I need feedback on Home schooling

[Lurker]

My wife and I are in the midst of a debate on whether to home school our kids or not. I am a product of a very good public school system and we live in a top notch public school system. Clearly I want to send our kids there. (Ages 5,3,2, 4 mo).

My wife wants to home school. Around here, we have a neat program that gives home schoolers a computer, lessons, internet access, and $$ for extra classes/activities so I must say it does not look all that bad.

ANyone want to tell me their experiences with pros/cons of home schooling? Time involved? Easy? Hard? Socialization? Any experiences good or bad would be greatly appreciated.

Lurker

[Thinking in CT]

A social worker that I know once told me that, as often as not, home schooling is desired by a parent to satisfy his/her needs rather than those of the child(ren).

So, why is your wife so hot to home school? Does she have any issues that she feels will be addressed by home schooling?

[Lurker]

I wonder about her reasoning too. I think a part of it is because she does not want to see her kids go off to school. Motherly instinct there. Plus she worries about peer pressures there. She also thinks that she can do a better job as it is more individualized attention.

Neither of us are particularly religious so that is not a motivating factor.

Lurker

[Lurker]

A part of her wants to protect them from the pernicious influence of hte world at large. To keep them young and innocent a while longer.

To me, it delays the inevitable but I do like my kids acting like kids.

Lurker

[Strider1974]

A quote I was given when studing fisrt year education at uni was
"Students learn more at school despite teachers rather than because of them"

Sorry I can't remember the source but it was a respected American Pedagogy expert who was making the point that the primary function of school is to teach children social interaction skills.

[eri]

I always wonder at the motivations behind home schooling. I've met some homeschooled kids who were incredible spellers, or musicians, or artists, but were seriously lacking in science or math backgrounds. If I homeschooled my (imaginary) kids, they would have a strong math/science background and no history or politics. 'Cause I don't know much about that stuff, which is why I will most likely send these potential children to the schools and then spend my quality time with them after school.

Another point comes to mind - is your wife going to find it very easy to teach the 5 year old to read while having to watch the other three?

[The Don]

If the children are home schooled it may be a good idea to get them involved in some external socialisation so that they know how to play nice with others. The very few homeschooled individuals I came into contact with (here in the UK it's almost unheard of) tended to have poor social skills among children.

[Freethinker]

If the children are home schooled it may be a good idea to get them involved in some external socialisation so that they know how to play nice with others. The very few homeschooled individuals I came into contact with (here in the UK it's almost unheard of) tended to have poor social skills among children.

In the US and (I think) Canada, 4H offers many opportunities for socialization and learning. Mostly non-agriculture these days. Model rockets, photography, geology, electricity etc..

[Beth]

My wife and I are in the midst of a debate on whether to home school our kids or not. I am a product of a very good public school system and we live in a top notch public school system. Clearly I want to send our kids there. (Ages 5,3,2, 4 mo).

My wife wants to home school. Around here, we have a neat program that gives home schoolers a computer, lessons, internet access, and $$ for extra classes/activities so I must say it does not look all that bad.

ANyone want to tell me their experiences with pros/cons of home schooling? Time involved? Easy? Hard? Socialization? Any experiences good or bad would be greatly appreciated.

Lurker

Homeschooling has been wonderful for us. Easy? Hard? Yes to both! It's really easy in some respects, really difficult in others. It requires a major committment to your kids, but it's well worth the effort in every respect. Socialization? Not a problem. In fact, homeschoolers were rated better socialized than regularly schooled children by observers blinded to which education the kids had received (I'm sorry, I don't remember the details regarding who, when and where the study was done or I'd give you a cite for that.)

Best unexpected benefit - better relationship with my kids!

[farrisjs]

I agree with Beth. Both of my kids are homeschooled and it does require more committment to your kids. Socialization is no problem either. The homeschooling group we are a part of provides alot of opportunity for social interaction.

[MWare]

I love my parents a great deal and both are rather highly-educated and bright people. Having said that, by the time I started advanced placement classes in Junior High and High School (especially Calculus, ugh) I was way beyond their league, simply because it wasn't a subject they enjoyed or used for many years.

I have never researched homeschooling (never needed to) so this is all just opinion without too much foundation, but do you think you've really thought of all of the ramifications of how this will affect your childs entire life?

