My thread to start to remember a friend who will die

[Girl 6]

Hi Everyone,

This is my thread to start my process of mourning for a very much loved friend who will die in a few weeks. I've known him for 20 years and I will see him for the last few times this week, I think. It's already not looking good for him to live past this week. But, one never knows.

I need your collective help here to get me through the rest of this week and to help me think about the positive things about my friendship with him. Feel free to post your thoughts, as well.

I don't go to funerals, wakes, or anything like that. What I try to do is to go through a process where I will remember my friends or family as they were before anything horrible or sad happened to them. If this thread turns out okay, maybe I can share it with him when I see him on Saturday. But, we'll see. :)

So, if you guys don't mind... I'd like to use this thread to write some stories about my friend and in the process share something about him with you as I prepare myself to see him this week.

Thanks for allowing me to share.

G6

[Luciana]

How did the friendship start?

Any funny story that involved you two?

[renata]

*Hugs*

Please tell us more about your friend.

[Kthulhu]

By all means go right ahead, G6. Not that this is much comfort right now but at least you get a chance to prepare yourself and see him a last time. I've always found sudden deaths of friends/family to be the hardest. Too much woulda/coulda/shoulda type regrets.

So post away, I'd love to hear about him. I hope it brings you (and maybe even him) a measure of comfort in this time.

Things like this make me wish I was eloquent enough to have something witty/soothing to say. Be well. :)

~The Thing That Should Not Be

[Girl 6]

Well, every friendship has a beginning...

I met him at my first real job out of school. I was hired to apply my Statistics degree to a programming project. Seriously, I didn't know that much about programming, but I knew a lot about Statistics. They were gambling on the fact that I could apply it and come up with a programming module that I would design.

I was a total nerd. I still am, actually. :) Anyway, here was this extrememly nice looking, tallish, athletically built guy who was part of the programming team that supported the Unix programmers. He liked to drink beer at the beer busts on Friday. He was boisterous, gregarious, and well-liked. I didn't drink beer, unfortunately.

I automatically assumed that he was one of the beautiful people that would never want to talk to someone like me--a nerd.

He was very smart and all of the programmers from the Unix side of the house would consult with him. I made up my mind after the first few weeks of observing him that I would like to be as smart as he was.

I suffered from acute shyness back then. I couldn't bring myself to talk to him unless I had a very technical question to ask. I let any delusions of my attraction to him go by the wayside. After all, the beautiful people don't talk or mingle with the shy introverts! :)

G6

[Melissa Johnson]

:(

Sorry to hear the sad news, but thanks for sharing your story, Girl 6.

Don't know what else to tell you--at a loss, really

:(

[Girl 6]

So, a number of months passed by where I would surreptitiously check him out. I found out his name, of course. It was Matt. :)

I would notice that a lot of women would be buzzing around him--just like bees to a honeycomb. He was never dismissive. But, it seemed apparent to me that he was a bit aloof at times. Beautiful people can be that way without thinking about it too much, I suppose.

Anyway, I slogged through my project somehow in the months that followed. I managed to learn how to program and even create a new software module for the company. But, at some point in the project, they wanted me to make it run on Unix. :eek: I totally didn't know ANYTHING about Unix. But, I went with the flow.

Of course, the side benefit of this was that I would get to ask Matt some more questions. ;) Surprisingly enough, I was past that initial infatuation phase with him. I just assumed that he was unattainable and so forth. That was my normal mode of operation back then. I never assumed I could win over any male.

I found him to be a very nice guy and not as aloof as I thought. However, one annoying thing about him was that he liked to jog during lunch. I was not into sweating in the middle of the day.

G6

[Julia]

Girl6,

Don't take this wrong, please, but in a way you are in the best possible position for this experience with death. You are able to
make sure nothing is left unsaid. Also, you are able to say goodbye.

In the past few years I have had quite a few friends die. The most difficult to deal with were the ones that died suddenly. So much you wish you could still say . . .

Tell us more about your friend . . .

[arcticpenguin]

Best wishes, G6.

I do go to funerals, and find the community support to be tremendously uplifting. But then I'm from a small town where pretty much everyone would be at the funeral.

Dear Miss 6,

It was sad to hear about your friend.

I don't believe in any traditional notion of god(s), but I feel that my body and soul were never mine to begin with, and I am just borrowing them and will have to give them back someday.

Sincerely,

S.H.

[Girl 6]

Originally posted by Julia
Girl6,

Don't take this wrong, please, but in a way you are in the best possible position for this experience with death. You are able to
make sure nothing is left unsaid. Also, you are able to say goodbye.

In the past few years I have had quite a few friends die. The most difficult to deal with were the ones that died suddenly. So much you wish you could still say . . .

Tell us more about your friend . . .

Hi Julia,

No. I am not taking it wrong. :) This is why I'm going through this right now to say the things that I want to say and share them with my friend before he dies. He's always liked everything I've written.

I know it's a selfish indulgence on my part, in a way. But, it's also my attempt to express how I feel now while he is still here and still alive.

And, I would like to express my deep appreciation for this forum and to all of you for letting me do so.

G6

[Number Six]

Tell more of the story, G6...it sounded like you were in mid-story and you kinda stopped. Although this is all due to a sad event it is interesting nonetheless. You're a good writer.

[Girl 6]

So, back to Matt, my friend...

Well, that Matt! He loved to run! And, it wasn't these jaunts jogging through the woods at a slow pace to absorb nature... Nooooooo way! :D

He liked running marathons! Marathons, I tell you! It was mind boggling to me! Now, let me just say that this was in the days before I turned into a major fitness advocate. I had no real commitment to such a beast of burden--EXERCISE! :eek:

He ran quite a distance during lunch. He wasn't the fastest runner, but he was building up his endurance for marathons that he would enter. He entered these marathons to raise money for various causes or to just compete.

Personally, I hate running. I hated it then, and I still hate it now. I always groan when I have to do it! :D

He was the picture of health and vitality, so to speak. He had dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, nice white smile, a great physique and very powerful legs from running. I would see him dash out of meetings just before noon just to get in enough time to run during lunch.

I always wondered what he ate. It couldn't be much of anything. Then, I hatched a small plan to see if he would join me for lunch one day. Simply put, I wanted to know what this man was eating!

G6

[kittynh]

G6, we are here for you...

Be sure you share with Matt what it has meant to you to have him in your life. And how knowing him has changed who you are.

Also, share with his family what he meant to you. My friends father recently died. I shared with her and her mother many happy memories of that wonderful man, and how he was an example to me of what a father could and should be. It really meant so much to the family. They even included my comments in the eulogy.

I think at the end of life we want to know our being here made a difference. I'm sure this man made a difference in your life. Let him know again and again.

[Girl 6]

Yes, it had to be lunch which really built our relationship. I have a theory that until you share food with someone, you really don't know them. Sharing food is really a primal thing in nature. What is more primal is having someone pick up the expense for the food! ;)

My plan was to foot the bill for lunch and just to get to know a person who I was admiring more and more every day for his knowledge of programming. Besides, who could turn down a free lunch? ;)

Also, I just couldn't figure out what he was eating that made him glow most of the day! LOL! :D

Anyway, he accepted my invitation for lunch and we went out. Of course, he scheduled it on his down day which was Friday. I was pretty thrilled and not even nervous about it, really. There was no uber-plot to seduce him or anything. I just wanted to get to know him and be friends.

