Banana > Atheist [Archive]

senorpogo

28th April 2006, 02:44 PM

Banana's are the atheist's nightmare (http://onegoodmove.org/1gm/1gmarchive/2006/04/the_atheists_ni_1.html)! It's true! Ask Kirk Cameron, star of TV's "Growing Pain".

(Sorry if this has been posted before.)

Voltaire mocked this argument with the character Pangloss from his work "Candide" all the freaking way back in 1759!

"It is demonstrable," said he, "that things cannot be otherwise than as they are; for as all things have been created for some end, they must necessarily be created for the best end. Observe, for instance, the nose is formed for spectacles, therefore we wear spectacles. The legs are visibly designed for stockings, accordingly we wear stockings. Stones were made to be hewn and to construct castles, therefore My Lord has a magnificent castle; for the greatest baron in the province ought to be the best lodged. Swine were intended to be eaten, therefore we eat pork all the year round: and they, who assert that everything is right, do not express themselves correctly; they should say that everything is best."

TragicMonkey

28th April 2006, 03:09 PM

I'm an atheist, and bananas don't terrify me. In fact, I eat bananas for breakfast. Sometimes. I did yesterday.

FireGarden

29th April 2006, 03:12 AM

Which is designed for which? The nose for the spectacle, or the spectacle for the nose? The puddle for the hole or the hole for the puddle? (DNAdams)

"Observe, for instance, the nose is formed for spectacles, therefore we wear spectacles. "

Of course... We use belts to hold our trousers up because some of us don't have, errr, noses that big enough.

Or from the comments:
"Okay, Mr. smarty pants atheist, and how come steaks are just the right size for dinner plates? Huh? And what about coconuts? Why do they come all shredded and ready to sprinkle on cakes?"

Dr Adequate

29th April 2006, 03:29 AM

Bananas: The Atheist's Worst Nightmare

Nex

29th April 2006, 05:45 AM

Y'know, I read and hear a lot of the things Kirk Cameron likes to say about atheists, and I wonder: Does he ever realize what a twat he comes across as? :boggled:

Mercutio

29th April 2006, 06:47 AM

I'm an atheist, and bananas don't terrify me. In fact, I eat bananas for breakfast. Sometimes. I did yesterday.
Dude, Rabbi Marc Gellman eats atheists for breakfast. (http://secularhumanism.tribe.net/thread/d8c1772c-8e95-4c0f-a122-20141458f79b)

...ergo, either they are his worst nightmare, or they were designed by god, or something, whatever...

Nancarrow

30th April 2006, 03:09 AM

I've heard Kirk Cameron's banana argument before. If he were only to attempt to shove a pineapple instead of a banana up his rule-8, he would see the speciousness of his argument.

gnome

30th April 2006, 09:48 AM

TLOP > Bananas > A-Theists

Nettles

30th April 2006, 10:23 AM

"Observe, for instance, the nose is formed for spectacles, therefore we wear spectacles. "

In case there's any doubt about Voltaire's assessment of this view, keep in mind that Dr Pangloss loses his nose to syphilis in the book.

Ryan O'Dine

30th April 2006, 01:34 PM

I’ve heard it said that monkeys (and I know for a fact that people w/hand injuries) open bananas from the other end -- it’s substantially easier. I suppose that would make the tab God created for opening it actually a handle God made for holding it.

But the real question is how long will it take for the Banana Splits to be canonized?

:Banane48:

Mason

30th April 2006, 08:48 PM

TLOP > Bananas > A-Theists:D

Bananas obey TLOP
A-theists eat Bananas
A-theists eat TLOP!

c4ts

1st May 2006, 05:46 AM

Yes, the nose is designed for spectacles, and the eyes are designed for- aw crap!

FireGarden

1st May 2006, 06:12 AM

It's not crap at all, c4ts!

1. Spectacles are intelligently designed
2. God made our vision blurry so that the nose would at last have a function
3. Therefore.... God exists.

kmortis

1st May 2006, 10:46 AM

Didn't mankind diddle with bananas like we did wheat, corn, barley and many other food stuffs? IIRC, the origional banana is a little, green, tough-skinned little fruit that isn't all that palatable.

[Dennis Miller]However, I could be wrong[/DM]

gnome

1st May 2006, 11:04 AM

Banana you glad I didn't say Atheist?

