So Accurate it's Spooky!

[kevin]

It's the death psychic, ooohhhhh!
http://www.thedeathpsychic.com/

[PixyMisa]

While leaving a Chinese restaurant, you suffer fatal cardiac arrest and collapse into a pond of frantic Koi.

Yeah, that keeps happening to me. :confused:

[kevin]

While playing baseball, a disgruntled player beats you to death with a bat.

but if i were female:
You witness an armed robbery and are questioned by police. Frustrated with your vague and ever-changing description of the suspect, the police sketch artist stabs you in the neck with a pencil.

thank goodness I'm a guy, that would just be embarrassing.

[Glite]

You die in your sleep from old age. (Boring, ain't it?)

if it said "extreme old age" that would be better, but /shrug.

[Mongrel]

I get a messy, bloated death :(

After swallowing several capsules which you thought were pain relievers, you're told that you were given "foam animal in a capsule" capsules as a joke. The foam animals expand to twenty times their original size, causing a major intestinal obstruction. Unable to pass solid waste, you die from self-toxification.

[Hutch]

A carbon monoxide leak in your home kills you peacefully in your sleep.

Well, I do have an attached garage and use Natural Gas heat, so I guess this is possible (if I forget to turn off my car engine one day and leave it running all night.

Still, a rather mundane way to go.

[brettDbass]

"You put an excessive amount of lighter fluid onto a charcoal grill. Upon lighting the grill, you are engulfed in flames and are burned alive."

A dubious result considering I hate barbecues and am a vegan.

Unless... perhaps it's so psychic it's telling me I'm going to give up veganism AND get into barbecues, and THEN die.

Cool. All I need to do is stick with my principles and I shall live forever.

FOREVER I TELL YOU!!!

[Starrman]

As the unfortunate target of a serial killer, you are skinned alive and left in an abandoned warehouse.

If anybody walks by any abandoned warehouses, please stop by and check for me. I'll be the one with no skin.

Thanks.

[kevin]

A dubious result considering I hate barbecues and am a vegan.

You've never had grilled eggplant? Damn good stuff.

[Garrette]

I don't even get anything exciting:

"Depressed with life in general, you blow your brains out with a shotgun."

If I don't start getting better predictions, I'm gonna end it all, I tell ya.


P.S. I hate eggplant, but grilled veggies in general are excellent. Try slicing zucchini into long, thin strips, dip them in olive oil (or Italian style dressing) and grill them. Great! Don't overdo them, though; they should remain crisp.

[Soapy Sam]

You mouth off to the wrong guy in a bar and are beaten to death with a barstool.

Hmm. Third time unlucky, eh? Can't win 'em all!

[chipmunk stew]

As the unfortunate target of a serial killer, a rubber innertube is stuffed into your mouth and fully inflated, causing your head to explode.

I should have learned by now not to be agreeable to the invitation to:
"Open your mouth and close your eyes, and you'll receive a big surprise!"

[azazal]

[QUOTE=kevin;1382558]While playing baseball, a disgruntled player beats you to death with a bat.
[QUOTE]



I got the samething

[Tanja]

I like it! My sister often visits renaissance fairs - I have to be careful not to go with her...
While attending a renaissance fair, you're bludgeoned to death with a lute by a crazed minstrel.

[voidx]

As the unfortunate target of a serial killer, you are skinned alive and left in an abandoned warehouse.

If anybody walks by any abandoned warehouses, please stop by and check for me. I'll be the one with no skin.

Thanks.
Is it really necessary to qualify that being the target of a serial killer is an unfortunate occurance?

Is there any perceived set of circumstances which, upon hearing that you are the target of a serial killer, that one would respond, "Well...that's fortunate."

As for me, the website is blocked as tasteless content :D. Death by proxy perhaps? Ha Ha !

[Garrette]

Maybe he eats serial killers for dinner?

[JohnboyMN]

You are fatally impaled by a confederate bayonet while attending a Civil War reenactment

Oh boy! Another reason not to go to Civil War reenactments!

[Spidey13]

You attempt to rob an old man, but unfortunately, the old man fights back. You end up being stabbed by the old man with your own knife.

This is total B.S. I would never rob an old man. They're far too unpredictable. I only rob old ladies.

[Starrman]

You attempt to rob an old man, but unfortunately, the old man fights back. You end up being stabbed by the old man with your own knife.

This is total B.S. I would never rob an old man. They're far too unpredictable. I only rob old ladies.

Maybe it will be a cross-dressing old man!

[Zep]

...who ends up skinning you in an abandoned warehouse. See? It all ties together!

[Johnny Pixels]

While you're walking down a busy street, a suicidal maniac jumps from an apartment window thirty stories above you. Unfortunately for both of you, the maniac lands directly on you. You're crushed to death, and the suicidal maniac walks away unscathed.

Lucky there's no 30 story buildings where I live, in fact, there's very few 30 story buildings in England, so I might be safe.

[eri]

Apparently I'll be beaten to death with a drumstick over Thanksgiving dinner with my family. All the more reason to go to Mexico instead. They would have said if I died from bad water, right? Right?

[brettDbass]

You've never had grilled eggplant? Damn good stuff.
Nah, like I said, I hate barbecues.

Suppose I could try it cooked properly on a real oven or something, but aubergine always reminds me of mushrooms... bleaurgh!

[force_redo]

"While standing on the bleachers at a sporting event, an angry fan behind you kicks you in the back, sending you tumbling down dozens of rows of bleachers to your death."

