What would Jesus drive?

[Sir Arthur Mortal Coyle]

Church leaders are calling for more action on climate change, but how would Jesus get about if he embarked on his travels today?

Am I missing something here, couldn’t our lord Baby Jesus just ask his dad to delete the global warming thing, or is he yet again testing us and/or making us pay for our sins?

Was going to put this in "Humour", but unfortunately I think they're serious.:jaw-dropp

The Rev Clive Jones, of Staplehurst in Kent, says Jesus would opt for a car "despised and rejected of men - a Skoda". Rev Carol Murray of Haddenham, Buckinghamshire, was one of the seven percent who agreed. "Jesus would use an ordinary family car to identify with humanity and not stand out."

So not a Goldfish bowl shaped golfing cart like the Pope then, So perhaps the walking on water , coming back from the dead and performing miracles wouldn’t really make him stand out then?.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4757165.stm

Any idea’s for an environmental God squad mobile anyone,

Camels not allowed anymore, they create too much methane

[MRC_Hans]

No, it isn't like that at all. There's this story:

Michael Shuhmacher died and went to Heaven. Once inside the Pearly Gates, he was greated in Reception, was issued with a harp, the key to his private cloud, and a little pink convertible. St. Peter told him, among other things: You can go all over the Heavens, the fuel is magic, so there are no filling stations, but there is one rule, which I think I better point out to you; you can't go over 50kph (Heaven is Metric, of course). No use trying, your car is limited that way. This goes for everybody here.

So, Michael went driving, and as he soon found out, not even his abilities could coach the little pink convertible over 50kph, but it was some comfort that none of the many other little pink convertibles could go any faster, either. In fact, it seemed some of the angels had problems getting them even to 50. The next day, however, as he was puttering along and enjoying the sights, he heard a horn behind him, a little blue convertible sped by him at a considerable clip and disappeared in the mist ahead.

Fuming, he went back to St. Peter, and said: I thought you said everyone here had to go only 50? - That is true, son, said St. Peter. - Well, I have to tell you that ten minutes ago I was overtaken by a small blue convertible that was going at least 130! ... Mmmm, that one, said St Peter, well, you know how it is: When you're the son of the Boss ..........


Hans

[writerdd]

Doh. The answer is in the Bible: A donkey.

[Marquis de Carabas]

Jesus sure as Hell wouldn't drive 55, I know that much.

[Manny]

Jesus drove a Honda. John 12:49 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john%2012:49&version=31): "For I did not speak of my own accord..."

His apostles did, too. Acts 5:12 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts%205:12;&version=9;): "...and they were all with one Accord"

[Anacoluthon64]

About 15 years ago, the Screaming Blue Messiahs informed us that, "Jesus Chrysler Drives a Dodge." Of course, I can't vouch for the accuracy of this. Maybe he drives a Toyota Pious? Or perhaps a Godsmobile?

My own view is that he drives a rather hard and unreasonable bargain, what with his over-hyped holier-than-thou attitude and demands for unquestioning obedience. He also drives me to distraction. And drink sometimes.

'Luthon64

[Anacoluthon64]

Jesus drove a Honda. John 12:49 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john%2012:49&version=31): "For I did not speak of my own accord..."

His apostles did, too. Acts 5:12 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts%205:12;&version=9;): "...and they were all with one Accord"

Oh yeah, that's right! He forsook British cars because of the report in the Old Testament about the bloke who only came fourth in his Triumph...

'Luthon64

[Sir Arthur Mortal Coyle]

No folks please don’t joke this is serious.:confused:

It’s only a matter of time before they start asking “what washing machine would Jesus use to wash his smalls in?” or “what type of Bandage would our Saviour use to wrap an unsightly pierced wound on his hand?” not to mention “what type of Antiseptic cream would the Messiah use to treat some nasty cuts & bruises to his forehead?”.

There’s no hope

[Ladewig]

No folks please don’t joke this is serious.:confused:

It’s only a matter of time before they start asking “what washing machine would Jesus use to wash his smalls in?” or “what type of Bandage would our Saviour use to wrap an unsightly pierced wound on his hand?” not to mention “what type of Antiseptic cream would the Messiah use to treat some nasty cuts & bruises to his forehead?”.

There’s no hope


Using humor to deal with the fundies isn't as bad as you think it is. In this case, no one was murdered in the name of God - no one was even harmed. I believe humor is the best response to the type of thinking that those folks are engaging in.

[Anacoluthon64]

No folks please don’t joke this is serious.:confused:

It’s only a matter of time before they start asking “what washing machine would Jesus use to wash his smalls in?” or “what type of Bandage would our Saviour use to wrap an unsightly pierced wound on his hand?” not to mention “what type of Antiseptic cream would the Messiah use to treat some nasty cuts & bruises to his forehead?”.

There’s no hope

Serious, eh? How so? And where are you aiming to go with this?

Some notions are just so juvenile and silly that the only sane response is either silence or lampoonery.

'Luthon64

[Sir Arthur Mortal Coyle]

Serious, eh? How so? And where are you aiming to go with this?

Some notions are just so juvenile and silly that the only sane response is either silence or lampoonery.