Will you be able to keep up with your kids throughout their entire education - even when your kids excel in areas that just aren't your strong suit? Will your kids go to college? Will a college be willing to accept your recommendation as proof of competence? Will they ever go to school outside the home? If so, how much more difficult will the adjustment be whether it occurs in the 3rd grade, 7th grade, high school, college? How will you prevent your own biases from passing on to your kids. Certainly every public school teacher has some sort of bias that may creep into the classroom, but this is mitigated by the fact that there are many teachers who the child will come in contact with. You will be both the best and the worst teacher your child ever has. There have been teachers in my life that have motivated me because they themselves were very excited about the subject they teach. Will you be excited by every subject you teach such that your child can latch on to those subjects that they also prefer? Will there be enough social, racial, religious, etc. diversity such that your kids don't become xenophobes?

Admittedly, I don't have kids - so I'm probably the last person you would listen to, but IMHO, homeschooling kids is a (subconsciously) selfish act on the part of the parents. As soon as I started going to school my personality began diverging from that of my parents. Socialization is more than just a couple hours a week of little league. It's not being around your parents for a good portion of most days which allows you to develop as your own person. I think homeschooling robs kids of that as well as instilling a false sense of security.

Lots of bad things can happen when your kids step outside the house, but this is why they call it the "Real World" and personally I think that is a lesson that one can't learn in their own kitchen and it is a lesson that should start as early as possible.

Please don't read this as a condemnation of you and your wife. You seem to be doing all the right things and asking a lot of people a lot of questions which is obviously the right way to go on any decision, but I think you might either be giving yourselves an awful lot of credit or not giving schools enough. You always have the option to give additional instruction at home yourself or via some tutoring programs if you think the school isn't stressing certain areas enough, but you can't replace the social interaction of (especially the early) school age years. I just don't buy 4-h or boy scouts being enough. If you worry that they will pick up undesirable habits at school you might very well be right. I know I did. But at the same time I had a lot more opportunity to make mistakes and thus learned a lot from them. Either way you go, good luck to you, but I think the first question is to list out all the reasons why NOT to go with a public (or even private) school. If you're really honest on that list, you might be surprised to find that many of the reasons have more to do with you than the kids.

[farrisjs]

MWare I believe you have the wrong idea about homeschooling. Homeschooling is not about having classes at home taught only my the parents, both my kids take classes from other parents and teachers.

There is alot of "Real World" expererince that can be gain outside of structured class rooms and formal grading systems.

[Mr. Scott]

There is a fascinating story in THE NEW YORKER magazine (January 16 2006) about a boy, Brandenn Bremmer, who was home schooled in Nebraska by his parents. The kid became a brilliant prodigy and left home for college at 14. Then, without warning, he killed himself with a shot to the head.

My fear is that home-schooled kids are too often ill-prepared for the real world -- raised in artificial environments crafted by vain parents. Home schooling can make kids feel they are extremely special and when they leave their absurdly extended womb lives and realize they are not ... well, who would want their own child to fall off that emotional cliff?

[farrisjs]

I have read lots of stories about kids committing sucide in public and private schools.

We don't lock our kids up and keep them away from other kids. They have lots of friends but not with kids of only there own age but kids who are younger and older.

If the only reason to send your kids to a public or private school is for "Real World" experience then you might need to get out of the classroom a little more often.

[Chris Haynes]

...My wife wants to home school. Around here, we have a neat program that gives home schoolers a computer, lessons, internet access, and $$ for extra classes/activities so I must say it does not look all that bad...

They would probably have information meetings where you can learn about things. Both of you go, and see what it is like. Sometimes these groups are at events that lots of parents go to (like Whiligig (http://www.seattlecenter.com/events/festivals/detail.asp?EV_EventNum=23)! and the International Children's Festival (http://www.seattleinternational.org/seattle/index.html))

I also live in an area with lots of homeschoolers. There are groups that get together to have joint classes. Also, I just got a flyer from a local community center, this quarter I noticed that they are starting classes just for homeschoolers. These include foreign language, metal working, and some sports. Several of the public school districts have homeschool resource centers, also they allow homeschoolers to take seperate classes in middle school (like participating in band).

I don't homeschool (I prefer to keep my children alive, something that may be endangered if I had to teach them! One kid refused to listen to me or do anything for me in a mom/tot swimming class when he was barely three years old... he is now 15 and listens to me even less!), but we know several homeschoolers. Only one was doing it for a religious reason... homeschoolers come in all sorts of types.