TragicMonkey

1st May 2006, 12:14 PM

I’ve heard it said that monkeys (and I know for a fact that people w/hand injuries) open bananas from the other end -- it’s substantially easier. I suppose that would make the tab God created for opening it actually a handle God made for holding it.

I just got back from the grocery store, and tried eating a banana like that. It was difficult to open at the other end. Couldn't just stick a thumbnail in, then peel. After a lot of work, I wound up with a separated chunk of peel and thoroughly smushed the end of the banana. Maybe it's just me, but the traditional stem-first method seems a easier.

Ryan O'Dine

1st May 2006, 12:32 PM

I just got back from the grocery store, and tried eating a banana like that. It was difficult to open at the other end. Couldn't just stick a thumbnail in, then peel. After a lot of work, I wound up with a separated chunk of peel and thoroughly smushed the end of the banana. Maybe it's just me, but the traditional stem-first method seems a easier.
I said monkeys do it that way, not Tragic monkeys. :rolleyes:

Seriously, though, I have a hand injury and can only open them comfortably from the other end. I guess you have to get the hang of it.

Or maybe I’m just ridiculously talented.

Marquis de Carabas

1st May 2006, 12:34 PM

I said monkeys do it that way, not Tragic monkeys. :rolleyes:
Perhaps the inability to open bananas the proper monkey way is his tragedy.

gnome

1st May 2006, 12:39 PM

I just got back from the grocery store, and tried eating a banana like that. It was difficult to open at the other end. Couldn't just stick a thumbnail in, then peel. After a lot of work, I wound up with a separated chunk of peel and thoroughly smushed the end of the banana. Maybe it's just me, but the traditional stem-first method seems a easier.

I have precisely the opposite experience... by tugging on the stem, it smushes the top of the banana before it breaks.

Approaching from the other end, I have the added advantage of the black gunky pit pulling away with the top.

Mercutio

1st May 2006, 12:43 PM

I thought you were just supposed to squeeze them out like all the cartoon monkeys do.

If you can't trust Disney's Jungle Book, who can you trust?

senorpogo

1st May 2006, 02:57 PM

After reading through this post, I'm seriously hungry for bananas.

hgc

1st May 2006, 03:42 PM

OK. Bananas designed for humans. Check.

Now, who the f*ck were pomegranates designed for? Sloppy creatures, I'd wager.

HarryKeogh

1st May 2006, 04:00 PM

so long, fleshy, curved objects are designed to go in the mouth.

excuse me, I have to run this information by my girlfriend.

Marquis de Carabas

1st May 2006, 08:16 PM

so long, fleshy, curved objects are designed to go in the mouth.

excuse me, I have to run this information by my girlfriend.
Curved, Harry, not horribly misshapen.

c4ts

1st May 2006, 08:37 PM

1918
As you can see, this supports the theory that the eyes and nose are designed for spectacles...

BillC

1st May 2006, 09:49 PM

I'm an atheist, and bananas don't terrify me. In fact, I eat bananas for breakfast. Sometimes. I did yesterday.Cool. I was eating a banana for breakfast just as I was reading your post. :Banane09:

Meri

1st May 2006, 10:46 PM

hellaeon

1st May 2006, 11:31 PM

hahaha one of the comments on the video site....'returds' hahahaha

gnome

2nd May 2006, 05:22 AM

Parapharsing from video: "bananas are even curved towards the face to make the whole process easier"

When I picked up a banana, it was curved the wrong way, and now I don't know what to do. Why does God hate me?

You bought the wrong bananas, those are for your neighbors across the street. Perhaps they can trade you for bananas of opposite parity.

Ryan O'Dine

2nd May 2006, 07:03 AM

You bought the wrong bananas, those are for your neighbors across the street. Perhaps they can trade you for bananas of opposite parity.
Not so simple. You have to trade with someone in the opposite hemisphere. It’s a clockwise-counterclockwise thing.

FrankP

2nd May 2006, 07:21 AM

I don't like bananas. Why would Yahweh design me like that? But I love walnuts, which are way more trouble to get into. Perhaps it's a punishment for my sin.

gnome

2nd May 2006, 11:03 AM

Not so simple. You have to trade with someone in the opposite hemisphere. It’s a clockwise-counterclockwise thing.