'Luthon64

Exactly, which is why I was being sarcastic and resorting to Lampoonery. ;)

[Anacoluthon64]

Exactly, which is why I was being sarcastic and resorting to Lampoonery. ;)
In that case, might one suggest faith as a suitable conveyance? If, as is commonly held, it can move mountains, a few crusaders shouldn't prove too taxing. On the other hand, "mysterious ways" might also do the trick; doesn't god move in them?

I dunno, it's all so confusing!

'Luthon64

[Trifikas]

Jesus & I have one thing in common...we both..uh..drive a galaxy...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ford_Galaxie

(Paraphraised from Emo Phillips)

[writerdd]

No folks please don’t joke this is serious.:confused:

It’s only a matter of time before they start asking “what washing machine would Jesus use to wash his smalls in?” or “what type of Bandage would our Saviour use to wrap an unsightly pierced wound on his hand?” not to mention “what type of Antiseptic cream would the Messiah use to treat some nasty cuts & bruises to his forehead?”.

There’s no hope

Yes, there is hope. The more absurd they become, the more the general public will see through their facade of so-called righteousness.

Some fundamentalists, by the way are loving and sincere people. They are, alas, quite gullible and are easly taken advantage of by greedy and power hungry leaders. Sometimes, however, the leaders are the ones who are loving and sincere and the laypeople get carried away with misplaced enthusiasm.

Either way, when the absurdities of this small minority are made public, they will no longer be able to retain their influence in government and society. (According to the Barna Group www.barna.org only 7% of the US population is evangelical, and fundamentalist is a subset of that.)

[andyandy]

why does jesus need a car now? he's omnipresent....where's he going to be going?

:)

[Trantor]

I don't know about Jesus, but I've been acquainted with a couple of Preachers that seem to prefer a Lexus. If it's good enough for the messanger, it must be ok by the Master. :)

[Sir Arthur Mortal Coyle]

Being a Carpenter, I bet he'd make a good Kart, probably would make a nice boat as well, but he doesn't really need one, does he!.
and I bet he doesn't get any fun at all out of water ski'ing, I mean where's the thrill of danger in it for him, and he probably can't go diving either.

Poor poor Messiah, no wonder the religious types are always having a whip round for him. :rolleyes:

[uncy]

Jesus would drive a bitchin' Camaro.

[Anacoluthon64]

If you google ' "jesus drives" ', you'll find about 22,500 things he is thought to drive. Among these, some of the more common are "me crazy," "out an evil spirit," "the moneychangers out of the temple" and a bizarre array of car marques, mostly (but not exclusively) of US origin. There's even a "Malibu Fan Pack" in there somewhere :jaw-dropp.

That variety should about cover even the most demanding of contingencies.

'Luthon64

[Huntster]

...My own view is that he drives a rather hard and unreasonable bargain, what with his over-hyped holier-than-thou attitude and demands for unquestioning obedience....

Yup. It's a damned hard deal. It's your choice, though.

...He also drives me to distraction. And drink sometimes....[/QUOTE]

I, too, get distracted.

I drink, too, but not because of Him........

[Huntster]

Oh yeah, that's right! He forsook British cars because of the report in the Old Testament about the bloke who only came fourth in his Triumph..

British cars?

Who drives them? If you can find a mechanic or parts, you're luckier than those who count themselves as going to heaven.

[Huntster]

No folks please don’t joke this is serious.:confused:

It’s only a matter of time before they start asking “what washing machine would Jesus use to wash his smalls in?” or “what type of Bandage would our Saviour use to wrap an unsightly pierced wound on his hand?” not to mention “what type of Antiseptic cream would the Messiah use to treat some nasty cuts & bruises to his forehead?”.

There’s no hope

Ummmm....wasn't it YOU who brought the question up?

[Huntster]

Being a Carpenter, I bet he'd make a good Kart, probably would make a nice boat as well, but he doesn't really need one, does he!....

Who says he never made one (kart or boat)?

...and I bet he doesn't get any fun at all out of water ski'ing, I mean where's the thrill of danger in it for him, and he probably can't go diving either....

Ever water skiied behind a sailboat?

Why dive when you can walk on water?

...Poor poor Messiah, no wonder the religious types are always having a whip round for him. :rolleyes:

Yup. Poor, poor Messiah. Could'a water skiied, but didn't. Could'a done it all, but didn't.

Pushed the Pharasees right up to Golgatha.

Had the whip on him, not round him.

[Ausmerican]

British cars?

Who drives them? If you can find a mechanic or parts, you're luckier than those who count themselves as going to heaven.
umm maybe people in Britain? And maybe, just maybe, they don't have a scarcity of parts and mechanics for them there either.

[Ausmerican]

“what washing machine would Jesus use to wash his smalls in?”
Smalls? SMALLS?! Jesus goes commando you heathen!

[Huntster]

Originally Posted by Huntster :
British cars?

Who drives them? If you can find a mechanic or parts, you're luckier than those who count themselves as going to heaven.
umm maybe people in Britain? And maybe, just maybe, they don't have a scarcity of parts and mechanics for them there either.

Well, then, maybe that's where they should be marketed: Britain, where there are parts and mechanics.

Economics 101.

That's science, too, BTW. Economic Science.