Bugger, I got tickets for the World Cup in June. Does this mean I should rather sell 'em off on ebay for a ridiculous amount of cash? ;-)


Is it possible that these are all famous movie deaths?
The "Thanksgiving drumstick" reminds me of "Serial Mom", "Skinned alive in a warehouse" sounds like "Silence of the lambs"...

FR

[brettDbass]

I got tickets for the World Cup in June. Does this mean I should rather sell 'em off on ebay for a ridiculous amount of cash? ;-)
It really depends on whether or not they're tickets for the world cup in a decent sport, or simply something inane and brianless like soccer.

:duck:

[force_redo]

It really depends on whether or not they're tickets for the world cup in a decent sport, or simply something inane and brianless like soccer.

:duck:

Well, I suppose the matches I'm going to see are completely "Brian-less".
Other than that: Inane sports for inane people! :hit:

FR

[ranson]

"While sunbathing in your yard, a commercial airliner accidentally unloads its waste tank. You are impaled by several spears of frozen urine which fall from 30,000 feet above you."

That's . . . unique. However, the sun is generally my sworn enemy, so me sunbathing is unlikely in the near future.

[Boo]

Heh, I got something about serving jury duty and having a murder overpower the bailiff and beat me to death with a stenotype machine.

Just gives me one more reason to try and get out of jury duty, not that I've ever been asked to serve on jury duty, but just in case......



Boo

[brettDbass]

Well, I suppose the matches I'm going to see are completely "Brian-less".
Other than that: Inane sports for inane people! :hit:

FR
:redface1

Aww, only teasing really (well, mostly).

[RayG]

While driving, you give the wrong guy the finger for cutting you off, and he follows you home. As you step out of your car, he leans out his window and fires several shots into the back of your head. Your lifeless body hits the cement, and the gunman drives away.

Wife: "You know, one of these times you're going to give the finger to the wrong cop."
Ray: "Bah, what's he gonna do, shoot me?"

RayG

[KingMerv00]

You die from complications of a ruptured appendix.

Mine or someone elses?

[Mid]

While in a hotel pool, you are sucked into the intake system of the pool's pump. The incredible force of the pump rips your intestines out of your body, turning you into a nearly-hollow corpse.

I told my parents it was a mistake teaching me how to swim. Although as I didn't include my middle name my true fate remains a mystery.

[Dylab]

A gang of midgets wraps you in plastic wrap and proceeds to cook you with a hair dryer. You are slowly squeezed to death as the plastic wrap shrinks around your body.

I think thats always what I knew what would happend.

[kookbreaker]

Hmmm:

"While rummaging through the trunk of your car, a disgruntled neighbor approaches you from behind and slams the trunk repeatedly onto you, eventually cutting you in half at the waist. "

Sounds about right.

[Lisa Simpson]

After much persuasion, your friends convince you to try skydiving. Unfortunately, you are the unlucky recipient of a defective parachute, and you plummet 15,000 feet to the ground. Your body is turned into jelly on impact.

[luchog]

"While visiting your favorite bookstore, you get caught in the middle of a violent melee between rival book clubs. Unable to escape the madness, you are beaten to death with a hardcover unabridged dictionary."

I only hope it's the OED, since that's my particular preference.

[Jon.]

A disgruntled coworker beats you to death with a bag full of loose change

Ouch!

[Ipecac]

While watching whales in a observation area of the aquarium, a suicidal maniac shoots the glass wall of the tank with a shotgun. Four million gallons of water quickly rush out of the tank and into the hallway, drowning you (and everyone else around).


Cool!

[Jon.]

While watching whales in a observation area of the aquarium, a suicidal maniac shoots the glass wall of the tank with a shotgun. Four million gallons of water quickly rush out of the tank and into the hallway, drowning you (and everyone else around).
Cool!

What about the whales? Won't somebody think of the whales?

[TjW]

"While sunbathing in your yard, a commercial airliner accidentally unloads its waste tank. You are impaled by several spears of frozen urine which fall from 30,000 feet above you."

That's . . . unique. However, the sun is generally my sworn enemy, so me sunbathing is unlikely in the near future.

You don't have to sunbathe... it'll come right through the roof. Still, there aren't many people who can look forward to being done in by an icy BM.

[ranson]

Ah, but they specifically mention sunbathing. So, I won't perish in that manner until I decide that my odds for skin cancer have dropped.

[Ipecac]

What about the whales? Won't somebody think of the whales?

It would be an even cooler death if the one of the whales ate me as the water emptied into the area.

[Jon.]

It would be an even cooler death if the one of the whales ate me as the water emptied into the area.

Yeah, but your name probably has to have a silent "q" for that to come up. :D

[Black Light Poster]

While scarfing down lunch, a large chunk of your meal becomes enlodged in your throat, and you choke to death.

Nonsense. I know the Heimlich Maneuver!

Really, it kinda creeps me out that I got a realistic one.

[LostSoul]

You die from complications of liver failure caused by years of heavy drinking.:yikes:


Oh wait, I don't drink. And I'm not a 22 year old female named Bob.

[veggie doll]

While in a hardware store, a strange man picks up an axe and attacks you with it, dismembering your body.

Does 'strange' necessarily mean stranger? Or should I avoid trips to hardware stores with my strange brother?

[force_redo]

Nonsense. I know the Heimlich Maneuver!

... and you know how to perform it on yourself? Wow, I'd like to see that ;-)

FR

[shalomsteph]

"An amputee overhears you as you snicker and make jokes about him. Enraged, he beats you to death with his prosthetic leg."

Almost "Seinfeldian" I laughed, though

[luchog]

... and you know how to perform it on yourself? Wow, I'd like to see that ;-)

FR
It's tricky, but it can be done (http://health.allrefer.com/health/heimlich-maneuver-on-self-info.html).