I had him drive us and we ended up in an Indian restaurant. I had NEVER been to an Indiand restaurant before this. This, I thought, was going to be an interesting lunch. New food, new friend! :D

I was all ears and hungry! :D

G6

[Paul C. Anagnostopoulos]

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Matt. Why is he dying?

Go to the funeral. It's all about being with other people that knew him and liked him and have stories to tell. Matt won't care one way or the other, but you'll have memories of him that involve other people. That's a good thing. I don't think the funeral will taint your previous memories of him; it certainly didn't taint my memories of my mom.

~~ Paul

[Girl 6]

Originally posted by Paul C. Anagnostopoulos
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Matt. Why is he dying?

Go to the funeral. It's all about being with other people that knew him and liked him and have stories to tell. Matt won't care one way or the other, but you'll have memories of him that involve other people. That's a good thing. I don't think the funeral will taint your previous memories of him; it certainly didn't taint my memories of my mom.

~~ Paul

Ahhh... But, I do don't funerals! What I do do is tell the person NOW that I care. Since he liked my writing so much, I plan to continue writing on this thread to complete the story until I see him. He also knows how I feel about this. Every one of my friends knows this about me.

But, thanks for your support. :)

G6

[Girl 6]

As we were sitting there in the Indian restaurant for lunch, I kept having to ask him about the various items on the menu. It was my first time going to an Indian restaurant and I had no idea what to really order.

After that preamble, I immediately started asking him some work-related questions since I was having some problems getting my program to compile. He was very helpful but I could tell that he was not interested in talking about work during our meal.

He allowed me to continue to query him. He probably knew that I was going to run out of questions! :D And, so, of course, I did. That's when he took over and started asking me some questions, to my dismay!

He had apparently heard about me and my project. He was more interested in knowing about my background, where I was from, and everything else related to it. We were deep into his questioning mode when the check arrived for the meal. I immediately went to grab it, but he wouldn't hear of it! I was flabbergasted! Why wouldn't he let me pay for it since I was the one who invited him out to lunch?

So, I basically blurted out the question and immediately turned a nice shade of red--I could feel the blood rising to my head. He said that he thoroughly enjoyed the lunch and thought that I should pick up the expense the next time! This was his way of ensuring that I would have lunch with him again at some later date! :D

Even though I was upset about it, he was very nice and it seemed like a fair compromise.

So, that's how we started a monthly ritual for the the two of us. We had interesting conversations and we would invite other engineers to share the meal with us. We tried out new places to eat. Sometimes, it was good. Sometimes, it was bad. But, the company was always fabulous.

G6

[De_Bunk]

When he dies...he is taking a trip...Not to heaven...or hell...but somewhere none of us have been....

You live...and you die....thats life...

His life has not been wasted...nor will he be forgotten...remind him of that constantly...because thats the biggest fear..."being forgotten"....

He made a difference to your life..and to other people's... and thats all that matters...

He was here....and thats what counts...

DB

[Morwen]

Girl 6, I think you picked up the most wonderful way to honor your friend. I feel privileged to share this with you.

And, De_Bunk, I don't normally read your stuff, but I think you have said one of the loveliest things you can say about a person:

Originally posted by De_Bunk

He was here....and thats what counts...


It teared me up; beautifully simple and to the point. If I ever have an epitaph on my tomb, I'd like this one. Thank you for it.

[De_Bunk]

Morwen..

I 'aint all bad...

I tell it how it is...

Everybody has someone, who knows who they are....

DB

[Denise]

Girl6, you are a wonderful human being, and I know you will be going through some grief. I want you to know that often your posts keep me grounded on what's important. I am sorry for your friend and you.

[Dinonychus]

Originally posted by De_Bunk
When he dies...he is taking a trip...Not to heaven...or hell...but somewhere none of us have been....

You live...and you die....thats life...

His life has not been wasted...nor will he be forgotten...remind him of that constantly...because thats the biggest fear..."being forgotten"....

He made a difference to your life..and to other people's... and thats all that matters...

He was here....and thats what counts...

DB

Damn, I wish there was a way to bookmark posts on here. I know I'd bookmark this one forever.

Mind if I used part of your post for a sig line, De_Bunk?

[De_Bunk]

Dinonychus...


My pleasure...help yourself...:)

DB

[reprise]

Originally posted by Dinonychus


Damn, I wish there was a way to bookmark posts on here. I know I'd bookmark this one forever.

Mind if I used part of your post for a sig line, De_Bunk?

You can link to or bookmark a specific post in vBulletin.

The particular post you want to bookmark is :

http://www.randi.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&postid=1869905236#post1869905236

If you ever want to find the number of a particular post, either hover your mouse over the "quote button" or right click on the quote button and save the url to notepad using the "copy shortcut" option.

[aca]

Originally posted by Paul C. Anagnostopoulos
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Matt. Why is he dying?
~~ Paul
I am also saddened to hear you are about to lose a dear friend. I would also like to know why he's dying.

[sam catte12]

Do go to the funeral / memorial /whatever.

For years I don't go (mostly a family thing "Cohens don't go to funerals type bull" and partly cowardliness)... and now I regret it.

Funerals now are often not always like you remember as a child, all somber and solemn. They are a time to remember the person with other people who have reasons to remember them.

Even if you can't cope with a funeral go to the drinks/food after. Meet the other people who cared about your friend. Talk to them, share your funny stories and your sad stories. Do / say all the things you would want friends to do after your death..

One of the worst (for me) funerals I ever had to go to was a dear friend from 'varsity who died of AIDs. His family were Catholic and refused to acknowledge his enthusiastic membership of just about every possible high risk group.

Yet after a totally awful funeral service in which a priest who didn't know him managed to skip over his entire life I met his 85 year old great aunt. She was gay, loud and damn fine with it.

Now when I think of Mark I have the memories of him and of Gracie, who I would never have met had I not turned up when I didn't want to.

[reprise]

Girl, you don't say whether you wish to be present at Matt's death, so I presume that either you don't or that being there isn't practical.

Can I ask whether you've given any thought to how you are going to handle your last visit to see him - the one where you and he will both be aware that there isn't going to be another visit and it really is goodbye?

I don't do funerals either - the last funeral I attended was my mother's in 1986.

When my former partner died, we didn't even hold a funeral. We had his body cremated by the funeral director without anyone present including ourselves - to this day I have never regretted that decision. Those who felt the need for some kind of closure ceremony organised their own, while we weren't bullied into holding an event in which we had no interest ourselves purely to meet the needs and expectations of others.

Matt sounds like a wonderful person, and I'm sure he cherishes the memories you've given him as much as you cherish the ones with which he will leave you.

I wish you strength and Matt peace.

[Hellcat]

Sorry G6 I can't help you with this, only you can, you know what feels right for you as this progresses just go with that feeling as it comes along.

There is no right or wrong way to it, do what you feel is right for you, if you bow to pressure to do something you are uncomfortable with it will hurt more in the long run.


Yes I am being brutally honest here. I will not molly coddle her for the sake of it it is inappropriate and disrespectful of me to even offer any such things. She is sharing something and I can at least show her my honour by reading it without prejudice. I am also not Girl6 nor can I offer advice on what to do what is right for one is not right for another and to be told do this is abhorrent, each does what they feel is best they will live with that memory nobody else will have that same memory. G6 is more than capable of knowing and already having read what she has put up above, she knows already what she is is comfortable with doing and what she will do.


All I will say is morning is as individualistic as the individual itself is experiencing. There is not time limit to it, there is no right or wrong way, you will go through several emotions, some of which will shame you for feeling them, don't deny them let them happen, it does get better, but your own life will change and adapt to it. Your personal life will not return to how it is, experiencing death alters it just accept it and enjoy your time with him and later your memories.