That's an urban myth, based on a misunderstanding of the Coriolis effect. The effect of hemisphere on banana curl can only be measured with the most sensitive of instruments, and is unlikely to interfere with ordinary consumption.

tkingdoll

2nd May 2006, 11:18 AM

I'll_buy_that

2nd May 2006, 11:22 AM

That is one erotic video. I don't think i should let my kids watch it :D

Meri

2nd May 2006, 11:49 AM

That's an urban myth, based on a misunderstanding of the Coriolis effect. The effect of hemisphere on banana curl can only be measured with the most sensitive of instruments, and is unlikely to interfere with ordinary consumption.

Considering how complicated this is, God really should have printed instructions on the peel. Everyone else who designs food does this.

(edited for spelling)

bluess

2nd May 2006, 01:28 PM

bluess

2nd May 2006, 01:38 PM

Wow, my 1000 post. On The Banana Splits. Yep, sometimes its all about quantity, not quality

gnome

2nd May 2006, 01:41 PM

Being serious for a second, bananas are chosen for their curviness, and any straight ones are discarded before they even get to the supermarket, because consumers don't like them. The idea that bananas are naturally curvy is nonsense, they are bred for maximum curve simply because of fashion.

I have eaten straight bananas and can confirm that they taste the same as the curvy kind and if anything are a little ruder.

:mad: That sort of thing steams me... the idea of perfectly good food wasted because it has the wrong appearance. Are they at least doing something sensible such as bringing these too-straight bananas to a food bank or a homeless shelter where the patrons aren't as picky?

shemp

2nd May 2006, 01:43 PM

I think we need some advice from a religious authority. Let's ask Pope Frankenstein what he thinks. Pope Frankenstein, is it true that bananas > atheists?

...

Well?

...

Hmmm, I guess he's not answering today. Maybe tomorrow.

tkingdoll

2nd May 2006, 03:16 PM

:mad: That sort of thing steams me... the idea of perfectly good food wasted because it has the wrong appearance. Are they at least doing something sensible such as bringing these too-straight bananas to a food bank or a homeless shelter where the patrons aren't as picky?

They're discarded at source so are most probably sold to locals, although where possible they breed out the straightness to avoid waste. However, there are EU rules about bananas being too curvy, too. It's all rather silly, really.

brodski

2nd May 2006, 03:26 PM

However, there are EU rules about bananas being too curvy, too. Isn't that one of those anti-EU urban myths the Daily-Hate-Mail and such are constantly printing? I'm having a pretty hard time imagining DeRFA carrying out conformity assessment on the curvature of bananas.

tkingdoll

2nd May 2006, 03:35 PM

Isn't that one of those anti-EU urban myths the Daily-Hate-Mail and such are constantly printing? I'm having a pretty hard time imagining DeRFA carrying out conformity assessment on the curvature of bananas.

EU regulation 2257/94 states that bananas must be "free of abnormal curvature" and should be at least 5.5 inches long, although that rule is not enforceable in the UK. I believe Asda took the issue to court, hence the ruling that the UK does not have to comply. Unless they've overturned the rule, however, I believe it still exists.

ETA: From 2002: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/2066730.stm

rdaneel

2nd May 2006, 04:25 PM

They're discarded at source so are most probably sold to locals, although where possible they breed out the straightness to avoid waste. However, there are EU rules about bananas being too curvy, too. It's all rather silly, really.

Ah man, a hoop bananas would be cool. :D

Jon.

2nd May 2006, 04:27 PM

:mad: That sort of thing steams me... the idea of perfectly good food wasted because it has the wrong appearance. Are they at least doing something sensible such as bringing these too-straight bananas to a food bank or a homeless shelter where the patrons aren't as picky?

Probably at least some are used to make banana products other than fresh bananas (baby food, banana muffins, banana bread, etc.).

ARubberChickenWithAPulley

3rd May 2006, 04:42 AM

Hmmm.... "Notice it has a point at the top for ease of entry... just the right shape for the human mouth... even curved toward the face to make the whole process so much easier."

I didn't realize they endorsed that sort of thing.

Darat

3rd May 2006, 05:08 AM

Beerina

3rd May 2006, 06:28 AM

I've heard Kirk Cameron's banana argument before. If he were only to attempt to shove a pineapple instead of a banana up his rule-8, he would see the speciousness of his argument.

This is the kind of argument an adult half-jokingly tells to an eight year old. That some adult is pretending it is a real argument is something they should be embarassed about.

