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aggle_rithm
5th May 2003, 05:38 AM
I have long comtemplated the Muslim suicide bomber's belief that they will be rewarded with 75 virgins in paradise. I have a few problems with this theology.

1. They're going to be there for all eternity. How long are 75 virgins going to last? Even if you stretch it out, you're still going to have trillions of years with used-up virgins.

2. Maybe the virgins get magically "re-virginated" after each use?

3. Or maybe they are rotated out.

4. What horrible sins did the virgins commit to deserve being eternally subjected to a Muslim suicide bomber? Did they stomp on baby ducks?

5. ....or perhaps the virgins have led a long, prurient life of sin, and there is a very, very good reason they are still virgins, if you catch my drift...

:confused:

The Fool
5th May 2003, 06:59 AM
hmmmmm, maybe a Virgin that goes to hell gets 75 suicide bombers?

shemp
5th May 2003, 07:56 AM
They go to Dr. Loftus! (http://www.drloftusplasticsurgery.com/)

c4ts
5th May 2003, 02:07 PM
What kind of people die virgins anyway? And whoever said the virgins had to be female?

Segnosaur
5th May 2003, 03:33 PM
You know, it could be even worse for the Martyrs...

There are some people who believe that the 72 virgins (usually people mention 72, not 75) is actually a mis-translation, and it really meant 72 'white raisins'.

See: http://www.guardian.co.uk/saturday_review/story/0,3605,631332,00.html

The other possibility is that it meant 72 Virginians, in which case they may be stuck with 72 people who were from the Eastern U.S. for the rest of time.

c4ts
5th May 2003, 04:36 PM
Originally posted by Sundog
Who wants ONE virgin, much less 72?

Never could see the attraction myself.

It would be as awkward as high school sex...

"Hey what's that for? Can I touch it? Is it for real?"

"Be careful with that, it's loaded."

"No, don't put it in there!"

"But that's where it's supposed to go!"

"It hurts and it's too big! Make it smaller again."

Imagine that 72 more times in a row.

Blue Monk
5th May 2003, 04:56 PM
Originally posted by Segnosaur
There are some people who believe that the 72 virgins (usually people mention 72, not 75) is actually a mis-translation, and it really meant 72 'white raisins'.


LMAO!

Can you imagine giving your life in your prime with the expectations of 72 virgins only to find out you misunderstood and you did all of that for 72 raisins!?

Sounds like the o'l bait and switch to me.

aggle_rithm
6th May 2003, 10:19 AM
Originally posted by Segnosaur


There are some people who believe that the 72 virgins (usually people mention 72, not 75) is actually a mis-translation, and it really meant 72 'white raisins'.



OH, 72 white raisins, not 75 virgins! That's totally different! Praise Allah!!! Where's my fertilizer!!!

Seriously, 72 white raisins makes even less sense...

aggle_rithm
6th May 2003, 10:20 AM
Originally posted by Sundog
Who wants ONE virgin, much less 72?

Never could see the attraction myself.

Two words:

Disease

Free.

Filippo Lippi
6th May 2003, 01:09 PM
The way I understood it, after conversations with a muslim colleague, was that if you considered 'holy of holies' when you die you get 1.4 million virgins waiting for you in heaven. Martyrs automatically get bumped up to this level, in the eyes of the next lot of volunteers at least.

These virgins will perform your every wish, apparently. I did pose a question involving sexual acts normally prohibited in Islam, but Abdul refused to ask the scholars at the mosque.:D

Eos of the Eons
17th October 2004, 02:47 PM
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=408320

Mommies who sacrifice their children get to go to paradise too. Yay!!!!

How sick is that?:(

Mojo
17th October 2004, 04:05 PM
Originally posted by aggle_rithm
Two words:

Disease

Free.

Would this be much of an issue in the afterlife?

Bikewer
17th October 2004, 05:20 PM
"The sadder but wiser woman for me....."

Operaider
18th October 2004, 03:43 AM
Dennis Miller - Isn’t this 72 virgins thing just a little overrated? I mean, after three or four, doesn’t the thrill kind of wear off? And by Virgin 23, you’re going to be begging for a pro, someone who knows when and when not to use their teeth.

Anathema
18th October 2004, 08:05 AM
Yeah, that's sadly one of the last funny things poor Dennis has said....

phildonnia
18th October 2004, 08:59 AM
The straight dope:
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/011214.html

Cecil seems to agree with Dennis Miller:

Think back on the first nights you've been party to. Was this your idea of great sex?

Piscivore
18th October 2004, 09:25 AM
Jack Black (http://snltranscripts.jt.org/01/01kvalour.phtml) did an SNL sketch about this once.

uruk
18th October 2004, 10:58 AM
Well come to think of it. the only way those women could stay virgins is if you didn't do anything in a sexual manner to them.
So there you are 72 hot (or maybe not, they could be butt-ugly) nubile women and you can't do anything "really fun" with them.
And perhaps when you cross over to allah land you have no willie.
even worse!