This probably will be taken out of context and as ever wrongly anyway but if sharing helps you get through there is no objections from me. Sharing helps you exercise those pesky demons and fears that will plague you. By sharing things that are troubling you or allows you at least to express your inner turmoil in some cases (others it causes you more pain anguish and despair that I know very clearly) Your memories you share will I hope help you at least put things back into some resemblance of a far clearer perspective and hopefully which is what you want to be allowed to move on and find some form of closure, you will understand what I mean, I truly wish you won't but you will see and feel what I mean. You will find a hidden strength you never thought possible.

[De_Bunk]

Hellcat...

It made perfect sense to me...

Well put...

DB

;)

[Hellcat]

Originally posted by De_Bunk
Hellcat...

It made perfect sense to me...

Well put...

DB

;)

For what it is worth De_bunk THANK YOU for that,

but please forgive me for taking what not just you say with a piece of salt at the moment because of the current circumstances.

[Q-Source]

Hi Girl6,

How old were you when you got your Statistics degree?

Are you in your forties now?

[Peach Jr.]

Girl6,

I feel terrible for what both you and your friend are going through. It might make more sense to be there as much as you can this week - and maybe not go to the funeral, if it's too much for you. I can think of several funerals when I truly did not want to be there. Your friend will not be there - he's around now. Enjoy him and be with him now, as much as you can.

I think it's great that you're remembering him and sharing your memories of him with all of us. Thank you. I hope that it helps in a small way.

[tamiO]

Absolutely beautiful tribute, Girl6.
Thank you for allowing us to get to know your friend :)

[Peach Jr.]

Girl6,

I feel terrible for what both you and your friend are going through. It might make more sense to be there as much as you can this week - and maybe not go to the funeral, if it's too much for you. I can think of several funerals when I truly did not want to be there. Your friend will not be there - he's around now. Enjoy him and be with him now, as much as you can.

I think it's great that you're remembering him and sharing your memories of him with all of us. Thank you. I hope that it helps in a small way.

[Titananarchy]

I've gone through this with my father dying slowly from cancer..although I admit never having started a thread on a message board about it..

[Girl 6]

Wow... Lots of posts to this thread! :) Well, if you guys don't mind, I'll continue with some more stories today about Matt.

And, I've never really done this before on a forum, just in case you've been wondering. I usually turn to writing whenever I'm troubled by something or going through any major things in my life. So, it seemed natural that I would start to write about my friend as a way to prepare to meet him for the last time on Saturday. There's no way that I can see him earlier since he doesn't live close to me and all of this happened rather suddenly.

My tendency not to attend funerals is based on my belief that at that point it's really too late to say anything more about the person that has died. It's a simplistic point of view, I know. Instead, I do what I can to express my love and feelings for a person while they are alive. So far, this approach has served me well through the deaths of other friends and family.

But, I recognize that everyone has different opinions about this. :) I doubt that I will ever change my mind about going to funerals, though.

G6

[Paul C. Anagnostopoulos]

Girl6 said:Ahhh... But, I do don't funerals!
You see, it's such a source of stress that it makes you type funny!

Funerals are for the living, so the living should decide whether they want to attend. I'm glad you're making your own decision.

If you think it's appropriate, tell him that we are all thinking of him, too.

~~ Paul

[AmateurScientist]

G6,

Great thread. I'm sorry to hear that you will soon lose your friend.

Something for you to consider about funerals. Like others have said, they can be regarded as an opportunity to share your love for your friend with others who also love him.

Also, it can be a great reinforcement tool for your own esteem for him.

The last funeral I attended was my father's, a little over two years ago. My family and I all agreed that we wanted his funeral to be a celebration of his life and his contributions to others, not at all a sad, somber affair. We shared several stories about my father that provided the clergyman who delivered the eulogy some insight into who he really was. Hearing him tell those stories and sharing them with others who knew my dad was comforting. There was a lot of laughter shared among the mourners during the service, and many more smiles of recognition, as if to say, "Yep, that was him all right."

At his burial, I caught up with many people I hadn't seen in years. We didn't cry or dwell on the tragedy of his sudden death. We did share some humorous tales and memories. We did a lot of laughing and smiling, and some hugging. There was a lot of goodwill exchanged among people.

Overall, the prevailing memory I have of his service and the visitation the night before is my shock at just how beloved and well liked and regarded my father was. There were literally many hundreds of people at his visitation (it was non-stop for 3 1/2 hours--we were exhausted) and his funeral. Knowing and seeing a tangible reminder of how many people my father touched and influenced, and how universally positively he influenced them, was comforting and reassuring. I cannot imagine that 1/10 the number of people would attend my own funeral.

If you decide to go, G6, you will most likely be surprised at the uplifting tone of the affair. It's about sharing and remembering, not so much about solemnity and grief.

AS

[Girl 6]

Oh... Let's see... Where did I last leave off? Oh! The monthly lunches! :)

So, as you can imagine, we discussed lots of things. We became good friends and I got to hear about his various girlfriends and so forth. He became my first software programming guru friend. And, he recommended that I transfer into his System Development group. This group was an uber group of programmers that wwas responsible to the other engineers in the company. We would answer and resolve questions. We were their support team, so to speak. I was learning a lot and he was very patient with me and my never ending technical questions.

Matt liked to attend the beer busts on Friday afternoon. I would be there and he would introduce me to other people in the company. I was coming out of a cocoon and was not as shy as I was when I first started the job.

Matt encouraged me to write for the company newsletter. It was an informal thing. I would have opinion columns and general news features. I was especially adept at writing up the gossip column stuff! ;)

While I was getting to know Matt, I came to know another great friend of mine, Yvonne. She was an incredibly bright and attractive woman. She had dirty blonde hair, greenish eyes, a rather interesting smile, and a great slim figure. She had graduated from Stanford with a degree in Engineering. She also liked running...

G6

[Girl 6]

LOL! Yes, I recognize that I'm making some typos in these threads! :D

I appreciate the alternative points of view regarding funerals, etc... As a skeptic, I do need to examine my bias against them. Thanks for sharing your experiences with them. There's nothing better than evidence to refute any built-in biases!

Do forgive the typos, for now. There are a lot of emotions in these posts here for me. I'll try to catch them before I publish from now on. :)

G6

[max]

Girl6
This is one emotional thread, I have cried buckets. I went through this nine years ago when my fit, athletic, son-in-law died of stomache cancer. In fact it was 7 May. When it is a sunny day I think of him and know he should be enjoying a lager in the sunshine (he was 36) When it is snowing I think how he would love to be sledging with his two kids. He was a gorgeous person and daily I miss him. What is your friend dying with and how is he coping with the fact that he is dying and leaving everyone behind?

[Girl 6]

So.... Yvonne! She liked running! :eek: :D

Here was the scenario. I was sitting in an office with a window out to the street. I would see her dash through in front of me about 2 or 3 times a week when I was sitting at my desk.
Invariably, I also saw my friend, Matt, running shortly afterwards.

The other times, I would find her knitting at her desk! LOL! I didn't know how to knit, so I became fascinated by the whole thing. She was quite creative with her sweater projects. So, I came by and would start asking her lots of questions about it. She seemed quite thrilled that I was interested in her hobby.

I was so interested that I asked her to teach me! Of course, it wasn't easy because I was left-handed! She was right-handed. She encouraged me and after a while, I became a lot better at it.