TragicMonkey

3rd May 2006, 09:07 AM

This is the kind of argument an adult half-jokingly tells to an eight year old. That some adult is pretending it is a real argument is something they should be embarassed about.

It's still better than the crazy neighbors I had once, who taught their kids that Earth is God's "ankle bone". Literally, not metaphorically. Even at age 6, I knew that was stupid.

I'll_buy_that

4th May 2006, 08:22 AM

It's still better than the crazy neighbors I had once, who taught their kids that Earth is God's "ankle bone". Literally, not metaphorically. Even at age 6, I knew that was stupid.

I don't get that one at all. :confused:

is it heard of outside of their own house? do the parents really believe it? or is it just another "thunder is god bowling" kind of stupid thing people say?

TragicMonkey

4th May 2006, 08:29 AM

I don't get that one at all. :confused:

is it heard of outside of their own house? do the parents really believe it? or is it just another "thunder is god bowling" kind of stupid thing people say?

As far as I could tell, their kid believed it literally. I remember trying to explain about the earth revolving around the sun, and the galaxy spinning, but he didn't buy it. (I also engaged this kid in a fist fight once because he stated that Santa Claus didn't exist, and I saw this as a slur upon the honor of my parents "Who would never lie to me!" Whoops!) We were both six years old, so it's possible that he was misinterpreting a jocular statement by his parents.

But his parents really were crazy enough to think the planet was an anklebone. They wouldn't let their kids see "Star Wars" because "there is no such thing as space". The husband used to be Catholic but converted, and his wife didn't want his family Bible in the house because it was tainted or cursed or something, so they gave it to my mom. It's a couple of hundred years old, with family trees written in it, a real heirloom even to a nonbeliever. And all three of their kids grew up to be missionaries and church workers for their cult, I mean, sect. It was some kind of offshoot of Lutheranism, but a pretty wacky one. Judging by their Xmas card photos, they seem to have a prohibition on contact lenses, since they all wear the geekiest-looking glasses I've ever seen.

I'll_buy_that

4th May 2006, 08:45 AM

"there is no such thing as space".?

did you really hear this? is this cult documented anywhere? i'd like to hear their explanations of the bright orb object i see during the day. it's always been a mystery to me. :)

Seriously, Lutherine doctrine is very close to Catholic. they may take the bible a bit more literally than catholics, but the doctrine is very similar. I don't think these people were any sort of recognized Lutherine

Meri

4th May 2006, 02:10 PM

"there is no such thing as space".?

did you really hear this? is this cult documented anywhere? i'd like to hear their explanations of the bright orb object i see during the day. it's always been a mystery to me. :)

Clearly if the earth is god's ankle bone, the sun must be god's other ankle bone. God takes a step once a day, and so the sun moves through the sky. Or something. And I'm not sure what the moon is.

TragicMonkey

4th May 2006, 02:50 PM

I don't think these people were any sort of recognized Lutherine

I don't either, but if you asked them what they were, they would say "Lutheran".

Dr Adequate

5th May 2006, 12:36 PM

Note that a human:

Has hands shaped for holding bananas
Has non-slip surface for banana grapsing
Has color vision to gauge the content of bananas:
Green-too early,
Yellow-just right,
Black-too late.
Has opposable thumbs for peeling bananas
Is bio-degradable
Has mouth shaped for banana eating
Is pleased by the taste of bananas
Has mouth facing towards the banana to make eating process easy

We must conclude that humans were specially designed by the Creator for the express purpose of eating bananas.

Now I feel hungry ... I must go amd perform my humble function in God's great plan.

rdaneel

5th May 2006, 12:46 PM

We must conclude that humans were specially designed by the Creator for the express purpose of eating bananas.

Of course this doesn't mean we have any relation to monkeys, not at all, no siree bob, why would you even think that? :p

Dr Adequate

6th May 2006, 05:19 AM

Monkeys were created to eat the bananas which are too high up for humans to reach.

God thinks of everything!

vbloke

15th May 2007, 04:21 AM

http://www.artnet.com/artwork_images_111979_276329_erwin-wurm.jpg

Tirdun

15th May 2007, 04:27 AM

IF only we could harness the logic of the bannana and crockoduck, we would have a truly awesome God proving tool.

slingblade

15th May 2007, 04:30 AM

I have precisely the opposite experience... by tugging on the stem, it smushes the top of the banana before it breaks.