Any way you cut it, it's still hell to me.

They are after the adolecent mind after all.

Marquis de Carabas
18th October 2004, 11:01 AM
Originally posted by uruk

And perhaps when you cross over to allah land you have no willie.
even worse!

Any way you cut it, it's still hell to me.

[emphasis mine --MdC]
I don't know if you intended it, but that made coke squirt out me nose.

Piscivore
18th October 2004, 12:33 PM
Originally posted by uruk
Well come to think of it. the only way those women could stay virgins is if you didn't do anything in a sexual manner to them.
So there you are 72 hot (or maybe not, they could be butt-ugly) nubile women and you can't do anything "really fun" with them.
And perhaps when you cross over to allah land you have no willie.
even worse!

Hah!

What they tell you:
"Die in the service of Islam and you will spend eternity in a harem with 72 virgins"

What they don't tell you:
You will be the 73rd. You and all your new girlfriends will be forced to act out soft-core sorority pr0n movies for the entertainment of those who lived moral lives, whatever their religious affiliation. Not only that, but you have to pay for your own schoolgirl and cheerleader costumes, and the spankings aren't as much fun as they would've been on earth.

Beerina
18th October 2004, 01:04 PM
Originally posted by c4ts
What kind of people die virgins anyway? And whoever said the virgins had to be female?

Ahhhhh, hehe. Here's your first virgin. His name is Spike.

Spike: Come on, bend over, and make a man out of me!

Beerina
18th October 2004, 01:06 PM
Originally posted by Filippo Lippi
The way I understood it, after conversations with a muslim colleague, was that if you considered 'holy of holies' when you die you get 1.4 million virgins waiting for you in heaven.


That's still a pretty poor rate of return spread over innumerable googleplex years.

Eos of the Eons
18th October 2004, 04:58 PM
That's just it. You don't have a body anymore when you're dead. You don't need to eat or sleep in order to sustain one. How are you going to enjoy "virgins"? Who are all these virgins? Who dies a virgin? All these millions and millions of virgins. They can just mass produce them? You get to hang our with spirit virgins, whoop de do! How can you even see them when you have no eyes? You all are these whisps of spirits that somehow sense each other?

What kind of paradise do women get who sacrifice their children? Anything specific?

The whole concept is beyond ridiculous to me. It's a made up bunch of lies by other unscrupulous humans. The old bait and switch. Lies for truth.

uruk
18th October 2004, 07:21 PM
I don't know if you intended it, but that made coke squirt out me nose.
Sorry about the coke thing, But it was a freudian slip of the worst kind.

AtheistArchon
19th October 2004, 11:25 AM
That's just it. You don't have a body anymore when you're dead. You don't need to eat or sleep in order to sustain one. How are you going to enjoy "virgins"? Who are all these virgins? Who dies a virgin? All these millions and millions of virgins. They can just mass produce them? You get to hang our with spirit virgins, whoop de do! How can you even see them when you have no eyes? You all are these whisps of spirits that somehow sense each other?

What kind of paradise do women get who sacrifice their children? Anything specific?

The whole concept is beyond ridiculous to me. It's a made up bunch of lies by other unscrupulous humans. The old bait and switch. Lies for truth.

- You're expecting these people to think about things like this? No way... most of our own country doesn't even consider stuff like this. It's simply not part of the indoctrination processes; just like Christians expect god to have a human personality and to be perfect at the same time.

- I imagine the majority of people who believe in ye olde virgin myth are the type who imagine a brilliant flash of light all around them, followed immediately by paradise filling in the spaces where previously there was but sand. Of course they think they'll have a body. It doesn't sound too different from Valhalla or Elysium... you just "go there". Forget the details, details are for infidels with no faith. ;)

Gulliamo
19th October 2004, 08:44 PM
Originally posted by phildonnia
The straight dope:
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/011214.html

Nothing in the Koran specifically states that the faithful are allotted 72 virgins apiece Uh, that kind of throws the entire reward out the proverbial window. So now I have to share these 72 virgins with the 72 million dudes who got here before me?

Eos of the Eons
19th October 2004, 09:13 PM
Verily, for the Muttaqun [righteous], there will be a success (paradise); gardens and grapeyards; and young full-breasted (mature) maidens of equal age; and a full cup (of wine)

Yeah, get nothing on earth while you could actually enjoy a few things, cause you have to be pious in order to get crap when you're dead and can't enjoy it.

Something wrong with this picture.

No wonder death looks so much rosier. Sheesh. Even christians don't have that great a party in the afterlife (as per Cecil in the link by Gulliamo).