This has been discussed here recently, so browse through and look up what has been said before.

I personally think that your wife should try it, she could always change her mind later. By the way, in my state you don't have to enter your child into school officially until they are 8 years old. So I knew one family that kind of homeschooled their child, and then when he turned 8 registered him as a homeschooler (my same age son was reading, and theirs really wasn't... but the mom formalized the instruction just a bit and in a couple of months he was reading. She admitted she needed to get more serious.)

[Chris Haynes]

I... Plus she worries about peer pressures there.

There is peer pressure amongst homeschoolers. My son was the only one to go to his homeschooled friend's birthday party (the one whose mom got serious when he was 8). None of the kids from his homeschool group came (yes, they were invited).

No educational situation is exempt from any of the myriad forms of human foibles.

She also thinks that she can do a better job as it is more individualized attention.
...

Except that she has three other younger kids who would want attention. How much attention she is allowed to give to any child may depend on all of the personalities in the mix. One child may not want the attention, but need it to work over something he/she does not understand... while another may demand attention for every little thing, whether he/she needs or not.

It is definitely worth a try. Good luck.

[Paul C. Anagnostopoulos]

I'd send them to school. But if you do home school them, make sure they get plenty of interaction with other kids. Otherwise you really will have kids that don't have a clue.

~~ Paul

[chipmunk stew]

This paper from the Fraser Institute asserts that homeschoolers outperform their public & private school peers academically, and that they exhibit no diminishment in social skills and in fact have fewer behavior problems than their peers (possibly due to better, more direct adult behavior modelling):
http://www.fraserinstitute.ca/admin/books/files/homeschool.pdf

[Paul C. Anagnostopoulos]

As long as the adults who model the behavior are sane and rational, no problem.

~~ Paul

[Meadmaker]

I have a few friends who home schooled for all or part of their kids' lives, and none have ever expressed regret. I have heard them say that some of their friends gave it up because it was too much work.

My wife and I considered it, but both agreed that I couldn't do it for economic reasons, and she couldn't do it because she wouldn't be able to take it. I've never heard anyone say it's easier than sending the kids to school.

[Paul C. Anagnostopoulos]

Remember, if you want to be involved with your kids' education, you can still do it when they go to a school. There's classroom participation, volunteering, homework, weekends, substitute teaching, you name it.

~~ Paul

[Lurker]

Thanks all. I guess we will probably move forward with it this fall, especially since it is only Kindergarten - what harm can arise? Some of your words here made me relaxa a bit more about the whole affair. I guess my two main concerns are:

1. Can my wife handle the extra work?
2. Socialization of my kids

Lurker

[ambergeekgirl]

I used to teach art & lit to a fairly decent sized homeschool group. The art classes were grades k-12, and I was also hired to teach a few private lessons for certain families. The literature classes were for middle school aged children only. Besides teaching I enter acted with this group fairly often. I saw children who were poorly instructed and socially backwards and as well as children who were very advanced and participating in science clubs, writing contests, etc. Finding social outlets for children and pre-teens seemed fairly easy for most. I was actually very impressed with what I saw in regards to the younger children. When the kids hit the upper grades, 8th-12th, I wasn’t so keen. They didn’t have the social skills to communicate with others in their age group who were not homeschooled. There were far less organized activities for them to participate in and the few who confided in me often expressed angst (like typical teens) about not being able to do anything without a parent organizing every detail. They were right in a sense, the parents were not giving them any time to just be kids and hang out. Okay, so maybe this isn’t a bad thing… I mean hey, is it that important that little Suzie grow up knowing who Paris Hilton is?

The only other problem I had with the homeschool group was it’s insistence on editing my materials and keeping certain “offensive” images of art, or in the case of the lit group, a certain passage in “The Diary of Anne Frank” from being discussed. Some of the books that mentioned things that were not cool with the philosophy of the group were blacked out with permanent marker.

All this aside, I have seriously considered homeschooling my own children. The families that we met were incredibly close and loving. Unfortunately there is not a secular group in my area so we would be alone in our homeschooling effort.

As a mother I do fear for my children when they go off to school this fall. I wonder about bullies and if the teacher will really understands what they need, I wonder if their peers will be little snots and pick on them… but I have to let go a little. *sigh* That’s tough for this mom.