
How many atheists would be needed at a funeral that it wouldn't be selfish not to participate?
10%? 20%? 50%? 99%? Might is right?

What I find despicable is pushing religion to people at their most vulnerable times. Like after the death of a loved one. It is same as pushing quack medicine to the terminally ill. That is cruel.

[Melendwyr]

I basically did it for the sake of my grandfather and the older folks in my family who would have a real problem if I didn't go with the flow. I'm going to assume that they're genuinely believers, and aren't part of the Church merely for the social structure.

Accepting Communion without belief is quite a serious matter in Christianity. If your family knew you had committed such an act, they would likely be quite upset. Why did that feel like the right thing to do, exactly?

[Starrman]

Look at it this way: suppose you were religious, and someone you loved died and wanted a non-religious funeral. How much of a bigot would you have to be to have a problem with that?

I think I'll start a thread about things you'd like read at your funeral.

I think that receiving Communion was downright wrong, but you didn't mean it that way. Still. Don't.

Interesting point. I guess I never crossed that line by not participating to some degree, and seeing if anyone ever did have a problem with it. I wonder what would happen?

I do also think it is important to expose my kid to the Church. It is (unfortunately) a BIG part of the community and country. I think it would be unfair to just shield her from her and tell her it's wrong without exposing her to it. The dialogue we have about it is what is important.

[.13.]

Look at it this way: suppose you were religious, and someone you loved died and wanted a non-religious funeral. How much of a bigot would you have to be to have a problem with that?

Religious person participating in a non-religious funeral isn't exactly the same as atheists participating a religious funeral. Religion goes against what atheists "believe".

If you wan't to make comparisons you would have to talk about anti-religious funeral rather than non-religious.

[rustypouch]

So why are you complaining when you got free booze?

[Melendwyr]

I'd still like to hear from jlam.

Given that participation in Communion is supposed to be restricted to believers who have properly purified themselves and approach with humility and awe, and that taking Communion in conditions other than those is profoundly dangerous for the partaker, what you did violates the rules of your family's faith and imperils your immortal soul.

If your family learned that you'd gone through with the ritual merely to avoid confronting them with your beliefs, I suspect they would be very upset. If they genuinely follow the doctrines of the RCC, they certainly would be. Why, then, do you think lying to them and profaning their ritual was the right thing?

[LordoftheLeftHand]

Never laugh at a funeral. Big mistake.

LLH

[Marquis de Carabas]

...unless it's your own.

[Belz...]

My question (if you're non-religious) is what do you do in these kind of situations?

I'd tell them I don't believe in that crap, no matter what the situation is. But I'm no "weak" atheist, myself. And I have this problem with telling people what I think. Constantly.

[Beerina]

Background: I'm 28 years old and was raised as a Catholic. I haven't been to church voluntarily in about 10 years. I'm what can be described as a "weak" atheist.

Last week, my grandmother died after a long illness. Her funeral was a full-on Catholic thing, and I was asked to do a reading from the Bible. I did, and I also recieved Communion. I basically did it for the sake of my grandfather and the older folks in my family who would have a real problem if I didn't go with the flow. It felt weird, but I didn't feel like a hypocrite. I just did what I thought was right.

My question (if you're non-religious) is what do you do in these kind of situations?

Since I gave up on religion about 18 years ago (also Catholic) I have attended church 4 times, for deaths, and only the last two (gramma and mom) have I had communion, for dad's sake. I forsee one more time, and that's it.

[PatKelley]

[snip]
... and that taking Communion in conditions other than those is profoundly dangerous for the partaker, what you did violates the rules of your family's faith and imperils your immortal soul.

Um, dangerous from a mob going to lynch standpoint? I don't follow. Would the Chick Demons have come and taken them away?

If your family learned that you'd gone through with the ritual merely to avoid confronting them with your beliefs, I suspect they would be very upset. If they genuinely follow the doctrines of the RCC, they certainly would be. Why, then, do you think lying to them and profaning their ritual was the right thing?