I was soon confident enough to start knitting at my desk during lunch. She and I also created a knitting group at work. This was a great way to share information and gossip, of course! ;)

Invariably, the talk would get around to Matt. He was a source of fascination to a lot of the women there. After all, he was good looking. Nothing would come of it, of course, since he was usually going out with some girlfriend. I would always broadcast that information to them.

Occasionally, Matt would ask me about Yvonne. She had boyfriends, as well. I started entertaining ideas of hooking them up together. ;)

G6

[Crossbow]

Girl 6:

Sorry about your friend Matt, I know what you are going through can be rough.

A couple of years ago a friend of mine (who is nearly 80) was essentially saying goodbye to everyone because he did not expect to live for more than a few more months.

Long story short, several of us were quite upset about this, however his health turned around and I have seen him a number of times since then and he looks quite good for a person of over 80 and he has dozens (yes, I mean dozens) of women following him around wanting to be close to him.

Hopefully, you and your friend will have the same sort luck (with the recovery that is).

Bye for now!

[kittynh]

G6 this is so moving....

stick to your guns about funerals. They are for the living. And since you're still living, you have to do what's right for you.

I've been to too many funerals where they tried the "celebration of life" thing. Well, sorry, but when my best friend died leaving a 2 year old motherless - the whole celebration thing falls flat.
The wailing screams of the Arabic world are far closer to what I felt I needed to do.

Here's a quote:

"I come from people who have always been polite enough to feel that nothing has ever happened to them. They have worked, raised families, played cards, gone on fishing trips together, risen to grief and admirable bitterness and then taken patiently the early death that robbed them of a brother, a son. They have not dwelt on things. To dwell, that appropriate word, as if the past were a residence, faintly morbid and barbaric: the dwellings of prehistoric men. Or, the language of the Bible, "The Word was made flesh, and dwelt amongst us".

I have dwelt though..."

Patricia Hamel

I have dwelt also, and I'd rather do so alone. It's not socially acceptable in the Western world to dwell.

[Thumbo]

Everyone else has already expressed my thoughts much more eloquently than I could.

I will only add - Girl6, when the time arrives, please don't be alone: spend time with gentle friends.

[Girl 6]

Originally posted by Thumbo
Everyone else has already expressed my thoughts much more eloquently than I could.

I will only add - Girl6, when the time arrives, please don't be alone: spend time with gentle friends.

I am spending time with gentle friends when I spend time among you.

:)

G6

[Girl 6]

So back to the story which will now have some lovely twists and another great beginning for me. :)

One day, Yvonne came by to ask me some questions and get some assistance with some programming problems. By this time, I had gained some good knowledge and was able to help other programmers.

Matt wasn't in the office, at first. After she finished asking her questions, Matt stepped in and they looked at each other. I did feel that I was an observer viewing an interaction between two people who seemed to have discovered each other for the first time.

It was only for a brief moment, but she did say hello to him and then indicated that she was leaving. I noticed his lingering gaze as she left the room. It was just like the movies! :D

Anyway, a week later, I noticed something very interesting. Yvonne started out jogging as usual, but this time she was accompanied by Matt! :eek: :D It seemed that a budding romance was beginning.

After that jog, Matt and Yvonne came into the office together. They started to talk to me and wanted me to keep their relationship secret. I was fine with this, but more than that, I was quite happy to know that they trusted me enough to keep their confidence.

They carried on like this for a while. No one really noticed, and I never revealed their secret to anyone. They did talk freely in front of me and they invited to eat lunch with them. Sharing food with them was always a pleasant experience.

Of course, after a while, they became more public with their relationship. They were an attractive couple and invariably, they drew people in like gravity. Everything got pulled into them. :)

G6

[Bunk]

Touching story G6. Thank you for sharing it and I hope the act of sharing it helps you work your way through the loss.

[Mercutio]

My condolances, G6; my thoughts are with you.

It is sad, but everybody dies; not everybody has a friend like you. The closest thing we get to immortality is the mark we make on those around us; you are quite a tribute to your friend.

[Girl 6]

Hello Everyone... I got a bit sidetracked today and so wasn't able to continue the story until now.

I do want to say that I literally started writing this thread when I first heard the news that Matt had gotten worse and it was confirmed that he was terminal. I did spend a couple of minutes debating about whether to press the submit button after I wrote the first post. It seemed rather personal and I wasn't sure if I would annoy you with it.

However, given that this has helped me more than you can possibly imagine, I think that I'm glad I did go ahead with it. I'm also heartened by the replies and the discussions concerning my thoughts regarding funerals. Thanks for contributing to this thread which I hope I will be able to share with my friend as one of the stops in his last journey here on earth.

I do plan on finishing this before I see him on Saturday and explain why he is dying and how I have felt. So, please bear with me and thanks for allowing me to share this with you.

G6

[UnrepentantSinner]

I hate to be selfish, and as an atheist I know this might seem dissonant, but if Matt's time is up soon I want to know his whole story so that I can mourn him properly (at least as properly as I can mourn someone I've never met).

"A life lived" is perhaps the best title I have ever heard for a eulegy and your recounting of your years with him make that title seem trite. I look forward to future postings.

:):(:)

[De_Bunk]

G6...

Get a picture....put it on the "Pictures thread"...

He can be immortalised on the JREF....

Tell him...we will all know his face...and read the message in his expression...

Tell him to send the "registration" to his car... and all his money to me...:D


The man needs to have a last laugh...a last thought of the b*st*rds he's leaving behind....

I wont forget him....because of you....and tell him that....

Post his pic... so he remains...

I wont forget him....I promise...im strange like that....

And tell him.. i will tell my children about this American man called Matt, who died before he got old......

And tell him i will put his name and memorial on "Find a Grave"

Why not.....

Tell him...."Have a sense of humor...'till the end..." thats how he will be remembered....This is probably the most important time in his life...

To make the lasting impression....

Its how he will be remembered....

(...And if he meets any "Aliens"....Get him to tell them..."I know someone called De_Bunk....Go Get Him.....)

:D

[Julia]

De Bunk.

You made me cry.

Thank you.

[De_Bunk]

Julia....

Im not the "b*st*rd".. people think i am....

I Know grief.......

I deal with it....

Your words are kind...

I am me...and i deal with grief in the way i know...


DB

[Girl 6]

As a couple, Matt and Yvonne were ideal in many ways. As I've told you, they both had stunning looks. But, their beauty wasn't only skin deep. That's not to say that they were perfect. No. But, no one ever is.

Matt regularly encouraged people to think about less fortunate individuals in the world. His favorite charity work involved collecting people's old running shoes or athletic shoes and sending them off to an organization doing work in South America to distribute the old shoes. One would never think that shoes would make a difference, but they do to people that don't have as many shoes as some of us do.

Yvonne liked knitting little caps for premature babies. She would knit a few at a time and then drop them off at hospitals. Again, it was something I had never thought of, but apparently, babies lose a lot of warmth through their tiny little heads. This becomes more critical when they are premature.

But, where their love crossed most fiercely was in their running. They pushed each other and trained for various events. I went to support them whenever I could. Sometimes, they ran for different causes.

This awareness of other people and the creative ways you can help them was a gift that they shared with me. I learned to be even more compassionate and understanding.

They both liked to travel and after a good long while as a couple, they started to travel together. They knew I loved to write letters and so they gave me the addresses of various places they would stay at whever they went so that I could keep in touch with them.

G6

[Girl 6]

During one of their more memorable trips to various places in Europe, they stopped off in Italy. I had written to them so that the letters would be there when they got to another country. They wrote back when they could. My main job was to inform them of all of the events with our friends who would invarably ask me to include some story of theirs in my letters to them.

