Refuting the notion that there is no evidence for Cthulhu

[Acrimonious]

There seems to be this universal misconception amongst atheists that there is no evidence for Cthulhu. I intend in this post to refute this notion.

Unlike God, Cthulhu is definable: He is a Squid-faced behemoth of a humanoid being, with dragon-like wings and giant pointy claws. Scripture tells us that long, long ago, he cast a spell on himself and the other Great Old Ones, to put them into a timeless sleep within the cyclopean stone houses of R`Lyeh.

There, they sleep, waiting until the stars are right and the earth is ready for their return.

Unfortunately, R'lyeh has been tectonically active over the ages, and has sunk to the bottom of the ocean. Water blocks Cthulhu's telepathy pretty bad. Occasional instabilities cause the city to rise a little, and the telepathic emanations of Cthulhu reach people in their sleep. This causes one of three things.
1) Bad dreams
2) Insanity
3) Total conversion into the Cthulhu cult. You leave your life, disappear to some secluded stronghold of hybrid half-children of Cthulhu, and perform rituals to try and raise R'lyeh from its ocean depths.

Have you ever had a nightmare? That's evidence for Cthulhu, right there. Know anyone that's insane. More evidence! Ever hear of a missing persons case where they are never found? Yep, worshipping Cthulhu. Have oceanographers combed the entire expanse of the ocean floor? No, they haven't. If they had, they would have found R'lyeh and GONE INSANE.

It should be noted that I am not arguing that the existence of Cthulhu is proved, nor that the existence of Cthulhu is as likely as the existence of other people, nor even that the existence of Cthulhu is even likely. But trust me, if you ever visit Miskatonic U, don't take them up on their offer to let you study the Necronomicon.

[PixyMisa]

Uh-oh.

I know nobody's going to believe this, but I had this dream last night, featuring a certain poster on this forum. (No, not Girl 6.)

Said poster appeared in the form of a giant lobster-squid hybrid (either a lod or a squibster, it's hard to tell), kind of like a giant evil Dr. Zoidberg. Enraged by taunts regarding his (told you it wasn't Girl 6) lack of logical rigour, the squibster went berserk, smashing its way out of its tank, running amok and generally inconveniencing people.

I thought it was a combination of too much JREF, too much Futurama, and pepperoni pizza, but now I see that I am being called by Cthulhu.

[Upchurch]

I once got called by Cthulhu, but it was a wrong number.

[Nyarlathotep]

Of course Cthulhu exists. And I have a strange little black idol to prove it....

[arcticpenguin]

I voted for number 4, it sounded the most poetic.

[whitefork]

Hiya, boys and girls.

[Nyarlathotep]

Originally posted by Upchurch
I once got called by Cthulhu, but it was a wrong number.

That's okay, I once got the "Obscene Phone Call of Cthulhu"

[hgc]

Originally posted by Nyarlathotep


That's okay, I once got the "Obscene Phone Call of Cthulhu"
Wet dreams are evidence of Cthulhu?

[Nyarlathotep]

Originally posted by hgc

Wet dreams are evidence of Cthulhu?

Yes, and the dream where you find yourself in a public place without your pants is the "Prank Call of Cthulhu"

[hgc]

Originally posted by Nyarlathotep


Yes, and the dream where you find yourself in a public place without your pants is the "Prank Call of Cthulhu"
Snoring = tectonic activity of R'lyeh.

For which I provide ample evidence every night.

[A_Feeble_Mind]

*ring*

Hello?

*low, grumbling, unearthly voice* I am Cthulu, lord of darkness and I beckon you....but first I must ask, is your refridgerator running?

[Nyarlathotep]

Originally posted by A_Feeble_Mind
*ring*

Hello?

*low, grumbling, unearthly voice* I am Cthulu, lord of darkness and I beckon you....but first I must ask, is your refridgerator running?

Do You have prince Albert in a can?

Yes.

Good, keep him there, I shall find his slow, suffocating death most pleasing......

[Salvius]

Can I talk to Miss Chuanswallow, first name Amanda?

[CWL]

What about the "Planet X" option?

[PixyMisa]

If you're from Yuggoth I suspect you already have all the Cthulhic evidence you need.

[Sindai]

Originally posted by Nyarlathotep
Of course Cthulhu exists. And I have a strange little black idol to prove it....

arcticpenguin's avatar?

[Rat]

Originally posted by A_Feeble_Mind
*ring*
Hello?
*low, grumbling, unearthly voice* I am Cthulu, lord of darkness and I beckon you....but first I must ask, is your refridgerator running?
Say now! I've got my spelling pedant head on again.

It is an apparently little-observed fact that, while fridge is spelt with a 'D' (to prevent people saying 'frije'), there is no D in refrigerator.

So there.

Cheers,
Rat.

[c4ts]

Cthulhu called, but I wasn't there so he left a message. I tried to call him back. I dialed *69Cthulhu and said "hello Cthulhu! Pick up the phone, Cthulhu!" but he didn't answer. Cthulhu must be screeening his calls.

