I found a Chick Tract that finally speaks my language...

[c4ts]

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0649/0649_01.asp

Nambo naga ali jwele jwakulitenda kuti ali, kusagula kwenu tikulosye kwele kutimkatame ndawi syosope to you too!

[Blue Monk]

Oh that's a great one too.

That's the one where Jesus reveals that he is really Clark Kent.

[evildave]

404: The link don't work. Oops. Never mind. Musta been a transient error.

I like the one where the guy's running to his sky daddy's arms.

http://www.chick.com/tractimages43329/0649/0649_04.gif

[Blue Monk]

Originally posted by evildave
404: The link don't work. Oops. Never mind. Musta been a transient error.

It filters out non-believers.

[c4ts]

And this takes place in the far future, where God zaps random individuals with His Holy Lazer Pointer...

http://www.chick.com/tractimages44488/0649/0649_11.gif

[ImpyTimpy]

haha damn, i just laughed pretty hard at work.. hopefully nobody else heard/noticed. :p

Originally posted by c4ts
And this takes place in the far future, where God zaps random individuals with His Holy Lazer Pointer...

http://www.chick.com/tractimages43329/0649/0649_11.gif

[MRC_Hans]

For us non-Americans: What are these chick-tracts????

Hans

[BillyTK]

Originally posted by MRC_Hans
For us non-Americans: What are these chick-tracts????

Hans

This discussion (http://host.randi.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?threadid=18429) in this very forum might help; basically it's rather *ahem* enthusiastic christian promotion in the form of illustrated stories, reminiscent of "Ripley's Believe It or Not" in style.

Jack Chick's homepage is here (http://www.chick.com/).

[MRC_Hans]

Thanks. (Yuck!)

Hans

[LillyThePink]

LMAO

Thank you for your wonderful little books. Because of them, our grandson gave his heart to Jesus. —New Mexico

- who ate it up with some alfalfa beans and a nice Chianti....

FFS!

[Libertarian]

Originally posted by MRC_Hans
For us non-Americans: What are these chick-tracts????

Hans

Don't feel bad, Hans. I'm as American as they come, and I was unfamiliar with the term as well.

[BillyTK]

Originally posted by LillyThePink
LMAO



- who ate it up with some alfalfa beans and a nice Chianti....

FFS!

A pedantic vegetarianist writes: Fava beans. Alfalfa are bean sprouts!
:p ;)

[LillyThePink]

what's wrong with bean sprouts?

A billion Chinese people cannot be wrong, Billy :p

[BillyTK]

Originally posted by LillyThePink
what's wrong with bean sprouts?

A billion Chinese people cannot be wrong, Billy :p

Absolutely nothing wrong with bean sprouts, other than they're icky when they're cooked and get stuck between your teeth. Just pointing out that you don't eat alfalfa beans (in fact, I suspect they're seeds not beans) and the correct quotation was fava beans :p I must say I'm surprised that you of all people should get that quote wrong! :D

The issue isn't whether you're paranoid, but whether you're paranoid enough :p :)

[Jethro]

Originally posted by BillyTK
The issue isn't whether you're paranoid, but whether you're paranoid enough :p :) Paranoia is just reality on a finer scale.

[aggle_rithm]

Hmmm... this one actually makes more sense than most of his tracts. ;)

[whitefork]

Originally posted by MRC_Hans
For us non-Americans: What are these chick-tracts????

Hans Hans, now I understand my calling for the next couple of years. God wants me to translate the Chick tracts into Swedish. (Sadly, I bet it's been done already). Alert the media!

[Upchurch]

Originally posted by c4ts
And this takes place in the far future, where God zaps random individuals with His Holy Lazer Pointer...

http://www.chick.com/tractimages43329/0649/0649_11.gif Actually, isn't that a picture of God gettin' it on with Mary? And they hand these out to children?

[whitefork]

That was pretty fast, Upchurch. Nice work.

[Ruby]

Originally posted by c4ts
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0649/0649_01.asp

Nambo naga ali jwele jwakulitenda kuti ali, kusagula kwenu tikulosye kwele kutimkatame ndawi syosope to you too!

Oh #$^&*** stupid hate filled tracts in foreign languages now......ahhhhh!!!!:mad:

[no one in particular]

This (http://www.chick.com/tracttips/) Chick track link suggests possible distribution methods for the pamphlets. Among others is:I have been leaving Chick tracts everywhere! I leave them on shelves in the grocery store and drug stores, on phone booths, on newspaper boxes, in restaurants, in public restrooms, at the doctor's office. Or, as I like to call it:

Littering for Jesus.

[Solitaire]

Originally posted by no one in particular
This (http://www.chick.com/tracttips/) Chick track link suggests possible distribution methods for the pamphlets. Among others is: Or, as I like to call it:

Littering for Jesus.
And some of like to pick up the litter and put it in the trash. :D

[c4ts]

If you find Chick Tracts in the restroom, use them as toilet paper if they're clean enough. Otherwise, just flush them.