Yes, they always asked me what I would like before they left. But, I never had wanted anything. However, when they said they were going to Italy, I told them that I was very interested in an leather bra! :D

While they were in Italy, I received a present from them, to my surprise. It was apparently Matt's idea to give this to me. I was pretty excited and thought that they had, perhaps, located the infamous leather bra I was craving. :) Anyway, it turned out that Matt had chosen some Italian stationary for me. It was lovely paper, envelopes, and notes from Florence. To this day, I use that stationary whenever I write letters to my friends. :) I did run out of it once, but I've managed to track it down. He seemed to know what I would love the most from his travels.

G6

[AmateurScientist]

G6,

Thanks again for continuing to share with us your story of Matt's involvement in your life. I realize the primary reason you are doing this is to work through your own feelings, but you have elected to share it with us, and we are grateful to you for that.

Matt is truly lucky to have friends like you. We are too.

Please continue whenever you like. We'll be listening (OK, reading).

AS

[Girl 6]

After that trip to Italy, I felt that something had changed between them. Yvonne had a "fresh" and vibrant look. I wasn't sure how to interpret this. Whereas Matt had a more reassured and relaxed composure. So, I asked Matt what was going on.

He smiled and said, "Well, I proposed and she accepted."

:D

I was quite thrilled for them. They seemed very happy. Also, they said that I was the only one who noticed anything was different. A few weeks afterwards, Yvonne came by and showed off her engagement ring. It was a simple ivory pearl in a gold setting. I think that I must have influenced that choice since I was, back then, protesting Apartheid in South Africa and how diamonds had a vital role in the repression of Africans. I would always rail on about how DeBeers had an illegal monopoly and how they were profiting off of Africans and diamonds. I continue to be sickened by the "blood diamonds" coming out of the Sierra Leone... So, poor women who get engaged usually get to hear this speech from me telling them NOT to get diamonds. :) I still rant like this today. So, don't get me a diamond, okay? ;)

Oh!! This reminds me of the time I was in a company meeting and I found out that the company had investments in South Africa. I stood up and expressed my opinion that the company should divest and not be involved with any investments tainted with blood money. LOL! I'm sure you guys are not surprised. ;)

Anyway, I was sitting next to Matt when this happened and shortly after my insolent outburst, he stood up and supported my point of view and asked other people to stand up to show their support for my radical outburst. I was quite touched that he was brave enough to support me this way. After all, we could have gotten fired.

G6

[SkepticScott]

Hi Girl6

My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing your memories of Matt. Because of your stories, I'll be saddened when he dies.

Will there be a "friends of Matt get-together"? There should be. People need a place for friends to get together and share their stories and memories. That's all we have left, so they must be cherised and valued.

Your friend,


Scott

[Girl 6]

Matt helped me create more awareness of the divestiture issue. It wasn't something that he cared about as much as I did, but it was his support that fueled me to get it on the ballot for the investors to vote on. That was perhaps one of my more successful forays into changing things from a political point of view.

Today, whenever I think that I may not matter in the bigger picture of world events or local politics, I always remember him standing next to me at that company meeting when I spoke out. Because it was then when I realized that I do have the power to effect change or raise awareness. And, it has formed the foundation of my belief that something I do can have impact for the better.

Matt and Yvonne got married on a beautiful early October Day in Half Moon Bay here in Northern California. For those of you who have never been to Cailfornia, the best time to visit us is in late Spetember/early October, The weather is not too hot or too cool. It's clear--something in the air feels like early Fall. There's an edge of crispness. And, there is no rain. :)

There is a pumpkin festival during October. The colors are really amazing. And, the pumpkins are even MORE amazing! They have a contest every year to determine the largest pumpkin.

It was against the backdrop of the many Fall colors in that area that Yvonne and Matt were married. They got a non-denominational priest since neither of them believed in any religion strong enough to merit their devotion or time to it. It was mostly done to honor their friends and families.

It was a simple ceremony.

They spoke the vows that they wrote to each other. Yvonne designed and sewed her dress--a simply ivory thai silk mid-calf length sheath. She hand-emroidered a scarf that she laid around her neck. Matt wore a tuxedo. It was the first time I had ever seen him in it! :)

Yvonne spoke of having children with him. Matt spoke of commencing an important journey in his life with her. A few tears fell from my eyes as I started to realize that I would not see them as often as I used to.

G6

[bridgetbardo3]

I am very sorry to hear about your friend Matt. It is wonderful what you are doing for both yourself and him. It trully seems like he has touched so many lives. Just by reading this he has touched mine. Thank you. :)

[Girl 6]

Yvonne and Matt had a nice, small reception at the same place that they got married. Their wedding cake was a pumpkin cake! :)

While they were eating, we tied some cans to the back of their car. I thought it was a very quaint tradition and it was really neat to hear the clatter of the aluminum cans against the asphalt as they sped away.

They were gone for a while. I didn't write to them this time since they left no address and besides, it was their honeymoon! :D

When they came back, they looked happy and settled to me. Soon, they bought a house together which they had to remodel and work on for a bit. It was a nice house in a suburban part of Silicon Valley. They loved inviting people over for dinner where many interesting conversations would take place. They were always fascinated with my various pursuits. They knew about my yearly resolution, to learn or do something new. A lot of times, I would talk to them about what I intended to do to follow-through. It was an inspiration I derived from Matt who had managed to do a lot of things with his life, thus far.

Admittedly, it seemed as if he was slowing down considerably compared to me. But, he was settled whereas I was not. So, I felt like I was speeding up to make up for time that was lost. :) Or, maybe, I was executing on the things that he would have done himself?

Around this time, I decided to leave the job where I met Matt and Yvonne to work elsewhere. I was commuting a very long, long distance and I had other thoughts about what to do with my time. I moved away. This was the beginning of less frequent visits. I missed them, but it seemed as if we were going in different directions and into another phase of life. I kept in touch via email, letters, and phone.

G6

[De_Bunk]

Tell him we are finding out about "Who" he is....

His picture must go on the thread.....

We need a face to to the man....

Whats he got to lose....He's shuffling off this mortal coil....

A face to the man...thats what i want...

He will be "safe".... and remembered here....4,000+ members..plus 50,000 hits per day.....

My kids are reading this thread..."Matt" is the "man from America..."

Any man that faces death, right in its face, deserves respect...

This is a place for who "he" is..and "not".. where he is going to...

And tell him....If he ever comes back as a "Ghost" to teach me a lesson......Im in most Friday nights....

De_telling it how it is_Bunk

(I want a "leaving this planet" Sig line from Matt )

[Luciana]

Loving, caring and gentle BUMP!

[Girl 6]

Even though Matt, Yvonne, and I were no longer close in a distance sense, I still managed to stay in touch with them. We had shared a lot of life moments already and we would continue to share them all.

The beginning of life-threatening moments commenced, though, with Yvonne's first pregnancy. I remember commenting one day on how lovely she was looking when I visited. She then told me that she just found out that she was pregnant. I was surprised that I had detected this fact so early. I think it was a testamount to how well I had begun to know her that I could sense the changes.

She was really happy about being pregnant. I was thrilled for them both since they wanted to have children. After all, it was part of their marriage vows to each other. Yvonne did really well. She didn't gain a whole lot of weight and the pregnancy was uneventful.

Then, came the time to deliver the baby prematurely.