[arcticpenguin]

Originally posted by c4ts
Cthulhu called, but I wasn't there so he left a message. I tried to call him back. I dialed *69Cthulhu and said "hello Cthulhu! Pick up the phone, Cthulhu!" but he didn't answer. Cthulhu must be screeening his calls.
I do that too. Caller ID.

[Dancing David]

There is more hard evidence for the existance Cthulu than there is for Julius Ceasar

Steven J. Ghoul

[Ladewig]

Of course Cthulhu exists. And I have a strange little black idol to prove it....


Can you post a link to someplace I can by Cthulhu tchotchkes? You know what I mean - those little statues that say, "I asked Cthulhu how much he loved the world and he opened his mouth very wide and said, 'this much.'"

[espritch]

Pathetic mortal worms. Do you think that mighty Cthulhu needs you to prove his immortal existence? Bah! Cthulhu will feed on your entrails for your presumption!

[calladus]

Originally posted by c4ts
Cthulhu called, but I wasn't there so he left a message. I tried to call him back. I dialed *69Cthulhu and said "hello Cthulhu! Pick up the phone, Cthulhu!" but he didn't answer. Cthulhu must be screeening his calls.

You can also dial 1-900 Cthulhu and for a price of $4.99 a minute talk dirty with him.

[EdipisReks]

Originally posted by espritch
Pathetic mortal worms. Do you think that mighty Cthulhu needs you to prove his immortal existence? Bah! Cthulhu will feed on your entrails for your presumption!

not just for our presumption, but because we live at all! Ia Ia FHTAGN!

[A_Feeble_Mind]

But, which is preferable? The honor of serving as nourishment and thus being devoured by our dark master, or the pleasure of the unending pain and suffering in the service of our lord?

[jj]

It's funny, the old house I stayed in in Maine had these little white star-shaped stones set into the floor in every room.

Hunh. Any thoughts?

:roll:

[Nyarlathotep]

This topic inspired me to find a little something I whipped up a long time ago

Dear Editor—
I am 800 years old. Some rival cultists say there is no Cthulhu. Papa says, “If you see it in The Arkham Gazette, it’s so.” Please tell me the truth, is there a Cthulhu?
Virginia O’Hanlon


Virginia, those rival cultists are wrong. They are tools of the enemy. They do not believe except they see. They do not comprehend the glory of serving mighty Cthulhu. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are his to command. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, Compared to the glory that is Cthulhu.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Cthulhu. He exists as certainly as corruption and madness exist. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Cthulhu! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no midnight sacrifices to dark gods, no sure knowledge that the day will come when he will rise from his watery tomb and devour our enemies. We should have no enjoyment of the tormented suffering that will befall all who oppose us. CTHULHU F’TAGHN!!!!!!! IA! IA!

Sorry, went off on a tangent there.

Not believe in Cthulhu? You might as well not believe in Hastur. You might get your papa to fund an expedition to find sunken R’Lyeh, but even if you did not see Cthulhu, what would that prove? Nobody sees Cthulhu, but that is no sign that there is no Cthulhu. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Have you ever seen a shoggoth oozing through ruins older than mankind crying “Tekili li! Tekili Li!”? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only Yog-Sothoth can push aside that curtain and show us the true horrors that lie beyond space and time. Is it all real? IA! IA! SHUB-NIGGURATH!

Sorry, went off on another tangent.

No Cthulhu? Praise Nyarlathotep! He lives and lives forever. The day is coming when the stars will be right and the black doors of his crypt in sunken R’Lyeh can be torn asunder allowing him to burst forth and bring about the destruction of this world! CTHULHU F’TAGHN!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Chanileslie]

Originally posted by Nyarlathotep
This topic inspired me to find a little something I whipped up a long time ago

(snip)
CTHULHU F’TAGHN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Um, you are a bit scary!! Cute, but scary!! :-)

[PygmyPlaidGiraffe]

Originally posted by Upchurch
I once got called by Cthulhu, but it was a wrong number.

and how is your sanity? I know His influence touched you only for a brief moment, but I have heard people going insane with short exposure to Him.

[odorousrex]

When I was a teenager I was sooooo in to Cthulhu. I managed to "brainwash" slightly two of the young teen neighbor girls near my house and one fellow male friend into "worshipping" Cthulhu with me. We stay up late playing stupid teenage games like "light as feather stiff as board" "ouiji" etc. but with a Cthonic rather than Satanic cast. Of course we'd frequently chant out Cthonic gibbereish "kaa naama fghthan cthulhu" etc...
Until one night after a particulary late cthonic "orgy" that had involved large quantities of alcohol and a sampling of a strange mushroom I had a horrendous dream where I was under the ocean being tormented by tentacles. Right before I woke up in a sweat my dream when completely dark and a gutteral, alien voice said to me through the watery darkness..."do not play with things you do not understand."
If they ain't proof of Cthulhu I don't know what else is. Hahaha :)

Later on in college I had another Cthulhu dream (similarily alcohol induced) but he was working at the In n Out selling DoubleDouble's with fries and the special "Cthulhu shakes"