[evildave]

Yuck! You'd touch your nice clean butt with those?

Carry them with you when you walk the dog. You never know when you'll need a pooper scooper.

[c4ts]

Originally posted by evildave
Yuck! You'd touch your nice clean butt with those?

Carry them with you when you walk the dog. You never know when you'll need a pooper scooper.

Well, either way, you could try mailing them to Jack Chick when you're done with them.

[aggle_rithm]

Here (http://www.geocities.com/reesejm.geo/chick.htm) is an attempt at translation.

I'm going to hell, aren't I?

:(

[Javalar]

Originally posted by aggle_rithm
Here (http://www.geocities.com/reesejm.geo/chick.htm) is an attempt at translation.

I'm going to hell, aren't I?

:( LOL! Please tell me you've done more of those. :D

Hey aggle_rithm, that's the godda**ed funniest thing I've seen in a long time! Thanks for making me howl!
That first panel is a riot.

[Tarrin]

Here's a good Jack Chick parady site:

http://www.weirdcrap.com/chick/

[Blue Monk]

Originally posted by aggle_rithm
Here (http://www.geocities.com/reesejm.geo/chick.htm) is an attempt at translation.

I'm going to hell, aren't I?

:(

Hey, I agree. Those were really great.

I would love to see more.

Just promise me you'll only use your powers for good.

[aggle_rithm]

Originally posted by Blue Monk



Just promise me you'll only use your powers for good.

Too late...

[Jethro]

Originally posted by aggle_rithm
I'm going to hell, aren't I?

:( Maybe, but not for that particular thing of beauty.

[evildave]

Very nice translation.

Here we have "This was your life" in several languages. Complete with cultural twists. So, yep, it's in LOTS of languages. Mostly just this tract, though.

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0715/0715_01.asp
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1723/1723_01.asp
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0823/0823_01.asp
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0402/0402_01.asp
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0619/0619_01.asp
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0893/0893_01.asp

As an extra bonus, there's "Back From the Dead?" in Arabic, too.
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0685/0685_01.asp

"Wordless" Chick Tract for New Guinea
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0468/0468_01.asp

[c4ts]

Here's my interpretation of the wordless tract.

A guy goes back to his village and tells a story about a guy who tells a story, apparently. It started out as some guy finds the tract, waves it around and reads it. Then there's Faceless Guy and Beardface. Faceless Guy doesn't do anything, and Beardface throws a bunch of stars and planets and trees and things. Beardface does a bunch of stuff, like make a sculpture of Naked Guy and bring him to life, and Faceless guy just watches. Then Other Guy shows up for no apparent reason. He seems like a decent person, he has a huggy hug with Naked Guy, and the next thing you know he's eating rocks off the ground or something. Then there's a whole bunch of Naked Guy clones killing each other over who gets to hug Other Guy, until only Naked Guy is left again. And then Naked Guy is telling a story about Faceless Guy pushing Beardface off a cliff for some reason, while trying to shave his wrists but he's not very good at it. Then Naked Guy accidently cuts off his head while shaving. But Other Guy doesn't mind, he just laughs and offers another hug. And then Faceless guy tells Beardface a story about how Naked Guy liked to eat rocks off the ground, and then pushes Beardface off the cloud one he's distracted. It's the one thing Faceless Guy actually does. And then there's a flashback or something, and then it turns out Funny Looking Woman was out eating rocks when she suddenly gave birth. The kid grew up into Beardface, and he socializes with Faceless Guy. But apparently Beardface hugged Other Guy the wrong way or something, because the next thing you know, he's telling a story about Beardface getting nailed to a peice of wood. And in this story, there's lots of blood. And then Beardface falls asleep, so they decide to trap him in a cave, but it's no use because Beardface escapes to play basketball with Faceless Guy. And that's how they became good friends, according to Other Guy, who wasn't narrating to begin with. And now there's a whole lot of weird crap going on involving rock eating and renditions of Other Guy's story that's so disgusting it bleeds all over people. And we're back to the clones, and the clones make flying clones of themselves instead of decomposing, or something. And there's more weirdness with magical Winged People, and it looks like they don't know what to do with the flying clones without wings so they throw them into the incinerator. But it's OK, because Other Guy is there to hug them if they can just make it through the burning part. Meanwhile, Faceless Guy and Beardface play Simon Says. The end.

[aggle_rithm]

Originally posted by Javalar
LOL! Please tell me you've done more of those. :D

OK, <a href = "http://www.geocities.com/reesejm.geo/chick2.htm">here's</a> one.

[c4ts]

I'm surprised you didn't make a joke about crotch burn in the last panel.

[aggle_rithm]

OK, just <a href = "http://www.geocities.com/reesejm.geo/chick3.htm">one more,</a> then I have to get back to work...