The labor had commenced as normal, but the final stage of the delivery was a problem. No matter how hard Yvonne was pushing, the baby was not cooperating. She had a midwife with her and was trying to deliver the baby au natural. But, as I said, there seemed to be problems. Yvonne was getting weaker and the situation seemed grave.

The doctor came in and took over. Apparently the umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby's neck. :eek: She was trying to see how Yvonne could deliver the baby safely. Of course, Matt was out of his mind at this point. It was hard to calm him down and console him.

After what seemed to be an interminable amount of time, Yvonne somehow managed to deliver the baby with the help of the doctor. I'm not sure what they did, but we were all more worried about the baby.

Unfortunately, the baby was taken away to the ICU (Intensive Care Unit). It stopped breathing along the way because when it was born it was blue, very blue. :(

Matt and Yvonne were shaken with many intense emotions. We were not sure what the future would hold.

G6

[Girl 6]

The baby was in ICU for a couple of weeks. The first 48 hours were touch and go. But, it was a fighter and time smiled gently on him.

They named him Patrick. :) Patrick looked like miniature verion of Matt. He was very cute. He also had 2 crowns! :eek: :D That made his hair look really spikey when they would cut it short. He had VERY blonde hair and a very engaging smile.

Patrick was a rambunctious, attention-loving boy. I could tell that he was quite a project for Yvonne to manage, but she was loving every minute of it past the initial stage.

Whenever I looked at Matt and Patrick together, it was like seeing Matt in love all over again. Matt was a very attentive father. But, Yvonne was REALLY something else. She took to doing a lot of very homely things and created lots of interesting diversions for Patrick. She really got into making toys and participating in his activites.

I barely saw them for a number of years since they were so engrossed and involved with their little boy. They were a very cute small family. Of course, their travelling days were just about over with. But, they did take smaller trips with their son.

One day, I got an email from Yvonne that chilled me and reminded me how fragile life can be.

G6

[Girl 6]

Yvonne called me to tell me a long story about what was going on with Matt.

Matt was still managing to continue with his normal jogging routine and training for various running events. He was never good enough to be placed near the top finishers. But, he wasn't the worst runner, either. He was mostly doing it now for the enjoyment of the exercise and to maintain his muscle tone.

Apparently, Matt thought he was battling a cold for a while. He was always feeling a bit tired and seemed to need a lot more sleep. After one of his jogs, he had a lot of perspiration and reached to the back of his neck to wipe off some sweat. There was a little bump that hadn't manifested itself before. He felt it. It felt solid and a little painful, but not overtly so. He decided not to pay attention to it.

After a few weeks, the bump had grown larger and was now distinctly noticeable to anyone taking a look at it. Yvonne grew concerned and insisted that he visit his doctor. Matt's doctor suggested that he take some Tylenol. :eek:

Yvonne was not happy with the prognosis. She was convinced that something else was going on. At her insistence, he went to get a second opinion.

The second doctor seemed alarmed and ordered some tests. Yvonne and Matt waited anxiously for the results. When the tests came back, the news was devastating. Matt was diagnosed with lymphoma. Lyphoma is a generic term for malignant tumors that arise in the lymph nodes or other lymphoid tissue (definition from dictionary). He needed to start intense chemotherapy immediately. That is because lymphoma can spread rather rapidly.

The doctor indicated that if Matt had waited much longer, the tumor would have been inoperable, as well. :eek:

Luckily, he DID catch it in time, though. The chemotherapy had to start immediately. And, he had to go through some massive quantity of it for a few weeks. He was invariably sick from it and weak near the end. But, he made it through and we prepared for a life celebration party.

G6

[arcticpenguin]

(cue the violins)

[Girl 6]

Matt designed the invitation notes to the party. It was really creative and showed a side of him that never comes out very often.

The invitation had a picture of him with a mohawk hair style. It turned out that he took the picture just before he started the chemotherapy and before he lost some of his hair. He anticipated that one result of the chemotherapy would be the loss of his hair. So, he took a creative proactive measure and shopped off all his hair except for the mohawk trim.

The invitation also had all of these other names for cancer written all over it. Some names were amusing, others not so. But, it was all done with the intentional humor and joie de vivre that I had come to associate with Matt during this period of his life.

Yvonne had a positive attitude and I think that really helped Matt cope with all of the pain and frustration during his chemotherapy sessions. They felt that they would beat the disease and they did together with a lot of love and support from friends and family.

The party was an affirmation of life for Matt and Yvonne. The doctors felt that they had zapped a lot of the cancer away. So, he was given a clean bill of health.

Everyone felt relieved and very happy that Matt had survived. He returned back to work and things looked fine.

G6

[RedDevil]

You're a good friend, Girl 6.

Much love to all Matt's family and friends.

[Girl 6]

Surprisingly, somehow, just right after the chemotherapy, Yvonne found out that she was pregnant! :eek: She was really happy again, but I was concerned.

I had a lot of questions. I felt like I shouldn't ask them, but I did. I wondered about any side-effects in terms of potential birth defects because of the chemotherapy. I also wondered if Matt was really over the cancer. And, I wondered if Yvonne would have similar complications during her deliver like she did the last time.

It was a little too much for me to process, actually. They were going from a life-threatening event to a life-affirming event. On the one hand, there was the spectre of death that was present during Matt's chemotherapy. That was contrasted with was this very positive life force that was forming in their lives with the advent of Yvonne's second pregnancy.

Regardless, they seemed like everything was okay and on track now that the chemotherapy was done. Yvonne would soon be delivering yet another boy to be named Terrence. Matt was once again a very happy father and slowly getting back to health.

G6

[Number Six]

Can birth defects be caused by chemotherapy? That's an interesting question. I would guess not, probably because I've heard of a lot of people get chemotherapy but I haven't heard of birth defects resulting or of admonitions to people who've had chemo to not reproduce. But who knows? Someone else probably.

I don't know how much more until we get to the present, ie, if she's still pregnant or has already given birth with #2 but I hope she has a doctor present this time.

Pregnancy and having a kid can be a happy thing but it does seem kind of an unfortunate time to happen...with him battling cancer and all it seems like a distraction (not that kids should be considered a distraction, but you know what I mean).

[Girl 6]

My questions about Yvonne's pregnancy were soon answered to the affirmative when she delivered a happy and healthy baby boy named Terrence.

Terrence's personality was more subdued compared to his brother, Patrick. He also looked a lot more like Yvonne. :) Yvonne was once again very happy and, although Matt looked a lot older than he was, his health seemed to be improving.

Matt's close call with death was bested for now. However, the lull in the storm didn't last. During one of his many checkups after the first initial bout, his doctor gravely announced that cancer had begun to spread to one of his kidneys.

We were stunned since a few years had passed without much incident. It didn't seem real. And yet it seemed like it was yesterday again with the fear and the anxiety. The pacing, the waiting, the tears, and the hope that all would be fine were with us again.

Regardless, Matt underwent an operation to remove one of his kidneys. We held on to hope that this would finally eradicate the cancer that was still hanging on.

G6

[Girl 6]

Predictably, after getting his kidney removed, Matt did not resume his normal jogging schedule. To anyone else faced with the loss of something so integral to their personality, it would have been devastating. But, Matt decided to focus on other pursuits.

While he was figuring out what to do, he always found the time to encourage me with my writing. I wanted to get a book published and he suggested that I should try writing a technical book. He thought it might be easier and it would also enable me to attain my goal of being published.

With encouragement from him and many other friends, I was able to get my technical book published. :) It was no small feat considering everything else that was going on.