In my training, we were specifically told about one type of suspicious suicide that we should be ready for. Normally, a family will leave the body in situ but on some occasions the body would be cut down, and laid out, with no note or communication at all. Specifically, these involved auto-erotic suffocation and the victim often wearing women's clothing and/or being partially nude.

Were we told to confront the family about the truth? Hell no!

Here you have a family in grief, and it's your own, and you want to make the day about you? The lie is tiny in comparison, the soul at risk is their own, and the only harm is in dying a little inside. If they want to go back to church someday, they need only confess, right?

[Melendwyr]

Um, dangerous from a mob going to lynch standpoint? I don't follow. Would the Chick Demons have come and taken them away? According to Christian theology (both RCC and Orthodox), partaking of the Communion without belief is eating and drinking one's own damnation, to use the traditional phrasing. There are tales of heretics (particularly Arinas) who took Communion and were struck down by God. It's a very serious matter.

(edit) He wouldn't be making the whole day about him. Do you know who would? The family, who I'd be willing to bet would overlook the fact that the day is supposed to be about the deceased, as well as ignoring the principle that Communion should be taken only by the prepared devout. If you're going to complain about ignoring the funeral nature of the occasion, blame them.

[PatKelley]

According to Christian theology (both RCC and Orthodox), partaking of the Communion without belief is eating and drinking one's own damnation, to use the traditional phrasing. There are tales of heretics (particularly Arinas) who took Communion and were struck down by God. It's a very serious matter.
In that case I have a gutful of damnation. Got confirmed in Worms cathedral in Deutschland and everything. Lost the faith when I was 10 when told ignorance meant you were damned to hell.
(edit) He wouldn't be making the whole day about him. Do you know who would? The family, who I'd be willing to bet would overlook the fact that the day is supposed to be about the deceased, as well as ignoring the principle that Communion should be taken only by the prepared devout. If you're going to complain about ignoring the funeral nature of the occasion, blame them.
Yes, it is for the survivors, but it is about the deceased.

[StoatBringer]

I've been to the usual weddings and christenings, and I just sit quietly while they go through the religious rituals. It's not my religion, and I feel that it would be wrong for me to pretend to partake, both for myself and for the people who actually believe in it. So I just sit there and wait, I don't pray, stand, kneel or sing.

The same goes for funerals. I've been to the funerals of a number of closed relatives recently and I do the same. I feel it would be dishonouring the memory of the deceased to pretend to be something I'm not, as well just being plain annoying to have to go along with something I consider to be false.

I even try to not laugh or obviously grit my teeth when the priest is wittering on about sin, salvation and his imaginary friends. :rolleyes:

My wife is a Catholic (fairly lapsed), and really wanted a church wedding. I flatly refused and we got married in a registry office. I was simply not prepared to start my marriage by telling what I considered to be a load of lies. However, some of my friends are also atheists, and they have gone through the religious ceremony that their wives wanted. I guess they felt that as they didn't believe any of it, it didn't really matter if they paid lip-service to the religious bits.

[a_unique_person]

I was brought up a Catholic. I sit when it is time to sit, stand when it is time to stand. The last time I was in church was just recently, for the funeral of an old friends father who just died.

I was pleased to note we wouldn't have to kneel during the service, since there was nothing to kneel on.

I didn't say anything, and didn't take communion. (Since you have to 'believe' to do that.) My parents were there, and are believers, and they didn't say anything. They were glad to have me there for a shared time to remember an old friend of the family. I don't hassle them about what I don't like about Catholicism, they don't hassle me about why I think that way.

My wife and I did get married, but we did that in a Uniting Church. The minister was happy to marry us, even though it was pretty clear that we weren't part of that church, nor even believers. She seemed to be happy to do the Jesus bit, of being accepting, and promoting family values. Win/Win all around. A Catholic Church would not have done that.