Blasphemers. This is why god invented knives.

I always thought most banana-eating monkeys opened them in the middle? I can't recall ever seeing a monkey peel a banana, but rather break it open and scoop out the nanner, or hold it to the mouth and kind of suck it out.

But then, I've been awake almost 24 hours again, and you all know what that means, don't you?

No, neither do I.

Ducky

15th May 2007, 05:19 AM

from the kirk cameron debate thread:

I love the banana argument due to one simple fact:

Bananas in the form referred to by Cameron were in fact intelligently designed -- by a long history of botanists and farmers crossbreeding the seeds out of the banana fruit (http://www.botgard.ucla.edu/html/botanytextbooks/economicbotany/Musa/b1302tx.html). They are in current form today essentially cloned (much like potatoes are.)

So yes, they are evidence of intelligent design. Of course, it's man's very earthly and science-based intelligent design.

ETA:

Some sources for the claims above:

http://www.gmo-compass.org/eng/grocery_shopping/fruit_vegetables/17.bananas_using_genetic_engineering_against_funga l_disease.html

http://www.commondreams.org/views03/0719-02.htm

from the above link:

The banana's main problem is that it has become sterile and seedless as a result of 10,000 years of selective breeding. It has, over time, become a plant with unvarying genetic sameness. The genetic diversity needed to cope with environmental stresses, such as diseases and crop pests, has long ago been bred out of the banana. Consequently, the banana plantations of the world are completely vulnerable to devastating environmental pressures.

http://wwww.cirad.fr/presentation/programmes/biotrop/resultats/biositecirad/transfo/bananatg.htm

http://www.tytyga.com/publication/The+History+and+Evolution+of+Banana+Tree+Hybrids

from the above link:

Those first bananas that people knew in antiquity were not sweet like the bananas we know today, but were cooking bananas or plantain bananas with a starchy taste and composition. The bright yellow bananas that we know today were discovered as a mutation from the plantain banana by a Jamaican, Jean Francois Poujot, in the year 1836. He found this hybrid mutation growing in his banana tree plantation with a sweet flavor and a yellow color—instead of green or red, and not requiring cooking like the plantain banana. The rapid establishment of this new exotic fruit was welcomed worldwide, and it was massively grown for world markets.

All Cameron shows in arguing the Banana as evidence of god is his complete lack of knowledge about the history of breeding bananas for the world's food markets.

FireGarden

19th May 2007, 10:51 AM

http://www.artnet.com/artwork_images_111979_276329_erwin-wurm.jpg

I didn't know bananas were that dangerous!

Corsair 115

19th May 2007, 02:55 PM

I didn't know bananas were that dangerous!Indeed they are! It is very important for one to know how to defend oneself against being attacked by someone wielding a banana. Let alone any other piece of fruit...

rdaneel

19th May 2007, 05:37 PM

But what if they have a pointed stick?

Foster Zygote

19th May 2007, 05:53 PM

But what if they have a pointed stick?

Then you simply pull the lever to release the tiger.

wahrheit

19th May 2007, 06:03 PM

Where and how do you guys find and dig up those one year old threads? :confused:

Foster Zygote

19th May 2007, 06:03 PM

Indeed they are! It is very important for one to know how to defend oneself against being attacked by someone wielding a banana. Let alone any other piece of fruit...

I found this image of Hammy Gray that I thought you might like to use as an avatar. I'll include the slightly larger version so you can get a better look at it.

Foster Zygote

19th May 2007, 06:05 PM

OK Kirk, what about shrimp? What a pain in the *** these little tasties are to prepare.

Fronzel

19th May 2007, 09:37 PM

Leviticus 11:9-12 and Deuteronomy 14:9-10 forbid you from eating them.

Stupendous Man

20th May 2007, 06:23 AM

I love the "ease of entry" remark about bananas.Just how do they think people eat them? Force them through pursed lips? I'm not even going to mention what that looks like. Further, once you take the first bite, the ease of entry argument goes out the window.
Finally, I'm allergic to bananas. I'm quite frankly, sick of God trying to bump me off with attractive-but-deadly fruits.
Nice try God... But you shouldn't have created that scientist who developed the allergy test that told me I was allergic to your perfectly-created phallic fruit.