Conversely, I encouraged Matt to take some classes in history. He always had a curiousity about that subject and we would have long talks about it. He also had a lot of interest in all of my activism with regards to various poltical issues.

Since he could not jog he stopped all of the charitable activites related to it. But, I took up the slack, so to speak and embarked on a huge fundraising effort for Breast Cancer Research. I had to train for several months so that I could walk 60 miles in 3 days. To support me, Matt and Yvonne contributed to my fundraising effort and helped to spread the word among their friends that I was doing this.

After I successfully completed the 3-Day Breast Cancer walk, I wrote a letter to everyone that contributed and thanked them for their participation. Yvonne and Matt wrote back to let me know that they appreciated my effort and that they had victims in their families that died from breast cancer. I didn't know that before I went on the walk. This information made me feel even more honored that I was able to do something for them, no matter how little or how late it was.

G6

[Girl 6]

Things seemed to settle down again for Yvonne and Matt. The boys were growing and they all resumed taking small trips here and there.

Last summer we all got together for a baby shower for a mutual friend. I was late to the shower, but as soon as I walked in, Matt came to greet me. At this point, I hadn't seen Matt in a year even though we were still communicating via email and letters. I was a bit shocked to see that he had lost some additional weight and he was loosing his hair again.

I asked him how his health was. He said that he was due for another checkup and that there was a possibility of some more chemotherapy. But, he didn't feel like talking about it much, so we switched the subject. That's when I told him about my involvement with the JREF and the forum. He was very interested and I invited him to check it out. He may be lurking here, for all I know. :) He was also very happy about the fact that I would be presenting a paper at The Amazing Meeting 2003.

I asked him if he was taking any new classes. He looked at me and said that he finally started writing. He said that I was an inspiration to him. I felt quite emotional and hugged him. He asked me to consider writing a novel or some short stories and to get them published. I didn't know what to say to that except that it would really be a dream come true if I could get something fictional published. He expressed his faith in me and was trying to get me to commit to making it happen.

I asked him if there was anything else he wanted to talk about. He then perked up and continued asking about the JREF and what kinds of conversations were taking place on the forum. He wanted to know everything I could tell him about this place. :)

Reflecting back, what I remember most about that party was how he and I had a very long conversation oblivious to other people there. People would come by to greet us, but invariably, they would walk away. We were quite engrossed in our conversation. I felt like we were connecting on another level once again.

I didn't really talk to Yvonne then. I think it was because I was once again getting reacquainted with my friend who I hadn't seen in a long time. As people started to disperse, Matt and I were still talking--we were greedy for each other's company.

G6

[Girl 6]

A few months after the baby shower, Matt announced that he wanted a separation from Yvonne. I couldn't believe it! It just didn't seem right to me. So, I asked some questions.

Matt was doing chemotherapy again. His doctor said that his cancer came back. This time, Matt insisted that he should try to live his life to the fullest. He felt that Yvonne and the kids were dragging him down and away from enjoying other things.

I felt that he was starting to lose hope in his battle against cancer. I also felt a quiet sense of desperation kicking in. After all, who could blame him? He had beaten all of the odds surviving through a few bouts of this.

But, I was really mad at him, nevertheless. :mad:

He was turning against a woman who loved him and stood by him through all of the twists and turns of his illness. It seemed inconceivable to me that he should do this now. I tried my best to understand the situation, but I couldn't. I tried to have compassion for him--little of it was there. I did acknowledge that I could not judge him. I don't know what I would do if I were in that position.

I didn't lash out at him. Instead, I tried to support Yvonne as much as I could. She did ask him to reconsider what he was saying to her. For a few nights, he didn't come home.

G6

[Girl 6]

Yvonne was quite patient with Matt. She was visibly upset and tried to tell the kids that their dad woudl come home eventually. She was strong and I think it was this strength that finally made Matt realize the mistake he would make by leaving the relationship.

They mended their rift and planned a birthday party for Yvonne. I was invited and to my surprise there were some old friends that I hadn't seen in a while. :) Again, things seemed back on track. However, I noticed that Matt had lost some more weight.

Rather than dwell on that, I started talking about my anti-war stance regarding Iraq and my plans to attend the protests. Surprisingly, Matt and his family had attended one of the larger protest marches. It would have been nice to have seen them there.

Matt and I once again launched into some political discussions. It was nice to be talking to a dear friend that had the same point of view. After some significant amount of time, Matt announced that he was now writing poetry. I was impressed since poetry is not something that I excel in. He was finding a lot of comfort and enjoyment writing poetry. I couldn't help but notice how much he had changed from when I first met him.

I left that night feeling that things were fine between him and Yvonne. She had 5 cakes, no less! :)

G6

[Girl 6]

So, here we are today...

On Monday of this week, I got a phone call. It was one of our mutual friends calling. She said that Matt's prognosis was not good. He essentially had, at most, one month to live. And, more than likely, it was probably less than that since the prognosis was made earlier this month. I was stunned and fought back the tears that were welling up in my eyes at work.

All I could think about was finding a way to see him on Saturday. So, I will be seeing him tomorrow. Most likely, it will be the last time that I will see him.

Other friends will be there. We are planning a celebration of his life by spending time with him. I hope to be there to let him know that I love him and that he did make a difference in my life.

I now present a picture of Matt when I last saw him at Yvonne's birthday party with the 5 cakes. :) And, then I will share a poem written in Spanish that captures the essence of how I feel.

http://www.boomspeed.com/moregirl6/mattwithbeer.jpg

Se que mañana, no estaras
Y aunque me duela, tu te vas
Cerca o lejos me extrañaras
El amor viene y se va
Viviremos del momento


siempre contigo,
G6

[Girl 6]

So, I close by expressing my thanks to all of you for bearing with me as I wrote this during the week. I really hope that I haven't bored you. This is usually not my style of posting on this forum and so, forgive me for being so personal. You have all helped to provide me with strength. I didn't feel alone.

Sometimes, I joke around on this forum by asking one of my favorite questions from my real life, "Where is the love?" Well, I have felt your love and concern in this thread. I am very thankful that I am among friends here. Tomorrow will be tough.

So, that's it, from the bottom up and from my heart.

always,
G6

[Weezer]

Originally posted by Girl 6
Wow... Lots of posts to this thread! :) Well, if you guys don't mind, I'll continue with some more stories today about Matt.

And, I've never really done this before on a forum, just in case you've been wondering. I usually turn to writing whenever I'm troubled by something or going through any major things in my life. So, it seemed natural that I would start to write about my friend as a way to prepare to meet him for the last time on Saturday. There's no way that I can see him earlier since he doesn't live close to me and all of this happened rather suddenly.

My tendency not to attend funerals is based on my belief that at that point it's really too late to say anything more about the person that has died. It's a simplistic point of view, I know. Instead, I do what I can to express my love and feelings for a person while they are alive. So far, this approach has served me well through the deaths of other friends and family.
(snip)
G6

************************************************** **
This post is making me sad! I am starting to feel like I knew Matt, too!

I don't go to funerals or wakes, either. It bothers me to see dead people, in fact. I would rather remember them how they were, rather than my last memory of them be something I would find unpleasant. I didn't go see my father when he was in his casket, and from what I saw, it gave no one else who went and saw him any comfort, it only made them more upset.

[SkepticScott]

Originally posted by Girl 6
So, I close by expressing my thanks to all of you for bearing with me as I wrote this during the week. I really hope that I haven't bored you.
(snip)G6, you have not bored me. Thank you for sharing. Yes, despite the fact that you've made me sad, thank you. Please send Matt, Yvonne and their family my sympathies.

[arcticpenguin]

Originally posted by Girl 6

Se que mañana, no estaras
Y aunque me duela, tu te vas
Cerca o lejos me extrañaras
El amor viene y se va
Viviremos del momento

siempre contigo,
G6
I just love those free web translators:

Itself that tomorrow, did not be AND although me stave, your go Fence or far away missed The love comes and
goes we Will Live on the moment

(Sorry, some of us resort to humor to help us handle our emotions)

[kittynh]

G6, you certainly did not bore us with this thread!

I feel I have been honored that you choose to share with us your special friend Matt (and Yvonne).

I also feel you are going to write that fiction work and have it published - soon.

The wonderful thing is that Matt words will continue to inspire you, even when he is gone.

[kittynh]

When my best friend died, I put together one of those little photo albums with copies of all the pictures I had of her. In the space next to the photo I put in a written explaination of the picture - (an example was "here is your mom out picking strawberries, she really loved strawberries and would make a pie out of them. She loved baking) Just simple stuff. I gave it to her daughter (who was 2). I recently had the daughter for a visit, she's 12 now, and she told me she still reads that photo album. We watched old vidoes I have of her mom, and she asked me to make copies of those. There are never enough pictures after someone is gone.

[Mercutio]

G6, thank you.

When I was 14, my best friend accidentally shot and killed himself. I could not cry at his funeral, and for 5 years after that (including 2 grandparents' funerals). I can cry now and have cried reading your thread, and for that I am most grateful. By facing death courageously and yet honestly, you have shown us great strength, gentleness, humanity. Again, and from the very bottom of my heart, G6, thank you.

M

[Patricio Elicer]

Girl 6, thanks for sharing.

:(:(

[Girl 6]

Hello Everyone,

I wanted to let you know that my friend, Matt, died rather peacefully in a coma which lasted only one day.

I shared this thread and my poem to him when I last visited. He said that if he had had more time, he would have been quite honored to know you all and would have gladly participated in the many threads that we have here. Also, he was rather touched by your responses and although it hurt him to smile, he had a great smile on his face. That's how I'll remember him. So, thanks for creating that smile. :)

Thank you once again for allowing me to share his story with you.

G6

[Mr. Skinny]

So sorry to hear that news Girl6. I'm glad he got a smile from what people wrote here.

:(

[Patricio Elicer]

Sad news Girl6, thanks again for sharing :(

[kittynh]

I'm sorry G6, but I'm glad you had a chance to be with your friend and share your feelings and thoughts with him...

[Paul C. Anagnostopoulos]

R.I.P. Matt

I don't usually cry for someone I didn't know.

~~ Paul

[UnrepentantSinner]

My condolences. And thank you for sharing a life lived.

[Walter Wayne]

Originally posted by Girl 6
Thank you once again for allowing me to share his story with you.

G6 Thank you for sharing it with us.

Walt

[Luciana]

We think we are prepared and, rationally, we know what will happen... but it's always a shock, isn't it? :( But again, thanks for sharing.

[Badger]

I add my tears and mourning to everyone else's here.

Girl6, thank you.

I have learned things from you that I carry on into the rest of my life. It seems that you learned some of those things from Matt. So Matt will continue to have a positive effect on the world for many years to come.

In my opinion, that's the best memorial anyone can ever have.

My thoughts and wishes to you.

[reprise]

:(

Thank you so much for sharing Matt's life with us.

Wishing Yvonne and yourself strength and courage.

[spoonhandler]

Girl6: With words as your gift, the tribute to your friend was made memory in our hearts.

Thank you and kindest regards...

[reprise]

Just posting to let you know that I've been wondering how you're getting along Girl 6 and how Yvonne is coping.

Continued good thoughts to you both.

[Whomp]

I just read this thead today.
Thanks to girl 6, I now know where we go when we die.

Into the hearts and minds of those who knew us.

Sorry, the keyboard sems to be too blurry to type anymore.

whomp

[Genghis Pwn]

My heart goes out to you. :(

[ggcarl]

Hi G6,

I don't do funerals either. I'm sorry for Matt for dying before he should have, and for all the pain and grief he has to go through in his last days. It's good for him to have friends like you to help him through this sad time. I'm sorry for you for losing a dear friend. But as others have said better than I ever could, the afterlife is in the memories that live on in our hearts and minds. Rather than mourn the death, I think we should celebrate the life.

When my father dies a few years ago, my sister and I put a picture book together. We asked all our close friends and relative to let us borrow their pictures of him. We made color copies of them and assembled them in the book. Then we made copies of the book and distributed them to all who knew him.

For us it was a way to honor dad's memory as well as assuage our grief. And in the end we have a wonderful way to remind ourselves of his life and the wonderful times he had and that we had with him. Each year on his birthday and on father's day, like today, or whenever I'm missing him, I leaf through the book remembering the good memories. It's wonderful therapy for me and keeps his memory alive.

[Girl 6]

Originally posted by reprise
Just posting to let you know that I've been wondering how you're getting along Girl 6 and how Yvonne is coping.

Continued good thoughts to you both.

Hi everyone,

Thank you all for continuing to post and for being concerned. :)

For the most part, I'm okay. I've actually been through this before with my father and a couple of other friends. In fact, today, Father's Day, makes me always think of my dad. :(

I suspect that today will be a hard day for Yvonne and the kids. I plan to call later on to see how she is doing, as well. Oherwise, she's been coping okay so far. This may be harsh to say, but when she and Matt had that separation in the last few months of their relationship, I think she was prepared mentally to deal with not having Matt around. So, in that sense, it might have been a good thing for that to happen when it did.

I do admit to having some days where for no good reason, I will start to tear up. And so like a wave from the sea, I let it wash over me. There's no use trying to fight it, either, because it will only get worse to lose myself in sadness.

I have this place in my heart where people that I have lost in my life reside. I go there when I want to visit them and love them again. That way, I don't forget them and they visit me sometimes in my memories of them. I am an atheist. I don't believe in the after-life, near-death experiences, or out-of-body experiences. What I do believe in is love and how through love we all live in the people that survive after us.

I am glad that I was able to share those last moments with Matt and to let him know that I loved him, even though he's always known that. And, I was very happy to share this thread with him. It was my last gift to him and it really meant a lot. You all made that possible. And, for that, there are no words that I can ever use to express my heartfelt thanks.

All I know is that it's hard to let go of the people you love. Believers can console themselves with the thought that they will somehow be reunited in some after-life scenario. I can only console myself with the thought that my loved ones will live in my heart as long as I live. Seemingly, they live forever that way.

G6

[arcticpenguin]

Glad you're coping OK. I was traveling when you announced Matt's death, so this was news to me.

[Hellcat]

I'm sorry girl6, jsut keep talking don't bottle it alup is allI can say at htis time. DOnt hide your feelings ok.

[subgenius]

Originally posted by Girl 6
Hello Everyone,

I wanted to let you know that my friend, Matt, died rather peacefully in a coma which lasted only one day.

I shared this thread and my poem to him when I last visited. He said that if he had had more time, he would have been quite honored to know you all and would have gladly participated in the many threads that we have here. Also, he was rather touched by your responses and although it hurt him to smile, he had a great smile on his face. That's how I'll remember him. So, thanks for creating that smile. :)

Thank you once again for allowing me to share his story with you.

G6

Hope you shared your stories with his other loved ones. I think that's the most comfort we can have when we lose someone, when someone tells us how they enriched our lives.